7. The Present
The Present
Carla
Charlotteand I have been friends since we were kids. We grew up in the same small town and went to the same small school. We were always together, until Charlotte and her father disappeared.
Two nights after we’d danced the night away at prom, her father’s bakery burned down. I went to her house the next morning, but she and her father were already gone. For an entire year, I didn’t get one single call or text from her. I had no idea where they went, or what had happened. We went from inseparable best friends to complete radio silence.
Their bodies never showed up in the ashes, but I mourned them all the same.
A year later, right after I’d had the miscarriage, Charlotte called to tell me she was coming home. As elated as I was that she was okay, I couldn’t help feeling angry that I’d spent twelve months being worried sick about her, wondering if she was even alive. I was also angry after having to go through the most difficult time in my life without my best friend.
To add insult to injury, Charlotte came back happier than ever, in love with a boy she’d met in New York. She had an amazing new life, while I was stuck in my crumbling old life.
Granted, Charlotte had been hunted down by Mafioso men who almost killed her, her father, and her new boyfriend. She didn’t tell me where she was going because she didn’t want to involve me in any way. Still, I hadn’t rolled out the welcome wagon upon her arrival like I should’ve, and I needed to make up for that. Hence me driving up for a visit.
“Carla!” Charlotte squeals on the other end of the phone. “Are you on your way?”
“I’m already here. I’m in my hotel room as we speak.” Just did the walk of shame after my night of wild sex with a stranger.
“You’re in a hotel? I thought you were staying with me.”
“I didn’t want to cramp your style.”
“Carla, I told you to stay with me and Dad.”
“It’s fine. I’m already settled here. When can I see you?”
“I finish at the bakery at six. I have to run home and shower, but we can go out and celebrate tonight.”
“What are we celebrating?”
“You being here, duh!”
“Great. Can’t wait.”
“Tanner and I will pick you up later. I’m so happy you’re here. I can’t wait to see you. It will be just like old times.”
Old times. If only. “Text me when you’re on your way.”
Charlotte has no idea what had happened between me and Joe. She knows we broke up, but I hadn’t told her the rest. I wasn’t ready to talk about it then. Honestly, I’m still not.
I’m not sure when I will be.
Charlotte’s friend,Mallory, has not stopped talking since the second I got into the car.
I force a laugh here and there, nodding like I’m listening. But all I can focus on is the text that just came through on my phone.
Joe: I hope you made it to NY safely. Can we please talk when you get home? I miss you.
A hundred differentresponses bounce around my brain. I don’t type any of them because I don’t want him to see those dreadful dots show up on his screen. What is there to talk about? Unless Joe has the DeLorean, there’s no way he can fix this sans time travel.
By the time we’re inside the bar doing shots, I’ve reread Joe’s message five times. (And Mallory’s still talking.)
My mom was right: Joe is young. Young people make mistakes. But when a mistake breaks a heart in the process, how do you find forgiveness amidst the wreckage? Joe left me when things got real. Not only did he run, but he ran into the arms of another woman. How could he say he loves me, yet hurt me so badly?
“And this is my best friend, Carla.”
The sound of my name snaps my attention up from my phone to see who Charlotte is introducing me to. We’re meeting one of Tanner’s friends tonight, though I don’t remember his name since I was only half-listening.
Tattoos. Muscles. Piercing blue eyes. Lips curved into a cocky smile. Holy Mother of Dragons, it’s him!
TJ knows Charlotte.
Charlotte knows TJ.
They’re friends.
My best friend is friends with the man who screwed me so good I have bruises on my hips. So much for my one- night stand with a stranger never to be seen again.
When it comes to fight versus flight, I am a definite flight-risk. But I can’t run now. Not without seeming like a certified lunatic. Like any sane person, I resort to telepathy. I’m not sure how it works, but I’m hoping to convey a message that says don’t you dare breathe a word to anyone about last night.
It must’ve worked because TJ extends his hand and says, “Nice to meet you, Carla.” If only he wasn’t wearing that shit-eating grin.
My teeth grind together as I plaster on a smile and slip my hand into his. The molecules in the air around us crackle. “Nice to meet you.” My eyes zoom in on his tattooed fingers as they wrap around my hand. I recall the way they looked when they were sliding between my—no. Focus.
I’m so distracted by the explosions going off in my head, I miss half the conversation that follows our introduction.
Mallory grips my arm. “You should move here. I’d totally get an apartment with you. I’m dying to get out of my house.”
Charlotte looks offended. “Why didn’t you ask me to get an apartment with you?”
Mallory points her thumb at Tanner. “You’re moving in with him.”
“I never said that!”
Mallory rolls her eyes. “You will eventually, and I can’t carry the rent on my own when you do.”
My mouth is finally able to form words. “You’re looking to move out?” I don’t know if I could tolerate living with someone as loud as Mallory, so I add that to the con side of my mental list. But on the pro side, having someone to split the rent with would definitely make things easier. Wait, why am I thinking about moving here? Do I want to move here?
Mallory’s face lights up. “Hell, yes! Let me know and I’ll start apartment hunting.”
Tanner hugs Charlotte to his side. “See, babe? Your friends are going to live together. We should live together. Everybody wins.”
“And when you guys start fighting, I can tell you to come stay at my place.” Mallory turns to me. “They’ve broken up at least five times since they started dating.”
Charlotte’s hand flies to her hip. “That’s an exaggeration.”
“Bullshit,” TJ fake coughs.
“You’re together now,” I say. “That’s all that matters.” I lift my index finger to Tanner’s nose and step closer to him. “But if you break her heart, I’ll kill you.”
Tanner raises his right hand. “I will never hurt her.”
That’s what they all say.
“Feisty and beautiful,” TJ says. “I like your friend, Charlotte.”
Sex with TJ flashes through my mind again. From the three different times we’d had sex. In three different positions. My favorite being when he was behind me and—no. Get it together.
I pull Charlotte and Mallory toward the dance floor. “Let’s dance.” I push my way through the crowd and find a spot for us to squeeze into.
“You know TJ was just being nice,” Charlotte shouts over the music.
“I’m just not in the mood.”
Mallory’s eyebrows shoot up. “Not in the mood for that?”
“I just want to forget about men for tonight and enjoy my time with you girls.” And stop thinking about TJ’s tattooed hands all over my skin.
Charlotte splits her time dancing between us and Tanner. He seems like a good guy and she looks truly happy with him. All because she took a chance in a new town.
If she was able to start a new life here, maybe I could do the same.
Mallory turns out to be pretty fun. We tear up the dance floor, rolling our hips and shaking our asses to every song. It would be nice to live with someone who’s also single. That gets added to the pro column.
TJ doesn’t leave his spot at the bar as he tortures himself with another glass of whiskey. I know this because my attention keeps pulling in his direction. Part of me feels bad for ignoring him and wants to go sit with him. But that would draw too much attention and I don’t want to answer the questions Charlotte will have.
Mallory returns from the bar with another round of shots. “So Charlotte told me your boyfriend broke up with you.”
“He did.”
“You’ll find someone else. Forget about him.”
I clink my glass against hers. “Cheers to that.” The sweet liquid rolls down my throat. Forgetting about him is exactly what I plan to do.
One shot of tequila turns into ‘Let’s do another,’ which turns into ‘How many shots have we done?’ We drink until I reach the perfect level of buzzed. Loose enough to not care, stable enough to walk.
Mallory points across the room. “See that chick over there with the curly hair?”
“Pretty girl. Who is she?”
“That’s the girl TJ’s in love with.”
“Who’s that tall blond dude she’s cozied up with?”
“That’s her boyfriend, Chase.” Mallory shakes her head. “TJ was training her at his gym. He fell in love. She didn’t.”
I steal another glance in TJ’s direction. He’s talking with the bartender, who’s giggling and doing that thing girls do when they push their boobs together with their elbows. “He can get any girl he wants. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
“That man is sex on a stick. A very big stick.”
“More like a tree.”
“A tree I’d like to climb … naked.”
Naked. Naked with TJ. A shiver runs down my spine and my thighs involuntarily squeeze together. Is sex with a stranger always that good? Something tells me it’s not. I think I just got lucky. The way he touched me, every kiss, every caress … it didn’t feel raunchy, the way I’d always thought casual sex would be. It felt empowering. Sensual. As if TJ and I connected on a deeper level.
“Are you okay?” Mallory asks. “You’re dripping sweat.”
Oh, I’m dripping more than just sweat. I need to cool off, can’t breathe. “I’m going to get some air. I’ll be back.”
I push through the sea of sweaty people and out the door. The air outside isn’t much better, thick with humidity, but the slight breeze cools my damp skin. I gather my hair and twist it around itself to air out my neck.
I lean against the building as I watch couples walk to their cars, holding hands and shouting goodbyes to friends across the parking lot. They all look happy. Carefree. I used to look like that. Will I ever feel that way again? Will there come a day when I don’t wake up thinking about the baby I lost? The love I lost? The life I almost had?
“It’s not much cooler out here.”
I jump at the sound of TJ’s voice.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. What are you doing out here?”
I release my hair and fluff it with my fingers. “Just wondering if everyone is happy with their lives.”
“They’re all drunk.”
“Not just them. You know what I mean.”
“Doesn’t really matter what other people are. Are you happy, Carla?”
I feel like I don’t know how to be anymore. Heartbreak is like losing a limb. You have to relearn how to do all the things you used to do when you had your appendage. Now, everything’s harder. Everything serves as a reminder of what you lost.
“You need to move on,” TJ says when I don’t answer. “Life doesn’t always go as planned.”
“Then what’s the point?”
“That is the point. You can’t plan for everything. Gotta roll with the punches as they come.”
“Great. Another fighting metaphor.” I shake my head and bite my tongue to keep from saying everything else that wants to come out. He might be in love with someone who doesn’t love him back, but he doesn’t know the kind of pain I’ve experienced. He couldn’t possibly understand.
“Please don’t tell Charlotte anything. Not what I told you about getting pregnant, and definitely not about last night.”
“I won’t,” he says, and for some reason I believe him. “But why don’t you want to talk to her? She’s your best friend.”
“I will. I just haven’t found the right time. I didn’t want to bother her when she first came back. She went through so much.”
“So did you.”
I shrug. “I’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, you will.” He stands in front of me, ducking his head until I look at him. “You’re lucky your ex showed you his true colors before you married him. Not much of a man if he abandons his wife-to-be when shit gets real. I say he did you a favor.”
I tilt my head, letting that thought settle in my brain. “That’s a good way of looking at it.”
“See? It’s not so bad opening up to a handsome stranger.”
I roll my eyes, but I’m smiling. That’s the effect TJ has on a person. So charming it’s irritating. So adorable you don’t know if you want to smack him or kiss him. So much wiser than you, you almost can’t stand it. Almost.
“How long are you here for?” he asks.
“Until Wednesday.”
TJ tugs my elbow and guides me around the corner of the building where the streetlight doesn’t reach us. We’re tucked into the shadows, away from the noise, away from everyone.
“What are you—”
TJ claims my mouth, kissing me hard. My willpower snaps like a rubber band. His lips are addicting, and I crave the familiar taste. I know what it leads to and I know I want more.
“Wanna turn our one-night stand into two?” TJ’s mouth trails down my neck, licking, biting, and teasing, reminding me of just how good that mouth can feel.
Do I want to? God, yes. Should I? I’m not sure. One more night couldn’t hurt, could it?
A throat clears behind us and I jump back.
Tanner’s eyes are wide. “Sorry to interrupt, but the girls are ready to leave. Are you coming with us, Carla?”
Both of them look at me expectantly, forcing me to look within myself. What on earth am I doing? Was I seriously going for round two with TJ?
“I’m coming with you guys,” I say.
Tanner nods and fist-bumps TJ before jogging back to his car.
“I could give you a ride,” TJ offers.
“No, thanks. I should go.” Far, far away from you and your muscles.
“Goodbye, Carla.”
“’Bye, TJ.”