17. Wesley
17
WESLEY
I had expected to come home to an empty house. So when I stumble in the door in the middle of the afternoon stinking of meat, Jamie and Phillip are the last thing I expect to see.
The air conditioning is running, but that’s not the cause of the twenty degree temperature drop in the room.
If hell was cold, this is exactly what it would feel like.
Why do they look so pissed? It’s not like we had any… Oh.
I can't believe I was such a jerk. Phillip’s been looking forward to this event for months and I didn’t even give him the courtesy of telling him something had come up.
The worst thing about it is that I’d taken the time to write Avery a note. There’s no reason I couldn’t have sent a message to our group chat.
I hope they didn’t miss it on my account.
“I’m sorry I missed the chess tournament. There was a work emergency, but that’s no excuse for not texting.”
They stay so silent, the ticking of my wall clock feels deafening.
It’s unnerving.
“Look, I know I screwed up. If one of my guys hadn’t gotten a stomach bug, I would have been there and even done my best to be on time.” I chuckle awkwardly.
“Is that really what you think this is about?” Jamie asks coolly.
“I’m not sure what else it could be besides the chess event.”
“So there isn’t anything else you’ve done recently that would warrant our being here.”
“Us? Are you kidding me?” Phillip scowls.
“We talked about this.”
“No, you talked at me and then over me. We are not on the same page.”
“Are you seriously going to start this again? I already told you that you’ve made a huge mistake.”
Phillip lets out a low whistle. “Tell me, is it lonely up on that high horse of yours?”
If I don’t put a stop to this, things are going to get ugly.
We’re no strangers to poking fun at each other or having a small disagreement, but I haven’t seen them at each other’s throats like this since…
Oh, shit.
Ten years ago, there had been a woman we’d all dated—Bridget Callahan.
She was the gentlest, most caring person any of us had ever met—outside the bedroom, anyway.
Inside it? Well, let’s just say she helped me pick out several pieces of furniture for my little dungeon.
Things with Bridget had been good—great, even. I never thought I’d enjoy a relationship like that but with her, it just worked. The four of us were working toward becoming a cohesive unit, and I’d started thinking it could be something permanent.
Then everything imploded.
I’d been so wrapped up in what it might be like to have a family—however unconventional it may have been—that I hadn’t paid enough attention to Jamie. If I had, I would have seen what was going on.
The closer we got, the more Jamie withdrew. He got cold and critical. He’d stopped smiling and only paid attention to Bridget when it was time to be intimate.
Then one day, she was just gone and there was a Dear John email in our inboxes.
That time, though, it had been Phillip and me going after Jamie rather than the other way around.
“Why did you have to ruin this for us?” Phillip demands.
“She wasn’t happy. She left. End of story,” Jamie snaps.
“The only person she’d complained about in the letter was you. What exactly is your problem? I thought you liked her. Why were you treating her like garbage?” My hands clench into fists.
“Sure, she was fun, but clearly, she read too much into things.”
“That’s a lie and you know it.” Philip shakes his head. “I saw the way you acted with her, saw the way you looked at her when you didn’t think anyone was looking. Are you afraid of commitment?”
“Maybe you should try taking more clients. You clearly have too much time on your hands if you’re starting to psychoanalyze your friends.”
“You chased her away,” I say through gritted teeth. “This could have been something permanent.”
“She was easy entertainment, nothing more.”
I’m seeing nothing but red.
I must have blacked out because the next thing I know, Jamie's nose is bleeding and Phillip’s got me in some kind of hold.
“I'm fine. I'm fine,” I grumble. “Let me go.”
“I think you might want to go back to anger management,” he whispers before releasing his hold.
I nod and head off both to get Jamie some ice and to cool down myself.
When I come back, everyone's temper has cooled.
“What's really going on, Jamie? I know you cared about her. What's with the self-sabotage?” Phillip takes a shaky breath. “Is this about Julia?”
Jamie crumples into the couch and my heart breaks for him.
I should have known he'd struggle with this. I should have been looking out for him.
Instead, I'd gotten so lost in the whirlwind of a new relationship that I neglected one of my best friends.
“If I had let myself start to fall in love with her, I would have betrayed every promise I made to Julia,” he says, accepting the ice I offer.
“It’s been seven years, Jamie,” Phillip says gently. “I don’t think Julia would mind.”
“But I mind.” He buries his face in his hands. “I should have told you I was struggling. I’m sorry I ruined everything.”
I settle next to him on the couch and gingerly rest a hand on his shoulder. When he doesn’t shake me off, I give it a comforting squeeze.
“I’m sorry too. I got so caught up in the thrill of things that I didn’t stop to check in on you. That’s not how relationships work.”
“Wesley, have you been listening to anything we’ve been saying?”
Phillip’s question drags me back to reality with an unpleasant jolt. I rub the back of my neck awkwardly.
“I’m going to take that as a no,” he says.
“So, what’s the issue, exactly?” I ask.
“You’d better sit down.”
Phillip talks me through the events of this morning in as neutral a tone as possible. I’m surprised by what happened, but I’m more surprised by the fact that Jamie stays silent and lets him tell it. Especially since the vein in his temple is pulsing faster than strobe lights at a rave.
“It sounds like she might be interested in seeing at least two of us, maybe even the three of us. So why are you so angry, Jamie? What makes you think it’s a mistake?”
“It’s a threat to our jobs at AGU, for one thing. Reginald was already reluctant to give her the scholarship. He might try to use this against her and try to get her kicked out, for another thing, and…”
His head falls into his hands as he trails off.
I take a seat next to him and rest a hand on his shoulder—much like I had on that day ten years ago.
“And what?”
“And I did everything right, damn it.” He slaps his hands on his thighs. “I kept my distance. I kept things professional even though it was agony. She’s been on my mind every waking moment. I haven’t been this fascinated by a woman since Julia. I wanted to break my promise to you guys so many times, but I didn’t because you’re more important than any woman we could run across. And I wanted to do things right. I wanted to be a good teacher. I was going to wait until after she graduated from the program to even approach her in a social capacity. I didn’t want her to feel any kind of pressure from me. If there was any attraction, I wanted it to come naturally.”
“I think that’s completely reasonable.” I nod. “Phillip and I had tried to do that too. I get it.”
“No, you don’t. You two caved. You gave in. Neither of you kept your promise and you still got to be with her, anyway. It’s not right. Why is it that I do everything right and I still always lose?
“I was doing things right with Julia. She wanted kids right after we’d graduated college. I said, no. Told her it wasn’t the right time. There wasn’t enough money. The house we bought was too small to fit both us and a child, and she’d just moved to the country.
“I needed to get my business off the ground so that I could take more time off to be with her and support her like a good husband should. I was going to make sure I was there for her. I convinced her to wait.
“Do you know how that turned out? It ended with her dead from an aneurysm at twenty-nine and me a widower at thirty. I am so tired of following every single rule and getting nothing but pain at the end.”
He dissolves into tears, and I sling my arm around his shoulder just to let him know I’m there. Phillip—in true therapist fashion—slides a box of tissues across the coffee table at him.
Eventually, the storm blows over and Jamie sits back up looking embarrassed.
“I didn’t mean to overreact like that. I hadn’t realized how much this would stir up that grief.” He glances over at Phillip. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like you were a child. Maybe if I’d given you the benefit of the doubt and checked my tongue, Avery wouldn’t have overheard what I said and run out of here.”
“I should have been more patient. I should have given you more space for your frustration,” Phillip concedes.
“Why was she even here in the first place?”
Now both of their eyes are fixed on me. I rub the back of my neck and take a breath to try and calm my sudden onset of nerves.
After a few false starts, I manage to tell them a sanitized rundown of the incident in the kitchen at Age Gap Academy and then last night.
“Why didn’t you say anything before?” Phillip asks.
“I was trying to figure out how. I planned to, I really did, but I just could never figure out what to say. Then we saw each other at the club and…” I shrug. “You already know how that ended.”
“What are we going to do now?”
“I guess the real question is what do we want to do? It’s not like we can put the cat back in the bag now.”
“Lovely choice of words, Phillip,” Jamie says, shaking his head.
“Was that a joke, Jamie?” I grin.
“Can we focus on my question, please, Gentlemen?”
“I’d like to keep seeing her if she’ll let me. She’s smart, creative, and fun. Spending time with her is one of the most enjoyable things I’ve done in a while.”
“What about the Academy? You could lose your position. Are you sure you want that?” Jamie asks me.
“We’re all legal adults here and I’ve read the handbook. There’s nothing that explicitly forbids it. Besides, I don't think any of us plan to flaunt it.”
“That’s all well and good until the secret gets out.”
“I’ll cross that bridge if we get to it.” I shrug. “It’s not like this is my main source of income. I have wiggle room to make whatever decision I want.”
“What about her?”
“Well, there’s no morality clause for the students. If there were, that senator’s kid would have been kicked out six times over. At worst, her work comes under scrutiny and someone else reviews her portfolio. None of that is going to keep her from getting her certificate, though. That’s a completely independent testing agency.”
“You really looked into this, didn’t you?” Jaime raises his eyebrows in surprise.
“I’m interested in keeping her safe. What do you think about this, Jamie?”
“Actually, I think I’d like to hear what Phillip has to say first.”
“I’m in the same camp as Wesley, actually. I think we can keep things quiet and if we can’t, I’ll go to bat for her.”
“So?” I ask.
Jamie sighs. “If she’s willing to lay eyes on me, I think I’d like a chance to apologize and see if I can salvage things with her.”
“And if you can’t?”
“Then I’ll bow out gracefully and let her see whomever she likes.”
“You’re a good man, Jamie.” I clap him on the shoulder. “The world doesn’t deserve you.”
He rolls his eyes at me, but I can see the smile at the corners of his mouth.
“When do we want to try and talk to her?”
“No time like the present,” I say. “I’ll text her and maybe we can bring over some dinner too?”
“You just want to butter her up with your cooking skills,” Phillip teases.
I give him the finger then pull out my phone.
Wesley—They just told me what happened and what you might have overheard. I’m so sorry things happened that way. Can we come over tonight and talk this through? Please, I don’t want things to end like this.
Avery — Why should I?
Wesley—I could say because I enjoy spending time with you or that we don’t want our classes to get awkward or for you to switch teachers without any closure.
Avery—But you’re not going with that?
Wesley—No, I think I’ll try and bribe you with a home-cooked dinner :)
Avery—Fine, but only because I don’t feel like cooking.
Wesley—I’ll take it.
Avery—Leo and I eat at 5.
A few seconds later, she sends me her address and a list of foods that Leo loves. It’s not exactly a warm welcome, but it’s a chance that the three of us are more than willing to take.