Chapter 33
Alice
I may be standing perfectly still in the darkness, watching Gael’s house, presumably completely focused on waiting for the right time to strike and put an end to all the suffering he’s caused. To me, to Kate, to many, many other girls.
But in reality, the only thing echoing through my mind are Nico’s words.
I love you.
He loves me? How can he? Why?
I didn’t react to hearing him say those words well. At all. And the shame of that is growing, not lessening in the quiet, cool darkness of Gael’s garden.
“I think he’s packing,” Zane says, joining me and Nico in our spot by a huge cactus in the garden. He’d gone to check the rest of the house.
If I only focus on the task at hand, I should be fine. Everything else can wait.
But can it?
Nico has been very quiet since I only said OK to him admitting he loves me.
Why did I say that? Why?
When the truth is so much more complicated than that. And so much simpler. Because I’ve grown to depend on him in the past couple of days.
But it’s more than that.
I’ve let him show me another path was possible for me. Even before I had the chance to really deal with my past and Gael.
Showed me that I don’t just have to be hard and strong all the time. That I can let someone else take care of me. That I can be normal. Not just broken. Not just in pain. Not just a freak.
He’s made it so easy to not see myself that way. So very easy. And he makes me feel so light and carefree when we’re together. Even while I’m facing some of the worst days of my life.
But is that love?
I wish I could slap myself to dispel all those racing thoughts that don’t belong in the here and now, but I can’t. So I settle for just shaking my head. It doesn’t help.
“We’re going in,” I say. “He’s had long enough to turn himself in.”
“I think it’s safe to say he’s not gonna do that,” Nico says.
Is there an edge in his voice that was never there before?
Can’t deal with that now. But later, once this is done, I will. I just hope it won’t be too late.
“We’ll go through the front door,” I say, meaning Nico and myself. “And Zane, you make sure he doesn’t escape through the back.”
“OK,” Nico says and it feels like a gut punch. I look at him, try to read if he meant it that way, but it’s too dark so I can’t.
I lead the way to the front door, where I knock loudly enough to drown out my racing thoughts for a second.
Nothing happens on the other side. I hear no footsteps, no extra light comes on.
“There’s no point waiting,” Nico says and reaches for the doorknob with a gloved hand. I was sure we’d have to kick the door down, but the knob turns and the door opens, creaking slightly as it goes.
I enter first and head down the dark hallway to the kitchen, which is where I saw Gael last.
He’s still there, sitting at the table, a big black suitcase by his leg.
“You thinking of running?” I ask.
He fixes me with his round eyes, which I found so menacing and scary once upon a time. And so kind and soft before that. Now they’re rimmed with redness, full of fear and not frightening at all.
“What else am I to do?” he asks. “These wild accusations you’re throwing at me… there is no way to defend myself against them.”
Amazing. It’s like our conversation in the church never happened.
“Yeah, that’s because they’re true,” Nico says, saving me the trouble.
Maybe he’s not so very mad at me after all. Maybe he’s still with me. Maybe I didn’t fuck up whatever might have been between us completely.
But I should focus on Gael. I need to.
“They are not,” Gael says. “They are vile lies. Damnable lies.”
“Save it,” I say. “Kate Cole has accused you.”
“A little liar,” Gael huffs and stands up. “She will have to answer to God for that.”
He grabs the handle of his suitcase. “And I will answer to no one.”
I walk over to him, my hand shooting up to grab his throat before I even decide to do it. I squeeze hard, cutting off blood flow and his air supply. He’s just opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water, his eyes filled with shocked surprise.
“You didn’t think I had the strength to come for you,” I say. “You thought I was still the weak, shy little girl you hurt and abused. The one who was too scared to do anything about it. I’m not.”
I think he’s starting to realize that as his face turns darker and darker.
I release his throat and he gasps, rubbing his throat, his eyes still full of fear.
“What do you want from me? I will turn myself in if that’s what you want.”
I shake my head. “You’ve had your chance, but it’s too late for that now.”
The fear in his eyes intensifies and he turns faster than I thought he could, tries to bolt for the door. But runs smack into Zane’s wide chest.
The sour smell of fear wafts off him as he looks up at Zane. I think he knows he’s about to be judged by a higher authority than anything that exists down here on earth.
The garden outside the window is suddenly illuminated by bright floodlights.
Zane, Nico and I exchange confused glances, but we don’t get to exchange any words before six men rush into the house.
Three from the direction of the front door and three through the back door.
The look of pure joy alights on Gael’s face as he sees and recognizes the men.
One of them is Kate’s father and that’s pure murder in his eyes.
“You see? I am not abandoned by my flock,” Gael says pompously. “The people of my town have come to rescue me from your evil intentions.”
“Not exactly, you dirty pervert,” Clyde Cole says with such hate I feel it deep in my chest.
Gael just blinks at him like he can’t make sense of what he just heard him say.
Clyde looks at me, that hate still strong in his eyes. “My daughter told me everything. I know you have a score to settle with this man, but he’s mine. No one hurts my child and gets away with it. No one.”
I don’t think he’ll take it well if I insist I must be the one to do away with the priest. But despite all my noble intentions of bringing him to justice and seeing him rot in jail for what he had done, a big part of me wants to be the one to deal the killing blow.
“He’s all yours,” I say anyway. “Your pain is fresh. Mine is old. I just want to be sure there is no chance that he will ever hurt another little girl ever again.”
“You can be sure of that,” Clyde says firmly.
The five men with him all have identical looks of hate on their faces. And that hate is all for Gael.
“What is this? What are you going to do to me?” Gael asks in a stuttering voice.
“You will die tonight,” I say, my voice colder than I’ve ever heard it. “It is the only way to stop you. And it is what you deserve. You killed a part of me, the best part of me, all those years ago. Just as you killed the best part of many other little girls.”
He tries to run again, but Clyde grabs him this time and holds him tight.
“You won’t get away with this,” Gael yells at me as I walk up to him. “You’ll be caught. I’m a priest of the Catholic Church. I’m untouchable. They’ll catch you.”
I shake my head. “No. No one will miss you.”
“Best to make it look like an accident,” Nico says to Clyde. “Just a suggestion.”
Clyde kicks Gael in the knee. The priest falls to the floor with a scream.
“We will handle this from here,” Clyde says. “The Sheriff’s Deputy is here with. He has a daughter too. And as you said, no one will miss this priest. And no one will find him.”
“You should go now, if you want to stay clear of what is about to happen,” says another man, who I assume is the Sheriff’s Deputy.
I look at him and nod. “Yes, I think that would be best.”
I would love to stay and watch them beat and kick Gael to death, which I think is what’s coming next. A part of me even wants to participate. But Nico and Zane do not need to be a part of that.
“You’ll burn in hell for this,” Gael hisses at me once he knows there’s no hope left.
“I’ll see you there then,” I say and motion to Zane and Nico to follow me out of the house.
The sound of kicks, screams, punches, and grunts follow us out into the darkness.
“We could stay,” Nico says. “If you want.”
I look back at the bleeding mess that is Gael now. The men are still beating him, but he’s unconscious now. Possibly already dead. When the time came, he just rolled over like the coward he’s always been.
“I made my peace here,” I say and mean it with all my heart.
“He had it coming,” Zane says. “This was the only way to stop him.”
“I know,” I say, still looking back at Gael. “I know it was.”
“We should get the hell out of here while the going’s good,” Zane says and heads into the darkness beyond the priest’s garden.
Nico moves to follow, but I take his hand to stop him.
“What I meant to say was that I think I’m falling in love with you too,” I tell him. “Not just OK. I didn’t mean to say just that.”
The smile he gives me lights up the night as though the sun rose early, makes even the bloodied and battered body of a dead priest in the kitchen behind us less terrible. And I hope my smile does the same for him.
It’s so easy to smile at him now. Because the darkest, saddest most wounded part of me seems to have died with Gael. It’s just gone, like he’s gone.
Nico takes my hand and together we walk across the garden and into the night.
I probably shouldn’t feel as light and carefree as I do, but maybe the priest’s death truly did give me life. And that’s justice too.