Chapter 36 #2
He’d focused his efforts on being respectful and gentlemanly when their situation required them to be personal with each other, like helping her undress and wrapping and unwrapping her ribs.
He always made sure to keep his eyes on her face, not allowing himself more than a passing glance at her curves or the shape of her body beneath her undergarments.
He’d left the room and given her privacy on multiple occasions.
He’d done everything he could think of to preserve her dignity and never make her feel unwelcome or ashamed.
And then she’d up and kissed him, which brought him to where he was now, watching her sleep while trying to figure out how he was going to spend five days on a train with her and not kiss her again.
She’d shifted at some point since he’d entered the room, and now her shoulders peeked above the quilt. The edge of her nightdress was pulled down on one side too, revealing a creamy patch of skin.
She’d get cold if she slept like that too long, so he hung his coat on the hook beside the door and headed toward her.
He was just about to pull the quilt up over her when her eyes fluttered open.
“Yuri?” She blinked, one hand still tucked beneath her cheek.
“I’m sorry. I was just trying to straighten your covers.” He pulled the cover up, then stepped away from the bed. “Go back to sleep. I’ll head out for a walk.”
“No, that’s all right.” She yawned, then pushed herself up on the bed, the action causing her golden hair to cascade about her shoulders. “I think I’ve been sleeping for a while. What time is it?”
“Half past four.”
Her eyes widened. “Apparently I’ve been sleeping for a long while.” She let out a small wince as she stood from the bed, but otherwise gave no indication of pain.
Yuri swung his gaze away from her. It was almost too much to look at her with the shadow of her body visible beneath her nightgown and her hair long and free at her back.
But she came toward him anyway. “You have a smudge.”
She pressed onto her tiptoes, bringing their mouths mere inches from each other. She wiped at something on his cheek next, but the feel of her thumb on his skin sent warmth throughout his entire body.
He stepped away, nearly causing her to stumble, since she was still on her tiptoes. “You can’t keep touching me like that.”
She blinked, almost as though she found his words confusing. “What?”
“We’re getting an annulment, remember? None of this between us is real.” He shoved a hand into his hair. “I should be able to message Alexei and tell him to file the paperwork in another week.”
“After we get to Commonwealth?” Her brows pinched. “Is that when you’re going to send a message to Alexei?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure we need to get an annulment?”
He squeezed his eyes shut. Why did she have to ask that? Did she realize how hard this was on him?
“I mean it, Yuri.” She reached out and gripped his hand. “What if we stay married after we finish here? What if I go to San Francisco with you and help run the shipyard? What if—”
“No. It won’t work. I told you why last time you asked.” He shook his head. “Your father and Vandermeer would figure out where you were after a month or two, and then what? It’s too risky.”
“My father might already be in jail.” She stepped closer to him, her bare feet silent on the hotel rug.
“We know that Secretary Gray left for Alaska over two weeks ago. He has to be in Sitka by now. Maybe my father and uncle have already been charged with fraud and are sitting in a jail cell awaiting trial as we speak.”
“I sent Alexei a telegram our first day here, letting him know we’d arrived and where he could reach me with news of your father. I’ve heard nothing other than that the judge released him, but he can’t leave Baranof Island to come look for you.”
“But there’s always a delay in telegrams.” A strand of golden hair caught on the shoulder of her nightgown, but she didn’t brush it away. “It takes several days for a ship to reach Seattle. He might be behind bars, and we simply don’t know yet.”
“And if he’s not?” He folded his arms across his chest. “It’s too risky. Besides, we know the law hasn’t caught up to your uncle yet. He was just here in Washington last week. Even if he’s left town, he won’t be back in Alaska yet.”
“But my uncle’s not the threat. Leeland and my father are, and if my father’s in jail and I’m already married, Leeland will leave me alone.
I’m only in danger from Leeland if the marriage gets annulled.
Then he could force me to marry him, which is all the more reason to keep our marriage intact.
” Her voice broke slightly on the last word, and she released his hand and wrapped her arms around herself.
Yuri just shook his head. “Leeland would have to figure out where you are before he could force you to do anything.”
Her brows pinched. “And you’re that confident he won’t?”
“He’d never think to look for you at the Commonwealth, just like your father. Besides, it seems like a good place to let you heal.”
“I don’t need to go into hiding to heal.” She pressed a hand to her ribs. “I’m healing fine. There’s less and less pain every day, I’m taking deep breaths, and I’m going longer and longer without wearing the bindings.”
“Yes, but what about the healing you need to do on the inside? You have nightmares multiple times a week, and sometimes when I take off my belt or turn around too fast . . .”
He didn’t need to finish the sentence. She knew what he was talking about and had dropped her gaze to stare at her toes.
Just yesterday, she’d let out a gasp and shrunk against the wall, and all he’d done was take off his belt.
Granted, he’d taken it off quickly, yanking it from his waist in a way that caused the end to snap.
But it was an everyday, mundane movement that shouldn’t have provoked any type of reaction from her.
She’d done the same thing one other time when he’d taken off his belt, but sometimes she even cowered when he turned around abruptly.
He couldn’t claim to understand it. All he knew was that it was some kind of reaction she couldn’t fully control, and it made her suddenly experience random, intense bouts of fear.
Hopefully the women at the charity in Texas would know how to help her through it.
“Do you want to go to Texas and see the Woman’s Commonwealth? Do you want to try staying there for a few days?” he asked.
She pressed her lips together, her eyes still riveted on the ground. “Yes, I want to go see it at least. I don’t know if I’ll want to stay, though.”
“Then let me take you. You can see how you like it, and that will allow more time for things to get settled in Sitka.”
“And if they’re not settled by the time you need to leave for San Francisco?” she whispered. “Does that mean I have to stay behind in Texas?”
“I swore a vow to love and protect you, and those are the first things I’m going to do as your husband.
Once your father is locked up, things might change, but we need to start by going to Texas.
Because the truth is, even though you’re standing here asking if we could not file for an annulment, once you’re at the Commonwealth, you might want to stay forever and want nothing to do with me, and there won’t be anything wrong with that decision. Do you understand?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
He turned back to the half-packed room. “Now let’s get back to packing so we can leave in the morning.”
He turned and took one of the shirtwaists she’d left lying on the bed, then folded it for her. If only her father had already faced trial and was sitting in prison. Then maybe the two of them could . . .
No. He couldn’t let his mind wander that direction. Because as far as he knew, her father wasn’t sitting in prison, and he might not ever be. He might find yet another way to weasel out of what seemed like a sure criminal conviction.
Besides, Rosalind had just told him that she wanted to go to Texas and see the Commonwealth for herself. How could she really know whether she wanted to stay married to him when she hadn’t yet seen the other option she had?
Telling her that they could stay married without letting her see the Commonwealth first felt like it would be taking yet another choice away from her, and he loved her too much to put her in that position.