Chapter 39
39
F or the second time in less than a week, someone is knocking on my door. It’s almost 10 pm, which means it’s not a solicitor. Did Nic decide I needed another in person pep talk? While I begrudgingly appreciate his support, his voice memos checking in twice a day are more than enough. Just because he got me to stop sleeping constantly, take a shower, and answer my texts again, doesn’t mean I have it in me to spend time with him in person.
I groan and set down the paint roller in my hand, then head downstairs to answer it. I’ve been redoing the main bedroom to keep myself occupied. Or rather, to keep myself from acting feral again. It hasn’t stopped the constant hollow feeling in my chest, but at least I’m doing something other than lying in bed and tormenting myself with nightmares and bad memories.
There’s more pounding as I approach the door, filled with an urgency that sends a spike of panic through my gut. I fling the door open and find Mona on the other side, her expression stormy.
“Is she okay?” I ask immediately, the blood from my meal earlier thrumming in my ears as my body prepares to go into action.
“Why aren’t you answering my texts and calls? I thought you stopped doing that shit!” Mona shouts, not acknowledging my question.
“ Is Grace okay? ” I ask again, my voice a growl as the monster inside me starts to take over.
“Whoa, calm down. Don’t rip my throat out! She’s not hurt or anything. It’s not that kind of emergency,” Mona says, taking a step back towards the edge of the porch with her hands up.
Her fear snaps me out of my agitation, and I realize I’m snarling, fangs distended. “Fuck. Sorry.” My eyes drop in shame as I breathe past the unexpected adrenaline surge. “I’m not doing well.”
“No shit, really?” Mona says, her humor laced with obvious concern. “I couldn’t tell from the weeks you ignored me, or the massive bags under your eyes. I didn’t even know vampires could get those.” She steps back toward me hesitantly. “If I give you a hug, will you promise not to maul me?”
“I would never hurt you, Mona,” I say, ashamed that I gave her even a second to doubt that.
A moment later, she’s wrapping me up in a firm hug. I sink into the comfort like getting into bed after a long night of hard work. “This doesn’t mean that I’m not still pissed at you.”
“I know,” I murmur. “I don’t blame you.”
When I try to pull back, she clutches me tighter. “And me being pissed doesn’t mean you’re not still my friend.”
“Okay.” I don’t know if I deserve it, but being held feels too good to argue.
There’s an awkward moment of silence when she finally lets go of me, and when we break it, we both speak at the same time.
“Why are you?—”
“Why didn’t you?—”
I nod for her to go first, even though I’m still worried about what would cause Mona to show up uninvited.
“Why didn’t you answer your phone?” she asks, placing a hand on her hip.
“I was working on something upstairs and must’ve left it back in the kitchen or in my bedroom.”
Her eyes narrow. “Are you sure you weren’t ignoring me again? Because, as you can see now, showing up on your doorstep wasn’t an idle threat.”
When Nic left a few nights ago, I messaged Mona back, unable to bear the idea of two visitors in one evening. I needed time to think about what he said. I still need time.
I shake my head. “I promise. I was painting. See?” I hold my hands up to show her the flecks of dried pastel pink paint.
“Not your usual color. What are you painting?” Mona asks, brow crinkling.
I consider not telling her the truth. Making up something that won’t make me seem insane. But she’s here and hiding myself hasn’t helped me feel more stable, so why bother?
“Come in, I can show you if you’d like. After you tell me what was so urgent that you needed to come over and bust down my door.”
“It figures that it takes me doing that to see your house,” Mona says dryly as she steps inside. Her eyes widen as I guide her through to the living room. “Damn, this place is amazing. I shouldn’t be surprised because everything about you is cool, but?—”
“Mona,” I interrupt. “Admire my house later. Tell me what’s going on.”
She sobers and gives me a grim nod. “You fucked up.”
“What?” I blink back at her.
“You fucked up and you’re taking too goddamn long to come to your senses. If you don’t do something soon, you won’t be able to come back from this.”
“Mona, I don’t?—”
“No,” she snaps, holding her hands up to stop me from continuing. “Don’t lie to me. You’ve hermited yourself up for two weeks. You look like shit. There’s no way you broke up with Grace because you don’t love her. You did it because you’re a coward.”
Her words slam into me, the unusual bluntness painful and comforting at the same time. “Mona?—”
“Let me finish!” she says, raising her voice. “I love you and I love Grace, and I want you both to be happy. You’re perfect for each other. Goddamn soulmates. I’ve had so many dreams about you two, together and so fucking happy I could still feel it when I woke up. I didn’t tell you about them because I didn’t want to freak you out. Prophecies aren’t set in stone, though. You have to be brave enough to make those things happen.”
“I know,” I murmur.
“What?” Mona’s puffed up posture from her impassioned speech deflates at my reply.
“I know.” I say again, scrubbing my face with my hand. “I’m scared, and I’ve been trying to figure out how to get past that. Even if I can, I don’t know how to undo the damage. ”
“You can start by not leaving boxes of blood on her doorstep with no other communication,” Mona mutters.
I frown, disturbed by the implication of her remark. Did that upset Grace even more? Fuck . “I didn’t think she’d want to hear from me, but I couldn’t stop worrying about her being in pain. I made a promise to help her, no matter what. She said she didn’t want to be my friend, so I thought she’d prefer it that way.”
“Well, that backfired because she’s pissed as hell now. Mad Grace makes reckless decisions. Normally, that means getting bangs or buying expensive equipment for a hobby she’ll forget about in a month. But this time, she’s more angry than I’ve ever seen her.” Mona grimaces and levels me with a stern gaze. “She’s going to monster night at The Vault tomorrow with Max’s sister. His super flirtatious succubus sister, who will leap at the chance to encourage Grace to do something to get over you. Which is why I’m here, yelling at you to get your shit together and do something.”
The thought makes my blood run cold. My instinct is to find Max’s sister and tear her throat out. Instead, I clench my hands into tight fists and exhale sharply. “Grace has every right to be upset with me, and we’re not together. She can do what she wants.”
“She doesn’t want to!” Mona huffs, exasperated. “She wants you . So you better figure out how to fix things. I’d suggest saving her life from a murderous demon, but that’d be a little derivative of my methods.”
“Okay,” I say, the word coming out of my mouth before I consciously decide. It’s been building inside me since Nic told me about his wife. While I worked on the bedroom upstairs. And now with my best friend urging me to stop being scared, like I did for her back when she was struggling with her own relationship. I’m more terrified of letting myself love Grace than anything else in my life. But after allowing myself a taste of what it’s like to be with her, the agony of denying that love is far worse.
“Good,” Mona nods, cracking a small, hopeful smile at me. “Now that that’s settled, give me a house tour. I want to know what a vampire lair looks like, and you said you’d show me what you were painting.”