Chapter Five Ryder
Chapter Five
Ryder
I needed to walk away. Give her a few minutes of privacy. Maybe she wanted to use the bathroom—or, you know, get out of that dress—and I was still stuck in her doorway, unyielding. Unmoving. Worried that if I left, I’d discover she was a mirage and I’d hallucinated her.
I pushed away from the doorframe, doing my best not to act like a creepy fuck, just staring at her after what she’d been through.
“I won’t let him find you. I’ll protect you.
” The words punched from my mouth like commands, my tone a bit gruff at the reminder of her boss’s plans for her tonight.
Thank God I’d been there; that was all I could focus on right now.
“I’m not your responsibility, but thank you.” She semi-smiled, eyes falling to the clothes bundled against her chest.
You’re going to be stubborn, then? She was a stranger, but based on our interaction on the balcony, I had a feeling I shouldn’t have expected anything different.
It’d be another battle with her to let me intervene.
I wasn’t sure what that even looked like.
Kill Ezra in cold blood? Kill every dangerous man she may have had ties to?
The moment the curtain of her dark lashes lifted and her eyes landed back on mine, I knew I would if I had to.
I’d go back to Ezra’s right now and take him down if that’d fix things.
I didn’t care that she’d chosen to work for him.
There had to be a good reason for it—but hell, even if there wasn’t, I couldn’t seem to find it in me to give a damn.
“I won’t let anything happen to you.” I needed her to hear me. Understand me. Acknowledge my stubbornness.
Her gaze dropped down the column of my throat to my chest, then moved lower and lower. My abdominal muscles tightened. Her eyes on me had me feeling as though she could brand my skin, mark me as hers with just one look. Fucking A, I’d be okay with that.
“I should change,” she whispered in a daze.
Then eyes on my face, not my crotch. Which was where she was presently killing me with her focus.
Hand back on the doorframe, I leaned forward, waiting for her to look at me. “Promise you won’t go anywhere?” My chest hurt from asking that, but my gut told me I needed to.
There were her eyes again, laser focused on mine like a challenge. “Am I your prisoner?”
I grunted. “Of course not.” But what I really wanted to say was, Yes, until I know you’re safe.
A hostage-for-your-own-good kind of thing.
But I couldn’t, could I? “Just promise me.” I set a hand over my chest, my heart flying beneath my palm.
“I’m a stranger, yes, but I won’t hurt you. I just want to help.”
“The contract work tonight ... is that for a government agency?”
Ah, there it was. She was scared I’d turn her in. Change my mind about her if I decided she wasn’t such a good girl, since she had, in fact, worked for a very bad man.
Maybe I needed to barricade the bedroom door. Bolt the front and back ones, too. Fuck, what was I even thinking right now? Free will was a thing. I just didn’t want her to have it if it meant she’d try to leave, placing her life in danger.
“I’m beholden to no one but myself.” That was the truth, and I didn’t blink or flinch when I shared it, hoping she’d believe me. “I’m a man of my word, and I’ll keep it.”
“You don’t know me; why would you want to help me?” She’d asked me something along those lines on the balcony, and now here we were again, but at least we were on safe ground.
“Because I can. Because I want to.” I let my hand fly from my chest to my side before I did what I really wanted to, which was hug this woman who seemed to need it.
Eyes cast between us, she lightly nodded. “You were military at some point, yes?”
“Army,” I admitted, unsure if this would be a nail in my coffin or not. It was for some women I’d met in the past.
“My brother was going to be in the air force.” Her tone was soft, as fragile as fucking glass. “I have to change,” she quickly tacked on before allowing me to digest her tone, mood, and the fact her tan skin was losing some color. “I promise I won’t take off.”
“Make that promise, and look me in the eyes when you do it.” Fuck, that was harsh.
Probably rude. Very much authoritarian. I also couldn’t take it back, because I needed to believe her, or I’d be coming into the bedroom with her, standing outside the bathroom while she changed. Never let her out of my sight.
She pinned me with a hard look that told me she didn’t appreciate me telling her what to do.
“Sounding more and more like prison to me.” She loosened her hold of my clothes but didn’t drop them.
“Been there. Done that.” Lifting her chin, she angled her head, daring me to do it again, to give her orders.
I wasn’t one to retreat, but as much as I wanted to command her to let me help, I wasn’t actually an asshole. I wasn’t like Ezra. She had to make the choice, even if it was the wrong one.
“I hope you let me help you.” I softened my tone that time, patted the doorframe twice, then gave her my back.
“Ryder,” she called out, and I stopped. My muscles tightened on reflex. “I really am grateful.”
She left off the but that I heard loud and clear. It cut through me like shards of broken glass. Jagged and painful edges digging deep into my old wounds.
At that, I walked away, listening to the door close. I kept going until I found the others gathered around the reason we were at this house in the first place. The man was still unconscious, but they’d tied him to a chair and removed the bag from his head.
“What happened back at the house was unacceptable,” I said to Leo the moment he made eye contact. “You defied orders.”
Leo fake-laughed. “I thought we were equals. Wasn’t that part of the speech you gave when you took over as team leader?
” He squared up his stance, ready to engage.
The second person tonight who wanted to go up against me, but it was the first person who had my pulse still racing, worried her stubbornness would get her killed.
“You were okay with an innocent woman dying.” The woman I was willing to risk everything for.
“She works for a criminal. Not fucking ‘innocent,’” he snapped out, doubling down. “You all broke ROE tonight, not me. Killed two men without being fired upon first.”
While I’d questioned some of the lives I’d been forced to take in the army, not for a second did I regret the ones taken tonight.
“They were going to execute her,” Alex said, echoing my thoughts while coming up alongside me. “We don’t let women and children get hurt. Not ever, for any reason. Mission comes second if someone is in danger.”
“If you can’t get on board with that, then you’re off the team.” Chills racked my skin as I thought back to how close she’d come to dying tonight.
“I’m not cool with this cowboy shit. Not going to prison because you go around killing people on American soil.” Leo looked around the room at us, shaking his head.
“Fine. There’s the door.” Alex motioned toward it. “Please let it hit you in the ass on your way out.”
Leo maneuvered around Alex and stepped in front of me. “I’d rather eat shit than work with you all. I’m out.”
“Make sure he leaves and doesn’t go near her room,” I told Reed once Leo was gone, and he nodded and followed after him.
Once it was just Alex and me, he said, “We need to get ahead of the story. I don’t trust that Leo won’t call the general, and then he’ll call the director.”
“Just tell Director Hernandez we encountered two armed tangos when exfil’ing, and she was caught in the cross fire, so we took her with us.” I turned to the side, putting eyes on our hostage. “Let him know the mission was completed as planned. We’ll get the intel we need from him.”
“She’s going to be hunted by her boss. The security cameras inside his party will be checked so he can narrow down his list of possible suspects who helped her get away. I kept free of the cameras, but did you?” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry to even ask you that, I’m sure ...”
I’d been distracted when seeing her manhandled on the way out that side door, but I hoped old habits died hard and that I’d run on autopilot and dodged them anyway.
“Have Reed hack the security cameras and double-check, just in case,” I tossed out, ensuring we covered all our bases no matter what.
“See if he can get a read on what Ezra’s planning to do next.
No sound on the cameras, but he might find something useful. ”
“And what do we plan to do with her?”
Good question. “Hell if I know.” I just hoped that when I checked her room, she would still be there. That was hurdle number one.
She’d been out of sight for at least three minutes, and I was worried that was two and a half minutes too long. After Alex took off, I wasted no time going to her room.
My heart beat up into my ears as I knocked, as I waited. As I confirmed what I already knew.
The door wasn’t locked, so I opened it, and discovered she was already gone.
She hadn’t used the door but had gone out the window. The screen was on its side on the floor. My sweats and tee were still there, but her heels and my dress shirt were nowhere in sight.
Unable to stop myself, not thinking clearly, I took off for the front door since I was too big to fit through the window.
I searched the property. Looked around the neighborhood. Covered as much ground on foot as I could before standing in the middle of the street, dropping my head between my palms.
A stranger had just ripped my heart out. I wasn’t sure how that was possible, but the splintering pain in my chest was brutal enough to tell me it was.
I finally made my way back to the house, steered clear of my teammates, in no mood to talk, and quietly went to the bedroom.
I picked up my discarded T-shirt and put it on before fixing the screen in the window.
“You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it.”
I turned to see Alex in the doorway, and my shoulders slumped. “Yeah, I know.”
“You still want me to have Reed keep tabs on Ezra and see if he puts a hit out on her? Maybe we’ll get a name.”
“I don’t just want him watched—I want him killed.
” That was a gut reaction I more than likely couldn’t follow through on, because Leo was right.
I couldn’t murder people without consequences, even if they were evil.
Hanging my head, I squeezed my eyes closed.
“But for now, just keep an eye on him and his movements.”
“Roger that.”
When I forced my eyes open, I found myself alone with my dark thoughts.
I shouldn’t have left her room. I should’ve followed my instincts and never let her out of my sight.
It took me a few minutes to pull myself together and remember I still had a mission to finish. A man who had information to help DHS locate a terrorist cell. Lives to save. People who needed me, since she didn’t even want me.
Two hours into our interrogation, my phone vibrated from a text. When I read the message, I immediately left the room and went out into the hallway.
Unknown: I’m sorry. I know you want to help, but this isn’t your fight. I also don’t want you getting hurt because of me.
I wasted no time in responding, shocked she’d actually remembered my number and reached out. Did she have a burner? She wouldn’t risk going home. No way. So how’d she get a phone at zero two hundred in the morning?
Me: You don’t need to worry about me. I can take care of myself. But I am worried about you. Let me help you. I’m not above begging, not about this.
Unknown: You’re sweet. Despite being a bit of a control freak about my safety, especially since I’m a stranger ... I can still tell you have a big heart. You saved me after all, a woman who works for a criminal. Says a lot. But this is my problem, not yours.
Unknown: And your job makes things complex too.
Me: I won’t turn you in. You don’t have to worry about that.
Unknown: Thank you again for saving me. I just wanted to say that and apologize for lying and leaving. Please don’t involve yourself anymore. Don’t go after him.
Unknown: You know the “him” I’m talking about.
Unknown: I need him alive. For a bit longer.
Unknown: I can’t explain more. I have to go.
What in God’s name was she talking about? Was she really telling me not to kill the man who planned to murder her?
Unknown: Please respect my wishes. I’m sorry, I have to go now. I’ll be tossing this phone. Don’t respond.
Unknown: P.S. Maybe one day when it’s safe, I’ll bump into you again. Goodbye. -S
I stared at her message, coming up with as many S names as I could in the space of seconds. None of them sounded right.
I had a dozen messages I wanted to send but settled on one, assuming she’d stick to what she said she’d do and get rid of her phone. It hurt not to fight for her, but maybe Alex was right: I couldn’t save someone who wasn’t ready to be saved. No matter how much I wanted to.
Me: You know how to reach me if you need me. Take care of yourself.
Bubbles immediately popped up, sending hope up into my throat.
Then they disappeared, and I didn’t hear from her again.