Chapter 35 #2
‘You know.’ She squirms. ‘Like in the sessions. Callum, and that guy Alex, that first time. And doing some… stuff earlier in the main Playroom. Tell me how you feel about all that. About it not just being one on one.’
I throw myself back down on the pillow next to her and catch her under her knee so I can tug her leg over my thigh and, in doing so, turn her to face me.
‘I’ll tell you, but afterwards I want you to tell me how you feel about it, too. Because it’s seriously important, especially in light of our discussion about how much I want you to be my girlfriend.’
I lean forward and kiss her on the nose.
‘Okay,’ she says.
‘It’s a double-edged sword,’ I admit. ‘Not in the sessions. With Unfurl, it’s all about you, so it makes things clear-cut. I stand by what I told you that day in the park. Four mouths are better than one.’
She licks her lips. ‘I have to say, your mathematical abilities were very… accurate.’
‘I know.’
‘Not that I’ve had four mouths on me… yet.’
I roll my eyes. She’s a piece of work. ‘Those sessions are about opening your eyes to pure pleasure rather than stressing about the morality or conventionality of what form that pleasure takes.’
‘And tonight?’ she asks. She’s studying my face carefully.
‘Tonight was a trade-off,’ I say, ‘between making it feel intimate and safe for you and pushing the boundaries again. Using the opportunity to coax you just outside of your comfort zone, or of whatever super-Catholic-fucked-up preconceptions you had of how it might be when you lost your virginity.’
That makes her laugh. ‘Thanks a lot.’
‘You’re welcome.’
‘So… it doesn’t bother you when there are other people watching, or touching me? Or it bothers you but you deal with it for my sake? Or it actively turns you on?’
‘It’s a bit of all three,’ I say, the pad of my thumb going to the plump, delicious centre of her lower lip.
I press down gently and remember how those lips felt around my cock earlier.
And yes, I’m still hard. ‘That’s the double-edged sword.
On the one hand, I fucking hated it when Alex had his mouth on you in the first session, or when Cal was pawing at you last week.
‘But watching you come apart harder than you would have if it had been just me was fucking amazing.’
She frowns. ‘I think you made me come apart pretty well tonight, all by yourself.’
I smirk. ‘That I did. But it also comes down to envy as an aphrodisiac. Watching other people touching you and going fucking crazy for you is a massive fucking turn-on. That jealousy gives my desire an edge. If I’m being completely honest, it’s the satisfaction of being the one that gets you when everyone else would kill for you that makes me harder than anything.
I felt on the sidelines in that first session, but you weren’t supposed to know it was me. ’
‘You shouldn’t have smelt so delicious then.’ She smiles coquettishly. ‘Anyway, I came even harder knowing it was you kissing me. It would have fallen flat if you hadn’t been there.’
‘Glad to hear it,’ I tell her.
‘And tonight? Do you get off on people watching?’
‘I wouldn’t class myself as an exhibitionist, but I’ll admit there’s some toxic, alpha part of me that wants the conquest and wants the public admiration for it.
I had the most beautiful woman in the entire place tonight.
Nobody else could touch you, and I got to rub it in their faces.
I’m not proud of it, but that’s how I feel.
’ I pause. ‘How was it for you, having me pretend to inspect you in public?’
She snorts. ‘I’m not sure there was much pretending going on.
But I loved it. I was really nervous—I wasn’t sure—but you looked so intense.
There was something so erotic about being this commodity you were paying for and doing as you liked with.
’ She squirms. ‘God, it was so hot. I don’t know how twisted this is, but when you’re all clinical and bossy and you…
inspect me and treat me really dismissively, it turns me on so much I want to die. ’
God, she’s incredible. Just incredible. ‘For what it’s worth, I say huskily, ‘acting dismissively or dispassionately towards you is fucking impossible. But I do it because I know it gets you going, and it turns me on just as much, believe me. It’s the power thing.’
‘Have you had lots of group sex?’ she asks timidly.
I press my lips together in amusement. ‘Probably. I don’t know. Yeah, I suppose so.’
‘Have you done sexual things with another man?’
‘Nope.’ I shake my head. ‘I’m straight. I’m all about the pussy.’
‘But you don’t mind there being other guys in the room?’
‘No. As I said, it’s all about the woman.
If there are multiple guys servicing the same woman, then I’m up for that, because she gets to have more fun, and I benefit from that.
It’s hot. As long as the guys don’t want to touch my dick or have me touch theirs, that’s cool.
But if we’re all focused on her, and everyone ends up shooting their load over or inside her, then great.
If it’s me and a few women, I can handle that too. ’
I watch carefully for her reaction, because there’s a lot to unpack there. She doesn’t seem horrified, just thoughtful.
‘Because the maths is good, if you have a few women to yourself?’ she asks, and I chuckle.
‘Exactly, baby. The maths is very good.’
‘Would you want me with another woman?’ she asks, her eyes wide.
‘No fucking interest. I want to put all my focus on you.’
She smiles like she’s pleased with my answer. While I never mind having a woman on my face and one impaled on my dick, I arguably prefer it when a few of us are sharing one woman. I enjoy the power play. I get off on watching her surrender completely.
‘And you have situations at the club where a few of you will be with one woman, but you’ll all actually… finish?’ she continues bravely.
‘Definitely. Often the women love it.’ I lower my voice.
‘Remember how excited you got the other night when I was talking about letting the priests loose on you? Can you imagine if they all got so desperate for you that they were unleashing themselves on you however they could while one lucky fucker fucked you to hell and back?’
I’m not oblivious to the glassiness in her eyes. She’s as aroused as I am imagining that. ‘That’s the kind of thing we could organise for the Adieu session, if you like,’ I say softly.
‘But what about the boyfriend girlfriend thing?’ she asks.
‘None of these things have to be mutually exclusive, baby,’ I tell her.
‘Adieu’s part of the programme, anyway, so you have free rein.
I am fucking loving watching you unfurl before my eyes.
I would never, ever take away the opportunity for you to explore your darkest desires. This is precisely what it’s for.’
‘What happens in the room stays in the room,’ she whispers.
‘Exactly,’ I say, more forcefully than I feel. That double-edged sword is back, its sharp tip pressing right at my heart. Because everything I told her was right. It fucking kills me to see other guys getting anywhere near her. She is mine, and she’s going to stay mine.
At the same time, the idea of her stretched out in restraints while a few of us have a crack at stirring her up into an unimaginable, transportive level of arousal is the hottest thing I can possibly imagine.
‘Could there be a format,’ she says slowly, ‘where there are other guys, like, touching me, but you’re the only one who actually gets inside me?
Because I love the idea of having lots of hands on me, and mouths, and not really knowing who’s doing what, you know?
I want to completely surrender and just be pillaged. It’s one of my ultimate fantasies.’
‘God, I know, baby,’ I rasp. I cannot believe this woman, can’t believe the extent of her bravery and open-mindedness and appetite. ‘I’d love to see you come apart like that. But I’m the only one who gets to fuck you.’
‘Good. Because I cannot imagine doing that with anyone else.’ She shakes her head, amused. ‘I can’t believe Gen wanted me to do that with Alex. It would have been so horrible with anyone but you.’
My ego is now the size of a house. She gets it. She gets the difference between the maths of using willing hands and mouths selfishly, to worship and plunder every inch of her body, and the intimate intrusion of having my dick inside her body.
I get it too. Until this month I have fucked women left, right and centre without a second thought. I’ve seen them as beautiful bodies. Willing holes.
What I felt when Belle let me inside her body tonight was so different, so transcendent, so intimate, as to be easily mistaken for a different act altogether.
‘And then afterwards?’ she asks. ‘After the programme?’
‘I told you,’ I say. ‘I don’t want to clip your wings, not when you’re only just learning to fly. We do this on your terms. I’m happy never to lay a finger on another woman again. I have my beautiful chameleon—my whore and my madonna. I don’t need anyone else.
‘But we’re lucky both of us have a fondness for kink, even if you haven’t explored that much yet.
If we want to play with other people in each other’s presence as part of a scene from time to time, why not?
If I want to fuck my beautiful girlfriend in public without anyone else getting within a foot of her, why not?
And if you want to stay here in this bed with me and never step through the threshold of Alchemy again, then you’re worth it.
I told you, I don’t need anything else apart from you. ’