6. Ellie
CHAPTER SIX
ellie
NATALIE SIGHED INTO HER mimosa, pieces of her honey-brown hair framing her heart-shaped face and the odd, wistful expression on it.
I gave her a funny stare until she explained by saying, “Cameron is…amazing.”
A brow rose. “Oh?”
Despite my asking her about the horizontal cardio session with her handsome lawyer, that answer and the dreamy look in her eye made me think that she was referring to a lot more than sex.
It was clear she liked this guy, like really liked him.
I mean, Natalie wasn’t exactly known to give men the time of day.
Even before Korey had hooked his claws into her, Natalie steered clear of anyone or anything that could distract her from her goals.
To be honest, I still wasn’t entirely sure how or what her ex-husband had done to manipulate her into that relationship, but I hated him for everything he took from her.
The one time Natalie had given in to her feelings, and it ended disastrously.
I couldn’t blame her for being hesitant to trust again, but I hoped she might be open to it one day.
Maybe with Cameron?
It really was too bad that she was technically his client.
“I mean, in bed,” Natalie clarified, sitting straighter and tucking her hair behind her ear. “He’s just amazing in bed. Of course.”
“Of course,” I repeated slowly. “But you know…”
I shouldn’t push her.
But there were a lot of things I shouldn’t have done this weekend, and clearly, that wasn’t stopping me.
Natalie shook her head, her green eyes growing wide. They were so familiar—the same as Noah’s and Chloe’s and the tiny hint of green in Sully’s gaze, hiding behind the blue. “Ellie—”
“He won’t be your lawyer forever, Nat,” I cut in against my better judgment.
I didn’t get very many opportunities to see my best friend in person, so I had to take advantage of this.
“And he seems like a genuinely good guy. I was talking to his brother-in-law for a while last night, Beau? He said Cameron is—”
“Sully hated that, by the way.”
I froze.
“What?”
The one-word question sounded weak. A barely audible syllable. A shiver threatened to overtake my body, but that would be so noticeable. Natalie didn’t need to see how fucked-up I was over just hearing her brother’s name.
Did she—no, there was no way she could know about last night. Right? Sully wouldn’t have told her. Considering, according to Natalie, he’d said next to nothing to his family about our breakup, and it had been years, I sincerely doubted he’d run to tell them that we’d slept together.
I’d really hoped we’d be able to get through this brunch without the mention of him. Without the reminder that he’d given me no less than three earth-shattering orgasms last night.
Also without the reminder that he’d vanished by the time I’d woken up this morning, even though I vaguely remembered him asking to stay the night.
Something I’d foolishly given in to, something that had given me hope that maybe, just maybe, we could wake up and, I don’t know, repeat the things we’d done?
Start the day off even better than we’d ended it?
But no, it was worse.
A million times worse.
Waking up alone, without the feeling of his body pressed against mine, without his breaths against the hollow of my neck or his fingertips brushing the curve of my hip bone—
“Sully kept glaring at Beau.” Natalie cut into my thoughts, lifting a brow. “Couldn’t keep his eyes off you, wherever you were.”
She had no idea that she was cutting me to my core, did she?
And it was infuriating. Maddening that I was so easily affected by the thought of Sully watching me, something he’d already confessed last night.
He’d said and done so many things last night.
Before just leaving without saying a single parting word.
I hated him for that. As much as I could hate Sully London, that is.
“I know he’s your brother, but…” I rolled my eyes, trying desperately to keep the heat out of my voice and the flush from rising to my face, but I knew I was failing. “Sully can go to—”
“What can I get you ladies to eat today?”
It was probably for the best that the waiter interrupted.
I was at serious risk of saying too much, of spilling everything to Natalie when I’d gone into this brunch determined to keep things light, or at least for the conversation to revolve around her.
She was the one who deserved the support, what with the custody battle with Korey and all.
I shouldn’t say a single word about Sully, especially if it wasn’t good.
If it was, in fact, that I’d plummeted back into that familiar, dark hole this morning.
The one I’d only just recently managed to escape.
“Um, good question.” Natalie gave a half laugh, glancing at me and then at the food options on the table in front of her.
It was a silent communication.
I wouldn’t push her anymore on Cameron.
And she wouldn’t push me on Sully.
Denial was on the menu this morning, but we were going to pretend it was something else.
“I’ll take the waffles,” she said.
Like waffles.
“And I’d love the strawberry pancakes,” I added.
And pancakes.
I didn’t like being in Boston.
It served up too many memories of my least favorite period of time in life, which was right after I’d left Minnesota—left Sully.
I’d lived with Natalie for a time. Well, sort of.
Korey was, of course, the worst, so he didn’t want me living with them.
But they’d owned a duplex and let me stay in the attached unit to theirs at a reduced rent.
In exchange, I took care of Chloe on many evenings when Natalie was working and Korey was off doing fuck-all.
I had no idea what that entailed most of the time, probably cheating.
He actually hadn’t been at peak asshole status yet. Just enough to have me a little worried, though it had been hard to tell if Natalie walked around looking like a ghost because the medical field was dragging her through hell or because her husband was.
The only good thing about her slightly despondent state was that she hadn’t asked me too many questions.
About Sully or what I was doing there. I suspected she thought that us being apart was only temporary.
That Sully might come join me whenever he graduated from undergrad, or maybe I’d move back there.
It was logical. It had been what I’d wanted all along, and I hadn’t gone into depth about our relationship when I came to Boston, only saying that Sully and I were taking a break, and that I’d gotten into my dream graduate program at MIT, which was located less than twenty minutes from Natalie’s house.
My client meeting on Monday morning had me driving down familiar streets to get there, and I found it challenging to stomach my coffee.
To my knowledge, Sully had flown back to Minnesota yesterday, meaning I was once again existing in a city that didn’t have him in it.
The idea should be a relief, but sleeping last night had been impossible.
His scent lingered on the sheets, so strong that when I woke this morning, I thought for the briefest moment that I’d turn over and see him, hair mussed and smile sleepy.
But no, he wasn’t there. Just like he hadn’t been there yesterday morning, either.
I wondered if I’d ever fully stop missing him, or if it would be like this forever.
Sighing, I forced myself to go through the motions of the day. To be honest, the client meeting was a relief. Getting lost in web development was a welcome distraction. It was so welcome, in fact, that as soon as I left, I dove into a work project that I’d previously been avoiding.
Not anymore. Now, this project was my lifeline.
The focus my brain needed. I spent the entire flight home to California homed in on it, staring at my computer screen and ignoring the world whizzing by outside my tiny airplane window.
When the flight path barely nipped the corner of Minnesota on our way across the country, I pretended my chest was unaffected.
Just like I pretended that my bones didn’t feel weighed down when we finally landed.
It was well past midnight Boston time when I made it back to my apartment, but I didn’t even think about sleeping.
The idea of sleep when I couldn’t control my dreams or the thoughts that might pass through my head during the first moments of waking made it…
unappealing. So instead, I worked until I passed out on top of my keyboard.
That became my new normal. I stayed tucked into the zone I’d created, hyperfixated on creating the perfect technical solution for my client, or really anything that wasn’t the specific shade of the youngest London’s eyes as he’d watched me come on his tongue.
It was the only way I’d survive, so that’s what I did.
All week.
And into the next weekend.
Yeah, so, maybe I was a bit of a workaholic.
I did have friends in the Bay Area. Sort of.
They were all work-adjacent, though. People I’d met through my actual job or work-related functions and gatherings.
Not exactly people whom I could count on to pull me out of this slightly toxic obsession with numbers on a screen.
The obsession did wax and wane, though. After the first few days back from Boston, I went through one more week of hyper-intense focus, followed by the need to resurface for another client meeting, a few in-person days at work, and to touch base with colleagues.
I had a chat with Delaney, too, wanting to dive further into thoughts about a PEQ interface.
We’d been interrupted by a patient, though, and she promised to give me a call another day to chat more—something I was oddly looking forward to.
All things considered, I thought I was doing pretty well.
At least, better than I expected I might have after spending a night sleeping in my ex-boyfriend’s arms.
Did I think about Sully?
Sure, fine, yes.
I thought about him constantly. I stayed awake, mourning the feeling of his arms around me. I imagined his touch, just so I could feel something.
But I was okay. It was back to life as usual—status quo, you might say.
At least until the week I was supposed to get my period.
And didn’t.