Chapter Seven #6
“I haven’t bedded her yet!” he suddenly snapped, disgusted with the whole situation, fighting for a grip on himself. He raked his fingers through his blond hair. “Leave it at that, David. I have to go find Dustin.”
“You haven’t bedded her? Damn, why not?” David grabbed his brother’s arm, trying to understand. “She’s the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Chris. Why in the hell would you leave her untouched?”
Christopher was frustrated and agitated for too many reasons. “Because…oh hell, ’tis too complicated. Just leave me alone and say nothing of this to anyone.”
But David wouldn’t be put off. “Because you are too stubborn to admit you want her, isn’t that right?
” David’s voice was low and controlled. “And she’s too na?ve and innocent to know what she wants.
You have never had to fight a woman to get into her bed, Chris, and you think that Dustin will refuse you. Tell me I am right.”
Christopher’s eyes were dark as he glared at his brother. “If you know so much, then answer your own damn question.”
David smiled wryly. “I already have. And I know something else, too. You care for your wife, and you don’t want to.”
“To hell with you,” Christopher growled, throwing down the piece of golden silk and storming from the room.
David shook his head at his brother’s foolishness, foolishness that just might cost him what he did so want, yet wouldn’t admit it; his wife.
*
Christopher found Dustin out by the rabbit hutches, feeding a big, fat white rabbit a bunch of greens.
She looked like a serving wench, dusty and dirty with her hair askew under the bright sun.
But she looked terribly beautiful and his heart did a strange little twist, a feeling he was coming to associate with her.
He was coming to soften every time he looked at her.
He stood there a moment, struggling to summon the courage to speak to her.
“Greetings, wife,” he said softly.
She didn’t look up at him or acknowledge him in any way. He waited a nominal amount of time for her to speak before clearing his throat. “I am speaking to you, Dustin.”
She put the rabbit back in his cage. “I know,” she replied.
“Why don’t you answer me?” he asked.
“I have nothing to say to you, my lord,” she said respectfully, busying herself with another rabbit in another cage.
“Why?” he asked.
She held up another bunch of greens to the little brown bunny, not answering him. He watched her as her jaw ticked and she blinked rapidly as if chasing off tears. He had never felt so guilty.
“Tell me what you heard,” he said softly.
Dustin could not hold the tears back anymore and she sobbed quietly into the rabbit’s silky fur. He waited patiently, wondering why she was feeling so hurt if indeed she were as indifferent to him as she pretended. But she was a prideful woman and he knew her honor was damaged.
“I cannot repeat it,” she whispered.
He stepped closer to her, nearly touching her. “I would hear it. Tell me.”
She cried into the rabbit’s coat. “That… that you bedded a serving wench and she bears your bastard.”
He sighed sadly, feeling as badly as he possibly could. “Put the rabbit down and come with me,” he said gently.
“Nay,” she suddenly hissed, moving away from him. “I hate you, Christopher de Lohr. I hate you with all that I am and I will never forgive you for shaming me, never. Go to London and leave me alone for I do not ever want to see you again.”
She had every right to be mad and he had to force down an instinctive response. “Easy, my lady, easy,” he said calmly. “Will you please put the rabbit down and allow me to explain?”
“Nay,” her voice was louder, her crying gaining speed. “There is nothing you can say that I will want to hear. Go away.”
He didn’t care if they were creating a scene.
He was going to speak to her and she was going to listen.
He snatched the rabbit by the ears and tossed it into the cage.
Dustin, startled and angered, started to scream at him but he caught her around the waist and threw her over his shoulder.
He then carried her, kicking and hollering, all the way back through the kitchens and up to his room, where he proceeded to set her down and lock the door for good measure.
Dustin was like a wet cat, all fury and fight.
She immediately started throwing things at him, anything she could get her hands on, screaming like a banshee.
He removed his mail, his sword, until he was dressed only in a tunic, boots and a pair of breeches.
The entire time she raged, he had yet to say a word, and spent most of his time dodging flying objects.
But he let her go on; she had every right to be mad.
He stood and watched her as she stripped all of the covers off the bed, bashing the pillows against the wooden frame until feathers flew everywhere, all the while screaming of her hatred for him and for men in general.
As he watched her vent, it struck him that he could not lie to her if he wanted to build a good relationship with the woman.
The relationship was probably already destroyed, but he still could not make up falsehoods simply to ease tensions.
He must be honest with her, and as much as he found himself choking on the mere thought, to ask for her forgiveness.
He went over to the edge of the bed, standing in the flurry of feathers that stuck to his hair and clothing.
“Would you listen to me now?” he asked.
She glared at him with a look to kill, the tears and fury having expended most of her energy. Lacking the will or desire to go on anymore, she fell forward onto the mattress and rolled onto her back, an arm up over her head as she looked away from him.
Seeing she was calm and quiet for the moment, he sat on the edge of the bed. Forming the correct words were not easy.
“I am sorry for your hurt,” he said softly. “Please know that I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally. I do mean that.”
“Then it’s true,” she whispered. “You did bed her.”
“I did, but it is not that simple,” he answered, struggling with himself.
“I didn’t want to marry you; you know that.
Yet, as the days passed and I came to know you, I came to like you.
You are a priceless character, and a dazzling beauty, and the more I came to like you, the angrier I became at myself.
Call it independence, pride, arrogance, whatever you wish. I felt threatened by you, I think.”
“Why?” she hiccupped, still not looking at him.
“Because I knew once I lay myself open to you I would be vulnerable for your rejection,” he replied.
“You told me yourself that you did not want a husband. And the more I felt want for you, the harder it became for me. Last night, I wanted you, I will admit it now. But I would not go to you, knowing your feelings and knowing mine. The wench was a nonthreatening outlet for pent-up emotions. She was an object, Dustin, and nothing more. But I found that all the while I was with her, I was imagining she was you. ’Tis not an excuse I give you but an explanation.
Whether or not it eases your humiliation, I will tell you all the same. ”
She lay back on his bed, staring off into the space of the room. Even in her state she realized that it must have taken considerable courage for him to admit his feelings. If he had the courage, mayhap she did, too.
Dustin sat up, drying her eyes before standing on her feet. Slowly she released her hair from its clip, shaking it until it fell all about her like a glorious coat of gold.
“Do you care for me, Christopher?” she asked softly.
He blinked slowly before answering. “Aye.”
She turned to him with a raised brow. “You do?”
He nodded and stood up, turning away from her. “Aye, I do, and do not ask me why, either. You are the most bull-headed, obstinate, unyielding woman I have ever had the misfortune to marry, and after the disrespect you have shown me, I have no idea why I….”
“Christopher,” she cut him off and he turned around. “I care for you, too.”
He just stared at her, unsure of what to do next. He simply shook his head faintly, his blue eyes melding with her gray ones.
“I do not know what to say, Dustin,” he murmured. “This is madness; all of it. Other husbands take servants to bed and not an eyebrow is raised, but I regretted what I had done the moment I did it because I felt as if I had betrayed you. And I have.”
She lowered her gaze and leaned against the canopy post, deep in thought.
“I know nothing of coupling, Chris. I have seen animals mate and know the physical aspects of it, but I am an innocent when it comes to the mating of people.” Her hand absently caressed the post. “I know that it is the most intimate act a husband and wife can perform, yet a necessary one to perpetuate the family. I do not know why I feel so betrayed that you would choose to mate with another. It’s not as if I am a desirable woman, not like some, so in a sense I do not blame you for seeking out a more experienced woman. ”
He came to her then, his hand closing over hers as it held on to the bedpost. “You are by far the most desirable woman I have ever met,” he said quietly, reaching out his free hand to cup her face.
“Think not for one moment that I do not find you attractive. You affect me, lady, and that frightens me.”
Dustin’s heart began to pound wildly against her ribs as his blue eyes bore into her. She didn’t know why and she suddenly stopped caring why. He was so big and powerful and masculine and, yes, even though he was a man, she had to force herself to admit he was attractive and wonderful.
Even if he had bedded the wench, he wasn’t entirely to blame for that. She knew she had not exactly been yielding and she was suddenly seized with the urge to know the feeling of his lips on hers. To her, a kiss was very intimate and it was difficult to comprehend much more.
“Chris,” she whispered.
“Aye?” his voice was husky.