5. Sully
CHAPTER FIVE
sully
FOR ONE MINUSCULE MOMENT in time, everything was perfect.
Her eyes grew wide as I thrust inside her hot, tight body, and the world stopped spinning. It was just Eleanor and me in a world of crisp sheets and white bed linens, soft sighs and summer highs, and I wanted to stay here forever.
It was so very overwhelming—to go from being so distant, from feeling that distance in my fucking bones…to being inside her, to feeling her everywhere like this.
I’d spent all night watching her from afar because I hadn’t known how to be near her again, but then the minute we’d been forced in that elevator together, the second we’d touched…I’d been consumed by the unending need to have her again.
But I didn’t have her—not fully.
Ellie’s eyes shut. Suddenly. Like she didn’t want me to see how much this was affecting her. It was almost comical, the way she thought she could hide from me. As if I didn’t know every single part of this woman.
Because fuck the idea that she’d changed, that she’d become an entirely new person that I didn’t recognize.
She might have put on ridiculous lacy underwear that I’d never seen before.
She might have become someone who packed an entire box of condoms for work trips—condoms that would likely take years off my life when I thought about how they were meant for someone else.
She might have cut her bangs a little shorter, and her hips might have more curves to them, but I’d always recognize her.
Always see her for what she was. Always know what she needed, and tonight was no different.
She wanted to rationalize this. She wanted to fuck, but do it from a distance, like maybe if she didn’t feel me fully, the impact of my absence afterward wouldn’t hit as hard.
Call me an ass, call me whatever the fuck you want, but I badly needed her to wake up tomorrow morning with the imprints of my fingertips still on her skin and a deep, lingering ache from having me inside her.
I wanted—no, needed—the memories of tonight to be just as raw for her as they would be for me.
I pulled back and then drove my hips harder against her, sinking further into the woman I’d thought I was going to marry.
Fuck, this was…everything.
Ellie’s eyes flew open.
Finally.
“Sully,” she whined, desperate for something. More of me, less of me—it was hard to say. But that wasn’t what I was concerned about at the moment.
“Eleanor.” I shook my head, staring down at her.
“If I wanted to hear someone moan that name, I could have found another pussy to bury myself in over the years.” I jerked my hips, and Ellie’s jaw dropped, eyes rolling before quickly finding me again.
She could pretend all she wanted that she wasn’t always going to find me again, somehow, but I knew the truth.
“Let me hear you cry my name, and say the right one this time.”
She made a whimpering sound in the back of her throat, like she was anticipating what was about to come next, and I struggled to keep the slight smirk off my face when I pulled back and thrust even deeper into her sweet, perfect body.
“Sawyer,” she gasped. “Oh my God, I—”
Ellie broke off with a groan, and all I could do was succumb to the full-body shivers that trickled down my spine as I repeated the motion, needing more of her—of everything.
“That’s better, baby,” I breathed. “That’s so much better.”
A softness appeared around the corners of her eyes, and I instinctively dropped my head lower.
But then the panic appeared. Like she realized I might kiss her and wasn’t sure if she wanted that.
I turned hollow inside, like my heart and lungs and everything that made me a living being ceased to exist.
She thought that I hated her, but the only thing I hated was how hard she kept trying to avoid reality, avoid me.
Like me, she’d spent the night walking on eggshells around the party, strategically placing herself across the yard from wherever I was, avoiding my eye contact.
And then in the elevator, she was forced to look at me.
Forced to see me for the first time in years, and it felt like I could breathe again.
But now she was retreating again. I was so deep inside her but still so far away.
Fuck, it was crushing. Ellie was killing me.
I felt a part of me actively dying, but I couldn’t stop, wouldn’t have any clue how.
Because this was also the closest thing to euphoria I’d ever experience again.
Touching her, feeling her, getting to look at her like this. I’d sacrifice everything for this.
Which was good because it felt like that was exactly what I was doing.
It was an addiction. She was my addiction. And I knew the second I pulled out when this was over, that I’d never, ever be free from her. I’d still feel the ghostly sensation of Eleanor Summers all around me.
I slid back, leaving her body entirely.
Instant panic appeared on her face, gutting me further.
“What are you—” She gaped, pushing onto her elbows and staring at me, bewildered.
She didn’t want me to get too close, but she didn’t want me to leave, either. And I should care, maybe feel used, but I didn’t. I was just relieved to see it—how badly she needed me to finish what we’d started. Because I was nowhere close to being done.
Gripping her hips, I answered by flipping her over.
A squeal slipped out of her, but she didn’t protest. Of course she didn’t; she understood.
We both wanted this, but looking at each other while we chased after it?
It wasn’t working. I couldn’t let go the way I wanted to when her eyes were afraid to meet mine.
To hold mine the way they used to. I couldn’t make her feel me the way I wanted to if she was too far in her head about this.
She was always so far in her fucking head, and I needed her unafraid to live on the surface, just for tonight.
Just this once—that was what she wanted, and that was what I was going to deliver.
But I needed to be able to do it, too.
“El, I’m just…” Hands still on her hips, I yanked her back until she was on her knees and her feet were almost dangling off the end of the bed.
She gasped, but then my thumbs massaged into the globes of her ass, and this throaty, aroused noise flew out of her.
Hearing it and seeing her like this, on her hands and knees for me again, almost made me come.
“Trying to keep my shit together,” I admitted.
I thought maybe this might be easier—a position where her lips weren’t quite so readily available, where her eyes didn’t haunt me quite so openly.
But now I was presented with the curve of her bare back and the reminder that her ass molded so perfectly beneath my hands.
And her eyes followed me anyway, peeking over her shoulder.
“Can you keep your shit together while inside m—”
I slapped the tip of my dick against her clit, and she pressed her open mouth into her shoulder, her eyes fluttering shut.
“Patience, Eleanor.” The words came out a touch harsh, which I supposed was better than what I really wanted to do.
Beg. I wanted to beg for her to be patient with me.
To understand that I’d been dreaming of this moment since she walked away from me, and I didn’t want to rush it but didn’t want to trust it, either.
I didn’t know how to do this in a way that wouldn’t completely destroy me, but I was going to fucking try.
“Be good for me, okay? Be good, and I’ll give you what you need. ”
Eyes still shut, she dropped her head. And waited.
I took a deep breath.
And then slowly slid back inside her.
Fuck.
God fucking damnit, she felt so goddamn good, and fuck, I almost wished she didn’t. Because I’d never experienced such a mix of heaven and hell.
I stopped when I was only halfway inside her, and she pulsed around my length.
Tight and perfect and poised to take more of me.
I stared as my hand moved without my permission, starting at her tailbone and dragging up her spine, memorizing the slope of her back.
My fingers tangled in her short, dark hair, giving a little tug.
So soft and silky, just how I remembered. She flung her head back with a groan.
“More,” she pleaded. “I know there’s more of you.”
“Mmm.” God, she was destroying me in all the good and bad ways. “So glad to know that you still have the length of my cock memorized. That the feel of me is imprinted on your body. In your fucking core, El.”
I thrust the rest of the way in, reuniting us.
It had only been minutes, maybe even seconds, and I’d missed being this deep so much.
She gasped. “Yes.”
Oh, hell.
“Fuck,” I groaned, driving into her again—hard. “Fuck, baby.”
This time, I didn’t have to worry about the look on her face when I called her baby. Instead, I just got to listen to her moan my name—the correct one—and I saw stars.
I saw other things, too: the curl of her fingers in the sheets, the tendril of hair that slid over her shoulder, falling around her face from the force of my thrusts, the bow of her body, welcoming me home.
I bent over her, leaning close enough to whisper in her ear while my cock found that magical spot inside her that made her cry out.
“I would love to hate you, but I can’t.” My voice scraped my throat on the way out. “Not when I know you and understand you more than you could ever realize. I will never hate you, Eleanor. But I’m not sure I can ever forgive you, either.”
Ellie shook her head while I rocked against her, continuing to hit her just right, in every way she wanted. And needed. Fuck, I couldn’t help but love the way she needed me.
“I’m not asking you to forgive me,” she panted. “I’m just asking you to—”
She broke off with a raspy scream when my hand slipped under her, fingers stroking her clit.
“Make you come?”
“Yes.”
It was practically a sob.
“It’s because you know I can, right?” I just needed her to say it. Admit it. I needed these little confessions to fuel me, be my life source once she was gone again. “You know how fucking good at it I am.”
“Yes.” My eyes rolled back, her body clenching around me, my body breaking down because of it. “It’s so good. You’re so good. Please, Sawyer.”
“Okay, Eleanor.” I readjusted the grip I had on her hair because I sure as hell didn’t have a grip on anything else. “I got you.”
Always.
The last thing I wanted was for this to end, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out, anyway. The pleasure of being inside Eleanor Summers was nearly paralyzing; it was a miracle I was able to keep up with her.
Strumming her clit in a steady rhythm with my middle finger, I splayed the rest of my hand over her, pressing her body impossibly closer to mine.
And it was almost as if that closeness was what she needed.
As if it was everything she needed, because after one, two, three more desperate, increasingly sloppy thrusts, Ellie cried out in a way I’d never forget.
It was beautifully devastating.
We’d never had this before—ecstasy that was solitary. A moment that we knew would fade. That wouldn’t happen again. Every other time Ellie had come around me like this, all I could think about was doing it again. Doing this forever.
I tried not to think about how far away that reality was right now. How foreign the word forever suddenly sounded in my head.
“Again,” I demanded, not willing to give her up. For this to be over. “Come again for me, Eleanor.”
“I don’t think—” she whined, but then fell silent, and I knew that regardless of what she’d just been about to claim, she could come again for me. And she would.
I refused for it to end here. Refused to think of this as the end.
Instead, I just tried to think of her: the sweet sounds that only she made, the way her body molded against mine so perfectly, the trembling of her breaths as she came down from her high, the walls of her pussy spasming around me as she launched into another orgasm, spurred by relentless thrusts.
And that, right there, was my downfall.
My throat felt raw by the time I finished coming, hoarse from chanting her name and from groaning through the explosion of pleasure, unlike anything I’d ever known.
I crashed on top of Ellie and then quickly rolled to the side, not wanting to crush her.
She was a panting, shivering mess. My mess—mine for tonight, anyway.
I used the tip of my nose to brush her hair out of the way, searching for her ear.
My head spun. I was barely with it at this point, too lost in an Ellie-induced orgasmic cloud, and I found myself opening my mouth, begging her to let me stay.
I wasn’t ready to leave. I couldn’t go from being inside her to not having her at all, not so quick.
Ellie nodded, and I was partly shocked that she wasn’t pushing me away.
Instead, she mumbled something about blankets, and I pulled one over us.
She snuggled closer, and all the nervous energy in my bones fell silent.
I wrapped my arms around her, and then I was still.
Everything was still, quiet, peaceful. For once.
Ellie hadn’t looked at me since she’d come, but I didn’t force it. She was still so close in so many ways, and I refused to ruin the moment. Not when this was likely my only chance to hold her.
So that was what I did.
She fell asleep only moments later, and I fought to stay awake, not wanting to miss a single second. I wanted to stay up all night, counting her heartbeats and measuring her breaths. I wanted to memorize this moment, pretend it would last.
But unfortunately, I couldn’t not follow her this time. Sleep washed over me far too easily, only minutes later.
And then, before I knew it, the sun rose like a terror, waking me before I was ready.
Not that I would have ever been ready.
I was grateful to wake before Ellie, though. She didn’t even turn over when I slipped from her, pulled my clothes on, and gave one last look over my shoulder before walking away.
All because I wasn’t sure I could handle watching her be the one to do it.
Not this time.
And not ever again.