Chapter 1 #5
As I was working in the encrypted interface, uploading and attaching my corrected worksheets, a green message popped up on the side of the display, porting over from my wristband.
You're online!, Valerie wrote from somewhere in the universe. I wanted to ask how are things going with your space prince. All made up?
What could I say to that? I prodded my cheek with my tongue – I'd bitten myself at Tam's – before pushing up from my desk to go grab some water from the kitchen.
I hadn't thought to stock up on any pain meds – stupid – so I'd have to deal with this headache by my tried and true method of smile through the pain.
I was good at that.
So I sat down again, contemplated how honest I wanted to be (not very), and wrote, We're taking a break, which has been good.
Starting from square one again. Then, because I had to tell someone, Your advice was good, so thanks for that.
We actually drew up a contract. He's paying me and everything.
I think having some structure is good. Maybe we can go from there? Be a bit more intentional??
Although, in truth, I wasn't sure how we were supposed to build from this particular foundation. How did you go from lovers to sort-of being married to betrayal to a contractual work relationship to – what, romance?
I was about to log off when another message popped up. As long as he's treating you well, said the green text. Is he at least spoiling you? Taking you out, buying you pretty things, writing you love songs?
I snorted. He's making sure I have days off, and he's leaving me alone to do what I want to do. I've been working with a trainer and you've seen how my language lessons are coming along. And I haven't learned to cook yet, but I'm buying a lot of dumplings with my own money, so that's close?
You did want freedom and a life fully lived!, Val wrote. Which reminds me: keep an eye out for a package. I've rerouted it to your new place in Radiant Ward.
I frowned at the screen, before another message floated to the surface. I know, I know, you didn't tell me, but I have an alert set for your name so I saw the rental agreement come through. Sorry! Is that weird?
This time, I settled on honesty. I mean, it does verge on creepy, Val.
If I'm going to be creepy, at least I hope it's in a helpful way!
she responded. Then, Ah, shit, I've gotta go.
Target just took off into the sewers. It's always the fucking sewers.
This was followed by an illustration of a fluffy animal with six legs, three eyes, and a tail that was drooping morosely.
I stared blankly at the screen, then huffed out an incredulous laugh – a bit tight and pained.
Tell me about the sewers when you're back, I wrote, because maybe she was creepy, but I didn't think Valerie would be great at subterfuge over the long-term.
Maybe if she talked to me more, I could get a warning if things started to go sideways on me.
The more comfortable she felt, the more she might let slip.
Because, sure, I was doing some light spying – sending Perseus my homework, really the stuff of broadcast thrillers – but I was also having my own back. That's what I was doing now.
Even if that meant that sometimes, I let myself down, like by not thinking to buy pain meds.
I looked around my little apartment and checked the time, opening up the Creche Thiel calendar and skimming the days to come.
I could, I realized, stay here overnight if I wanted: the next meeting was mid-day tomorrow, so as long as I was back early enough to walk the kids to school, that would be fine.
I could sleep here: the bedding was new; the door locked.
I could watch as much media as I wanted.
But I knew what would be waiting for me if I tried to sleep here, and I didn't feel like battling those demons, not in my current state.
I flicked the lights off, giving the room one long look.
It was lit only by the dim glow from the courtyard outside, or whatever managed to make it through the cloudy polymer anyway.
When I'd been in the den, there was nothing I wanted more than security.
And here it was: I'd paid for this place from now until when we were scheduled to leave Sozamia for Xitera.
This was mine. No one could take it, no one could touch it.
And yet, looking over this little sliver of space down in Radiant Ward, all I felt was an aching hollowness in my chest while my mind still buzzed with a thousand abayan words, each jostling for attention at the edge of my mind.
And the one that kept coming to me, an echo rebounding again and again, was elathe.
By myself.
On my own.
A single person.
But my traitorous, wounded mind could only stubbornly translate it to: alone.
I turned and locked the door behind me, threading my way through the dwindling crowds and the tunnels connecting all of Sozamia Station so that I could return to Verdant Ward and our creche suite, where I could at least be alone while I was surrounded by other people.
That, too, was familiar at least.