Chapter Twenty-Six Hell Is an Emotional Roller Coaster
Chapter Twenty-Six
Hell Is an Emotional Roller Coaster
I’m in free fall.
For a split second, I’m not sure which way is up or down. The wind is cold and biting, and I get the funny feeling you get when you’re in an elevator going up, like my body can’t quite catch up to what’s happening. I reach out for something, anything, and manage to grab onto a metal rail.
My entire body shudders as I stop falling with a hard jolt. I’m holding on to the rail of another balcony, a couple stories down. I try to yell, but nothing comes out. I try to breathe, but I’m not taking in much air. It’s only on the fourth attempt that I can get enough air into my lungs to shout, “Help! Someone!”
The quiet that stretches out after my plea is long and terrifying.
Can’t anyone in the Video Village hear me? But then I remember that most people were wearing headphones and focused on their work. Is anyone else awake? I shout again, to no avail.
No one is coming, I realize. I feel tears start to slip down my cheeks in fear and frustration. My hands are shaking, and I know it’s not going to be long before my grip slips.
“Help! Help! Please!” I yell with everything left in me, shouting and shouting until my fear threatens to choke me.
Then there’s a scuffle and the sound of a glass door scraping open. For a heart-stopping moment, I’m afraid I’m going to see a stranger, whoever pushed me, come to finish the job.
But instead, it’s Daniel’s face that peers over the balcony and Daniel’s arms that pull me up and into the villa. I throw my arms around him, probably soaking the soft fabric of his sleep T-shirt with my tears of relief. Together, we sag onto the rug on the floor.
Daniel strokes my back, his arms tight around me. I’m pressed to his chest, and I can feel his heartbeat, steady and strong.
When he finally speaks, his voice is raw. “Are you okay?”
I nod. My pulse is still jackhammering away, but the rush of terror is fading now as I breathe in Daniel’s scent.
“Alice, what happened? Where did you go?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” I explain. “And then I remembered what Leah said about Seth, how it was his idea to poison the cast. But I knew that wasn’t true, so I went and talked to him.”
“You talked to Seth in the middle of the night,” Daniel says flatly.
“And then I remembered that I’d seen Anton on the balcony of the Video Village, and I had to check it for his key.” I reach into my jeans pocket, and for once, I’m grateful for the uselessly tiny and tight pockets on women’s pants. Anton’s key chain is still safely tucked away. I take it out and hold it up triumphantly. “And look! I found it.”
But Daniel doesn’t celebrate with me. Instead, he says, “That doesn’t explain why I found you seconds away from falling to your death. For the second time in twenty-four hours.”
“Someone pushed me over the Video Village balcony,” I say, and it still doesn’t feel quite real. Someone just tried to kill me. “Thank you, by the way. For saving me. How did you find me? I thought you were asleep.”
“I woke up when Leah knocked on our door to get us for filming,” Daniel says. “But you were gone. I was headed to the kitchen to check if you were there when I heard you yelling.”
“Good thing you did,” I say.
“I ran, Alice,” Daniel says. “I ran faster than I’ve ever run in my life. If I’d gotten to you just a few seconds later…” He takes a long, shuddering breath. “You could’ve died.”
I don’t want to think about that. If I do, I’ll fall apart, and I can’t afford to, not now. We’re so close to the finish line in this competition. And I have Anton’s key. I’m closer to finding out the truth than ever before. I had a plan to solve Anton’s murder, and I’m going to follow it to the end.
“I’m fine, Daniel,” I say gently.
Daniel rubs his hands over his face. “We can’t keep going like this. Whoever killed Anton, they aren’t going to just let us waltz in and out of this place alive. You’re being targeted, Alice. Yesterday, your bungee cord broke, and today I find you dangling from a balcony. Someone wants you dead.”
“And we can catch them,” I insist. “I have the key now. We just have to get it to Lex—”
“No, Alice,” Daniel says harshly. His voice softens. “Please, we have to drop out of the competition.”
“What? No!” I take Daniel’s hands. “I know it’s dangerous. But I’ll be careful.”
“Careful isn’t enough!” Daniel looks away for a moment, and I’m struck by how tense his shoulders are. He says, his voice ragged, “Do you know how scared I was when I realized you’d disappeared? This isn’t a fair fight, Alice. We have no idea who we’re up against. You aren’t safe here, and I can’t protect you.”
“I don’t need you to protect me,” I snap. “I can handle things just fine by myself.”
“Seriously?” Daniel huffs out a laugh. “What happened to all that talk about working together and looking out for each other when we were with Lex? This isn’t a solo mission, Alice. I’m here, too.”
“I know,” I say, frustrated. “But we’re so close to the end. And my mom needs this.”
He shakes his head. “Your mom needs you. Alive and with her.”
“She’s going to have that and a million dollars.”
“Alice, look at me,” Daniel says, taking my hands in his. “Would your mom really want you to do this? To risk your life for a chance at winning?”
“You have no idea what my mom would want,” I say, shaking him off. My expression hardens. “I’m not quitting.”
I’m furious now, that he would seriously suggest leaving the show, when I have Anton’s key in my hand and a million dollars just out of reach.
And the worst part is that I know he’s right. My mom wouldn’t want me to do this. She doesn’t even like the idea of me walking home at night by myself. If she knew what I was doing, she’d order me to leave right away and then scold me for hours while angrily cooking me a feast.
But I owe everything to my mother. If I can’t do this for her, then what use am I? All the terror from today is thrumming in my veins, and I need to do something about it. I need to regain control of what’s happening. I need answers.
“Daniel, I—” I’m about to promise Daniel I’ll be careful and convince him that we should stay when the door swings open. Light floods in from the hallway.
“ There’s my star couple,” Leah says. “I’ve been looking for you guys everywhere. We’re five minutes late for call time.”
“Now’s not a good time,” Daniel says tersely. “We need a minute.”
“We don’t have a minute! You two need to be down at the beach ten minutes ago,” Leah says. “This finale is extremely time-sensitive. You guys need to go, go, go.”
“We’re not going to be in the finale,” he says, standing.
I clamber to my feet after him. I just need time to reassure Daniel that we can make this work. But instead of time, I’ve got Leah and a camera crew in my face.
“Can you just give us a moment?” I say. “We’ll be right with you. We’re doing the finale, don’t worry.”
“No.” Daniel steps away from me. “I have something I have to say.” In an instant, I know exactly what’s going to happen. I’ve competed against him too many times to not recognize the calculating expression on his face. I’ve left him exactly one way to get what he wants, and he’s going to take it.
Once, before my dad left, we went to Great America as a family. It was my first time, and I only had eyes for the biggest roller coaster. I had no idea what to expect, but for a fraction of a second before the first big drop, I felt my stomach tighten and my breath catch in my chest before I was screaming in gut-wrenching terror.
This is that feeling again, except instead of a roller coaster, it’s Daniel doing this to me. Daniel, who I thought was starting to actually care about me. Daniel, who I just hooked up with. And yet, it’s still Daniel, who knows how to beat me at my own game.
I watch, unable to move, as Daniel pivots to the perfect angle for the cameras. “Alice,” he says, and in that moment, I hate the sound of my name on his lips. “This just isn’t working out. Yesterday, we all found out that Chase is still in love with you. And seeing that made me realize that I’m still in love with Selena. The truth is, I can’t stop thinking about her.”
“Daniel,” I begin, but nothing else comes out. I don’t know how to stop this.
He continues, “I’m sorry, but I can’t be with you. I’ll always look back fondly on the time we shared together, but the more I get to know you, the more I realize that we just aren’t compatible. You’re not the kind of person I can see myself with.”
My stomach lurches like I’m in a free fall, and I feel lightheaded as I take in what Daniel’s saying.
The moment Daniel turned to the cameras, I’d anticipated what was coming. But I hadn’t anticipated how much it would feel like a gut punch. Tears spring to my eyes.
I know he’s lying about being in love with Selena. He said himself that they’d only just started dating, and he barely seemed bothered when they broke up.
But he could be telling the truth, too—not about Selena, but about me. Maybe I’m not the kind of person he can see himself with. After all, from the beginning to the end, this was all fake. Our goals were temporarily aligned, that’s it. But I was stupid enough to get caught up in the heat of the moment and actually start falling for him.
And then, when he wanted out, he found a way to make it happen.
It’s clear that I can’t count on Daniel the way I thought I could. But it doesn’t matter. I’m used to being let down—by my father, by Chase, by college classmates who wouldn’t pull their weight during group projects, by school administrators who didn’t believe in my students, by doctors who pretended my mom’s accent was too hard to understand. A thousand disappointments, big and small, accrued over a lifetime.
When the chips are down, I know I can’t count on anyone other than myself and my mom. It’s only ever been us against the world, and this is just further confirmation.
Looking at Daniel, the way he can just smile at the camera while my heart breaks into so many pieces, I realize that we really are done.
—
Leah disappears to talk to Peter Dixon and Dawn Taylor. I can’t bring myself to say anything to Daniel, especially with the cameras still in the room with us.
When Leah returns, she drags us off to give our interviews.
“It was just such a whirlwind,” Daniel is saying from the other side of the room. He’s seated in a rattan chair by the window. “My feelings for Alice were real. I mean, this island is so beautiful, it’s impossible not to fall in love with whoever you’re with. But now that we’ve been together for a week, I can see that this was just a rebound for both of us. I was heartbroken over Selena. Alice was heartbroken over Chase. We were able to comfort each other, especially because of our shared history. But I think we were both starting to see that this wasn’t going to work out in the long run.”
I disappoint Leah for the last time with my interview. I can barely speak for the tears threatening to pour out and drown me. I’m not even sure what I manage to say.
“That’s fine. That’s good. We can use it,” Leah says, though I can tell she’s just letting me off the hook. She puts a hand on my shoulder, which is probably meant to be comforting, but I feel nothing inside. “Alice, sweetie, you’re going to be okay. America loves an underdog. Everyone’s going to hate Daniel for what he did, and they’ll love you. You’re going to come out on top, I guarantee it.”
I’m pretty sure I’ve hit rock bottom, but I nod anyway. As if the opinion of strangers online is at all relevant to me.
Afterward, we’re sent back to our suite to pack. Our cameraperson stays to film us collecting our things, and later, two more camerapeople arrive. It must be a slow day on the rest of the island if they’re this focused on getting footage of me stuffing my bras into my luggage.
“I’m sorry it ended this way,” Daniel says as he zips up his suitcase.
“Mm.” I don’t trust myself to speak. I’m not sure if he means our fake relationship or the competition. I stomp on my luggage to pack it down, which makes me feel a tiny bit better. I start categorizing my things to distract myself.
Toothpaste. I’ve lost my chance to win a million dollars. Hairbrush. I’ll never find out who killed Anton. Socks. I’ll never learn who almost killed me. I slam my suitcase shut with so much force that the bed bangs against the wall.
Daniel tries to say goodbye to me, but I push past him with my luggage. I want to put some distance between us. Hopefully they won’t make us take the same shuttle away from the villa. Probably a naive hope. I’m sure they’d much rather film us sitting together in stony silence. Hell, they’ll probably have us share a room and a bed wherever we’re going, just for kicks.
But as I storm through the villa, Freya intercepts me.
“Peter Dixon wants to talk to you,” Freya says. For all that Freya looks fragile, she’s much stronger than I expected. Her fingers close on my arm like a vise, and I let her steer me to one last meeting.
Peter Dixon and Dawn Taylor are there in the war room, waiting for me. But I’m done playing nice.
“What do you want?” I demand, throwing my bag on the ground and crossing my arms. I know I’m acting like a child, but I relish letting loose for once.
“Good to see you too, Alice,” Dawn Taylor says. “You’re a smart girl. You tell me why I wanted to see you.”
“I have no idea,” I say stubbornly. “Can I go?”
“I think you’ll want to stay for this,” Dawn Taylor says, her lips curling into a smile.
“We’ve got a problem here,” Peter Dixon says, folding his hands. “We’ve got a finale to film, but we need two couples for that to happen. We were planning on bringing Selena and Chase back, but…”
“They just broke up,” Dawn Taylor says. “Apparently, Selena didn’t like that Chase is still in love with you.”
“So you see the pickle we’re in,” Peter Dixon says. “But Chase wants a second chance.”
My breath catches in my throat. “Wait, does that mean—”
I hear a soft, uncertain voice behind me.
“Hey, babe.”
Chase stands in the doorway. Chase, with his horrible Rick and Morty T-shirt over a pair of truly atrocious cargo shorts. His hair is sticking up at all angles and he looks like he’s been through hell.
“Babe, I’m so sorry,” Chase says. “I don’t know who I am anymore. All I know is that I just want to be with you again.”
“Don’t blame yourself,” Peter Dixon says kindly. “It’s the producers. They’re great, don’t get me wrong. We’ve got some of the best in the biz. But sometimes they go too far.”
Dawn Taylor scoffs. “They know how to get a good show out of people. That’s all.”
“Let me guess, Chase,” Peter Dixon says, sighing. “They pushed you to drink and then said all kinds of things to you to manipulate how you felt.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “DT, I thought I told you that we weren’t going to be doing that on this show.”
“What?” Dawn Taylor looks outraged. “Oh, come on—”
Chase raises his hand, looking penitent. “It’s okay. I don’t blame the producers. It’s not an excuse for what I did. Alice, I want you to know that I take full responsibility.”
It’s true that Chase cheated on me, and I haven’t forgiven him for that. But Dawn Taylor directed her producers to make it happen, all because she wanted to eliminate Selena. She messed with my entire life for this. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I have to call her out for it. I don’t think I could live with myself if I just bowed my head and let Dawn Taylor walk all over me. What do I have to lose at this point?
“Chase, yes, you made a mistake,” I say, infusing calm into my voice, “but we were both pawns in a much bigger game. Dawn Taylor has been pulling as many strings as she can to get Selena eliminated.”
“Great. Here we go,” Dawn Taylor says, rolling her eyes.
Peter Dixon steeples his hands. “Is that so?”
“She ordered the producers to poison the peppers specifically so that Selena would get food poisoning. Then she had them kill the generator during the storm to scare Selena. And of course, she had her producers push Chase and Selena together to get Selena eliminated.” As I recount what Dawn Taylor’s done so far, I wonder what else she could have been doing behind the scenes.
The woman in question huffs out a laugh. She settles back in her chair, clearly shifting from “caught” to “owning it” in real time.
“Fine. You got me. I’d do anything to make this show a hit,” Dawn Taylor says. She turns a withering glare on Peter Dixon. “And please, Pete, don’t play innocent here. You’ve made it beyond obvious that you want to replace me with a hot young thing who’d take a fraction of my salary and never say no to you. I know Selena’s been gunning for my job since she got on set, and it’s all thanks to you.”
“Now, DT, that still doesn’t excuse what you did.”
“Well, Pete , we’re both professionals. We both know what it takes to make good TV. I heard what happened on the set of Matchmaker Mayhem. That show makes everything I did look tame in comparison. And if I were a man like you, the fact that I’d be willing to do whatever it takes would be applauded,” Dawn Taylor says. She glances at her phone. “Look, we can take turns dragging our skeletons out of the closet, or we can go film this finale before the set literally melts down.”
Peter Dixon looks conflicted, and I can almost see him weighing the thought of dragging Dawn Taylor through all the things she did against getting the finale filmed.
“You’re right,” Peter Dixon says finally. “We’re on the clock. If we don’t wrap filming in the next hour, everything the crew spent all night setting up will be ruined. Let’s stick the landing here, and then we can hash this out later.”
“Deal.” Dawn Taylor nods.
“So how about it?” Peter Dixon turns to me and Chase. “Want another chance at winning a million dollars?”
“I’m in,” Chase says eagerly. “If Alice is, of course.”
“Yes,” I say quickly. Warning bells are going off in my head, but I ignore them. I have to seize this chance to get back in the game. “Let’s do this.”
I reach for Chase’s hand, but he’s already barreling toward me. He tackles me in a bear hug.
“Save it for the cameras!” Dawn Taylor snaps. She speaks into her walkie-talkie. “Can we get some cameras in the war room? Yes, now!”
Within minutes the camera crew bursts in, but Chase doesn’t wait for them to set up the shot. Before I can stop him, he sweeps me up in his arms.
“I love you, Alice!”
I glance over at the cameras. Here we go again. “I love you, too,” I say back, forcing a smile.
Am I in over my head? Yes. Am I still going to power through and keep going? Of course. It’s all I know how to do.