Date Wednesday 18 January Time 10.30pm
My thoughts and reflections:
Hump-day today…
Worked from home again yesterday as genuinely did have a headache.
This time I actually was at home and actually did do work.
Had to join Harry Piles’ Product Development meeting on Teams. Marginally better than being there in person because I could put a chicken face on him. But still the usual bullshit:
Harry Piles: Come on, people. We need to pull it out the bag here.
Revenue is down by thirteen per cent on last year.
I’m getting it in the ear and we panned over Christmas.
Fucking S execution was lacking. So, Cara, lessons for Editorial?
Cara: Lessons for all, Harry. Poor concept and text heavy.
Harry Piles: Thanks, Cara. Embarrassing, for Editorial really.
Cara: Harry, I distinctly remember saying at the time that the concept you came up with was—
Harry Piles: So blue-sky thinking. What can we do?
Me: How about we bring our non-fiction list into the twenty-first century and think about more relevant titles for today’s readers? Make the layouts more appealing and actively target the TikTok market. We could even use TikTok creators to—
Harry Piles: Not your usual dumb-dumb for dumb-dumbs, please, Alison. Blue sky.
Me: We need to exploit new markets if we want to increase our sales.
Cara: She’s right, Harry.
Harry Piles: Readers want traditional from Carsons. Anyone else? Blue sky. Mark?
Mark: Backlist?
Harry Piles: Thank you. Sensible idea at last. Which backlist?
Drunk Stephen: Yes, which one haven’t we exhausted? Love this blue sky.
Mark: The Discovery one?
Harry Piles: Discovery series… Remind me.
Mark: Very successful in the Eighties. Fell off the radar.
Drunk Stephen: Don’t they all have intros by JJ?
Mark: Obviously you’d lose the intros. Or is it still too much of a risk post Operation Yew Tree?
Cara: Yes. What if someone posts an old one on social?
Harry Piles: That’s your job and PR’s. We’re not re-writing history for the wokes. Pull up some old titles, Mark.
Mark: Um, Discover Shooting for Boys , Discover Sewing for Girls, Discover Hunting for Boys, Discover Baby Animals for Girls.
Drunk Stephen: Those titles hardly scream ‘now’.
Harry Piles: People want traditional. Think how many copies The Dangerous Book for Boys sold. People like security, especially in times like these. Couple of tweaks is all we need; hide the rest under the umbrella of ‘retro’.
Drunk Stephen: We’d need to re-shoot at the least.
Harry Piles: Expensive. Use the umbrella. Let’s get cre-ative, Stephen.
Drunk Stephen: (shares his screen) All the kids are white. The books are exclusively either for girls or for boys. JJ is literally in photos with children. How creative can we get?
Harry Piles: Fucking shame we didn’t think of this pre-Christmas. Could have stuck a cracker over his face, like Simon and Schuster. What did Hachette do with Enid Blyton – goblins, was it?
Me: (sarcastically) Well, it’s coming up to Easter.
You could always use eggs. Combine Discover Hunting for Boys and Discover Baby Animals for Girls in one handy volume perfect for Gen Alpha.
Cover up the paedophile’s face with eggs.
Add some colour. But… will it solve the fundamental issue that the topics are dated and won’t sell?
Harry Piles: Fucking great idea, Alison; look into it. And aren’t you marketing?
Me: It’s Alice. And no. I’m an editor.
Harry Piles: Okay. Great. It’s your job to make lemonade out of this shit. The idea’s top drawer. See, Cara? Someone in your team gets it. Stephen – can you stick eggs on the kids’ faces? And JJ’s? Then it might as well be diverse ’cos no one can tell. You’ll have to colour in the hands.
Drunk Stephen:… Um. Yes. That’s just the kind of representation I dreamed of as a child.
Harry Piles: I love it. Deep backlist, no advances. Creative adaptation. Let’s bring the Discovery series back in a big way. That’s what I call blue-sky thinking.
So that was the headline from yesterday.
Back in the office today, and it was super-boring.
Guy Carmichael out again, so nothing to distract me.
Plus I broke my headset by sitting on it.
Everyone gave me space, assuming I still wasn’t feeling great, and I wallowed in it.
Same at home. I’ve barely seen Astrid and Aziz since Sunday (and I don’t think they’ve seen each other at all – they’re both working crazy hours) and it’s suited me well.
But… enough is enough. That Guide Post resonated. It’s already the middle of the week. Haven’t heard from Matthew and in a couple of days it will be the weekend again. Getting on was clearly a one-night thing for him. Time to move past last weekend.
I’m going to wait for that next wave, and get on with the manifesting.
I am grateful for:
Guide Posts
Yaz, who let me borrow her headset (she doesn’t like lending her stuff)