Chapter 8 – Cosmic Alignment #4
"So what did they do?" I asked, already suspecting it wouldn't be good, and the flash of guilt that spasmed across Araxis's face confirmed it.
I didn't particularly like hearing that Vivith said they stayed because of Araxis, not because I doubted it – though I did – but because that was another burden for him to carry.
"They took one of our shuttles – we had more, then – and stole three eggs that were being sent to another creche."
"I'm sorry, they stole three eggs?"
Araxis's features were pinched. "Yes."
"And so now the kids have to hide because they might get taken back?"
A low keen sounded deep in his throat, and he shifted away.
Araxis glanced at the dark doorway, rising to go and shut it before he returned to my side.
"It is worse than that, Sashen. They would be terminated.
The damage the Concord believes to have been done is considered permanent.
They are skoshas, though they are not – they are made that way because of Vivith's choices. "
That was the most stupid, awful thing I'd ever heard. "When you say terminated – they'd kill them?" I hissed. "Children."
"It is different for abaya. The Concord would believe the children have been corrupted.
And without an honourable creche to raise them, they are considered…
dangerous. I do not agree, but the Concord does not think of hatchlings in the way that humans think of children.
You are quite unique in that. We might cherish the children of our creche, but all others exist…
outside of that. They are peripheral, not quite yet people. "
"Not people," I repeated, sick.
Araxis shook his head. "I do not agree, but it is what they would say in the Concord.
" He was pale now, the dim light suddenly feeling more murky than intimate.
I thought about Talvi's face when they pulled me up into their secret hideaway.
Adrathi curling up in my lap and poking at my eyebrows.
Sadin, who had thrust his feet into my hands and giggled and snorted while rolling on the floor, lit up from the inside with joy.
"Did Vivith know that their lives would be at risk?
That stealing the eggs would mean their children would be rounded up and killed if they were ever caught?
" The thought was white hot in my mind. How dare anyone make a choice like that?
Why bring children into the world when you were knowingly shoving them into a state of perpetual danger, of ongoing existential threat?
Suddenly Talvi's dream of one day having friends seemed impossible. Cruel.
"They have trusted that I would find a way to solve this problem." Araxis tipped his head forward, studying his hands as they folded carefully, precisely, in his lap. "I hesitate to begrudge them their need for children. It is who they are."
"Begrudge away," I said, flat. "You're being very entinn. Vivith made a choice, and then put the burden on you."
His head was still tilted down. He rolled his hem – mended now – between his long fingers.
"I was very angry for a long time. But once the eggs hatched and we had Sadin, Adrathi, and Talvi, how could I be upset?
Vivith has spent hours with me working on a way we might move forward.
Finally, it is within reach. I hope –" He straightened, features still tight but set now with determination.
"I will assure they are safe, and that our creche is restored. It is what I must do."
He was so kind and determined and courageous.
Fuck, I couldn't even figure out a way to save my own life, much less save the lives of an entire family who depended entirely on me.
I wanted, in that moment, to insist that I help – to offer whatever I could.
But I only had debt, my meagre skill with my swords – which he'd already grown past the need for – and a couple changes of clothes.
I cared for those kids. Maybe that did make humans unique in the galaxy, I don't know, but it was impossible for me not to.
I loved them as a reflex, instinctive and certain, and if you had asked me at that moment to trade my own life for theirs, I'd have done it without hesitation.
At least it would have made my inevitable death feel like it had some meaning.
I couldn't offer anything of value to the children. But I hoped that I could offer something to Araxis, who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and who did it with a nobility I found staggering.
"That's a lot for you, Araxis," I said softly. "I can barely handle being in charge of myself. I already told you I nearly starved myself to death because I was trying to save a few credits. You must find it hard. I don't know how you manage to sleep."
His eyelids fluttered, the soft keening humming from his throat.
"I often don't sleep," he admitted. "But you know that.
And I have very much enjoyed having you here.
I find when I am with you, when we are together in the training room or…
talking, that my mind is not so easily overwhelmed by the thoughts of all I must do to protect the lives that matter most to me.
I had hoped… tonight, I thought I might set it aside, just for now.
That perhaps I could just be here with you and allow the rest of the universe to fall silent. "
God, how had I fucked this up so thoroughly?
How had we gone from those lingering touches, the heated stares, the air crackling between us, to that sad, distressed whine that was caught in Araxis's throat?
My chest tightened. I reached for his hand and caught it with my own.
"Then I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.
I didn't mean to add to your burden, and –"
"You have not." He rotated his wrist and squeezed my hand, certain. "That you care means more than I can possibly express with words. And I would like to speak with you at greater length about… everything there is to speak about. There is more, but perhaps it will keep?"
He was so gracious. My pulse was loud in my ears, trembling beneath the skin of my throat. "And so what would you like to do now?"
His lips curved. "Come with me." So I did.