Chapter 19 – The Library is Open #3
I peeled up to my room, changing hastily out of my sweat-damp clothes and into some high-waisted pants and a semi-sheer shirt that was definitely a little slutty.
It wasn't a robe, but I thought it would add a bit of fuel to the fire.
I was just pulling my boots back on when I heard a gentle knocking at the door.
Araxis was waiting for me when I pulled it open. I smiled, a little shakily. "I thought maybe we could go to the roof," I started. "There's –"
But I couldn't finish my sentence because he stepped into the room, decisive and certain, and crowded up against me.
His hands caught either side of my waist, and then he kissed me, his mouth warm and slick against mine.
He shifted me back against the wall, and the sound that left my throat – surprised, needy, pleased – was almost pathetic enough to make me flash hot with embarrassment.
And then I felt his fingers slide into my pocket, like an arrow seeking a target.
He'd written me back.
Araxis pulled away, fingers flexing pleasantly on my hips, his forehead tipped against mine. "I will go where you lead, Sashen," he murmured.
I let out a soft breath, sliding one hand up to caress the edge of his jaw.
"I wish I could take you somewhere more exciting than a roof.
Just give me a minute, and we'll go up. The view's nice up there anyway.
I know, I know," I added, shooting him a knowing look as I headed toward the hygiene room, "the view's pretty nice here too. "
He trilled, and I shoved myself into the only sliver of privacy I was afforded, pulling the crinkled piece of paper out of my pocket and unfolding it carefully. On it was a looping heart – I'd taught him that – and then, in tiny letters, I have you. I'm yours.
I exhaled hard, brushing my thumb beneath those words as I worked to steady my thrumming pulse.
How could he – undo me with all of five words and a doodle?
Maybe all of that Across the Timescape really had gone to my head.
I hid the note on one of the little shelves under a decorative jar, and then I returned to Araxis's side, leading him from my room and making hastily for the stairwell.
I knew it was obvious that I was in a rush; I hoped I just looked eager for some rooftop make-out time.
We headed up the empty stairwell, Araxis following a couple steps behind.
I was off-script. I was shooting from my hip, and while this had seemed like a brilliant scheme when I'd first started planning two nights ago, it was entirely possible that I was wrong about how Grigor might react or that I'd misplayed my hand and I'd just fuck everything up.
I was pretty sure I had this though.
I was a virra after all, for better or worse, and that was supposed to mean that I could get people to do what I wanted – also for better or for worse.
We made our way to the top floor, and I led Araxis toward the roof access I'd found on the first day of filming, when I'd been watching for his arrival.
The door creaked as I pushed it open, and I turned to look at Araxis.
He was still following, steady, but the gleam of his skin had faded, leaving him matte and ivory as bone.
He was upset and anxious; that was fair, because I was too.
I smiled at him nervously, and tipped my head toward the stairs going up.
"Come on." I could feel the dozen questions he wanted to ask but was unable to put to words.
"Are you certain this is within the permitted area? I should hate to run into trouble," he said once we drew near the final door leading to the roof.
That wasn't really what he was asking, and we both knew it. I turned and looked at him, my heart still pulsing nervously against my ribs. "It's fine. We're okay. We won't be in trouble. We're playing by the rules." It was as close to answering him as I could come.
His head inclined. He tucked his hands behind his back. "As you say, then."
We stepped on to the rooftop, which was bathed in golden mid-day sunlight.
The fizzing barrier continued to pop and flicker as insects and grit were skimmed from the air.
I walked to the ledge, reaching across the flat waist-height wall and trailing my fingers outwards to check the porosity of the field.
It felt like touching glass, firm and unyielding.
I breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing I needed was for someone to take an accidental tumble over the side of the building.
I turned and saw Araxis watching me, his hands still folded behind his back, his stare black. "Why did you want me to join you here?" he asked.
I slid up onto the ledge running around the building; the sides of the energy barrier rose up steeply so I didn't need to duck. My knuckles whitened as I gripped the lip of the wall, my stare flicking upwards, checking. No cameras.
I wasn't stupid enough to think that meant it was safe or that we were totally unobserved, or that they couldn't pull audio from our wristbands or whatever other insidious tools the conglomerate had hidden throughout this place to wring as many hours footage from us as possible.
"I don't think they have eyes here," I said, watching him, curving my body forward just slightly. His eyes were so black and yet so warm, and the need to be close to him ached in me like a bruise. "I can't make any promises, but…"
He began walking toward me, and I cleared my throat, nervous. If they pulled my biometrics, the spike in my heart rate would certainly be convincing. "I thought it might be nice to have some time… in private? Well, off-camera, at least."
Araxis stepped in close, his hips fitting perfectly between my legs.
His hands slid to either side of my face; his thumbs traced the lines of my cheekbones, gentle; his eyes were wells of deep space, calling me home, and the next thud of my heart wasn't about nerves, it was all about him.
Standing here, touching me. My lips parted, involuntary, and then he was kissing me.
God, I really had missed him. Each time we kissed, I was reminded of how desperately I wanted to be pressed against him, how close I wanted us to be.
I slid my hands to his waist, pulling him tighter, as he cupped the back of my neck, holding me in place against him.
His mouth was cool and sweet, a familiar heat flaring inside of me, my skin suddenly sensitive to every hitched breath, every slight movement, every single place his body touched mine.
He kissed me like it was a serious thing: thorough, unrelenting, determined, and I could feel myself start to tremble against him.
My skin buzzed under his touch. I wanted him in my bed; I wanted to touch him and make him say my name in that sweet moan; I wanted to curl up next to him at night, and I wanted him to hold me while I slept.
I wanted. God, how I wanted.
The door to the rooftop banged open. Araxis went to pull away, but I held him in place at his hips, my mouth chasing his for a second or two longer. Even as a spike of worry cut through the heat tightening my belly, making me feel shaky in a much less fun way. Still, I kissed him, determined.
We had to make it a good show.
I let him go and gave him a little push to move him out of the way, sliding down from the wall and looking languidly at Grigor.
Grigor stood at the top of the rooftop stairs, panting, his face blotchy and red, his eyes dark with fury.
"What are you playing at," he barked out, fists clenched, chest heaving.
Araxis tightened next to me; I didn't dare look, but I could feel him shifting into a combat ready stance.
Nearly there, I thought distantly, my chest going cold with primal fear.
But I had trained my face and body to obey me, no matter what else might be going on inside of me. I smiled and prowled across the rooftop toward Grigor. "You really don't need to be jealous," I murmured as I drew nearer. "There's plenty of me to go around."
"You're fucking sick, you know that?" One meaty paw shot out and fisted the front of my shirt, and a fluttering piece of paper drifted down to the sandstone roof beneath us.
It had been crumpled hard in his fist. He twisted his hand, the collar of my shirt digging into my neck.
I hissed, feet scrambling as I fought to find my balance against the heft of Grigor's barely-restrained fury.
"What's sick is that you keep trying to deny yourself, to pretend you're not thinking about me every minute of every fucking day," I ground out, pulse hammering an unsteady rhythm against my eardrums. My hands jerked to his wrist, scrabbling as he gripped the shirt tighter and tighter; the stitches strained, whining.
His wrist was hot beneath my palms. "But don't worry – even though the whole galaxy is going to see us together and hear all those times you called me pretty, even when they see how jealous you've been because I've been spending more time with Araxis, I'm sure Seraphim will forgive you.
I hear they're pretty broad-minded these days; they won't put you in re-education for too long. "
"You're a joke," snarled Grigor, shaking me awkwardly – I was too heavy for him to throw around like he'd probably imagined he could. My feet scuffed on the ground. "You think you can get a rise out of me by spewing your filth –"
I forced myself to smile, sharp and predatory.
"Funny," I wheezed. "I've been saying a lot of things in my interviews, and I'm pretty sure Araxis will say whatever I ask him to.
I've used my wiles, so I'll get my way. Did Sky Pebble ask you about repression?
I've already told you, I'm the only way you're getting screen time.
Might as well accept it. You're stuck with me.
There might not be cameras up here – but I'll sell it in the interview today.
They'll believe me. Anything you say will just be more denial.
" And then, carefully, I slid one hand up his forearm, up his bulging sweat-slick skin –
Grigor jerked away, like he'd touched the side of a boiler. I stumbled, suddenly cut loose, as he let go of me. "You," he breathed, almost purple. "But – No, it doesn't matter. Let the aliens think what they want. The Shepherds will know the truth. They won't be taken in by your perverse lies."
"You sure about that?" I asked, heart fluttering with something that felt suspiciously like panic as we stood nearly toe-to-toe, his breath hot on my face.
I needed more; I needed to get under his skin in a way he couldn't turn away from.
If I hadn't been able to provoke him yet, I had another card to play.
"Some of them might even understand what it's like to be tempted.
Of course you could fall. They did. You know Shepherd Barreth visited when I was in re-education.
He certainly found my filthy mouth to be of use –"
It was a lie, but the moment the words were out of my mouth, Grigor's face transformed, incandescent with rage.
I had a single moment to wonder, as he recoiled, if my plan had entirely crashed and burned, and then bright pain exploded across my face, bursts of white hot stars shattering my vision – one hit, then another, and another, rapid-fire and concussive.
The world spun, my head throbbing, and I fell, palms skidding the sandstone.
"I told you to keep holy names out of your mouth," Grigor shouted, ragged, from somewhere above me. "You take it back – You –" He was panting, heaving in massive rasping breaths.
My mouth was copper-bright with blood and I spit, hard, hands planted on the ground in front of me.
I half-turned, swiping blood from my eyes, and looked up at him.
A slow, dazed smile spread across my lips before I could stop it, and I felt the skin splitting.
My tongue darted out, tracing the cut, and I knew my teeth were red with blood.
"Sure, alright, although the Shepherds won't care about my bullshit gossip, especially since it's off-camera," I ground out around the splinters of pain throbbing throughout my face.
"But I'm pretty sure they will care that you've gone and disqualified yourself, and in front of a witness.
Might end up in re-education after all."
His chest was heaving, his fists streaked with my blood, but the colour drained suddenly from Grigor's rocky features. His skin took on the pallor of curdled milk. "You –"
"Shameless whore?" I supplied, and then winced as I grinned again.
He was above me, staring down, his shadow cutting across my vision and taking the sharpest edge off the sunlight that stabbed into my throbbing eyes.
For a moment, Grigor's features stilled, and something like calm settled over him.
"There's more than one way to skin a cat, though, isn't there?
" he muttered. "I told you you'd remember when you could have chosen differently.
I am His servant, in all things." And then he lifted his foot and brought it crashing down toward me, and everything went black.