Chapter 13 – Up Against A Wall #2
"No, we'll talk on camera, and so we won't be able to talk – not really.
Not just us." I chewed on the inside of my lip and forced myself to uncross my arms, willing the muscles of my shoulders to relax, to soften.
If I wasn't careful, I was going to start shaking – I could feel it now, a quiver somewhere deep inside – and I didn't want to know what would happen once I allowed myself to feel all of this.
"I hate that they pull anything you send for overlays. It's just so fucking invasive."
I'd seen the clips, how they spliced in messages sent between contestants with interview voiceovers.
It was an impressive operation, sure, and the conglomerate was good at creating a narrative, but it felt pretty different when it was going to be you they were turning into a story, beat-by-beat.
As much as I'd joked with Vivith, I wasn't a very private person – I didn't have diaries, not after the failed journal experiment – but it still felt violating.
Although –
"I have an idea." I stepped over to the shelf where I'd set my journal when I had stupidly decided to unpack.
"What if we passed notes to each other, if we want to?
" I flipped open the cover of the battered book and started ripping out pages.
"I know it'd be a risk, so I guess we couldn't put anything too obvious but…
it would be nice to be able to talk to you, just for us. What do you think?"
His face was blank as he watched me, while I continued to rip out pages until I had a good handful. I held them out to him.
"It is a risk," Araxis said carefully. "But… will this help you, to be able to reach me in this way?"
Heat prickled at the back of my neck in a sudden rush of embarrassment.
It was silly, wasn't it? Like I was a kid again, trying to sneak love notes to the boy I liked in class.
I looked down at the blank pages in my hand.
"It's stupid," I muttered, opening the cover of the journal and tucking the loose pages back inside.
"I mean, we'll be around each other every day. It's not like… "
It's not like I should miss him. I'd see him all of the time – but it wouldn't be him and it wouldn't be me, not really. We wouldn't be us again until after the Tournament ended, when the cameras finally went off.
Eleven days leading up to the Tournament, and up to eleven days of competition – although it was often over after five or six, and once memorably after one day only. And I'd be leaving tomorrow, and that added another day.
Two weeks and change, plus whatever wrap-up would happen if we were successful. If Araxis was successful. After that, I'd be disposable.
I thought, suddenly, that maybe it was stupid to leave anything here on this ship. Would I even get to come back?
Fuck, I didn't want to think about any of this.
So I decided not to. Instead, I tucked the journal back in my bag; I might as well start packing.
"How do you feel about fucking on camera, really?
Vivith was pretty adamant, although they looked like they'd never thought of something more disgusting in their life – but we don't have to. "
The skin between Araxis's eyes tightened. "I… find the notion challenging, I will admit. But I am certain I will be able to be convincing."
I was glad he could still be honest with me.
Good. That made me feel more like I had solid footing, or as solid as it could be given what was coming.
"Well, I want to have a plan so that if it doesn't feel right, we can do something else.
We won't be able to talk about it openly, so…
" I winced. I felt at that moment every bit as dirty as Vivith seemed to think this whole business was, though of course that hadn't stopped them from scheming.
I frowned, thinking of how to be convincing without requiring anything from Araxis that would make him uncomfortable.
"Obviously, my body is practically a public commodity already, so I don't care – and we can use that to our advantage.
What if we were up against a wall, and you could put your hand in my pants, and I'd also put a hand in my pants, and I could just get myself off.
You wouldn't have to do anything, but it would look like you'd jerked me off.
Or if we were in bed and under the covers, you could just, I don't know, grind against my leg for show and I could finish myself off.
Can you fake an orgasm? I figure if I come and make a mess – I can practically come on command, otherwise my time per client would have been awful – then they'll assume it's legitimate and… "
I trailed off. Araxis had shifted closer, his cheeks flushed that pretty rose pink.
One hand rested on my hip, and what shocked me wasn't that he was touching me, but that it was, for the first time, tentative.
His eyes were wide and black, but unlike the dark of space outside, his stare was anything but empty: it was all heat and quiet intensity, like he was thinking something he couldn't put words to but hoped I would understand nonetheless.
"What do you think?" The words came out breathy, as he pressed in closer, my back against the metal cupboards.
"I think I have you against a wall," he said, voice low. "I think we should practice, just in case."
Just the sound of him, the low rumble of his subvocals, and the feel of his hand pressing against my hip as he stared at me through his thick lashes was enough to make a hot pulse of desire throb beneath my skin.
I nodded, words lost to me, and then he closed the distance between us, sliding his perfect mouth against mine.
His hands worked at the ties at the waist of my pants, and I realized with an aborted groan that he was shaking, his fingers unsteady.
I tipped my head forward, licking into his mouth, feeling the sharp ridges of his teeth with my tongue, one hand grasping the back of his neck to hold him in place so I could kiss him the way he deserved – thoroughly, unreservedly, hungrily.
Araxis's breath caught in his throat as I sucked on his lower lip before devouring him once again.
His cool hand slid inside my pants, fingers caressing my hardening cock as it filled, moment by moment, with heat and want. "Can't," I hissed into his mouth. "You're not allowed to touch."
"But I want to," he breathed against me, before I cut him off with a hard kiss again, and his words dissolved into a moan. His hand spasmed near my dick, and I had to reach down and grasp his wrist. My cock throbbed as his fingers brushed it again, and I hissed.
"You're being bad. Practice makes perfect.
" My fingers tightened on his wrist, and Araxis whimpered – soft and needy, and I knew, in that moment, that I wanted to hear that sound a thousand more times.
I pushed his wrist so that his hand was resting at the outer edge of my hip, his fingers tightening divots into the curve of my ass.
I shifted my other leg, just slightly, and added, "And if you behave yourself, you can get yourself off by riding my thigh while I make myself come. Would you like that?"
He nodded against the side of my neck, breathing raggedly as he shifted his body so that his slit would grind against the muscle of my thigh.
My hand dropped from his neck to the curve of his ass, encouraging him, while the other released his wrist finally.
I lifted my palm to my mouth and spit in it, then reaching down to grab my own cock.
The feeling of my own hand wrapping around my shaft was familiar, but I jolted all the same as Araxis rolled his hips against me.
I slid my fingers to my cockhead, gathering the pre-come already beaded there, so that I could tighten my grip the way I liked.
As I shifted my wrist, my hand jostled against Araxis's, which was pressed hard against my skin; his fingers dug into my skin, bruise-deep, and my hips jerked forward, unbidden.
He groaned against me, hips stuttering against my thigh, and my spit-slicked grip tightened as I stroked myself in a rhythm I liked. His free hand caught my shoulder, holding me, tangled up in my sweater.
I tilted my head as one hand worked my own cock, my other kneading Araxis, encouraging him, as he ground himself against me; I slid my mouth near his pointed ear. "Tell me how wet you are," I murmured against him.
He shuddered, the iridescent pattern in his skin gleaming in the dim light as the galaxy streaked by outside this tiny space.
"I'm – hn, you know." He hissed the words out like they were painful, his chest rumbling, hands trembling.
The one on my hip was shaking, as if holding it in place required all the strength he had in his gorgeous arms.
"I know you're wet for me," I continued, hoarse.
My own hips stuttered as he writhed against me, my grip spasming as I picked up the speed of my hand over my cock.
My muscles tensed, my balls tightening, and I knew I could finish soon.
But I needed him to come against me first, just from riding my thigh.
Araxis's mouth was open against the hot skin of my neck.
"Sashen," he hissed; I shifted so that I could raise my leg a little higher, grind it into him more, and he gasped, a broken sound, hips jerking. His fingers dug harder into my hip, aching as they bit bruises into me I wanted him to leave a mark. I wanted to find proof later that I’d had him like this.
He was close, and I'd take him there. My hand stuttered around my cock, and I knew if I didn't get him off soon, I'd go over the edge first, so I pressed my hand harder against his ass, thrusting my thigh against him, and I tilted my head to brush his pale ear.
"I want you dripping, and after you come, I'm going to go to my knees and you can fuck my mouth with that pretty pink cock. "