Chapter 12
Briar
The next time Briar saw Alice, she was brushing her teeth. Alice’s face appeared next to hers in the mirror like a bad horror movie and Briar blinked, not convinced that it wasn’t a continuation of the nightmare she’d woken from that morning.
‘Whassup?’ The words came out garbled around her toothbrush.
‘There’s an issue down at the lake,’ Alice said. She was already dressed and teeming with too much energy.
‘Of course,’ Briar grumbled, then spat.
When she followed Alice outside, she was immediately assaulted by the harsh morning sunlight.
Lines of sleepy children blindly followed their counselors to the bathrooms for showers.
Breakfast wouldn’t be ready for another hour at least. The day hadn’t even started yet – she couldn’t fathom what could have gone wrong already.
She made a vague gesture for Alice to lead the way.
The problem became very apparent when they got to the lake.
‘Well, that’s not supposed to be there,’ Briar said, staring at the speedboat drifting in the middle of the water and then at Freddie, who looked like he’d just been for a swim.
‘Cabin 10 thought it would be a fun prank to untie it last night,’ Freddie said.
‘Don’t worry, I’ve already dealt with them.
They’ll be cleaning the bathrooms today, listening to my ‘90s Pop Princess playlist. I can’t think of anything more unpleasant for a group of thirteen-year-old boys.
I’m off to supervise, good luck.’ He saluted them, then took off down the path.
Briar grimly took stock of the situation. Because it was the only motorized boat on the grounds, they would have to row out to get it.
Her anxiety spiked with every jerk and wobble of the canoe as she and Alice slowly made their way towards the middle of the lake. When their discordant strokes led to a particularly bad rocking, Briar grabbed the side to keep from falling out.
‘We have to pull together,’ Alice said, looking over her shoulder at Briar, her frustration evident. ‘Otherwise, we’re just wasting energy.’
‘I’m trying,’ Briar said, huffing out a breath. She waited for Alice to dip her oar into the water before following suit, pulling hard. The boat teetered the other way. They were now zigzagging wildly, no closer to the speedboat.
‘You did that on purpose,’ Alice accused.
‘No, I didn’t.’
‘Look,’ Alice said, ‘I’m not in the mood.’
Briar snorted. ‘Oh, well, if you’re not in the mood, then that’s that.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Alice bit out.
She’d sped up, leaving Briar to match her pace, their paddles flying.
The canoe rocked horribly, and Briar felt her stomach flip.
This was exactly how they’d operated in school, with Alice dictating everything and expecting Briar to follow her lead.
It was how their friendship had ended the first time.
Briar gritted her teeth. ‘I think you know.’
Alice whipped back around. ‘No, actually, I don’t. Why don’t you enlighten me? Because from my perspective, this whole summer you’ve been punishing me. And I’ve just been taking it because—’
‘Because what?’ Briar asked, eyes narrowing.
Alice took a deep breath as if to calm herself. ‘Because I deserve it, obviously. And I know you’re going through a lot with Su—’
‘Don’t talk about my mother,’ Briar snapped.
All her pent-up frustration from the past few weeks rose up.
It didn’t matter that Alice was being helpful now, all Briar could focus on were the times that she hadn’t been there.
The years where Briar had needed to figure it all by herself.
‘Why are you even here? Out of guilt? If I absolve you, will you leave me alone?’
‘I can’t,’ Alice hissed. ‘Not if you’re going to sell the camp.’
Briar stopped rowing. ‘What?’
Alice turned fully, her expression furious. ‘Your dad said—’
‘Oh, you’re moving in on Tom now too?’ Briar cut in.
Alice glared. ‘I know about the appraisal. How could you not tell anyone? Don’t you know how many people rely on this place? This is people’s home. You can’t just get rid of it.’
Briar had the awful impulse to laugh. ‘Actually, I can. It was in my mother’s will.
I can do whatever I want.’ She didn’t need to justify her actions to Alice.
She knew the implications of selling the camp, and Alice had surrendered any say over her life a long time ago.
Alice opened her mouth, but Briar didn’t want to hear another word.
‘Ten years, and you didn’t have the decency to reach out once?
’ It wasn’t what she had meant to say; it wasn’t where she wanted this conversation to go.
She didn’t want to hear whatever explanation Alice could come up with for what she had done to Briar – nothing she could say would make it hurt any less.
‘Oh, we’re talking about this now?’ Alice’s voice dripped with sarcasm. ‘I thought we were still pretending you didn’t care.’
Briar ignored her. This was the conversation she’d played out in her head a million times but never thought she’d get the chance to have. And it was all going wrong. She was too angry; she couldn’t play it off like her life hadn’t been miserable without Alice. The words came out like vomit.
‘You completely ignore me, but not my mom? I don’t know why I’m even surprised. I’m nothing compared to your precious Susan. Ten years of emails, huh? Did you finally get the parental validation you craved?’
There was a moment where it looked like Briar had stunned Alice into silence, before she spoke again, her voice low and angry.
‘You were fine without me. You got Noah and all our friends, even fucking Harper. And I had nothing. I was completely alone. You have no idea how hard it is to see yourself replaced. You just carried on like I never existed.’
‘Noah and I bonded over the messes we were after you left,’ Briar said.
‘And I’m sorry if my feelings are too much for you to handle, but’ – her voice cracked – ‘my mom got sick and you didn’t even come home.
I needed you and you weren’t there. But you know who was?
Harper. So don’t tell me I replaced you.
You left. Was I supposed to wait for you to come back? ’
‘You didn’t reach out either!’
‘Reach out?!’ Briar stood up, shouting now. ‘You kissed me and then fucked off to Scotland!’
She had only a split second to remember that they were in a canoe before she lost her balance and plunged straight into the frigid water.
In the end, they left Sierra and Freddie to bring the boat back.
There was something humiliating about having to swim the overturned canoe back to shore, dump all the water out of it, and then trudge together, completely soaked, to the director’s cabin.
Briar felt like she had the morning after they’d kissed, the same nervous energy choking down anything she could have said to make it better.
But now she knew she didn’t have anything to apologize for.
The cabin door slammed shut behind them, and the only sound in the still air was the faint pitter-patter of water dripping onto the hardwood floor.
The sound was driving Briar crazy – or maybe the lack of sound, the apology she desperately needed not materializing from Alice’s lips – so she shucked off her shirt without thinking.
It landed with a thwack. Alice followed suit, long arms stretching to pull her tank top over her head.
Briar blinked at her, feeling like things were moving in slow motion, reminding her of a movie or a dream.
Maybe even a dream she had dreamed before.
‘I—’ Alice looked at Briar helplessly, then seemed to gain some resolve. ‘I didn’t think you still cared. About what happened.’
Briar turned, sure her face would give her away. ‘I don’t.’
Alice tutted behind her. ‘Then why bring it up?’
‘Because I was mad,’ Briar bit out, digging her nails into the flesh of her palm. The pain grounded her as she turned back to Alice. ‘My mom told you she was dying before she told me.’
‘Oh,’ Alice said. She looked like she did when solving a particularly difficult math problem. ‘But why bring up the kiss?’
‘Jesus, it’s not like I’m hung up over one lousy kiss. Sometimes I just say things. They don’t have to mean anything.’
She willed Alice to believe her. She’d said a lot of things out on the lake that she hadn’t meant to, not because they weren’t important, but because they were. Alice watched her carefully, and Briar felt like she could see right through her.
‘Like the parental validation thing?’ Alice asked, crossing her arms, which only drew Briar’s gaze to her chest. ‘Because that was uncalled for. And not true. My mom and dad have always been my biggest supporters.’
‘Sure,’ Briar said. Having met Alice’s mom and read her dad’s emails, Briar knew that wasn’t the case.
‘And those were my private emails.’ Alice’s voice was becoming more heated. ‘They weren’t for you to read.’
‘That was clear.’
‘And whatever you read,’ Alice continued doggedly, ‘probably wasn’t even true. I was really emotional when I was younger.’
‘I disagree. Emotions were never your thing, even when we were younger,’ Briar said archly. ‘What are emotions to heavy doses of logic and denial?’
‘I wasn’t in denial,’ Alice argued.
‘Oh yeah?’ Briar said. When Alice uncrossed her arms, Briar took in her light blue bralette for the first time.
It looked like the one she’d worn the night they’d kissed.
She remembered running her fingers along the lace of the cups, touching Alice there, and her cheeks burned.
‘You wanna try that again, but more convincing this time?’
Alice took a step forward, a coy smile playing at her lips.
This was the Alice that Briar had been missing all summer, the one that only came out at camp, playful and a little dangerous.
Her eyes traced a droplet as it ran down Alice’s cheek, along her throat, and then disappeared between her breasts. ‘I was never in denial.’
Briar took half a step back, her thighs hitting the low dresser behind her. She had nowhere else to go; Alice had cornered her. ‘So you’re not running away this time?’ Briar asked, barely above a whisper.
Alice’s hands came to rest on the dresser on either side of Briar’s hips. She was so close Briar could feel the heat radiating off her. When Briar tried to breathe in, the lace of Alice’s bra dragged against her chest, drawing a gasp from her instead.
‘I’m not,’ Alice said, the words a burst of air against Briar’s already hot face. It was hot in the room. It was so always so fucking hot when they were together. She met Alice’s stare, mesmerized by the blue of her eyes, and leaned in.
There was a loud knock on the front door, and they sprang apart.
‘Briar?’ came a familiar voice. ‘You there?’
‘Noah?’ Briar called back. Her brain was short-circuiting, the split second when her lips had grazed Alice’s repeating over and over. Had they even touched, or had she just imagined it?
‘Noah?!’ Alice echoed in a panicked whisper.
Briar ignored her, pulling a shirt on and stumbling out of the cabin to see Noah standing on the porch, a large box at his feet and a sheepish expression on his face.
‘Why are you here?’ she asked, hovering in front of the door to discourage Noah from going inside and finding his ex-girlfriend half-naked in Briar’s bedroom. ‘How are you here?’
‘You said your AC was out.’ He kicked the box towards her. ‘So I hopped on a bus and Sierra picked me up from town.’
Briar stared down at the AC unit before leaping into his arms. As Noah squeezed her against him, Briar pushed away every feeling that didn’t have to do with her best friend showing up and saving the day.
‘Why are you all wet?’ Noah asked.
Briar ignored him. ‘Thank you.’
‘Oh hey, Alice,’ he said over her shoulder, and Briar released him.
‘Hi, Noah,’ Alice said, shifting awkwardly. Her face was flushed, but whether from embarrassment or annoyance, Briar wasn’t sure. ‘I’m needed in the mess hall. I think you guys can handle the installation alone.’
‘Oh yeah,’ Noah cut in, when Briar didn’t respond. ‘We’ve got it.’
Alice nodded, heading towards the mess hall, and Briar watched her go.
‘Wow,’ Noah said, disbelief evident in his voice.
‘What?’ Briar said, too quickly, nervous that her emotions were playing out on her face.
‘Just a fairly icy atmosphere here,’ he joked. ‘You sure you even need this thing?’
Briar’s wildly beating heart seemed to only now be calming, the flush of her skin returning to normal. ‘Oh, trust me, it gets hot.’