Chapter 9
Gen
As I stride into the kitchenette as fast as my pencil skirt will allow, Maddy catches me up, sliding the door shut behind us and Zach’s black lab, Norm, who’s followed her in. He’s as obsessed with her as Zach is.
‘You okay?’
I grimace. ‘I’m fine. I just let him get to me, that’s all.’
‘Did he upset you?’
‘God, no.’ I grab the kettle and pop the lid open so I can fill it from the tap. ‘Want one?’
‘Yeah, but builder’s.’ She takes two bone china mugs down from the cupboard and opens the tea caddies, pulling out an English breakfast teabag for her and a camomile one for me.
She knows me well. I drink coffee or camomile. Nothing in between.
It’s odd how quickly Maddy and I have got close. We’re not particularly alike. She’s far younger than me, but I greatly respect her liberated approach to sex, and I think for that reason she’s a good influence.
You’d think someone who co-founded a sex club and ‘partakes’ of its delights, to quote Anton Fuckface Wolff, would be emancipated as heck, but nope. My willingness to have sex with strangers belies the hangups that still plague me.
I actually see far more of myself in Rafe’s girlfriend, Belle, who’s Maddy’s polar opposite.
I may not have suffered the intense religious trauma that Belle has, but I’ve cultivated the same good-girl persona she has, with all the guilt and lack of agency over one’s own mind and body that she’s struggled with.
And, while my father isn’t the religious nut hers is, thank God, they’re both patriarchal pricks who only value their daughters when we’re playing ball.
That’s why hanging out with Maddy is good for both of us. Besides, she’s the sweetest, sunniest girl and she brings the light. The fun. She’s a force for good, and the way she’s bringing Zach and his daughters back to life is nothing short of miraculous to witness.
With the guys, I play the tough cookie. I give as good as I get. That’s been our dynamic since our uni days. They treat me as one of them, even if, underneath all the banter and teasing, they’d die to protect me. Still, I tend to put up walls with them.
I tried to do the same with Maddy in the early days, but she was having none of it. She sort of gets under your skin and crawls past your defenses, and you just have to accept it and give in.
She’s a bit like a puppy in that respect.
So when she asks me, ‘What’s the problem, then?’ I have a feeling she already knows the answer.
‘Ugh.’ I put the kettle back on its stand and flick the power switch. ‘I didn’t like how he made me feel.’
‘Uncomfortable?’
‘Yep.’
‘In a bad way?’ she presses.
I fix her with a loaded look. ‘In a far too good way.’
She presses her lips together and opens her eyes wide and squeezes her hands into fists like she’s about to explode, and then, sure enough, a squeal escapes her.
‘I knew it! I fucking knew it! Tell me, tell me.’
‘Don’t breathe a word of this to the boys,’ I say. ‘They’ll be unbearable. Besides, I have no intention of acting on any of it.’
‘Oh, bollocks to that.’ She bends to pet Norm, who has his nose buried in her crotch as usual. ‘Why wouldn’t you go for it with him? He’s sexy as fuck.’
‘Because he’s dangerous,’ I tell her. ‘He’s not the kind of guy you fuck and recover from.’
I stand there and watch the kettle, and I squeeze my thighs together as I recall how heady it felt to be the object of Anton Wolff’s attention.
Of his desire.
Make no mistake about it. If I got you on this bed I would be fucking relentless until I’d made you fall apart over and fucking over.
Over and over.
Jeeee-sus.
She makes a disappointed face. ‘Really? You wouldn’t be tempted to just… dabble? Have some hot sex with the hot billionaire? Did he have Big Dick Energy?’
‘He had very Big Dick Energy,’ I say, and she lets out a happy sigh.
‘I knew it. Honestly, babes, I can see you guys being hot together. I know I always say this, but you need a proper grownup. You need someone with, you know, real gravitas. Like a proper power player.’ She points a pink-painted fingernail at me. ‘That’s what he is. A power player. He’s a real man.’
‘You’re not wrong. Norm, sweetie, move it.’ I edge him out of the way before turning and pouring boiling water into our mugs.
‘Is he kinky?’ she asks. ‘What did he say his kinks are?’
‘NDA,’ I remind her. I look up to find her screwing up her pretty little nose like a kid who’s been told no.
‘But I work here.’
‘Yeah, but only the leadership team gets to see the applications.’
‘Can’t you tell me anything?’
I consider. ‘I can’t tell you the contents of his questionnaire, but I don’t see any reason why I can’t tell you the inappropriate things he said to me downstairs.’ It’s a shame I can’t tell Mads the things Anton Wolff enjoys doing to women. She’d fucking love hearing them.
‘Tell me now,’ she insists.
‘Well,’ I say, dragging out the word like I’m trying to recall what he said, exactly.
As if it’s not emblazoned on my pussy’s brain already.
‘He asked me if I use the club. He went on and on about it, so I told him yes but that it was irrelevant to him. And then, when I was showing him one of the rooms, he basically told me he knew I wanted it and suggested I’d been eye-fucking him throughout our interview. ’
Maddy presses her lips together like she’s enjoying this far too much. ‘And?’
I attempt a nonchalant shrug. ‘And then he told me he’d fuck me any which way but that if he got me into bed he’d be, you know, totally relentless.’ I finish with a disapproving shake of my head, but Maddy’s jaw is hanging open.
‘Relentless? Oh my God. I’m actually turned on on your behalf.’
‘Don’t be. It’s not going to happen.’
‘But Gen.’ She lowers her voice. ‘It would be so fucking good. You know it would be. Jesus Christ, he’d be amazing!’
I roll my shoulders backwards in the hope that a straighter physical backbone will allow me to grow a mental one. ‘Not helpful,’ I say stiffly. ‘Because it’s not going to happen.’
She tut-tuts as she adds milk to her tea, but before she can say anything, there’s a soft knock before the door slides open. It’s Zach, gazing at her with hearts in his eyes.
‘Sorry to disturb. I thought I’d grab you while you’re in the kitchen.’
He’s speaking only to Maddy, obviously. I grin at him, because seeing my friend this happy never fails to move me.
‘She’s all yours,’ I tell him. ‘Later,’ I mouth at Maddy, who pouts at me before turning the full beam of her smile on her boyfriend.
As I leave the kitchen, nudging Norm out in front of me, Zach already has her bundled up in his arms.