Chapter Fourteen #4
He knew where she was simply by the dogs lying in the landing outside of the room; she was in the larger chamber on the third floor that was situated directly across from Adam’s smelly chamber.
This had been the chamber that Adam and Audrey had occupied together long ago; now it was simply vacant and dusty.
Matthew pushed the cockeyed door open to admit his bulk, his gaze falling on Alixandrea on her knees with her face shoved into the hearth.
Her hair was pulled back with a kerchief and she had a heavy apron on.
Caroline and another serving woman stood slightly behind her, sweeping and cleaning up old ashes and cobwebs.
Matthew stood in the doorway with his hands on his hips.
“You have been here less than two hours and already you are cleaning this place?” he shook his head. “Must I say my farewells to a dusty bunny instead of my lovely wife?”
She rocked back on her heels, grinning at him. There was a smudge of soot on her forehead, but it only made her look more charming.
“I do apologize,” she said as she stood up and wiped her hands off. “But I simply could not stand the filth in here. It looks as if it has been unlived in for a hundred years.”
“So you would clean up one hundred years of dirt all in a day?” he went to her, putting his arms around her. “You could have at least waited until I left.”
She pointed to the cases in the corner and out in the hall. “I need to unpack and it cannot wait.”
He gave her a peck on the nose. “Remove that apron and come to the ward with me. The army will be pulling out soon and I would say my farewells.”
She dutifully took off the apron and pulled the dusty kerchief from her head. Taking his arm, they were to the door when Caroline spoke.
“God speed, Matthew,” she said. “I will pray for your safe return.”
They paused to look at her, the thin, pale redhead.
She had spent the days in London with her cousin and Audrey; Mark had kept himself occupied with others and Caroline had made sure she was far away from her husband and his indiscretions.
Mark had wanted it that way. The ride back to Wellesbourne had been quiet, uneventful, and Mark had barely said two words to her.
Now, she was back at Wellesbourne and her husband was going off to war with his brothers.
They all knew that Mark probably would not bid her a farewell, as that was his usual habit.
Therefore, Matthew left his wife to go and embrace his sister-in-law, so badly in need of human contact.
“Take care of yourself,” he told her, squeezing her small body tightly. “And watch over my wife. I would leave her in your care.”
Caroline was truly fond of Matthew; he had always been inordinately kind to her. “I will take excellent care of her. And, Matthew?”
“Aye?”
“Take care of Mark.”
He winked at her as he let her go and went back over to Alixandrea. “I always do.”
Alixandrea blew a kiss at Caroline as she and Matthew quit the chamber.
The wolf pack greeted them at the landing and wagged their tails at the sight of Alixandrea, who reached down to pet the big wolfhound sniffing her skirt.
Silently, Matthew, Alixandrea and the canine escort descended to the second floor.
Matthew almost tripped over one of the smaller dogs when it got in his way.
The second floor hall was quiet, smelling like old smoke and rushes.
As the dogs milled around their feet, Matthew and Alixandrea faced one another in the dimly lit area near the entry.
Neither one of them wanted to admit how much they had been avoiding the emotions of this moment.
But now, it was upon them. Alixandrea had given a good act back at The Tower when Matthew had told her of Henry Tudor’s advance.
She had put up the good front of a valiant wife.
Now she struggled to maintain that same presence as Matthew’s soft blue eyes gazed down at her.
“So,” she pressed up against his body, craning her neck back to look up at his face. “Do you go straight to Nottingham from here?”
He nodded, wrapping his big arms around her. “Sixty miles. Hopefully we can make it by late tomorrow if I push the men.”
“Where is Gaston?” she asked. “He did not accompany us from London.”
Matthew shook his head, pulling her closer. “He has gone to rendezvous with some of our allies. I shall meet up with him at Nottingham.”
Alixandrea started talking about Nottingham, the berg she passed through on her way to Wellesbourne from York, but Matthew did not hear her; his thoughts were on Gaston, having gone to meet up with the Stanley Brothers in spite of the king’s admonition not to do so.
Both Matthew and Gaston decided that it would be in the king’s best interest for one of them to do so, and with Matthew occupied, the logical choice was Gaston.
Matthew wondered what sorts of opposition or indecisiveness The Dark Knight had run up against. With Thomas Stanley married to Henry Tudor’s mother and William Stanley in a financial dispute with Richard, Matthew had serious doubts about their loyalty.
“Matthew?” Alixandrea’s voice suddenly pierced his thoughts. “Did you hear me?”
Snapped from his train of thought, he smiled sheepishly. “I am sorry, love,” he bent down to kiss her. “My thoughts are elsewhere. What did you say?”
“Nothing of importance,” she sighed, closing her eyes at the feel of his lips against her flesh. She suddenly threw her arms around his neck. “Oh, Matt, I shall miss you so.”
“And I, you,” he pulled his face from the crook of her neck, looking at her. “I am leaving John here with you. He shall be in charge while I am away.”
She shook her head. “I am sure he would much rather go with you.”
“Protecting you is more important.”
She stared at him, sensing a multitude of thoughts he seemed unable to say. His mind was already engaging Henry even if his body was here, with her. She put her hands on his cheeks.
“Will you be honest with me?”
“I always am.”
“How bad will this be?”
He kissed her palm. “I do not know. But with the size of force that Henry is bringing, it promises to be a big fight.”
She stroked his cheeks with her thumbs, running her fingers along his smooth lips and memorizing every curve of his face. She was suddenly aware of the lump in her throat and she battled furiously against it.
“Do not forget your promise to send me word whenever you can,” she reminded him softly. “I will be here, watching the horizon every day for your return.”
He stroked her face, her hair, feeling pangs that he had never before known. She could see it in his eyes.
“I will be fine,” she assured him, grasping at the last threads of courage before they left her completely. “Caroline and John and I will get along quite well. Do not worry over anything.”
“I do not worry over anything here at Wellesbourne,” his voice was oddly hoarse. When he looked at her, Alixandrea swore she saw tears glistening in the blue depths. “But we must have a serious discussion.”
“About what?”
“I must say this so that we are clear on things,” he was trying to be firm with her without sounding grave. “If something should happen to me, you will.…”
She suddenly threw her hands over her ears and pulled away from him. “Nay,” she cried softly. “Do not say such things. I cannot hear it from your lips. Only by God’s grace do I stand here with even an ounce of courage at your departure. If you say things like that, I will surely crumble.”
He grasped her, more firmly so that she could not get away. His muscular arms went around her, holding her still and tight. Alixandrea clung to him.
“You must hear me, Alix,” he murmured. “If I fall in battle and I have not told you all that I must, I fear for your life and safety more than you can know. Please hear me out.”
She only nodded, but it was enough. He continued.
“If I should not return, John has instructions to marry you immediately. This will keep you at Wellesbourne and ensure that your uncle does not gain control of you or my inheritance. It also ensures that you will be well treated and well cared for the rest of your life. John will make a fine husband. Those are my wishes, love, and I would ask that you abide by them.”
It was too much. Her resolve to remain courageous unraveled completely and she was a soft, warm, sobbing mess against him.
Matthew rocked her gently, his face in the top of her head.
He sighed heavily, wishing with all of his heart that he did not have to leave her.
But time was short, and he had to say everything that was on his mind whether or not she wanted to hear it.
“I love you, Alixandrea Terrington St. Ave Wellesbourne,” he murmured, feeling his eyes sting with tears.
“The man that existed before the day you walked into that tavern was dark, humorless and dull. You are the spark that gave him a meaningful existence and for that, he shall be eternally grateful. To have known a scant month with you has made his entire life worth living.”
His sweet words only made her weep harder. He put his hands on her face, lifting her tear-stained cheeks to his lips. He kissed her softly, gently, across the nose, forehead, cheeks, chin, and each eye. Her salty tears were delicious upon his lips.
“Alix,” he murmured. “Open your eyes and look at me, love.”
She obeyed, the great bronze eyes slowly opening. He wanted one last, strong, enduring look into her soul to sustain him.
“If I have any control over my own fate and any leverage with God, I swear to you that I will return,” he whispered.
“But if it is decided that my time has come, know that I wait for you to join me on the other side. Look for me when you enter the great golden gates of Heaven, for surely, I will be standing there.”
Her weeping had faded, the pull of emotion now too strong for tears. She stared at him a long moment before speaking. “That gives me more comfort than perhaps anything you have said.”
“Good. I meant that it should.”
There was nothing left to say. Their final embrace was too strong, too powerful, too full of unspoken words.
When Matthew finally let her go and moved to quit the keep, she ran after him and they embraced once more, heated kisses and murmurs of love between them.
He forced himself to let her go and descended the steps into the ward below.
Alixandrea stood in the doorway, watching him mingle with Mark and Luke, eventually barking orders as the entire bailey began to move with fighting men preparing for battle.
It brought her tremendous comfort to watch him in action, confident with his skills as a warrior and knowing that he would indeed do everything possible to return home to her whole.
She stood there as the army formed ranks and began to move out. Matthew occasionally turned and waved to her. Alixandrea had no idea how long she had been standing there before she realized someone was beside her.
John stood next to her, his blue eyes fixed on the departing troops. She put her hand in the crook of his elbow.
“I am glad you are staying here with me, John,” she said, meaning to be of comfort. “Perhaps we can even begin rehabilitating your mother’s garden while we wait for them to return.”
But he did not find much consolation in the statement. “Perhaps,” his gaze lingered on Matthew, just leaving the gate with the massive army behind him. “Did my brother tell you what he has asked of me?”
“He did.”
“If it comes to that, I just want you to know that I am sorry,” he said to be of comfort.
Alixandrea did not find any consolation whatsoever in his statement. When her husband disappeared through the gates, somewhere inside of her, it was as if a candle blew out. She felt dark, lonely, and anxious.
There was nothing left to do now but wait.