10. Avery
10
AVERY
S omething heavy is sitting on my chest. I can’t breathe, and my heart is racing so fast it’s bound to explode at any minute.
My legs have become jelly.
I sink to the ground, unable to hold my own weight.
The cool wood of the floor is soothing against my burning cheek, but it doesn’t stop my body from shaking like an anxious chihuahua.
I try to speak, but all that comes out are pathetic mewls and hiccups.
It disgusts me how pathetic I feel right now. I’m supposed to be past this. He’s not supposed to have this effect on me anymore.
A cool cloth settles on the back of my neck, making me startle. I pry my eyes open and see my mother leaning over me. The look in her eyes is enough to make my heart break. I try to open my mouth and apologize, but all that comes out is a croak.
“It’s okay,” she soothes. “Don’t rush. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
Mom disappears from my line of sight for a moment but comes back with my weighted blanket.
As it settles over my body, the shaking slows to a stop.
The combination of the cool cloth on the back of my neck and her hands stroking my hair helps me regulate my breathing.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be such a baby.”
Her hands still in my hair.
“There is nothing to be sorry for, and you are not acting like a baby.”
“I’m laying on the ground crying. What else would you call that?” I ask bitterly.
“A trauma response,” she says gently.
“I should have better control of myself.”
“If Leo was hurt so badly he was crying, would you call him a baby and expect him to apologize to you?”
I shake my head.
“So if you wouldn’t treat your baby like that, why do you think I would treat my baby that way?”
I bite the inside of my cheek to try to keep myself from crying again, but it doesn’t work.
“It’s alright. Just let it all out. I’ve got you.”
It takes a while, but I eventually run out of tears.
“You never should have been made to feel like your emotions are wrong. I’m so sorry, Honey.” She sighs. “I just wish I could do more for you than this.”
I scoot closer and rest my head in her lap. “This is more than enough.”
“Are you ready to stand up now?”
“I don’t think I can yet. My legs still feel like rubber.”
“Will more information be helpful, or do you think it will make things worse?”
“I need to know everything you’re able to tell me,” I say, pushing myself into a sitting position. “I can’t keep us safe if I’m in the dark about things.”
“Well, I heard about this from Madge, and she’s always been reliable with information like this. Honestly, that’s the only reason she stays in touch with them.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“She hates the bastard just as much as I do. But keeping things cordial with them means that she can keep tabs on where he is for me.”
“If I manage to get a friend half as good as Madge, I’ll consider myself lucky.”
“What about Mia?”
“Mia would kill him on sight. She’d be no good at spying.”
“Sounds like she’s an even better friend than Madge,” she says, waggling her eyebrows.
I shouldn’t laugh, but I do anyway.
Gallows humor is better than tears, I guess.
I swallow hard and muster up the courage to get the conversation back on track.
“So, where is he?”
“California.”
That’s all the way across the country. You can handle that.
“Do you know if he’s planning on heading our way? Did Madge say anything about what his plans might be?” I ask anxiously.
She frowns. “I’m not sure. All she said was that he’s flying in from Japan and lands sometime tomorrow. She wasn't entirely sure why he was here but figured it was probably business related.”
Life really fucking sucks.
After one of my last interactions with him, I got emergency surgery to save my baby, strict bed rest until I was due to give birth, and an expedited divorce.
He got court mandated anger management, a promotion at his father’s company, and a seven-figure salary.
Allegedly, the increased responsibility will leave less room in his life for mischief—at least that's what Madge had told my mother.
So now he gets to jet set all over the globe working in a position he didn’t earn to help clear his head after that “unfortunate incident”.
I get to work in a kitchen getting pelted with nearly nonstop verbal abuse to help feed my son.
Why does he get to travel the world on business instead of being in jail?
I’m so glad you asked.
It’s because the family lawyer was able to convince the judge that one “unfortunate loss of temper” shouldn’t ruin such a fine, upstanding young man’s life.
Nothing ever seems to stick to him.
The man got his parental rights stripped away by a judge and had to give me half his net worth in the divorce, but it didn't even matter.
The very next day after the wire transfer went through, his father gave him that promotion.
With that new salary, he would be able to replenish what he'd lost in less than six months. So his punishment—if you could even call it that—had absolutely no impact on him.
What about his son? Surely, that was a punishment, right?
Based on what I heard on the way to the car that day, his family considered it a bonus.
We were a few rows away from them so there was no doubt they wanted us to hear what was said.
“You really dodged a bullet getting rid of that gold-digging whore. Now you can find a wife in the proper social class to give you the true heir you deserve. After you sow those wild oats, of course.” He laughed loudly.
Yeah, the rotten apple didn't fall too far from the diseased tree in that situation.
It wasn't even really about the money despite what his father seemed to think.
Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful that I got it. What I received in the settlement allowed me to buy my condo outright, and that was good enough for me.
Sure, it wasn’t enough to keep me from having to work ever again, but I don't mind working for my bread. I like it. It helps keep my mind off things and gives me a purpose.
What I think I might never get over, though, is the fact that he didn't have to pay the hospital bills from the damage he caused to my body or my baby.
Yes, technically, that’s me wanting more money, but it really wasn’t about that. It was the principle of the thing.
If you destroy your neighbors fence you have to pay to fix it. If your kid breaks another kid’s toy, you replace it—or at least offer to.
He broke me, so he should have to pay for repairs.
I think that's more than reasonable.
His scumbag lawyer didn't think so, though.
He argued that because Kyle would be losing half of what he had, it would be too much financial hardship to cover my medical costs as well, especially since the child was no longer legally his.
I didn’t find out until the next day why the lawyer had such a smug gleam in his eyes.
That’s what hurts more than anything else that happened—my life, my pain, was all just a game to them.
Nothing highlighted the fact that I was a toy for him to play with and discard more than the way I found out about his promotion.
That bastard wasn’t allowed within a hundred feet of me, so he sent me a singing telegram so he could gloat.
Yeah, I found out through song. Classy, right?
“Avery, are you still with me?”
Mom’s voice pulls me out of my head and back into reality.
“I’m sorry. I just got stuck in my head. Some days, I'm fine and others, it's like the memories are like quicksand and I get sucked back in. It's worse on days like today where I get reminded of him.”
“I understand, Love. But the most important thing for you to remember now is that it’s over. It happened then, but it’s not happening now. You made it through, and he can’t hurt you or Leo anymore.”
“But what if he comes back here? What if he tries to find me? What if he—” I choke back a sob. “What if he tries to take Leo from me?”
“Look at me,” she says sternly. “Kyle didn’t voluntarily give up his parental rights. They were stripped away from him legally. No judge would ever reinstate them.”
“But—”
“No matter how much power or influence they think they have, they don’t have a leg to stand on legally. Even if he did, he doesn’t care about you or Leo. They think you’re so far beneath them, you’re not even worth stepping on. You’re not even a blip on their radar.” She winces. “I’m sorry. That was harsh. It’s not how I meant it. I just…
“You know your father and I don’t feel that way, right? You are everything we could have possibly dreamed of and more. When I said that to you, I was just trying to help. I’m sorry it came out wrong.”
“I know what you meant, Mom. It’s your way of saying that I’m safe from them. I know that’s what you were trying to say, and it helped. Really, it did.”
“Yes. Exactly. I just wish I could have said it without putting my foot in my mouth. I’m really sorry, Honey.”
“It’s alright.”
It really was. Even if the way she phrases things is not always the best, her frankness has always helped me stay grounded. It has since I was a little girl.
I smile at her and squeeze her hand just to make sure she knows everything is okay with the two of us.
“I’m ready to stand up now. Do you mind giving me a hand?” I ask.
“Of course.”
Once we’re standing, she gives me a hard look.
“Are you sure you’re alright?”
“I won't lie, I’m still worried about him finding me here, but I’m feeling much better now, thanks to you. But you will keep checking in with Madge, right?” I ask anxiously. “I need to know if he’s going to come anywhere near me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of doing anything else.” She nods. “Do you want me to stay the night? Would that help you feel any better? It’s no trouble. All you have to do is say the word.”
“No, go back home to Dad. I'm sure he's missing you by now. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay, but you call if you need me for any reason, you hear me? Nothing is too big or too small. Except spiders. I draw the line at spiders. You're on your own with those creepy little things.”
“Spiders aren't creepy or bad. They're so?—”
“Useful at eliminating other pests that are more dangerous to humans. Yeah, yeah. You've given me the speech before,” she says, rolling her eyes. “I swear it's just like Leo and the worms.”
“That's different,” I say, pretending to pout.
“How?”
“Because unlike spiders, worms are actually gross.”
We both share a laugh at that.
“You sure you're okay, Kiddo?” she asks gently.
“I'm as okay as I can be knowing Kyle and I are on the same continent, but I should be able to get some sleep.”
She pulls me into a hug and squeezes me tight.
“I love you so much, Avery.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
“Well, I guess I should be heading out, then, so you can get to it.”
When she leaves, she takes my sense of security with her. I’m tempted to call her right then and there to ask her to come back and stay, but I don’t let myself do it.
You’re a grown adult. You’re a parent. You need to be able to handle this yourself.
Rationally, I know he’s in the air somewhere on a plane and there’s no way he’s going to jump out of a closet and get me. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop me from checking inside every closet, anyway. I also make sure that both doors and every window in the place are locked.
He doesn’t know where I live. More than that, he wants nothing to do with me and hasn’t for years now.
So why can’t I shake the feeling that he’s going to come after me?