Chapter 28
Stepmothers with Benefits
GEN
It’s not every day your stepdaughters invite you to the Dover Street Arts Club for lunch. It was Annabel, the more dominant twin, who texted me last week.
Hey
Gen
Wanna go for lunch?
With both of us
We need your help w something
Don’t stress we’re fine
But don’t tell Dad!!!
The last message was a giant red flag for me, so much so that my initial reaction was to indeed “tell Dad”. But they’re coming to me for a reason, and if they’re in trouble or have need of my help, I’d rather they asked one of the adults in their lives than none of them.
So I suppose, for now, that adult is me.
The twins are both in their final year at London universities and living it up in my old flat in South Kensington.
Anton bought it off me as a pied à terre for the kids.
It’s approximately three hundred times more luxurious than regular student accommodation, but the upside is that they’re close to us and living in a decent part of town.
While Annabel’s studying Business at the London School of Economics, Amie’s doing a Fashion and Marketing degree at Central St Martin’s.
Far more heads turn when they walk in than I’m comfortable with, given most of our fellow diners are businessmen twice their age.
The girls are astonishingly—and, if you’re their father, terrifyingly—stunning.
It’s still hard for me to tell them apart unless they’re making a conscious effort to differentiate their appearances.
That is not the case today. They’re both wearing exactly the same thing—cream ribbed sweater dresses that skim their enviable figures.
Their dark hair is straight and glossy, their makeup sleek and minimalist in that certain way that tells me it took hours to apply.
They look like supermodels, and I’m sure every man in here is appreciating this double threat that’s just livened up his lunch.
After we’ve chosen carefully from the menu—they’re both Coeliac, like their mother—we catch up.
Anton and I haven’t seen them since they came for Sunday brunch around a month ago.
I will never regret not having children—I never saw myself with a baby—but I find I enjoy the relationship I have with my step-children.
For one, there are no bottoms to wipe. They can all look after themselves perfectly well.
Second, I’m not a central parent figure in their lives, more of a bonus adult, so we can enjoy each other’s company on our own merits.
I don’t see a huge amount of Felix or Scarlett, who both live in New York, but I enjoy spending time with the Terrible Twins when the occasion presents itself.
This, however, is a first.
I’ve noticed a few fleeting glances between them as we’ve chatted. They’re doing that twin thing of silent communication. It’s amusing, but I have to say my interest is piqued. Also, I know they have lectures to get back to after lunch.
‘I was intrigued by your texts,’ I tell Annabel. ‘What is it you girls need my help with?’
Another conspiratorial glance. Amie looks quickly down at her plate.
‘We have a favour to ask you,’ Annabel says.
‘Annabel has a favour to ask you,’ Amie clarifies.
‘I have a favour to ask you on both our behalves,’ Annabel insists.
I sigh and put down my salad fork, picking up my champagne flute. ‘Out with it.’
‘We want you to give us membership to Alchemy,’ Annabel says.
I almost spit out my champagne. ‘Hard pass,’ I splutter.
Amie gives Annabel an I told you so look.
‘Why, exactly?’ Annabel wants to know.
I am totally on the back foot here. ‘Well, for one thing… your father would have a heart attack. Literally. There’s no way he’d allow it.’
‘Funny,’ Annabel muses. ‘I had no idea he was the boss of you. You always struck me as very independent—we admire your feistiness, don’t we, Amie? And we’re twenty-one, so it’s precisely none of his business.’
‘He’s not the boss of me, and you know it,’ I say, flustered. ‘This isn’t about who’s the boss, it’s about my respecting his wishes. It would kill your father if you joined Alchemy.’
‘I don’t see why. We’re having sex anyway, so it may as well be in a safe and consensual environment.
’ I’m pretty sure she’s taken that last part verbatim from Alchemy’s website.
‘And you’re supposed to be flying the flag for female sexual freedom.
’ She leans forward. ‘Did you know Amie has only had sex with two people and both of them were crap? Isn’t that exactly the kind of issue you’re supposed to help solve? ’
Poor Amie looks like she’s dying a thousand deaths over Annabel’s indiscretions. I press my lips together in an expression of sympathy before turning my attention back to Annabel.
‘First of all, I’d like you to respect your sister more, please.
You may think you’re doing her a favour, but she doesn’t need you as a mouthpiece.
She can speak for herself, can’t you, Amie?
’ She nods, looking grateful. ‘This is a very serious topic we’re discussing.
You should not be putting words in your sister’s mouth. Understood?’
‘Yeah,’ she says, marginally chastened.
‘Excellent.’ I give a little nod and pull myself mentally together.
I’ve won a tiny point, but I’m way out of my depth here.
I can’t help but feel I’m encroaching on Anton and Marie-Claire’s turf over their daughters’ sexual education while being uncomfortably aware that absolutely everything Annabel has said is right.
‘Okay, let’s address the issue at hand. While Amie’s sexual experiences are not up for discussion unless she wants to share them herself, I do agree with what you’ve said.
’ I smile at her. ‘You’re a good negotiator—so like your father.
And you’re right.’ I clear my throat. ‘I feel very strongly about investing in female sexuality, and I know, of course, that you’re both adults.
‘Alchemy’s a place where people can absolutely go to have fun in a safe place.
Of course it is. But that’s not to say it’s tame.
Every member will be on their own journey, but it’s full on.
’ I’m very much in stepmother mode right now rather than fierce advocate of women’s sexual freedom, which is why I say what I say next.
‘Have you any idea how many men in this room have looked at you two like you’re pieces of meat since you walked in?’
Amie’s eyes widen. Annabel chews the inside of her lip. ‘Gross. They’re all old.’
‘They’re not that old—thirties to fifties, I’d say.
But a thirty-something finance guy is our typical avatar.
It’s basically the same demographic. Now, imagine you’re in a club full of these guys, and you’re half naked, or more, and they’re coming onto you, or you’re watching them have sex with other people, multiple people, a lot of the time. How would you feel?’
I’m being deliberately provocative, of course, and I feel bad about it. It’s astonishing that Amie and Annabel are only a year or so younger than Belle and Maddy must have been when they discovered the delights of Alchemy.
The girls have met them in passing during our wedding festivities and our fortieth bash, but they don’t know them well.
I make a mental note never to let Annabel talk to Maddy about Alchemy.
Those two are far too similar. Although, arranging for Amie to have a quiet word with Belle may not be a bad call.
‘Completely violated,’ Amie says with a shudder. Annabel’s giving the room a further visual survey, lips pursed thoughtfully.
‘I dunno. Thirties, I can do. The last guy I fucked was—’
I hold up my hand. ‘Thank you, I have no wish to know.’
Dear Lord above, give me strength. How did I ever allow my fuckboy mate Rafe to get his claws into poor little Belle when she was only twenty-two? I was dubious then, but it seems horrifying now, even if I stand by everything the Unfurl programme did and does stand for.
That said, if I remove my stepmother hat for a moment, I can appreciate that these two beautiful young women are fully grown, in the early years of what will hopefully be a long sexual prime, and deserving that I take them seriously and don’t patronise or gaslight them.
Obviously, where their father is concerned, it would be better if they never had sex at all.
Obviously, that ship has sailed.
And obviously, I can’t resist trying to prevent them from falling into the hole I found myself in before we founded Alchemy, which was years and years of ungratifying sex.
I don’t really want the girls to have sex, but I also don’t want them having bad sex, and I certainly don’t want them having dangerous or traumatic or non-consensual or intimidating sex, or even sex that leaves an ick.
And I can’t deny that they’ve come to the right adult in their lives for help on all those fronts.
Bugger bugger bugger.
‘Tell us about the club,’ Annabel pleads. This kid is like a rubber duck. You really can’t keep her down. It’s the kind of borderline obnoxious resilience that will probably stand her very well in life. ‘We don’t know anything about it, and the website is fucking useless. No offence.’
I swallow a smile. She’s really something. I look at Amie. ‘Are you comfortable if I give you some broad brushstrokes?’
She nods politely. ‘Sure.’
‘Well, Alchemy’s supposed to represent various things. Convenience, discretion and room for exploration, mainly. To put it bluntly, the people who sign up are wealthy, time poor, and wanting to experiment.’
Annabel wiggles her eyebrows and shoots Amie a gleeful smile.
It is not returned.
This may be my professional milieu, but I’m feeling pretty damn uncomfortable speaking about this stuff to the twins.
Not only have Anton and I always been open with his children about my profession, but we’ve celebrated it.
I’m proud of being a businesswoman, and I’m proud of being someone on a journey to positively change sexual experiences, especially for women.