Chapter 6 – Private Lessons
I woke groggy and unsteady in the morning, and felt a profound wash of embarrassment as I peeled out of Araxis's jacket, folding it and tucking it under my pillow again.
I'd been wearing it last night in the dining room; he'd seen, because of course he had.
So he knew I'd been wearing it when I was in bed.
It was one thing to wear it when I wanted him to see; it was another to be caught living in it in the privacy of the night.
I was mortified, and then spent some time trying to persuade myself that he would have assumed I'd had it on because I was cold but…
Well. I couldn't convince myself of that one, no matter how many times I repeated it.
I didn't want to waste any of my remaining time feeling embarrassed, so I decided that it was probably endearing.
And even though he hadn't kissed me in the dining room and he hadn't invited me into his room, I was sure he'd thought about doing both of those things – I certainly had – and I'd felt the way his stare had lingered as he bid me good night after we'd walked up to our rooms.
It felt like we were connected in some way, tethered, and that the string that pulled taut between us was growing shorter, drawing us closer.
I'd experienced that before, when I'd had a client I particularly liked and we drew things out before falling into bed, but this was…
different. Maybe because I had more time.
Maybe because there was a strange tenderness with Araxis that made the whole world feel off-kilter.
Like I couldn't quite find my feet, but I wasn't afraid of falling either; I believed, deep in my body, that with him there was a soft landing waiting for me.
So maybe it wasn't embarrassment churning in my stomach, but anticipation.
I liked anticipation. I liked it a whole lot, and once I'd shaken off some of the weariness, I was almost giddy with it.
The ship was quiet again when I finally got up and headed out, almost eerily so; one day had felt like a fluke, and more felt decidedly like a pattern.
I wandered around a bit, my hands wrapped around the large stoneware mug I'd poured my breakfast soup into, wondering if I might see anyone else.
Most of the doors on the second floor were shut, and those that weren't yawned open into dark rooms. Having spent one day being very good and not nosy, and now having permission to make myself at home, I decided to indulge my curiosity and started exploring a bit more thoroughly.
I stepped into a few rooms, dim lights flickering on overhead, but there wasn't much of interest: a messy lab; a storage room filled with what looked like clean clothes and broken datapads and other gear; the systems room, with its humming water cycler and air composition system, both of which looked to have seen better days.
I was having a look at the batteries, tucked into a room not much bigger than a closet just behind the water tanks, when I heard a soft scuffing behind me.
I twisted away from the batteries, which I'd been leaning against to soak up the gentle warmth they generated to take the edge off the constant chill that hung everywhere in this ship.
Standing in the door to the systems room was the shortest child from the first night – Talvi, their crest white and tightly bound.
This morning, they wore a gray tunic. Their feet were bare on the metal floor, and were long and angular: their weight rested on the front part of their foot, like they were on their tip-toes.
Four toes extended from the front of their foot and ended in trimmed claws, a fifth mid-way up the inner arch of the foot.
The pale skin of their foot tapered to pink in a rougher, more scale-like texture.
I'd only seen Araxis in his perfectly polished boots. It struck me as strange that a child would wander about bare-foot, but then what did I know? Maybe it was good for the constitution.
I smiled down at Talvi. "Hi."
"What are you doing?" asked the child, blinking up at me. They stepped into the systems room, edging closer to me until they had to tilt their sharp chin upwards as they stared at my face, pale braid trailing further down their narrow back.
Well, I guess it might seem a little weird if a random stranger was lurking around a ship's most sensitive systems, slurping on the dregs of some soup. "The batteries are warm. And it's pretty cold on your ship, for me anyway." It seemed the safest approach.
Talvi's black eyes seemed enormous for the size of their head, which came no higher than my hip. They considered my words for a moment, and then nodded. "I like to sit here sometimes. But I don't hug the batteries." They trilled, short and sharp – a laugh – and crinkled their nose in amusement.
"Yeah, I guess I look pretty silly." I felt, inexplicably, the urge to reach down and ruffle their quills, even though that was probably inappropriate for abaya.
"Very silly," they agreed firmly, a smile widening their mouth. "Want to come see my other hiding places? But you can't tell Sadin. He would just take them!"
When had I last been around children? Not since Seraphim, beyond seeing a few in the markets back on Yellow Fin if I got a free morning to head out.
And while this child had been wary and prickly just the other night, they seemed eager and earnest in the way that I remembered from spending time with the younger children when I was growing up.
As if a grown-up could be your truest confidante, your greatest friend.
The adults I'd trusted had taught me that I couldn't rely on anyone other than myself to know what was best for me. They'd taken any choice I had about who I wanted to be and instead had tried to force me into a shape that nearly broke me.
My chest tightened as Talvi stared up at me, eyes shimmering in the dim light. "Promise?" They reached a hand out and grabbed the hem of my sweater, tugging.
Right. I cleared my throat, and smiled. "Your secret's safe with me. I won't say a word."
I followed Talvi around the second floor of the ship and they showed me a few more closets and cupboards that were a little out of the way, but certainly not hidden enough to justify the level of secrecy they kept reminding me I had sworn myself to.
They had me try and cram myself into a few of the smaller spaces, chortling with delight when I could only get part of my body jammed within the space and pretended I was stuck forever.
But the last hiding spot was different: Talvi showed me a ceiling hatch hidden in the back of a storage cupboard. They scrambled ahead of me, disappearing into the black space beyond. "Hurry, Sashen!" their voice fluted. "And close the door!"
I squeezed myself up, immediately bumping my head against a low ceiling.
A dim light flicked on as Talvi set a lantern near my feet, my body hunched into a crouch, and they closed the hatch behind me and sat on top of it.
"Sadin knows about this one, but don't tell him I showed you," they huffed, grabbing the lantern and pulling it into their lap.
They sat with their knees jutting out, bare feet pressed together.
I sat too, looking around us. Unlike the cupboards and closets and maintenance hatches Talvi had shoved me in before, this was… a room. And it was stocked: blankets and pillows, a small case of food and water rations, a series of lanterns, a medical kit, and what looked like a communications hub.
Hidden in the space between the first and second decks, without any exterior access beyond one hidden hatch.
This was a safe room. We'd had them on Seraphim in case of hostile attack, and we practiced drills to get to these hidden and self-contained spaces regularly.
Talvi's face was lit up from the dim lantern, their pale crest like a ghost behind them.
"This is where we'll go if we see another creche ship," they said matter-of-factly.
"Me and Sadin and Adrathi. And you can come too.
Our Vivith and our Araxis will need to stay outside, and so Sadin is in charge – but if you come, then you can be in charge and you're nicer to me than Sadin.
Because I'm your favourite." They wiggled a bit closer, which wasn't hard in a space this small, until their head tipped against my arm where it was folded around my knees.
"Sure," I said, Talvi nudging their cheek against my arm like they wanted to get closer.
I lifted my elbow, and they fluted a happy sound and snuggled in, little hands wrapped around the lantern as it cast its dim, eerie glow across the small space.
This hidden place where the children would go if they saw another abayan ship.
Why did they need to hide away? I thought back to how quickly Araxis had hidden the shuttle, how careful he'd been to avoid detection.
It would be best, he'd said, if they did not know Creche Thiel is in the area.
What would have happened if we hadn't avoided detection? Why did the kids need a safe room
"And you could keep us safe with your swords," chirped Talvi as they curled up against the side of my chest. "And soon we won't need to worry any more, and then we can go to a real school and be on a planet, and I'll know lots of people who aren't in my creche."
I squeezed a little, my arm folded carefully around Talvi's shoulders.
A contented purr rumbled against my ribs as they nuzzled in a little closer.
My throat ached, tight. Talvi felt so small tucked next to me, their body thin.
"Definitely. And you've already started: now you know me, and I'm not in your creche. "
They squirmed a little. "Not yet," they mumbled happily. "You're warm."