21. Hudson
This waslike every first day of school, every presentation day at school, but one million times worse.
Why the fuck was he doing this? What if he just called the gallery, told them they had made a mistake, that he had made a mistake, and just canceled the whole thing?
He shifted in his bed, turning to Alana for reassurance, but remembered that they hadn’t slept in the same bed since the fight they’d had after the doctor’s office visit.
He still wasn’t sure why it had escalated into a fight. It wasn’t like he wanted to get divorced ever, which was the problem. This was one year. He and Alana had agreed on that.
Granted, they’d also agreed that it was going to be platonic, and boy, hadn’t that been shot to hell.
But then again, they hadn’t actually clarified their relationship. Not that Hudson had ever attempted to ask, mostly because he was too scared of the answer, although, in his heart of hearts, he wasn’t sure which answer scared him more.
His therapist had tried to get him to consider which option scared him more, and why, and that was not a fun conversation to have. Confronting his fears of abandonment showing up again, just in a different font, was not Hudson’s favorite thing to do, no matter how much Lane would have loved to do so.
He groaned, and flopped over in bed. He should be excited about this. This was his biggest dream coming true.
But why did the thought of his dreams coming true make him want to barf?
The gallery was so much bigger than he had remembered, which meant there was so much space for strangers to come and judge his art.
Which was what he wanted, he reminded himself. Well, maybe not so much the judging, but the seeing his art? Admiring it, maybe? Purchasing some, if he was lucky? There wasn’t much for him to do, other than nod and smile at the curator and the gallery staff as they did a final walkthrough of the space. He managed the appropriate sentences (“everything looks great” “thank you for getting the sparkling cider” “it’s such an honor to be able to show my work in a place like this”) before he was ushered off into the little back office known as the greenroom, where he was going to spend the next forty-five minutes to an hour pacing before changing his clothing to something slightly more suitable for an artist.
Everything would be fine, he told himself. His friends were coming, his parents were coming, and his sisters (both of whom were out of state and could not come back in time) had already blown up his phone with texts and demands for photographic evidence, and promises that he had to do another gallery showing so they could come to that one. Nathan, his older brother, was currently stationed overseas, but had texted too, telling Hudson that he was proud of him and his team was now referring to Nathan as the least accomplished Miller sibling. And a few of his Patrons were going to be coming, which was both terrifying and gratifying, and then also people he did not know.
Everything would be fine.
He missed Alana.
She was coming, she had promised him she wouldn’t miss this for anything, but he wished that she had come here early with him.
Like some sort of security blanket, his subconscious pointed out.
Which Hudson couldn’t deny. And honestly, if he would have asked her, she probably would have said yes. Even with things being in the in between that they were now. But he hadn’t asked, because he had already become too dependent on her, and the more intertwined their lives became, the harder it would be to untangle the strings when the divorce went through.
It was going to be like post-Connecticut but exponentially worse.
“Are you ready?” George knocked on his door. “People are starting to trickle in.”
Hudson was absolutely not ready, not even a little bit. “Just finishing up,” he lied.
“Great.”
Hudson checked his phone. The group chat was buzzing. Shannon had extracted promises on non-existent first borns that there would be a copious amount of video and picture evidence sent, as did Oliver (who was on a job site in…Mississippi, maybe?), Matilda, who was now on bedrest, and Deacon, who was overseas for some factory check, JP was on his way with Jazmine and Ophelia, and Cal and Jamie had just gotten off the subway, and Ben was leaving his office.
There was a slight knock on the door. “Hudson?”
His knees nearly buckled in relief. Alana.
Shirt on but not buttoned, he rushed to the door to let her in. “Hi,” he breathed.
She looked down at his chest, and then up at his face, and smiled. “I didn’t realize you were going with the more naked look for tonight.”
Hudson smiled. “Ha.” He looked around. “You’re a little early.”
“You forgot to bring your meds with you,” she said. “You left them on the table.” She held out his little container of pills. “I wasn’t sure how time-sensitive they were, and I have a purse so they won’t ruin your lines.”
“My lines?”
“Of your pants.”
Hudson shrugged. “I don’t think I’ve ever been concerned about pant lines,” (at least, not the ones she was thinking of) “but good to know. And thank you.” He popped open the container, and dry swallowed his evening batch of pills. “Want to come in here for a bit?”
“One of the staff members is hovering outside, so I don’t know if that’s the best idea,” Alana said. “But you finish buttoning yourself up and come out. JP is already flirting with the curator, and there’s some staff member who seems to be taking that extremely personally. Cal and Jamie are almost here, which is good, because if this devolves into violence, Jamie can patch everyone up.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
Alana grinned. “Yes. Jamie will contain all biohazards, and biohazard containment should always make you feel better.”
“You know, if I was a worse person, I would definitely be making a sex joke right about now.”
“And if I was a better person, I wouldn’t have already thought of said joke, too.”
Okay, for all the panicking that Hudson had done, things weren’t that bad.
Sure, every time someone gave him a compliment, he wanted to crawl into a hole and die, but then he’d turn around and see his mom and Jamie probably bonding over medical trauma, or Ben and his cousin David catching up, or Alana charming her way through the room, and, if he wasn’t mistaken, casually selling all his pieces for him. Was it to help him or so JP could flirt without being interrupted? He wasn’t sure.
He was in the middle of having a very nice and polite conversation with a journalist, when he saw Alana hovering, a look of horror on her face. He excused himself politely, and made a beeline over to her. “What happened?” he asked gently, cupping her face in his hands. “Are you okay? Do we need to go home?”
(Yes, he would leave his own show in the middle if Alana wasn’t feeling well. No, he was not going to unpack that later.)
“I think I’m hallucinating,” Alana said quietly, eyes wide. “And I need you to tell me if you also see who I thought I saw.”
“Deal,” Hudson said, lowering his hands. Alana grabbed them.
“Next to the tall Asian man, there’s a couple. He looks like every finance bro I have ever met.”
“I see them.”
“Fuck. Do you see his wife?”
“Only her back.”
“Okay, wait til she turns around.”
Hudson tried as hard as he could to look like he wasn’t straining to see the face of a petite blonde woman halfway across the room, and that he was just having a polite conversation with Alana.
The woman turned, and Hudson tried to control his wince.
“Is that…”
“Nurse Jennifer? From Dr. Bradford’s office?”
“Why is she here?” Hudson asked.
“What a good fucking question!” Alana hissed. “What is she doing here? And what do we do?”
“Uh, we smile politely at her and her husband?” Hudson offered.
“Hudson Asher Miller, she thinks we’re married.”
“Babe. We are married.”
“Don’t babe me when I’m freaking out. I know we are, and our friends do, but nobody else here does. And what’s gonna happen when she says something to someone else?”
“Oh. Ohhhh.” Hudson winced. “Maybe she won’t say anything, because of HIPAA?”
“She won’t say how she knows me, but why would she think us being married is a secret?”
“Well, shit.”
“Correct!” Alana leaned forward. “Fuck, why is my stupid life ruining your big night.”
“I chose this the same way you did,” Hudson replied. He tilted her face up toward him. “You don’t get to blame yourself for this one. How the hell were you supposed to know? How were either of us supposed to know?”
”Ugh, you and your dumb reason in the face of panic,” Alana grumped.
“We’re gonna figure this out and everything will be fine,” Hudson said.
“That’s an overabundance of confidence you have there, and for what?” Alana pulled out her phone. “We need reinforcements. Especially because your mom just hugged someone who walked in. Which means…”
“That’s Aunt Becky. Her sister.”
“Fuck me,” Alana said.
Hudson grinned. “No, it’s not really a time for that.”
“After this godforsaken art show is over,” Alana said, “me and you are going to have a little chat about you teasing me at inappropriate times.”
“First of all, you were the one who started it,” Hudson said. “And second of all, we’re going to have to have a couple other chats also.”
“No, no, no, we definitely don’t.” Alana said “Everything is perfectly okay. There is no reason for us to talk about anything at all ever.”
“Surrrre,” Hudson drawled. “That wasn’t suspicious at all.”
Hudson had visions of a surprise JP Marriage Boot Camp, and winced. “What sort of reinforcements?”
“The kind where Cal goes to talk to Mr. Jennifer, and where we send Jamie to talk to Nurse Jennifer, and make sure your mom doesn’t follow, and then maybe find them other select people to talk to who aren’t your mom.”
“What about your mom?” his mom asked. “I was looking for you two.”
Alana jolted a little. “Hi, Mrs. Miller.”
“You okay, honey? You look like you saw a ghost.”
“I did,” Alana responded cheerfully. She still had not let go of Hudson’s hand, which. It brought him a concerning amount of joy that she was relying on him like that, but also, his mom was going to notice, and at some point would probably ask him what their relationship was.
And wasn’t that a conversation he never wanted to have. Because as much as he was not in the habit of lying to his mom, there was no way he was ever going to look his mom in the eye and tell her what happened.
“I would think that ghosts wouldn’t show up with this many people here, but I can’t say I’ve ever seen any. Auntie Ev does. I’ll have to ask her.”
Alana blinked. “I didn’t actually see a ghost, but who’s Auntie Ev and where did she see a ghost?”
“Evelyn Frank is my best friend, and she’s seen multiple ghosts. She’s not a professional ghost hunter, though.”
“She’s an extremely unprofessional one,” Hudson joked.
“And she’s sorry she can’t be here, and she said to tell you she loves you and she’s so proud of you and after the show you have to call her so you can tell her everything that happened.”
“I got all fourteen of her texts,” Hudson replied. “But I’ll call her tomorrow.”
“Good.” Mrs. Miller’s phone buzzed. “And there’s your dad. He’s on his way in.” She leaned over and kissed Hudson’s cheek. “Proud of you, bub.” She beamed at Alana. “Proud of you, too.”
Alana stared up at Hudson as his mom walked toward the entrance to the gallery. “Why’s she proud of me?” she asked. “What did I do?”
Hudson shrugged. “Exist?”
“That’s not enough of a reason.”
“It is for Sharrie Miller.” Hudson glanced back to where Nurse Jennifer and her husband were standing in front of one of the canvases.
Cal sidled over. “I got the bat signal,” he said. “What can I do to run interference?”
“What bat signal?” Hudson asked.
“The text from your wife?—”
“Shhhhh!!!” Alana hissed.
“My bad.” Cal lowered his voice. “The one Alana sent the group chat.” He flipped his phone so Hudson could see. ‘EMERGENCY. EVIL NURSE FROM DR IS HERE WITH MAN. HSUBAND??? DO NOT LET THEM TALK TO HUDSON’S FAM. HELP.’
Hudson stifled a laugh. “Well, that’s pretty clear.”
The door to the gallery opened, and a handful of Hudson’s New Jersey cousins walked in.
“What about those people?” Cal asked. “Can we use them?”
“Those are more cousins.”
“Dear fucking God, how many cousins do you have?”
“So many,” Alana said. “He has so many.”
There was a rustle of fabric, and suddenly, Hudson was enveloped in the familiar smell of honeysuckle and Chanel perfume. “Auntie Ev?”
“Surprise, bubbalah!” Auntie Ev was in fact there, impeccably dressed as she always was. “I know I had texted you earlier today, but I really wasn’t sure if I was going to be coming home on time or not.” She beamed up at him. “Look at this. Look at all of this.” She sniffled. “I promised I wasn’t going to cry, but I also promised that I was still going to be in Switzerland for this, so I’m a liar more than once.”
“Evelyn, you dirty liar!” His mom joined the conversation. “You’re supposed to be presenting at a symposium!”
“They ended up changing it to yesterday, so I was able to leave early.” Ev turned around to hug his mom. “You have tissues, right?”
“Always. Why?”
“In case I cry all over Hudson about how proud I am of him.” Ev looked around. “Where’s Abe?”
“Somewhere. I don’t know, he found someone to talk to.”
Alana’s eyes widened, and Hudson did a quick scan of the room for his dad. “My friend Ben,” Hudson supplied. “And one of the Patrons. Jesse, maybe? I can’t tell from here.”
“Let me go say hi to him, too,” Auntie Ev said. “We’ll catch up later.” She reached up and kissed both his cheeks. “Love you, kiddo. I’m so proud of you.” With that, she and his mom headed to go chat with his dad, leaving Alana looking equal parts worried and relieved.
Was it bad that Hudson was relieved that the nurse from Alana’s doctor’s office had shown up? And setting aside all the tangled feelings he had about his marriage potentially being public, just the fact there was something else for him to fixate on that wasn’t how he was being perceived by the people who came to the gallery was enough for him to be thankful.
Not that he would tell Alana. At least, not any time soon.
The fact that there was a possibility that his family would find out that he was married? Complicated, at best. He looked over at Alana, who was trying the best she could to look calm, but the iron-tight grip she had on his hand told him differently.
JP sidled over. “I found Nurse Jennifer another medical professional to talk to,” he said. “So hopefully that distracts her.”
“Is it my mom?”
“No, asshole, of course it’s not your mom.” He nodded toward where Jennifer was standing. “It’s some guy.”
Hudson groaned. “John, you dumbass, that’s my uncle.”
“Well, fuck.”
“And where’s her husband?”
“Ophelia’s talking to him now,” Cal said. “Jamie will swoop in next.”
“Do you think he’ll think it’s weird that all our friends are going to talk to her?” Alana asked.
“As long as they don’t introduce themselves primarily as our friends, we should probably be fine,” Hudson replied. “Also, there is the probability that he’s not going to mention the fact that I’m married to every person she talks to. Honestly, he might not know. How is she supposed to explain to her husband how she knows us without HIPAA issues?”
“I know that, but my anxiety doesn’t,” Alana said. She dropped her head onto Hudson’s shoulder. “Thank you for being the calm one. I’m trying to find it in me to do that for you, but I can’t right now.”
Hudson dropped a small kiss onto her head. “We’re taking turns, Lana. Doesn’t always have to be you.”
“Also, not to add anything else to this, but I think Jaz being here leaked on socials,” JP said. “So her security is on their way, and she’s probably going to leave soon.”
“Damn,” Hudson said. Jaz was Jaz, and sometimes, she came with a circus. Hudson was fine with it, because that was part of the deal, but he knew how much she hated inconveniencing her friends with her fame. “Who’s coming? McKinley?”
“Probably,” JP said. “I didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure they’re negotiating about him working for her full time soon.”
“Good for him,” Hudson said. “Talk to George about letting him in through the green room. There’s a door that leads out back.”
“Perfect.” JP glanced over at Jazmine, who was chatting with one of Hudson’s cousins. “I’ll be back soon.” He jogged off.
“McKinley?” Alana asked.
“Dated him a few years ago,” Hudson replied. “And then it turns out he worked with one of my cousins after that, and I don’t think they’ve seen each other in a while.”
“Am I finally gonna get to meet another ex?” Alana asked, delighted. “To be honest, it upsets me a little that you have such excellent taste in exes.”
“Why?”
“Well, mostly because I look at some of the clowns that I…well, slept with, not dated, and then at the people you’ve been in relationships with, and it kind of gives me a complex. Probably also jealousy? I dunno, it just shows that you are probably a healthier person than I am.”
Hudson wondered if he should have a complex, if she thought so highly of all the people she’d been with before, but then reminded himself for what felt like the millionth time, that he was not actually in a real relationship with Alana, so it didn’t actually matter.
Jazmine slipped over to them. “I’ve been instructed to hide with you until my cavalry arrives,” she said.
“We’ll be your interim calvary,” Alana said. “We’re great at multitasking.”
“Seasoned professionals and everything,” Hudson deadpanned. “Nice when all the coffee making skills come in handy every once in a while.”
Alana laughed, and then peered over his shoulder. “Wait, that’s McKinley?”
Jaz looked over to where JP and McKinley were chatting with David and Elijah. “Oh, he found his friends!”
“You continue to have better taste in exes than I do.” Alana leaned into him a little.
“He really does give the rest of us complexes,” Jazmine replied. “Well, all of us but JP.”
“JP’s JP. I don’t think he can get a complex,” Hudson said. “And anyway, both of you should know me well enough to know that any facade of me looking like a well-accomplished person is a smokescreen.”
“You know, you can also just take credit for your accomplishments, babe,” Alana said. “The world wouldn’t end if you did.”
“Questionable,” Hudson replied.
Jamie swung over. “Alana, lemme steal you for a minute,” she said. “There’s someone here who was talking about cybersecurity and it sounded like the same stuff that you talk about.”
Alana laughed. “What words did they use?”
“I dunno. There was talk of encryption and proxies and then something about the changing landscape of data privacy stuff, maybe AI legislation?”
Alana’s eyes lit up. “Ooh. Those are the same things I talk about!”
“See? I do listen,” Jamie protested. “Not that I always know what you’re talking about, but I do try.”
“Same way I try to read the articles you send me about AI fails in medical diagnoses,” Alana agreed. She looked up at Hudson. “Go sell some art.”
Hudson sighed. “Sure, sure.”
“Jaz, make him sell art, please.”
Jazmine’s smile widened. “Will do.”
Jazmine waited until Alana was out of hearing to look up at Hudson. “You know, pal, if you don’t want people to know you guys are in a relationship, maybe don’t act so married.”
Hudson blinked. “What are you talking about?”
“And JP was stressing,” Jazmine muttered. “That boy is, and I mean this with all the love in my heart, a terrible fucking judge of character for shit like this.” She laughed. “He told me about all his big marriage boot camp plans, which, good job for avoiding.”
“Do I want to know?”
“No. Mostly because it’s entirely possible he’ll spring it up on you guys at a later date.”
“But the doctor already okayed the surgery.”
“It’s JP.”
Hudson nodded. “It is.”
“Is Evil Nurse leaving yet?” Jazmine asked, craning her head to look around the room.
“God, I hope so…” Hudson trailed off, and then noticed the one staff member that seemed fairly possessive of the curator and JP in the middle of what looked like a heated argument. “Maybe we should break that up before it escalates.”
“To what?” Jazmine asked, finding the two of them in the crowd. “Ohhh. Either a fistfight or they’re gonna start fucking in the middle of the gallery.”
Well, that was one way to distract Nurse Jennifer, Hudson thought.