17. Amy
Amy
Somehow, I've avoided Liam for three days, even when spending the better part of five hours together in the same room.
With learning the new game's mechanics, it's been a little easier than I expected to stay distracted during the day. Ignoring his texts every night has been a little harder.
I'm angry, but seeing his eyes on me all day long… it's enough to make a girl bend.
Maybe over the desk, with him behind and—
Damn it! I'm doing it again.
My brain goes straight into the gutter every damn time I think about the man.
But it's day four now, and everything's changed. There's no avoiding him anymore.
His character's avatar is in front of mine, waving with a cute little emote. Unlike my elf, which looks mostly human despite being much smaller and having pointy ears, he's chosen a green orc.
Thankfully, I'm not attracted to orcs.
Honestly, the game's cute. Running around as a tiny elf with a giant mini-gun at times has been hilarious, and watching him—as an oversized green orc—use a tiny little pistol to take monsters out? Funny.
There have been a lot of comedic elements with the NPCs, and I'm invested in the story. The city's kept safe because of the powers of some generators in the city, but the power source is dwindling. As the resident hero, I'm out gathering crystals from the monsters to help power the barrier that keeps us from being murdered by monster and/or zombie invasions. Or something.
Okay, no. It sounds like I'm not interested, but I am . I promise.
I'm interested. And very, very distracted.
The chat box, neglected this entire time as I've learned the game, is the focus of today's stream. K has been frustrated with the fact that we aren't showcasing the team play and social aspect .
So Liam's sauntered his stupid orc over to wave at me and greet me in chat.
Sir Trixalot: Hi!
I can't keep staring at the screen as I daydream. My chat's already going wild with question marks and people asking if I'm frozen.
Ash Bandit: Hello.
Sir Trixalot: I have a quest to survive five waves of a monster invasion. Do you have that?
I snort, peering around my monitor. I can see Liam peeking around his, too.
Ash Bandit: I got that done on the first day.
Sir Trixalot: Oh…
My lips twitch. I know nothing about how his game's been going, as we've stressed to the viewers not to spoil anything between either stream for a more authentic game experience.
Not gonna lie; it feels good to know I'm so far ahead of him.
Sir Trixalot: Mind doing it with me? I've died on it three times in a row.
Peeking around my monitor again, I can see K and Liam speaking to each other in whispers. This must be K's idea.
Social aspects . Got it.
Ash Bandit: How are you dying? It's easy with all the upgrades you should have gotten from your quests.
Sir Trixalot: Upgrades?
My eye twitches.
Ash Bandit: … the armor rewards? From the quests?
Sir Trixalot: We get armor rewards?
"Oh, my God. Are you serious? K, is he serious?" I yell across the room. The fact that he's been running around with a tiny pistol is making sense. It must be his starter weapon.
Even I figured it out. The game holds your hand pretty well.
He must be one of those people who doesn't read instructions.
K snaps, "Keep it in the game, Ash Bandit!"
Ugh.
K's sharp rebuke makes me jerk back in my seat. Right. Keep it in game.
I type in a furious clatter of keys.
Ash Bandit: Are you telling me you haven't equipped any of the rewards from your quests?
Sir Trixalot: I didn't know I was supposed to!
My eye twitches again. Is he serious right now?
Ash Bandit: Open your inventory. Top left of the screen. Little bag icon.
I watch as his orc spins in circles. He's clearly struggling with the controls. Finally, his avatar goes still for a while.
Sir Trixalot: So, I have... a lot of stuff. What do I do now?
Ash Bandit: Equip it. All of it. Now. Right click, choose equip.
Sir Trixalot: Even the pretty dress?
I snort loudly, earning a glare from K. Whatever. This is gold.
Ash Bandit: ...Maybe. Equip the armor, choose whatever has the highest numbers in green. And the better weapons. Always make sure the numbers are green, not red. Red is bad. Green is good.
His orc spins in a circle, again. Then it stops.
One by one, his armor changes. At some point, his orc wears a tattered white sundress. It's fucking hilarious, and I can see my entire stream spamming the chat with laughing-while-crying emojis.
When he's done, the transformation is impressive. Gone is simple casual wear, and now he's outfitted from head to toe in what looks like tac gear.
Of course it is.
Ash Bandit: There. Now you might survive more than five seconds.
Sir Trixalot: Thanks, Ash. You're a lifesaver. You're a queen among RPG mortals. I bow before you.
And his character does, with a flourish.
So, the guy couldn't figure out how to equip weapons, but he found all the emotes.
I roll my eyes as a small smile tugs at my lips. Damn charming orc.
Ash Bandit: Yeah, yeah. C'mon, let's go beat up some monsters. Bet I can kill more than you.
Sir Trixalot: Oh, you're on!
Sending him a party invite—something I learned how to do thanks to all the pop up tutorial windows Liam apparently never reads—we charge off towards the quest marker, a tentative truce formed in the name of virtual monster slaughter.
Dust swirls across the cracked pavement as we leave the safety of the city walls behind. I steer my elf towards a rusted gas station in the distance, its faded sign creaking in the wind.
Glancing back, I see Liam's orc lumbering along, stopping every few steps. He must be typing again. I bite back a groan. At this rate, we'll never make it to the quest marker.
"Just use auto-run!" I yell across the room.
"Auto-what now?" His confused voice once again has my stream exploding with laughing emojis.
K groans. "In the game , guys. The game. "
Right.
I sigh heavily. Of course he wouldn't know.
Ash Bandit: Auto-run. So you don't have to keep hitting the forward button. Your character will just... run automatically.
Sir Trixalot: Oh. Uh, how do I do that?
Ash Bandit: On keyboard, it's the forward slash key. Far right side, next to the right shift key.
His orc suddenly lurches forward.
Only he doesn't stop when he reaches me. He keeps sprinting.
Sir Trixalot: Cool! Wait. Shit. Too fasts! /////// Dammit wtf
The orc on screen zigzags wildly before coming to an abrupt halt against a rusted truck.
Sir Trixalot: Okay, I think I figured it out.
Ash Bandit: You have to stop when you reach your destination.
Sir Trixalot: Haha, very funny.
His character follows behind as we approach the derelict building. I scan the boarded-up windows and crumbling walls as he approaches the NPC to begin the quest.
A glowing red timer materializes in the corner of my screen, ticking down from sixty seconds.
I glance at Liam's character. His orc stands ready, assault rifle in hand. Maybe he's getting the hang of it after all.
Ash Bandit: You ready for this?
Sir Trixalot: Born ready, Ash. Let's show these zombie freaks who's boss.
I can't help but smirk at his bravado. At least he's committed to the bit.
The timer hits zero, and an eerie wail pierces the air. Rotting hands claw their way out of the earth, followed by decaying bodies in tattered rags. The undead have risen.
I open fire, my mini-gun spewing a hail of bullets. Liam's orc charges in, new rifle blazing. Zombie parts splatter the screen in a gory mess, and I spam every action skill I have when it comes available.
Wave after wave of zombies pour in from all sides. We make a surprisingly effective team, all things considered.
The final zombie hits the dirt in a spray of blood and brains. Liam lets out a triumphant whoop, arms raised in victory.
"Hell yeah! Eat it, you undead bastards!"
My eyes flit over to the stream chat, a grin tugging at my lips as I take in the sea of laughing emojis and snarky comments.
PuntedGoblins: LMAO he acts like he just soloed a raid boss
xXxAphroditetheQueenxXx: omg this is painful to watch, someone carry this man
HarryPotato: git gud scrub
I stifle a laugh. They're not wrong. Liam's whooping and hollering like he saved the virtual world, not cleared a single wave in the most basic quest imaginable.
Ash Bandit: Don't get too cocky. That was only the first wave. Still got four more to go.
Sir Trixalot: Pshh, I got this! They don't stand a chance against the dream team!
I roll my eyes, but can't quite wipe the smirk off my face. His enthusiasm is almost endearing. Almost.
Damn it, I'm catching feelings again.
The timer ticks down again and I ready my weapon, fingers poised over the keyboard.
"Alright chat, let's see if Sir Trixalot here can keep up this time," I say, throwing a wink at the camera.
"I'm the one carrying you this time," he yells across the room.
The undead surge forth once more. Liam's orc barrels into the fray beside me, assault rifle chattering.
Maybe there's hope for him yet.
Sir Trixalot: Behind you!
I whirl around just in time to see a zombie lunging for my back. Before I can react, its head bursts like a rotten melon, gore splattering my view for a few seconds before disappearing.
Ash Bandit: Nice shot.
Sir Trixalot: Told you, dream team!
"Yeah, yeah," I mutter, but there's no real heat behind it.
Wave after wave, we mow down the horde until nothing remains but piles of twitching corpses.
As the quest complete banner flashes across the screen, Liam lets out another whoop.
Sir Trixalot: Hell yeah! Zombies ain't got nothing on us!