Chapter Twelve #5
But she did not feel too sorry for herself.
As she nursed her wine, servants descended on their table and adorned it with all manner of succulent food.
A roast bird was the highlight, set in the middle of the table and festooned with glorious feathers to simulate that it was still a living bird.
Luke and John immediately plowed into the fowl and destroyed the careful decorations before Alixandrea could get a good look at the artwork.
John plopped a leg on her trencher and thought he was doing a splendid job of playing host. She smiled her thanks and took a helping of the boiled apples.
Plate full, she looked to her husband, still on the dais talking to the king, to patiently wait for his return.
After several minutes, it was clear that he was not returning any time soon so she decided to eat before her food cooled.
In the gallery, a group of minstrels began to play, filling the warm, smoky hall with music.
In all, it seemed to be settling down into a glorious evening.
She only wished she could have enjoyed it more with Matthew.
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Mark, Caroline, and an unidentified woman entering the hall. It did not matter that they were late; she was glad to see them and waved. But Mark did not see her and she elbowed John so that the young man could catch their attention.
Finally, Mark noticed them and headed in their direction.
Caroline and the mystery woman followed.
The closer they came, the more Mark seemed to be intently searching for someone.
He ignored the Wellesbourne table completely.
That wasn’t unusual in itself, but Caroline’s expression seemed to be; Alixandrea noticed that the woman hadn’t looked at her once.
She and the unknown woman held each other by the arms, pacing after Mark.
As the group neared the table, Mark located Matthew on the dais and apparently found who he was looking for.
He went straight for the platform and the women followed.
Alixandrea watched curiously as Mark addressed Matthew, who turned from the king to face his brother.
But what she wasn’t prepared for was the expression on Matthew’s face; his eyes widened, then hardened, and his entire face seemed to tense.
She could not hear the words being spoken, but she could tell by his expression that he clearly was unhappy.
Alixandrea put her knife down and stopped eating; she wondered what had Matthew so upset.
After a few exchanges, Mark, Caroline, and the nameless woman left the hall.
Matthew watched them go. Then he looked at Alixandrea.
She was gazing up at him with those great bronze eyes. Matthew suspected she had seen everything; from her expression, he could tell that she had. Struggling for composure, he went back to their table and took his seat beside her. Before she could ask questions, he picked up the wine pitcher.
“More wine, love?” he asked even as he poured into her cup.
“Where did Mark and Caroline go?” she asked the obvious. “Why did they not stay?”
Matthew set the pitcher down and reached for a side of bird. “Caroline is not feeling well.”
Alixandrea did not believe him; moreover, there was something strange in his manner. Odd suspicion crept into her veins, intangible yet unmistakable. “She looked fine,” she said slowly, watching his features for any reaction. “Did you have sharp words with Mark again?”
Matthew had a mouthful. “Nay.”
He was being evasive and it inflamed her. He had barely spoken to her all night and now he was being ambiguous. She turned back to her plate, though she did not eat. Matthew was fully into his meal before he noticed that she was not partaking.
“What’s wrong?’ he asked. “Why are you not eating?”
She looked away from him. “I am not hungry.”
He studied her, noting her body language, sensing she was miffed. He swallowed the food in his mouth.
“What is the matter?” he asked, more softly.
“Nothing.”
The room around them was full of food, fragrance, conversation and music.
But it all ceased to exist as Matthew focused on his wife’s crisp manner.
The mood was bad between them and he did not like it.
He felt responsible somehow, uncertain. When he should not have cared, he found that he did, very much.
He abruptly stood up and collected her wrap.
“If you are not hungry, then I shall escort you back to our apartment.”
Furious for reasons she did not quite understand, she stood up, accepted the wrap, and allowed him to take her from the hall. Something was building in her veins and she was unsteady with it. The moment they left the White Tower and entered the cool, dark yard, Matthew spoke.
“I will say something here and now, madam,” his voice was a rumble. “If this is to be a successful marriage, then there must be total truth between us. You are obviously upset over something and I would know what it is.”
She came to a halt, facing him. Her lovely face was taut. “How dare you lecture me on truth. You did not tell me the truth when I asked you if you and Mark had exchanged more harsh words.”
He cleared his throat. “We did not exchange harsh words. We.…”
She turned on her heel and began to march away.
But Matthew lashed out and grabbed her arm, snapping her back against him.
He held her fast, his face looming menacingly above her own.
For the first time, Alixandrea could see the deadly warrior in him.
This was the man that all men feared. It was harsh and terrifying.
“You will never walk away from me in anger,” he growled. “Is that clear?”
“Or what?” she asked. “Will you unleash your deadly power on me as you would an enemy?”
He stared at her, his eyes narrowing. She could see that he was genuinely baffled. “What have I done to make you so angry with me?”
It all came spilling out. “You must ask this question? You ignore me all evening and when I ask you why Mark and Caroline do not stay, you are deliberately evasive with me. What am I to you, Matthew? Just a pretty woman on your arm, a wife in name and body only, or do you intend to make me a confidant and companion as well? Tell me now, husband, so that the next time you parade me around for show, I will know that it is only for show and not because I have your true love, respect and intimate trust. Tell me now what you truly expect of me so that I will not ask questions in the future that you have no intention of answering.”
His gaze lingered on her. The grip on her arms loosened and she pulled away when she thought she could get away with it. She heard him sigh heavily.
“I expect you to be my wife.”
“What does that mean?”
“Precisely that. I told you that I loved you; wasn’t that enough?”
She thought she could respond with confidence and maintain her composure. But his simple words had her heart breaking and she broke into quiet tears. Matthew could not stand to see her weep and he went to her, standing so close that he could smell her.
“What have I said?” he begged softly. “What have I done now?”
She sobbed into her hand. “I do not want to be a wife in name and body only,” she wept.
“Forgive me, but I want to be the person closest to you in every way. I want to know your thoughts, your fears, your hopes, and your dreams. If I ask you a question, I want the respect of an honest answer without hesitation. I want to be a part of you, Matthew, as you are indelibly a part of me. I would deny you nothing. I want to be all to you as you are all to me. To tell me that you love me is not enough. It is not enough at all.”
He put his arms around her, willing to take the chance that she would resist him. But she did not, collapsing against him and pressing her sweet body close. He rested his chin on the top of her head, feeling her soft and heaving flesh in his embrace.
“It is you who must forgive me,” he whispered.
“This is all so very new to me. I have not the experience in this territory to know enough to plot a smooth path. To tell you of my love for you was the biggest step I have ever taken, but I suppose that I do understand it is not enough. There is so much more. I would tell you my dreams and hopes and fears, but you must be patient with me. There may be times when it does not occur to me to do so out of sheer ignorance. And if I do not tell you something, perhaps it is because I am trying to spare you. You have very quickly become my all for living and I pray that you forgive my ineptness in showing it. I will endeavor to do much, much better if you will only make gracious allowances, madam. You are far wiser in these matters than I.”
She looked up at him, her cheeks wet with tears. As always, Matthew knew the right thing to say. It was becoming a habit with him.
“I am not wiser,” she sniffled. “Perhaps I want too much, what you cannot give.”
“I will give you whatever you want, I swear it.”
She smiled wanly and he wiped her cheeks with his thumbs, kissing the moisture away from her wet eyes.
“Now tell me the truth,” she said quietly. “Why did Mark and Caroline leave?”
The warmth in his eyes faltered. “Because I asked them to.”
“Why?”
There was no way around it. He had to tell her if there was ever any hope of having the marriage they both seemed so badly to want. “I was attempting to spare you, love.”
“Spare me what?”
He swallowed hard; she saw him. “The woman with them is Lady Caroline’s cousin.”
It meant nothing to her. “And?”
He seemed to hesitate. “Caroline’s cousin is Lady Mena.”
At first, it did not register. Her gaze remained steady.
Then, her eyes widened and he could see the naked struggle within her not to react.
It was a difficult task. But she held herself admirably in possession of knowledge that, had the situation been reversed, he might not have held so steady. He admired her control greatly.
“I… I did not get a good look at her,” she said evenly. “Caroline never mentioned that Mena was her cousin.”
“Perhaps because she did not feel it was her place. That should have come from me and it never seemed to be the right time to bring it up.”
“I see,” Alixandrea’s jaw flexed. “Did you know she would be here tonight?”
He shook his head. “I have not seen her in almost ten years. I had no knowledge that she would be here. The last I heard, she had married and moved to Bath.”
She believed him. Matthew was not the lying kind. Taking a deep breath to steady her composure, she forced a smile. “Then you should have asked them to join us. Since you thought so highly of her, I would be delighted to meet her.”
He gazed down at her, a finger coming up to stroke her cheek, her chin, and finally her lips. When he was unsatisfied with his finger on her mouth, he leaned down and kissed her.
“Perhaps you shall,” he murmured against her mouth, “for certainly, I would be proud to introduce you.”
They embraced in the darkness, enjoying the continued discovery of one another.
Alixandrea realized that their infant relationship had already suffered several issues that could have greatly upset another couple, one less durable.
But they seemed to work through the matter and grow stronger with it.
As long as they were willing to talk, and as long as they held each other in such regard, she was confident their progression would continue.
As they wandered back to their apartment for the night, eyes were watching them from the shadows. It was a single figure, large, that had no intention other than to observe for the moment.
La Londe would wait to make his move.