18. Chapter 18
~ELLIE~
I rush from the room, running after Liam with my heart beating out of my chest, blood rushing through my ears. I don’t know which way he went, but I swing the entrance door open and frantically search up and down the dimly lit hallway.
“Your Highness.”
The nighttime guard is standing nearby, frowning at me.
“Where did he go? Where is Liam?”
“He went to the front entrance of the palace, miss.”
I don’t stop to ask more questions, I just take off at a run, my bare feet slapping, my long ball gown flowing around me as I hurry through the palace, down steps and hallways, to the front entrance.
Please. Please let him still be here. This can’t be the end of things. We need to discuss this, yell and scream at each other, and then figure it out. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?
But when I fling open the door, I see that it’s no use. I’m too late. Red taillights gleaming in the darkness move away from me and disappear through the front gates before the vehicle turns on the main road and continues out of my sight.
He’s gone.
Liam didn’t just leave me at the gala alone, he left me.
I haven’t left my flat in three days. Food has been delivered but has remained uneaten.
I’m not hungry. I don’t want to see anyone.
I’ve barely slept, and when I do, I dream of Liam, of being in his arms, and the ridiculously sexy things he did to my body. And then I wake up crying because I remember that he’s gone.
I’m a bloody mess.
I had no idea that having a broken heart hurt this badly. That it feels like your flesh is literally being ripped from your body. That every breath is torture I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
Or Gretchen.
I miss him. And I’m angry with him.
Not to mention, I’m so confused! How could he go from being so loving and attentive to just… gone?
I was so embarrassed after he left the fundraiser. I felt abandoned, and I was the target of pitying looks. There were whispers behind hands and sympathetic smiles. But then, when I returned to the flat and found he’d already packed his bloody bag, clearly planning to leave no matter what I had to say, it felt like a slap to the face.
Who needs him, anyway?
I bite my lip and silently curse the tears that want to form. Damn it, I need him.
I brush the tears away and cringe when I push my fingers through my hair. It’s filthy. I just haven’t had the energy to wash it. Besides, no one is here to watch me wallow in self-pity.
I can stay as dirty as I like.
Suddenly, there’s a knock on my door.
I frown and walk over, peep through the hole, and feel my eyebrows rise in surprise.
My mother, Anne, and Nina are here.
“Oh, darling,” Mum says when I open the door and step back to let them in. “You look ghastly.”
“Thank you, Mother.”
“We haven’t seen you in days,” Nina says, also looking me over from head to toe, frowning at what she sees.
Perhaps I look worse than I thought.
“Nick told me that Liam left,” Nina adds.
“Do you and your security gossip about the goings-on in the palace often?” I ask.
“Oh, yes, we talk about everyone.” Nina’s voice is calm but full of sarcasm. “And when I went to your mother and Anne to spread the rumors further, we decided to come and see how you’re doing.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper and close my eyes. “Beau was right. I’m an ungrateful hag.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” Anne says. “I think you’re a woman who’s recently had her heart hurt.”
“Yes.” I swallow hard, not wanting the tears to come back. After I watched Liam’s car fade away, I started to cry, and I’ve barely stopped since. It’s bloody irritating. “He went back to Montana.”
“Did he tell you why?” Mum asks.
“Of course, he did.” The tears disappear now, making room for the anger. “He said he doesn’t fit in here, and that I have multiple personalities.”
I glare at the window across the room.
“Can you believe that?” I continue, storming about the room. “He said that Princess Eleanor and Ellie are two completely different people, and he’s not sure how he feels about the former. I’ve never been so insulted. Perhaps it’s best that he left. I don’t want that kind of negativity in my life. I want a man who loves me. All of me. The good and the bad. Which, let’s be honest, the bad isn’t all that bad, really. I’m a delightful person.”
I’m on a roll, but I look at the others and see them exchanging glances.
“What?”
“Before we give you any advice or our opinions, let me ask you some questions,” Mum says as she settles on the sofa. “Did he say that he hates that you’re a princess?”
I frown, thinking back on the other night. Some of it is foggy because I was so chuffed at him, I could barely think straight. I wanted to throw something at his stubborn head.
“No. He said he didn’t know how to feel because the princess is so different from the woman. But?—”
“Hold on,” Mum says calmly. “Did he imply that he feels that way all the time? Or just when you’re at public events?”
All three pairs of eyes are pinned to me, waiting for my answer.
“This all came about after the fundraiser,” I admit with a sigh. “But he also asked me how I can be around those people, meaning the guests. I am those people.”
“I wonder that all the time,” Anne says to Nina. “Were the others kind to him? I’m sorry I had to miss the event and didn’t get to see what happened.”
“The women my age are awful,” I reply. “And now that I think about it, most of the guests ignored him. They spoke with me and said hello when I introduced him, but they didn’t engage with him much.”
“Well, no wonder he feels the way he does,” Nina says. “Listen, I’ve been around the rich and famous for most of my life. I’m used to being snubbed—or liked—based on who my family is. As a publicist, I’m also accustomed to the tabloids, and all of the ridiculousness that comes with being a public figure.”
“So, you understand?—”
“And none of that prepared me for being part of the royal family,” she continues, interrupting me. “Ellie, Liam has never had to deal with these things. Even when he’s working with one of us, he’s on the periphery. No one pays attention to him, as horrible as that sounds.”
“Oh, it was suggested at the state dinner that I use him as a sex toy,” I say, earning shocked looks from all of them. “Right in front of him, so they were paying attention because he’s handsome. It was just awful.”
“He’d been here for all of two weeks when he left,” Anne reminds me. “You were born into this, Ellie. This life is the norm for you. But I’ll admit that for those of us who came into the royal life because of marriage, it takes some serious adjustments.”
“You’re right.” I take a deep breath and swallow hard. “I can’t expect him to adjust immediately, and I should be more patient. But to accuse me of being two different people? That’s just preposterous.”
“Oh, my darling Eleanor.” Mum chuckles and then laughs harder when I scowl at her. “You’re such an intelligent, hardworking, wonderful woman. But you’re also young.”
“I’m not a child.”
“I didn’t say ‘child,’” she says. “I said young. Of course, you have a different persona when you’re Princess Eleanor. You have to put on a mask to keep the media and those you only know socially at arm’s length. We all have to do that. And perhaps it was a disservice to you that you were groomed to behave that way and not told why, or even made aware of it.”
“We all do it,” Anne says softly. “If we didn’t, everyone would think they’re our best mates. We have to keep a thin veil in place to maintain our sanity.”
“Do I really act that differently?”
“Honestly?” Nina asks. “Yeah. You do. It’s something I noticed right away, and it took some getting used to. It’s not so much that you’re cold or have your nose in the air. I would say that you tolerate more. You hold yourself differently. Because, let’s be honest, this is a business. So, perhaps saying you’re more professional is a good way to phrase it. If you’d been in a private setting, and those horrible women had said those things about Liam, you would have put them in their place.”
“I did anyway,” I confess. “And I felt awful afterward because I knew that there could be some backlash. Those women are terrible. You remember the horrible girl from your bridal shower, the one who kept claiming that she’d been sleeping with Sebastian? Her name is Gretchen, by the way.”
“I hate her,” Nina says. “She’s just an unhappy, jealous person. That’s not your—or my—fault. Or Liam’s fault, for that matter.”
“And she won’t be invited in the future,” Mum adds, her voice stern. “We don’t tolerate that. Never have, never will.”
“Are you all saying that Liam was right?” The lead ball in my stomach is growing. I start to sweat.
God, I feel awful.
“Stop torturing yourself,” Nina says. “We all make mistakes. And Liam should have talked it out with you more, rather than simply running back to Montana. He’s not a victim here.”
“Agreed,” Anne says. “Of course, you’re more relaxed in private,” she adds. “That’s perfectly normal for anyone. And perhaps if he’d explained how he felt in a calmer manner, you could have in turn explained to him that this is simply normal life for you. But now that you’re aware of it, you can pay better attention.”
I stare at my wonderful sister-in-law as if she’s crazy.
“Don’t look at her like that,” Mum says. “Relationships, all relationships, require compromise. Communication. The beginnings of love are the easiest days. It’s simple to look past something we don’t like because infatuation overshadows anything negative. It sounds like Liam was mature enough to see the red flags, he just didn’t communicate them to you correctly.”
“I’m a selfish woman,” I whisper and hang my head in my hands. “Things had just been so good . For weeks and weeks, we were on the same page, enjoying each other. Laughing. Talking. And, suddenly, he tells me he doesn’t know if he can live with a side of me that’s so intrinsically who I am. It threw me for a loop.”
“Threw him for one, too,” Nina adds. “Because he left.”
“Maybe he doesn’t love me.”
“He’s frightened,” Anne says, shaking her head. “We’ve all seen how he looks at you, Ellie. How sweet he is around you. Love is scary.”
“It still scares the wits out of me,” Mum says, surprising all of us. “And I’ve been married to your father for close to forty years.”
“How are you all such experts in this?” I ask. “I feel lost without a map or a lifeline.”
“Experience,” Anne says.
“You’re still learning each other,” Nina adds. “It’ll take a little while, but in the end, it’ll be completely worth it.”
“I have to go and find him.” I stand and turn in a circle, unsure of where to start. “I’ll call the plane and go to Montana straight away.”
“No,” Nina says, shaking her head and waving her hand in front of her face as if there’s a bad smell. “First thing you’ll do is take a shower. And wash your hair.”
“And eat something,” Anne adds.
“You really must shower, darling,” Mum implores.
“Right. Shower, eat, and then get on the plane.”
I hurry toward the bathroom and hear Anne yell out, “Don’t forget to brush your teeth!”
By the time I took a shower, dried my hair, and ate, I was so exhausted from days without sleep that I fell onto the bed and slept for nine hours straight.
I was angry about losing that time, but it wouldn’t have been wise to show up in Montana without my wits about me. He’d been gone for days, I figured a few more hours wouldn’t hurt anything. But we left first thing this morning before the sun was even up.
Phillip is with me but hasn’t said much during the flight. He’s wonderful at his job, but he’s never been much of a conversationalist. I had to beg him not to call ahead and tell Liam we were on our way.
The flight felt longer than ever, despite taking another nap for several hours. I ate more and stared out the window, excited to land near Cunningham Falls and rush to the lake house.
Will he be happy to see me? Will he tell me to turn around and go back to London?
Perhaps I should have called first.
But I was just too excited to get there. And, frankly, I want to see the look on his face when he sees me for the first time, without having the chance to prepare himself.
That first look will tell me everything I need to know.
I can only pray that he’s happy to see me, and I don’t leave Montana with a broken heart.
“We’re landing in twenty minutes, Your Highness,” the pilot says through the speaker. I reach over and push a button to reply. “Thank you.”
Come on and land!
The mountains and lakes beneath the plane are absolutely gorgeous. I’ve been to Switzerland and Germany several times, and in my opinion, Montana is just as beautiful.
Finally, we descend lower and lower, and the wheels touch the runway.
Once we’re on the ground, a car meets us, and it only takes about fifteen minutes to make it to the lake house.
I don’t wait for someone to let me out. I jump out of the car and rush down to the headquarters building, pounding on the door with my fist.
It’s very un-princess-like.
It only takes a moment for the door to swing open, and I’m ready with a big smile.
But it’s not Liam.
“Princess Eleanor?”
“Oh, hello, Baxter. I’d like to see Liam, please.”
“He’s not here.” Baxter frowns and looks back and forth between Phillip and me. “He left last night.”