Interlude
There is no corner of my soul that I would not have carved out and placed before him, in order to achieve my ends.
What my ends were then is what they remain now: to see the name of my creche restored to our great Hall of Records; to see the children of Creche Thiel safe and well-loved; to assure they do not know loss in the way that I and my other creche-mates do.
He bared his throat to me, vulnerable. What could I do but show him the same trust? Even if I had known what scrutiny we would be subject to, I would have done the same.
Because, if I am able to survey the contents of my being fully and honestly, I can acknowledge that I told him not just to continue building the fragile alliance between us. I told him also because I knew he would hold the truth of who I am gently, with tenderness.
How desperately I wished to be known by him. Perhaps if I had trusted him sooner, if I had listened in fullness to what he said to me and then acted to honour his needs –
If I had conducted myself in the way I ought to have, everything could have been different.
We might have faced this side-by-side.