Chapter 3
***** Johanna *****
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, finally pulling away several minutes later.
“Don’t be,” and I meant it. Because there was no denying that he needed that release. I think he had kept that to himself since the moment of the crash. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine carrying all that around.
Come to think of it, that could probably explain part of his whole grumpiness and roughness. Although, I kind of liked that side of him.
Not that I would tell him that.
“I must look horrible,” he mumbled while he wiped at his eyes and nose.
“Not at all. I think you needed to let that out, Chance.”
“I know I did. No one has been able to break me open like that to let it out.”
I put my hand on his leg, giving it a slight squeeze.
“I’m glad I could help. When I first got the call, I couldn’t do anything for two weeks. It was just Johnnie and me. When he left for camp, I had to find friends to help me just live because my world had been all about him. And those friends were there when he died, pushing me to go forward.”
“You never found someone after Johnnie’s dad split?”
“You know I was eighteen when I had him right?”
“Of course,” he said, shifting to lean back against the wall.
“Well, men don’t look at a woman with a child at that age. So, no, after his dad left, there wasn’t anyone. And when he enlisted, I dated, but it still wasn’t like they wanted to settle down. I scared off so many men because they found out I had a son. Especially one who was in the military.
“Eventually, I just kind of stopped. They either hated the fact I had a kid or thought I was an easy piece of ass. Neither sat well with me. I never told Johnnie about that. He would have found them and strung them up by their balls.”
I don’t know why that came out, but it made him laugh. I smiled as some of the tension left him, feeling like things would be okay.
“Anyone who wouldn’t want to be with you, is the biggest dumbass ever. I mean, sure, you’re hot, with a killer body for having a kid, but you’re smart, and it’s evident where Johnnie got his humor from.”
I couldn’t stop the blush at his words for they had twisted me up.
Sure, I might have heard them before, but the way he said it, it was different. He didn’t say just to get in my pants. I mean, I was almost twenty years older, there wouldn’t be a reason for him to try that.
“I guess I should get the box and head out, huh?” I offered, knowing he needed his space. I didn’t need to invade it anymore.
I stood up, popping my back, then froze. It had gotten completely dark on me. Which sucked because no uber driver was going to be making their way up here and I didn’t feel too safe walking down the road.
“Shit,” I muttered, and Chance looked at me, before looking out the window as well.
“When did it get that dark?” he grunted as he carefully stood.
“I guess we got so wrapped up in memories and tears that we lost track of time. The last uber driver I had couldn’t make it up the road, even though I told him what I needed. Do you happen to have a bright enough flashlight so I can walk down to meet them at the bottom of the hill?”
“Are you crazy? You think I’m going to let you meet some stranger this late at night, and just have a flashlight? Beyond that, there’s wild animals out there, I don’t need you getting mauled to death.”
I crossed my arms over my chest; a brow lifted in complete amusement.
“You are aware that I am older here, right? Technically, I’m old enough to be your mom. I don’t need someone to baby me.”
“Not baby, just worry. And yes, I know you are. You’re still a MILF, though.”
My jaw dropped, sure I hadn’t heard him right. I mean, no, he really couldn’t think of me like that. I mean, okay, fine he might have dropped a few kind words, but I know I heard that wrong.
And I was not about to ask him to repeat it.
Instead, I was going to ignore it.
“Fine, smarty pants, what do you suggest I do?”
“I have a guest room, Johanna. You’re more than welcome to use it.”
Of all the things he could have offered, that was the last one I ever thought I’d hear from him.
Not that I didn’t think he was kind enough for it, I just didn’t think he’d want people in his space. I kind of thought he’d offer to wait outside with me, give me a side arm to protect myself. Or hell, even drive me into town himself just to drop me off.
But to actually stay in his space, when he didn’t want to be around anyone.
Yup, color me dumbfounded for sure.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he told me, shaking his head. He made his rounds of checking to make sure the windows were locked, as well as the front door before turning on the hallway light.
All I could do was stand in the same place I was, and stare at him. Because that made no damn sense to me.
“Are you going to follow me so I can show you the rest of the place, or just stand there all night? I mean, you can, but I do think it would get uncomfortable.”
“Chance, you don’t have to offer up your spare room,” I told him, finally following him.
“I can’t drive you into town, Johanna, not at night. I have,” he stopped himself, then walked into the room, flipping on the switch for me. “This is the lesser of two evils for me. Good night.”
***** Chance *****
I left her there, standing in the room that was right across from mine, and I don’t know why.
Well, no, that was a lie. I did know why.
I couldn’t drive her back; it wouldn’t be safe. My tremors and flashbacks kicked in a lot at night, and the lights on the cars triggered it a whole lot more. I couldn’t say that it would be safe for either of us.
And if I was being honest with myself, she soothed me.
I know she picked up on it when we had that cry fest.
Fuck, I cried. I wailed.
That might have been the first damn time I really let a tear fall over my best friend. And who was with it? His mom.
Who was also twisting my mind up even more because I called her a MILF. A mother I’d like to fuck?
Yes, please!
She was far too young and beautiful to be single still. And I knew she wasn’t into a one-night stand. And at this point, that was all I could give her, even if she did happen to look at me because I was not a man who could offer more.
I was half the man I was, thanks to my military experience.
“Um,” she said, knocking on the doorframe and I jumped slightly, looking at her from the bed.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you, you seemed lost in thought.
I just wanted to let you know that I sleep with my door open.
And I’m an early riser, so don’t be surprised if you find me in your kitchen tomorrow morning. ”
I looked her over, enjoying the view of her body in the tank top and sleep shorts. Not the best for a cabin in the mountains, but I’m sure she didn’t think she’d be staying here. I needed to remind myself to crank up the heater in her room later.
I was used to the cold, but I’m sure she wasn’t.
“Sure,” I grunted.
I was going to have a mental war over having someone in my space and I’m glad she at least had the foresight to understand what to tell me. Then maybe I could mentally prepare myself for seeing her there.
“Goodnight,” she offered, giving me one of her friendly smiles, which I sort of returned. I watched her leave, my head in a tailspin.
It wasn't that I was so off put to have people here.
Okay, that was a lie.
My sister stayed once about six months after Johnnie died, and she lasted just one night before she said she was staying in town. I guess my nightmares woke her and she didn't like to see me like that. And for that, there wasn't much that could be done.
That was only part of why I stayed away from people.
Honestly, maybe it was more of my own doing, but I didn't want to risk getting close to anyone again.
Dumb? Maybe. And deep down, I knew I couldn't live life like that. But I was also hoping that maybe one day I'd be semi normal again.
With a sigh, I got up off the bed, needing to at least get ready for sleep. If it claimed me tonight.
I brushed my teeth and then changed into some shirts, looking over my scars in the mirror. It almost seemed odd for fighter pilots to have as many wounds, but it's not impossible. Part of this was trying to save Johnnie, which was stupid. His plane was burning, how the hell was I going to save him?
I shook my head, and flipped my light off before laying down, folding my hands under my head. I gazed out the window, seeing the blackness, and had a mix of emotions swirling through me.
I signed again, closing my eyes.
“If you sign one more time, young man, I'm coming in there to smack you so that you sleep.”
I couldn't stop the lift of my lips over that thought. I mean, she was more than welcome to come into my room. I just refused to be held accountable for what could happen thereafter. She didn't need to know that though.
So, I couldn't help but tease her and sighed again, almost laughing as I heard her grumble and then climb out of bed. She padded the few steps over, arms crossed, and brow raised.
She looked every inch the annoyed and pissed off mother but all I could do was think about putting her over my knee and spanking that damn sass right out of her.
“Now, sleep,” she told me, shaking her finger at me.
“Yes, mother,” I mocked, turning over on my side so my back was to her. She huffed again, and I heard her leave. My lips lifted again, enjoying the little interlude.
I finally closed my eyes, a smile on my lips, and comfort around my heart.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Don’t go that way,” I muttered, tossing in my sleep. “Don’t do it, man.” I flipped onto my side, knocking both the blanket and sheet off the bed.
“Chance?” I heard whispered but shook my head.
“Johnnie, don’t! Stop it, it’s going to get you killed.” I tried pushing the hands away I felt grabbing at me, not registering anything beyond the dream I was currently locked in.
“Chance,” I heard louder, but still just shook my head.
“I got you, Johnnie. I’ll save you. Just don’t do anything stupid, I can’t afford it.”
“Chance,” this time someone was screaming. The voice didn’t sound like Johnnie’s though. It was higher, not rough like his. “Damn it Chance, wake up.”
Finally, I shot right up in bed, a scream escaping my lips, and my eyes wide open. For a few moments, I stared at the wall, trying to catch my breath.
“Chance?” she whispered, right next to my side. Slowly, I turned to look at her. She placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “It’s okay.”
Without thinking, I grabbed the back of her head and hauled her towards me, my lips attacking hers.