Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
Morning came too early. Diana woke to sunlight slanting across her face. She turned to see if Alex was awake, but the bed was empty. A frisson of alarm tingled across her skin before the smell of coffee tamed it.
And then she had to wonder why she’d been alarmed. After last night, did she really think he was planning to kick her out of his bed and his life?
Sex with Alex Bishop was the most incredible sex of her life. Maybe it wasn’t that way for him, but she knew it was good. He’d said as much. Plus, there was the fact they still had to work together to infiltrate the militia.
No, he wasn’t kicking her out just yet.
But it was a very good reminder not to get too attached. This thing between them, whatever it was, wasn’t going to last. He was forty-two and he’d never married. Not the kind of guy to make long-term plans with.
As if she wanted to get married. She did not.
Marriage was stifling and rigid. Her mother had wanted to be an artist, but she’d chosen to marry into the Adler family instead. She’d had to give up any notion of doing something so bohemian as painting pictures when there were dignitaries to entertain.
It might be the twenty-first century, but women still gave up careers for men and children. Diana wasn’t willing to change her life plans based on something so unpredictable as marriage. And children?
No. Just no.
She would be a terrible mother. Not because she wanted to be, but she didn’t know how to be a good one. Her own had not been terrible, but she’d always maintained a distance with her children. Like she loved them, but not so much it was a messy thing.
The floors creaked as someone approached. Alex appeared in the door, wearing nothing but boxers, two cups of coffee in his hands. When their eyes met across the room, his face split in a grin.
“Didn’t know if you’d be awake or not.”
“I’m awake. Barely.”
She scooted upright as he walked over and handed her a cup. She’d pulled the comforter up with one hand to cover her naked breasts, but he tugged it down again.
“That’s better.”
She eyed him as she lifted the coffee to her lips and sipped. So good. “You realize it’s October, right? And it’s chilly? My nipples are going to be able to cut glass in a few minutes.”
“I’ll lick them and make them feel better.”
A sizzle of lightning kindled between her legs.
“That’ll only make them colder when you stop.”
“Then I’ll have to find ways to make you sweat, won’t I?”
She knew he could. She leaned back on the headboard—the very one he’d banged her so hotly against last night—and let him ogle her as she drank coffee.
“You know,” she said, dropping her lashes for a moment. “You told me last night that I didn’t want to hear about the kinds of things you dreamt about. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but that’s a very different thing than me not wanting to hear it.”
He watched her with those silver eyes that missed nothing. “True,” he said finally, voice rough. “Guess I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Valid. If you ever do, I’ll listen. I know you’ve probably seen a lot of stuff doing what you did in the military.”
“Yes. But that’s not what I dream about. Not usually, anyway.”
She gazed at him, understanding prickling to life. “Alaska.”
His eyes were diamond hard. “Alaska.” He took a drink of coffee, went silent a moment. “You’re perceptive. I didn’t expect that.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Because I was born a rich girl, you mean? Because I went to boarding schools and had tutors and an Ivy League education? People are complicated, Alex. None of us fit into neat little boxes.”
“No, I guess we don’t.” He dropped a hand to her arm, traced his fingers up it. “Will you ever tell me who Viktor hurt that sent you on a path to the FBI?”
A pinprick of pain blossomed in her chest. “Ah, so you figured that out, huh? I was probably headed for a career in international relations. But then Viktor happened, and I knew I wanted to fight for justice instead.” She drew in a breath.
“I’ll tell you when you tell me about your dreams. About what caused them. How’s that?”
“Won’t argue with that deal.” He took her coffee cup and set it on the nightstand with his own. “But right now? These beautiful nipples are begging for my attention.”
Diana left Alex standing on his driveway, hair tousled, shirtless, coffee cup in hand as he watched her leave.
Such a sexy sight. How had she gotten so lucky that she was the woman warming his bed night after night?
That she knew what drove him wild, and how to make him lose control until he unleashed all that alpha virility on her body?
She still tingled with the aftershocks of what he’d done to her that morning.
After he’d taken her coffee cup away, he’d worked his way down her torso until his face was between her legs, making her beg him to let her come.
Then he’d made her get on all fours and took her from behind.
She’d exploded around him in no time, pleading for more, and he gave it to her until they were both panting and utterly sated.
Then there was a shower, breakfast, and more kissing before she managed to get out the door.
She’d been smart enough to bring a change of clothes so she could dress for work instead of needing to go back to her apartment.
She’d been hoping he’d want her to stay the night, and she hadn’t been disappointed.
Last night, they’d discussed going back to the militia meeting.
It wasn’t for another two weeks, so they had time to plan.
Alex had downloaded the audio from the bug in Gannon’s apartment, but he’d found nothing he could use.
The man spoke to people on the phone, and he watched porn.
He also made dirty phone calls to someone, probably a 1-800 sex line, and jerked off while he did it.
She’d never been so happy not to be the one listening to the recordings in her life.
Brent Gannon was a creep, not because he watched porn or jerked off to phone sex, but because of the way he acted toward women.
The things he’d been accused of while still active-duty were terrible.
That he’d gotten away with it, simply being forced into retirement rather than being prosecuted under the uniform code of military justice, was infuriating.
Not her circus, but damn.
It was a good half hour drive to the FBI Headquarters on Redstone Arsenal. She parked and stepped out of her car, hitting the button to lock it.
“Diana.”
She jumped at the voice, spinning to find Joel standing there, hands in his pockets, looking moody.
He was tall and good-looking, but nothing like Alex.
How had she ever been attracted enough to have sex with this man?
The idea seemed foreign to her now. When she thought of what they’d done together compared to what she did with Alex—well, it was like the basic no-frills package compared to the deluxe everything included package. Not even in the same universe.
“Hi, Joel. What’s up?”
“Heard you were suspended.”
A kernel of irritation flared to life. “I had a disagreement over a case and took some time off. You’ve made it clear you don’t care, so why are you asking?”
“I do care,” he told her. “I just needed some time to think.”
“I see. Think about what?”
“You. Us.”
“Us?”
His nostrils flared. “I was angry with you for being so cautious. For pulling me in and pushing me away. But I realize it’s just who you are, and if we’re to have anything lasting, I have to accept that about you.
It wasn’t bad between us.” He took a step toward her, put a hand out, but he didn’t touch her.
“I miss you, Diana. I miss the easy relationship we had. It was never messy, never difficult. We had a good time together. I want to try again.”
Oh God. Diana swallowed, guilt pricking her. Not what she’d expected. And not what she wanted, either. Maybe she could have accepted if she’d never gotten naked with Alex and found out what real passion was like. But now? Even knowing what she had with Alex was doomed to fail?
She couldn’t go back. She’d ride that rocket ship into the stars, and she’d ride it to the ground again while it exploded into a million pieces on impact. But she’d never settle for adequate and safe ever again.
“There is no us, Joel,” she said softly. “You said you were tired of me not fully committing to this relationship. And you were right.” She put a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you needed, but you shouldn’t compromise what you want from someone just because what we had was easy.”
He stared at her hand on his arm. When he lifted his head, she thought she’d see sorrow or regret. What she saw was so much worse. She took a step back, stunned at the rage on his face.
“You think you’re so fucking special, don’t you?
You forget I know who you really are, Diana Adler.
How do you think people would feel if they knew you only got this job because of your connections, huh?
Do you think Agent Ackerman would trust you to have his back if he knew you weren’t qualified?
That it was nepotism put you here with a gun and a badge, and that you can walk away whenever you get tired of playing around at being law enforcement? ”
Every word was a blow. It’s what she feared people would think, yes. But it wasn’t true. And she wasn’t going to let him intimidate her.