Chapter 7 #2
‘I could ask you the same thing,’ Briar grumbled, annoyed that Alice seemed to be having a better time than her despite her attempts at sabotage. Alice looked down at herself and shrugged.
‘Oh, I was cleaning out the boathouse,’ she said, her face lighting up again.
‘There was an interesting variety of shelf mushrooms growing off one of the bows – Laetiporus sulphureus – my first time seeing it in the wild! It was an incredible specimen; the color was so rich…’ She visibly collected herself.
‘Anyway, I was just coming in to grab my notebook and sketch it.’
Briar stared at her. It was confusing that this woman who had felt so elusive for so many years, whose life Briar only knew about through social media, could be so similar to the girl she had once loved.
This Alice didn’t feel different, and it would be so simple for Briar to let herself slip back into the comfort of their old dynamic.
Being friends might even be easier this time around, since Briar knew better than to fall for her again.
But then came her common sense, telling her that no matter how nice it would be to let Alice fix her life, she’d still leave it in ruins.
‘God, you’re a nerd.’
Alice shrugged again and walked into their bedroom. Briar pulled herself off the floor, not wanting to still be there when Alice returned.
Briar managed to avoid Alice for the rest of the day, volunteering to help Sierra sort through art supplies in the art cabin.
She spent nearly an hour testing out every single marker, writing fuck or shit or goddammit over and over again in vibrant colors.
It was juvenile, but it made her feel better.
Sierra said it reminded her of a modern art piece she’d seen in a San Francisco gallery and asked to keep it when Briar was finished.
‘So,’ Sierra started, after they had sat in silence for quite some time, ‘how’s it going?’
‘Oh, you know,’ Briar said, tracing over a particularly fancy F. ‘Not great.’
Sierra nodded. ‘Yeah.’
Briar stopped writing. ‘I just don’t get what Alice is doing here, you know?’
‘Oh.’ Sierra blinked at her. ‘Okay, sure, let’s talk about that.’
‘This girl shows up after a decade of silence. Like, not even a word when my mom got cancer, and now all of a sudden she’s here. We’re sharing a bedroom. And it’s so weird, like living with an alien who’s wearing my best friend’s face.’
Sierra shrugged. ‘At least she’s helping, right?’
A small, childish part of Briar wanted to refute her. ‘Yeah, she is,’ she sighed instead, putting down her pen and scrubbing a hand across her face. ‘I’m no good at this.’
‘At what?’ Sierra asked, cocking her head.
Briar chewed on the inside of her cheek, not wanting to talk about it. But she had been the one to bring it up in the first place.
‘Being camp director. I hate logistics and have no attention to detail, and that’s all this job is. And my mom made it look so easy. Alice makes it look so easy,’ she said.
It was hard for Briar to admit that Alice was better than her, especially at something that her mom had expected her to be able to handle on her own.
Briar had spent years feeling like she was disappointing her mom when she didn’t go back to college, and she wished this one thing would just come as naturally to her as it seemed to for Alice.
‘Your mom did this for twenty years,’ Sierra reminded her. ‘Cut yourself some slack.’
Briar pursed her lips, not willing to concede. But she didn’t want to think about her mother and how she wasn’t measuring up to her expectations. She’d rather focus on the problems she could control.
‘And now, Alice is a lesbian,’ Briar said, deftly changing the subject.
Sierra gave her a look that made her flush. ‘I think she’s been a lesbian for a while.’
‘Right, yeah, but now she’s a lesbian here.’
Briar thought back to the night before, when she’d walked in as Alice was getting out of the shower, padding around their bedroom in nothing but a towel.
Briar had never turned around so fast in her life.
The smell of lavender and Alice’s shampoo had lulled her to sleep that night, the image of Alice’s wet, bare shoulders burned into her retinas.
‘You never struck me as a homophobe,’ Sierra joked.
Briar wasn’t doing a good job of explaining what she meant, that the Alice from high school – the one with the tennis skirts, perfect hair, jock boyfriend – had been completely untouchable in her eyes.
She’d spent years in love with a girl she could never have and, suddenly, that girl was sleeping in her room.
And she still couldn’t have her, but for completely different reasons.
Briar sighed. ‘I don’t know. Ignore me. I’m just being crazy.’
Sierra leaned in close, resting her hands on Briar’s knees and looking at her intently. ‘You’re not being crazy. Ever.’
Briar found the eye contact unnerving but made an effort not to squirm away. ‘Okay.’
‘Grief is weird. When my dad died, I did a lot of weird shit,’ Sierra said. ‘Like cyberstalking a pop star and convincing myself she’d been replaced by a lookalike clone kind of weird shit. This summer you get a pass, okay?’
Briar nodded, staring down at her hands. ‘Thanks.’
Sierra leaned back. ‘And I’m here if you need to talk or whatever.’
‘Yeah, I’ll let you know if I have any more crises about my ex-best friend’s sexuality.’
Sierra laughed. ‘But seriously, how does Alice being here make you feel?’
‘Like I’m in high school again,’ she answered, but that wasn’t quite right. It felt more like Briar was stuck in a dream where she found out that an outstanding credit was preventing her from graduating and she was being forced to repeat every class over again.
‘Hmm,’ Sierra hummed. ‘What are you going to do about it?’
Briar shrugged. ‘Keep torturing her until she eventually leaves.’
That surprised a laugh out of Sierra. ‘That’s one way to deal with it.’
That night, the counselors decided to go swimming to celebrate the opening of a newly spider-and mushroom-free boathouse.
Cook had finally gotten the PA system working so they could blast music out over the dark water of the lake, while Freddie and a few of the counselors had strung up lights over the dock and small beach.
Briar ignored the rest of the counselors and waded into the water.
Even with the extra light, the dark water gave her pause.
Briar had never loved the lake, no matter how much her mother had encouraged her, preferring the clarity and cleanliness of a pool over slime-covered rocks.
But the water was refreshingly cold against her aching body.
She enjoyed the relative peace, listening to the group talk and laugh together. It was comforting to listen to other people’s happiness even if she felt far removed from it. It was as if happiness was reminding her that it was still there, waiting for her whenever she was ready to feel it again.
‘Um, Briar?’
Briar knew who it was without turning around. ‘Yes, Alice?’
‘I was hoping we could talk?’ She swam out past where Briar was standing, then turned back to her.
Her hair looked black in the moonlight, her eyes catching the light dancing off the water.
Her pale pink bralette was practically transparent when wet.
Briar swallowed, realizing Alice must have forgotten to pack a bathing suit.
Her eyes involuntarily traced a droplet of water down Alice’s neck.
Alice coughed and Briar’s eyes shot back to her face.
‘I don’t think so.’
Alice pouted. She’d always been able to convince Briar with that look.
‘I just wanted to go through the final to-dos before the campers get here,’ Alice said.
She tilted her head into the water and ran a hand through her hair to slick it back.
Briar was distracted from responding by the faded tattoo hiding just behind Alice’s left ear.
It was her first glimpse of the tattoo she’d sketched for Alice; Briar had assumed she’d gotten it removed.
‘Hmm,’ she said. Alice cast dark eyes up at her, patiently waiting for Briar’s response. ‘Fine.’
Alice stood so they were eye to eye. Briar was very aware that they were both almost naked under the line of the water.
‘The upper cabins need to be cleaned and the greenhouse needs tending to. Cook said the fridge is acting up so I’m going to call the repairman tomorrow.
A camper’s parents have already called the office twice to talk through her list of medications and allergies, so I’ll follow up with them tomorrow.
Freddie said we need more towels, so I’ll be sending a group to the nearest Walmart for provisions.
It couldn’t hurt to also stock up on sunscreen and bug spray.
Also, Sierra mentioned putting tampons and pads in all the bathrooms for any individuals that need them.
You don’t have an issue with that, right? ’
Briar’s eyes had squeezed shut long before Alice finished her list, an ache already forming above her left eyebrow.
There was still so much to do; she couldn’t fathom how Alice kept it all straight in her head.
She opened them to Alice’s expectant face, and whatever calm she’d found within herself dissipated.
‘Don’t you ever relax?’
Alice blinked at her. ‘Um, no, obviously.’ A ghost of a smile played at her lips and Briar almost returned it before catching herself.
‘That all sounds fine,’ Briar said, not caring enough about their feud to refuse help that she knew she needed.
‘And then, I think we should really come up with some sort of sys—’
Briar didn’t let her finish. ‘Any system will be shot in two days, trust me.’
Alice frowned. ‘But it would still be good to prepare somehow.’
‘Okay,’ Briar said. ‘How about you handle anything logistical, and I can handle mediation between campers? You always hated that part.’