Chapter 9 – CASH #2
I sip my beer. Glenna eyes me warily. I pat her thigh. She doesn’t need to worry about me. I’m on her side.
Does she believe that though?
What the hell was I thinking all those years? That I was funny? Truth be told, I was butthurt. I was crazy about her, and she looked down her nose at me, and it made me mean and stupid.
And everyone saw me pick on Glenna Dobbs. I made her a fair target.
I deserve to have my ass kicked, and no one but this old hippy sipping a Schlitz would be willing to do it.
“There been any other blowback besides the graffiti?” I ask.
“People calling the newspaper and the coffee shop. Hanging up. Cursing me out. That kind of thing.” Ken doesn’t sound upset. Quite the opposite. He’s excited. “I’m getting a lot of calls from national news outlets. This is gonna be big.”
“Glenna can’t be working alone.” I try to refocus him.
He waves his hand. “Already settled. I’m closing the shop for a few months. I’m gonna be too busy, and quite frankly, Glenna could use a break.”
I glance over. How does Glenna feel about this?
She’s inscrutable, sipping her own beer, not giving a sign that she’s even listening to the conversation. That expression used to be a red cape to me, made me madder than a bull. Made me say dumb shit and do dumb things.
But with my head somewhat extracted from my ass, I can tell it’s an act. Her pulse is fluttering in the middle of her collarbone. Her brown eyes are cold, and they’re never cold. They’re hurt or hungry or hopeful or lost in thought or a hundred other things, but never cold.
She’s not a cold woman. She’s a complicated one—which is doubtless going to be trouble for me.
“You okay with this?” I ask her.
She lifts a shoulder. “It’s the right call.”
“On the bright side, I got to fire Toby.” Ken smiles in sheer glee. “He didn’t take it well.”
“I was there when he stormed out,” Glenna says. Now there’s a little sparkle in her eye. I give her a wink. She squirms.
“So what’s the plan?” I ask.
Glenna is an amazing photographer, and she could easily make a good living out of it in a bigger city or even a town somewhere that her name wasn’t mud. Wedding photos or babies or whatever. She could do anything.
The thought twists my guts.
“I’m taking a break to figure out what I want to do. I still have my other two jobs.” She smiles. “And my landlord’s going to cut me some slack.”
Relief floods me.
“I’m working on a follow-up—the investigation, the grand jury, all of it,” Ken tells me. “And I’m coming out as the author of the original piece. No offense, Rabbit, but you’ve stolen enough of my thunder.”
Worry lines appear at the corners of Glenna’s eyes. “Dad, no. We talked about this. There’s no reason for us both to be in hot water.”
“Exactly. You shouldn’t be catching flack for me. I should’ve printed the correction in the next issue like I wanted to.”
“We agreed,” she says, panicky.
“You bulldozed me.” Ken’s jaw sets. He’s serious, and he’s not going to give.
Glenna shifts so she’s sitting upright. “I’ve never bulldozed anyone in my life.”
“Maybe you should. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt you to get passionate about something once in a while.”
Oh, shit.
Glenna’s spine snaps straight. Her chin lifts. The sweet, doting daughter is gone. There’s my ornery girl.
“There’s a difference between getting passionate and exploding bombs in other people’s lives without even asking them first.” Her voice breaks on the last word.
Ken stiffens. He absently rubs his chest, clearly thinking of his comeback.
Glenna freezes. “Never mind. It’s just— It’s a lot. It’ll be fine. It’ll be good.” She slaps on a fake reassuring smile. “I’m getting another beer. Anybody want one?”
“Sure,” Ken says, confused. He had his dander up, ready to drive home his point, and his opponent is fleeing the ring.
She doesn’t want to upset him. She’s terrified of upsetting him.
I don’t know what that feels like, but in a way, this is all very familiar. Family is hard.
When Glenna returns, she steers the conversation to the least hot topic possible. It’s quite an endeavor since we’re interrupted twice by hang ups. I ask Ken why he doesn’t leave the phone off the hook, and he says he doesn’t want to forget they’re coming for him.
Glenna’s face goes gray when he says it, and my gut sours. I stop after two beers since it feels like I’m gettin’ an ulcer.
I ask Glenna to come to my place, but she blushes, and says she can’t. She does agree to go with me to dinner at the Carrolls’ tomorrow night once her dad says he’s going to Pyle for a few days to do some interviews. I want her away from town. I want her safe. With me.
When Ken puts Miles Davis on the record player and starts rolling a joint, I make sounds to go.
I don’t have to ask. Glenna gets up to walk me to the door.
I don’t want to leave her.
She’s not wearing a bra, and her eyes look sad, and everything in me wants to hold her close and kiss everything better.
She keeps her distance, turning shy again. Her hands are tucked under her crossed arms, and she’s shifting from bare foot to bare foot, her eyes cast down.
“You gonna look at me?” I respect her need for space in this moment. I don’t tilt her chin like I want to.
She blinks up and steals my breath. Those brown eyes. Prettier than a doe’s.
“I’ll pick you up early tomorrow. Don’t go out, okay?”
She rolls her eyes.
I take a step forward like I mean it. “Promise.”
She huffs. “I promise.” Her lips turn down. “Not like I have a day job to go to.”
“It’ll all turn out okay.”
“You can’t possibly know that.”
Frustration tenses my shoulders, but I don’t let it get to me. I take a deep breath, and then I’m not really sure why, but I ask, “What’s the bright side?”
She startles. Her forehead furrows. “Why’d you ask me that?”
“Looks like you’re getting pretty invested in moping. Seemed like a good question to ask. I like you grumpy, but not, like, sad grumpy.”
“You’re a piece of work,” she says.
I ignore that. “Bright side me, baby, or I’m gonna stand here all night long.”
“I don’t have to work with Toby anymore.” Her lips curve a little bit. I’m way too happy that she’s happy about that.
“Nice. What else?”
“I don’t know. I have more time to focus on my photography.”
“That’s huge, right?”
She lets out some air. “Yeah.”
“And?”
“Maybe—” Her eyes go shiny. “Maybe I’m a little less stuck here. A little less stuck, period. I can decide what I want to do next.” She tosses a shoulder. “It could be anything.”
And that scares me shitless, but also, I want that for her. I want her to have the whole world, not whatever slice that got doled out to her.
I want her to choose me when she could choose anything.
How the hell do I make that happen?
Why don’t I know anything anymore? I’m pretty sure I used to know it all.
I’m at a loss for words, so I kiss her, soft, so she knows she’s precious, and I don’t stop until Ken clears his throat and calls, “Glenna, can you bring the peanuts from the kitchen when you’re done with what you’re doing?”
She blushes, and I leave, hard as rock and confused as hell.
I move my truck down the block, out of view from their apartment. Then I sleep in the cab. Around three in the morning, Ernst Fowler rolls past on patrol, and he stops to shoot the shit. Other than that, it’s quiet.
When the sun rises, I head to my apartment to shower and change.
It was a rough night. I’ve got a hell of a crick in my neck. I lay on the sofa and watch the games I’ve missed this week, trying to nap, but I’m too wired. I miss my dog. Granger stays with the Carrolls when I don’t take him on a hunt.
It’d be dumb to call Brice and ask him how my dog’s doing. He’d bust my balls forever.
And I can’t call Glenna. I’d say something stupid like what are you wearing or you wanna come over. I’d sound like a creep who’s obsessed with her, and I’m trying to hide the fact, at least a little.
The boys are all at work. Holden might be able to come over, but to be honest, I’m not feeling it. The day drags.
When I drive back to Ken’s to pick Glenna up, the town looks different to me. Smaller. Grimier.
It’s the same as it’s always been. Del’s fall from grace doesn’t change things. There have always been good and bad people everywhere. No place is better than another.
That’s what I’d say, if I was asked.
But I’d always believed different, didn’t I? And I was wrong.
So who am I, then?
What are the people in this town capable of?
Who do I fight to keep Glenna safe?