Chapter Forty-Two
Marcus stayed on for several days, trying desperately to convince Dustin to return north with him. He would much rather have her agreement in the matter, but whether or not she consented, he intended to take her with him. He was resolute that he would not leave without her.
Even with Marcus’ presence, her habits changed little.
She bathed at least now and brushed her hair, but her clothes were still of the peasant style and her appetite was nil.
Marcus went into town and ordered three new dresses for her as a surprise and ordered pretty accessories to go with them, hoping to brighten her spirits.
She was so sullen and depressed all of the time that it broke his heart to see her moping about.
At first, taking her with him had been completely selfish, but the more he stayed on to observe her situation, the more he was convinced that it would truly be in Dustin’s best interest. He only hoped that he could convince her that it would be best, also.
But Dustin wanted little to do with him other than conversation.
She kept a cool distance, keeping her protective wall up with him at all times because she knew how easy it would be to succumb to him.
He would give her what she was so desperately seeking, comfort, love, protection, but the problem was that she wasn’t seeking those things from him; she wanted her husband.
Any touch from Marcus would be compared to Christopher, and with any kiss she would close her eyes and pretend it was her husband.
Marcus was a man who could stand on his own merits, no doubt.
He was so much like her husband it was frightening – strong, incredibly handsome, powerful, and brave.
Had she never met Christopher, Marcus Burton would have been the love of her life.
But the fact remained that he wasn’t. Marcus surprised her with the dresses one night after supper and Dustin showed little interest, although she did thank him sincerely.
Beautiful clothes reminded her of her husband because he had taken such delight in seeing her dressed to the hilt.
She tried to explain her reasons to Marcus but she doubted he could understand.
She could see that he was hurt by her reaction and she was sorry, but it did not change her feelings.
Nearly a week after his arrival, Dustin appeared one morning in his bedchamber. It was well before dawn and he was startled to see her standing next to his bed, dressed in a soft white nightshift. There were circles under her eyes and he wondered if she had slept at all.
“What is wrong, honey?” he asked with concern.
Dustin opened her mouth but nothing came out. Hot tears began to spill from her eyes and she angrily wiped them away.
“I….I had a nightmare again,” she whispered, embarrassed and exhausted.
He pulled the coverlets back. “Come here, with me.”
She shook her head hard and jumped back. He swung his huge legs over the side of the bed. “Then tell me,” he said gently. “What was the dream about?”
She was shaking. “Chris,” she whispered.
“Ever since he died, I have had the same dream every night. I dream that I am just awakening in the morning, and it is bright and lovely and the sun is streaming in through the windows. He’s lying next to me with his arms around me, and I can hear him talking about something, I never know what.
” She cracked, sobbing pitifully. “I can smell him, Marcus. I can smell his skin and feel its texture, and I feel so warm and content. And then I wake up to a cold, empty bed and I feel as if my grief is new. Every time I feel as if my heart is being yanked out and smashed. I cannot take it anymore.”
His eyes were soft with sympathy. “Of course you cannot.” He opened his arms to her. “Come here, Dustin. Let me comfort you as I have so wanted to do.”
She stopped fighting him for the moment and allowed herself the luxury of his comfort. He was warm and soft and wonderful, and in no time she was asleep in his arms.
Marcus held her well into the morning hours.
She slept limply, dreamlessly, and he knew it was because she felt safe with him.
He would chase all of her bad dreams away.
She curled up against him, her face pressed into his chest and he knew right then that he was taking Dustin back with him on the morrow.
No one had taken charge of her since Christopher’s death, they had all let her run her life her way and she was going to kill herself if she continued.
Someone had to take charge of her, and that someone would be him.
Late in the morning he tucked Dustin into his bed, kissing her temple sweetly and allowing himself to feel some happiness. He had what he had come for. Washing his face, he donned his clothing and set out with determination.
Marcus took over Lioncross that day. Not since Christopher had left had it run with such purpose or fortitude.
All of Christin’s belongings were packed as well as everything Dustin owned.
Bedding, linens, carpets, everything was loaded into two wagons that were secured in the bailey.
The army camping outside the wall were given orders to prepare for departure.
Edward was furious that Marcus was taking over Lioncross as he was.
But Marcus was a baron and technically Edward was of a lesser station, so there was very little he could do.
He certainly did not want Dustin to leave, but as he saw it, he only had two options; either talk some sense into her or hope that Richard arrived before they left.
Even with the latter, he could not be certain that Dustin would stay.
Richard loved Marcus and was most likely to grant him anything; even the dead Defender’s wife.
Edward cornered Dustin in the afternoon when she went out to her garden. As she had done day after day, she began to hoe and he stood by silently and watched.
“Are you really going to go with him?” he asked her.
Dustin hoed absently. “I guess so. I am so confused, Edward, I do not know what to do anymore,” she looked at him.
“This is my home. It is Chris’ home and I do not want to leave, but I almost feel like I have to.
Staying here day after day, seeing the things we loved together, cuts me to the core.
Mayhap if I go with Marcus, I shall clear my mind and see things more rationally. ”
“He wants to marry you, Dustin,” Edward said, his voice low. “Who’s to say that once he gets you to Somerhill that he will ever let you return to Lioncross? Will you indeed marry him?”
Dustin shrugged. “I do not know, Edward I do not know anything anymore.”
Edward sighed, feeling the situation slipping away from him. “Do you love him?”
“Nay,” Dustin shook her head. “I shall never love anyone but Chris. I have told Marcus that, but he doesn’t seem to care.”
“Is it fair to give the man false hope by returning home with him, then?” Edward pressed quietly.
“I have never given him any hope whatsoever,” Dustin insisted. “I have made it very clear that I will only love Christopher. But Christin needs a father, and I will eventually need companionship. I like Marcus, Edward. He is a decent man and he was my husband’s best friend.”
Edward leaned against the wall, running a weary hand over his brow. “There is nothing I can say to stop you?” he asked. “I think you are acting rashly. I think Marcus is making your decisions for you.”
The hoe dropped. “No one makes my decisions for me,” she said sternly.
“But I must decide what is best for myself and for Christin. I am sorry if you cannot accept that, Edward. But Lioncross is mine now and I would hope that you would run it ably in my absence. Gowen will still keep the books, but you are in charge of the castle. And have no doubt that I will return.”
He gazed at her, a hundred thoughts tumbling through his mind. He knew she wasn’t thinking properly and that Marcus was very persuasive. The man had caught her in a weak moment and somehow had convinced her that returning to Somerhill was best for her.
But Christopher was gone, never to return. Mayhap it was for the best that Dustin go with Marcus and start a new life for herself and for Christin, away from the grief and memories that were slowly killing her.
“Then I will say nothing more than to wish you complete happiness, Dustin,” he said after a moment. “Chris would want you to be happy.”
Her eyes filled with tears and she bit her lip.
“I know,” she whispered. “Lord, Edward, sometimes I do not think I can go on anymore. His absence is like a huge gaping hole in my soul, never to heal and I swear to you that sometimes it is all I can do to keep from killing myself. But I promised Chris that I wouldn’t if anything ever happened to him, and I should not like to be spanked in Paradise in front of the heavenly hosts for disobeying him. ’Twould be most embarrassing.”
He grinned. “No doubt. And knowing Chris, he would stop at nothing to take his hand to your behind.”
She brushed a tear away. “Did they tell you how he died? They won’t tell me. And where is this Gowergrove Castle that I might visit his grave someday?”
Edward’s smile faded. “Archers, I believe, felled him. Zephyr, too; they found them together. Gowergrove is at the southern tip of Sherwood and should you decide to go there, I would wish to go with you and pay my respects, also.”
She nodded, absorbing the information with a blustery sigh. Now that she had some idea as to how he died, she felt a strange sense of peace. But it did nothing for the ache in her heart.
“I miss him so, Edward,” she murmured. “Will the pain ever go away?”
He put his arm around her shoulders comfortingly; this Lady Dustin sounded more like the lady he had grown to know, not like the crazy, irrational creature that had been raging about the keep for weeks.
“In time it will fade, that I promise,” he assured her. “But it may never truly go away.”