Chapter One #3
Dustin smiled as she continued to wipe his face.
“You did not lose him,” she said, putting a hand over his heart.
“He is here, with you. He will always be with you. You take a piece of Beckett with you everywhere you go. But now, he shall take care of Odette, and they shall both watch over you from heaven. Instead of one guardian angel, you now have two. Rejoice that they are together, Roi. You will see them someday, but until you do, you must continue to watch over Adalia and Dorian. They need you very much. We all need you very much. You still have great things to accomplish in this life.”
Roi had stopped openly sobbing. Now, he was just standing there as his mother wiped away his tears.
“I have seen forty years and three, Mama,” he said. “I think I have accomplished everything great that I was ever going to accomplish. I always thought of Beckett as my greatest accomplishment, and now that is gone.”
“He is still your accomplishment,” Dustin said. “His death does not take that away.”
Roi took a deep breath, trying to compose himself after his outburst. “I suppose,” he said. “You know, he was to be married this summer. He was very much looking forward to it. Now I must send word to le Bec that there will be no marriage.”
There was a knock on the door, interrupting their conversation, and they both looked up to see Christopher sticking his head in the door.
“May I come in?” he asked.
Roi nodded. “Come in, Papa, please.”
Christopher stepped inside, moving straight to Roi as Dustin held the man’s hands. He essentially pushed her out of the way so he could hug his son tightly.
“Above all else, I love you and your mother loves you,” Christopher murmured into his ear. “We are here to help you, whatever you should need. But know how very sorry we are that we have lost Beckett. He was a remarkable young man.”
Roi was back to tearing up. “Thank you, Papa,” he said as his father released him. “Mama and I were just speaking of Beckett and how he has now gone to Odette. It gives me comfort to think of them together.”
Christopher nodded, his hand still on Roi’s shoulder. “I hope so,” he said. “Odette loved her son deeply, and he loved her. It was very hard on him when she passed on.”
Roi wiped at the remaining moisture around his eyes. “It was hard on all of us,” he said. “But Beckett… Papa, I am not certain I can overcome this. I will try, but right now, I feel as if all hope is lost for me. I feel… empty.”
Christopher simply patted his shoulder, quietly instructing Dustin to sit him down. As Dustin directed Roi into the nearest chair and then sat beside him, Christopher went to the open door and summoned a servant for food. When the servant went running off, he returned to the solar.
“Where is the missive de Nerra sent?” he asked.
Roi pointed to the table, a large table that was neatly arranged except for an open vellum envelope lying on the top. Christopher picked it up and read it carefully, twice, before sighing faintly and setting it down again.
“He says that he is sending Beckett home,” he said quietly. “I would assume he meant immediately, which means he should arrive in a couple of days. He cannot be too far away.”
“I think so,” Roi said. “Papa, may we bury him at Lioncross?”
“You do not wish to bury him with his mother?”
Roi shrugged. “When Odette passed, her father begged to bring her home, and I allowed it,” he said.
“I do not wish to be buried in Cumbria, and I do not know why I allowed her to be, only that her father seemed so desperate about it. But Beckett should be buried at Lioncross. It is where he was born.”
“Whatever you wish, of course,” Christopher said. “I will send West back to Lioncross tomorrow to make the arrangements.”
Roi looked at him with as much curiosity as he could muster. “West is here?”
Christopher nodded. “He and Curtis came with us,” he said. “Roi… I must ask before Curtis comes in, but the horse that Beckett was riding when he was killed… Curtis fears it is the one that you purchased from him.”
Roi nodded. “The big Belgian warmblood,” he said. “I gave it to Beckett for his birthday.”
Christopher lifted his eyebrows, an expression of regret. “Your brother is outside punishing himself over that,” he said. “He fears you may hold him responsible. Whatever happened, Roi, I hope you understand that it was not Curtis’ fault.”
Roi stood up immediately. “Of course not,” he said. “I must go to him. Where is he?”
Christopher held up a hand. “He will be in shortly,” he said. “I just wanted to make sure there would be no bad blood between you two.”
Roi shook his head, genuinely perplexed. “Between Curtis and me?” he said. “No brothers are closer than we are. I would never blame him for something that he had nothing to do with.”
“Good,” Christopher said sincerely. “You will tell him that, please.”
“Of course I will.”
Christopher was clearly relieved. The last thing he needed was for his sons to be at war over an accident. As they waited for the food, he went to see if there was anything left in the pitcher.
“Where is the horse, by the way?” he asked. “Is he returning home with Beckett?”
Roi shrugged. “I would assume so,” he said. “I don’t really know. But if you are thinking to ask for it, the answer is no. I am going to sell that horse to someone I do not know and be rid of it. I do not need a constant reminder of what has happened.”
Christopher couldn’t disagree with him. As the door to the solar opened and servants began entering with trays of food, Christopher moved over to sit with his son as Dustin went to direct the servants.
“Is there anything else I can do for you?” he asked. “Anything else you need?”
Roi shook his head. “Nay, Papa,” he said.
“Just having you here is a great comfort. But mayhap… mayhap you can have West arrange for a fine crypt for my son, something to bury him in. I’d like to place him in the back of the chapel at Lioncross, where the windows are.
I would like some light to fall upon him in the morning when the sun rises. ”
Christopher smiled faintly. “I think that can be arranged,” he said. “But mention of the chapel brings up something else.”
“What is that?”
“You asked if Beckett could be married there this summer.”
Roi nodded. “I mentioned that to Mama,” he said.
“Robin le Bec was adamant that our children marry this summer, and now I have the unhappy duty of telling the man there will be no marriage. While I am certain he will be grieved, he will also be furious. He has been counting on this marriage for two years.”
Christopher held up a hand. “I will handle le Bec,” he said. “I know the man. He is greedy, but he is not heartless. It is possible that I can appease him with another de Lohr offspring.”
Roi frowned. “My son’s memory is so easily pushed aside with another de Lohr son?” he said. “Is that a reminder that I only had one son and Curtis has several? That Myles has…?”
Christopher shut him down quickly. “I did not mean it the way it sounded,” he said. “Forgive me for being clumsy. I simply meant that I would be willing to offer the man whatever he wishes in order to keep our alliance. I hate to sound callous, Roi, but that must be considered.”
Roi knew that, though he didn’t like to hear it. “All I care about is the loss of my son, not some damnable alliance,” he said. “Nay, Papa, I will send word to Robin myself. This must come from me. It was my son, after all. I am his father. I will do my duty.”
Christopher didn’t press. Roi had always had a strong sense of duty, and he wasn’t about to shirk it, even in his moment of grief.
That showed his strength of character, and Christopher was proud of his son in an overwhelmingly difficult situation.
But he also thought that the man was rather calm for someone who had just lost a son—until it occurred to him that Dustin had spoken to him first. In private.
Mother to son. Like salve to his spirit, she’d apparently worked wonders.
He was glad.
As Christopher pondered life for Roi now without his son, and without a wife, Dustin brought over a couple of bowls with bread and cheese and stewed fruit.
She gave one to Roi first, then to her husband, as the solar door opened again to admit Curtis and Westley.
While Westley went straight to Roi and put his arms around the man, Curtis hung back, mired in uncertainty.
Curtis and Roi were born so close together that it had always been the two of them, like twins.
They’d even fostered together. He’d never been without his brother in his entire life, except for the times when Roi had gone off to fight for Henry.
But even then, Roi would return and it was as if they’d never been apart. The bonds were unbreakable.
So Curtis hoped.
Roi sensed that. He didn’t even have to see his brother to know the man was there. He lifted his head from Westley’s embrace to spy Curtis over near the door, looking at him with apprehension and grief. Gently pushing away from Westley, Roi went over to Curtis as the man stood there and trembled.
“Roi,” Curtis breathed softly. Then his face began to crumple. “I am so sorry. Forgive me, brother. Forgive me for my role in all of this. If I could…”
Roi put his hands on his brother’s face, stilling him. “This was not your fault,” he said huskily. “It was no one’s fault. That beautiful horse is simply a dumb animal that had no ill will towards Beckett. I do not want you to feel guilt over this, Curt. If you do, that will end now.”
Curtis simply nodded, but there were tears in his eyes. “As you wish,” he murmured. “But I am still so very sorry.”
Roi put his arms around his brother, and they hugged one another tightly as Christopher, Dustin, and Westley looked on.
In fact, all Christopher could do at that moment was whisper a prayer of thanks—thanks that there would be no animosity between his eldest sons, thanks that they could move forward and grieve Beckett as he deserved to be grieved without any additional drama with the situation.
It was bad enough as it was.
Little did Christopher know that it was about to get much, much worse.