Chapter 12 Nasrin
NASRIN
Icouldn’t stop thinking about Gahn Thaleo. About how he’d looked, so close to me in that cold lake. Standing firm in the deep place where I’d had to tread water.
When I’d stripped out of my clothes on the shore, I really had wanted to swim.
But I’d also wanted to see if I could shock him.
To crack that scarred mask of his, and see what lay beneath.
And when he’d followed me, his eyes so mercilessly trained on me, my body had buzzed with a near-giddy sort of excitement.
When he’d stood before me, so still and so stable in that deep stretch of water, I’d been seized by the nonsensical urge to climb him like a fucking tree.
I tried to blame it on my limbs getting tired in the cold water, but that wasn’t true.
No, I’d wanted to grasp his rock-like shoulders.
I’d wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. I’d wanted to touch him.
Him! Gahn Thaleo! The cold bastard who offended me – I’d said so myself.
And much worse than that, the man who’d nearly killed one of my best friend’s mates right in front of her after we’d worked so hard to hammer out the alliance between them. What the hell was wrong with me?
But I was slowly beginning to suspect that the manipulative, mercenary Gahn Thaleo was not the only Gahn Thaleo.
I’d seen flashes of heat in him today. When I’d compared him to Gahn Errok, there had been an undeniable burst of scorching anger in his sight stars.
And then a different sort of heat altogether when he’d plunged into the water after me.
And when he’d told me that he didn’t know what he’d do if I were mated to someone I didn’t want, I’d sensed genuine consternation in the admission, maybe even the pain of a sort of cognitive dissonance.
Something integral to his upbringing, to his person, was butting violently up against, well, me.
My questions, my hypotheticals, my challenges.
My very existence. All of it confounded him.
I try very hard not to want anything at all.
He’s a virgin.
The realization slammed through my brain when I was back in the set of caves I shared with my friends.
We’d bathed in the natural bath of hot water in Tilly and Fiona’s cave, and I was now near my bed, dressing in dry things.
I set aside my wet underwear from earlier – I’d washed them after swimming in the lake.
As I laid them flat in front of the small fire, I gently fingered the seams of the fine purple fabric, burning with the need to know what had gone through his head when he’d seen me in them.
While I was introverted, I didn’t consider myself too shy a person.
I supposed I could just ask. If I thought there was even a chance that he’d give me an honest answer.
A virgin…
What would he look like, fucking someone? Would he wear his face in that cool, hard-jawed, ultimately blank expression? Or would he let go, break for once, and show me something fucking real?
Hold on. Me? Show me something real?
Why am I the one he’s fucking in this scenario?!
My skin tingled with warmth. Irritably, I blamed the fire as I dressed in dry clean things, leaving my jacket behind and meeting up with the others. Fiona, Tilly, and I headed for the main hall for dinner, escorted by our ever-faithful Zoren and Oxriel.
We’d taken our time in the hot water of the bath in our cave, and the result was that, much like most of the breakfasts, we arrived a little late.
Just about everyone – including Gahn Thaleo – was already there.
He sat stiff-spined at the head of the long fire trench, like a solemn king presiding over the head of his table.
He said nothing when we entered, but I became aware of the minutest shift in his posture.
The slightest tilt forward of his head as we sat way at the other end of the hall.
Like a part of him was straining quietly towards us. Towards me.
It was such a subtle thing. I doubted anyone else had even noticed. He still hadn’t said a word. His face gave nothing away. But I’d seen it. That tiny shift.
He might be an expert at keeping everything under lock and key.
But maybe I could become an expert at picking that lock.
It was a thrilling idea. It made me feel clever, sleuth-like.
Powerful in a situation where I had so very little power at all.
I noticed then that I was no longer dreading our time in this mountain.
In fact, little prickles of excitement teased my nerves when I thought ahead to all the time we’d be spending here over the coming weeks.
Originally, I’d been pissed that Gahn Thaleo had demanded our presence here, that he’d wanted as equal access to us as Gahn Errok, like we were nothing but some soulless resource to be bartered over.
But things had begun to change. We’d made friends here.
I genuinely enjoyed spending time with Zaria and the others.
But Zaria and the others weren’t the main source of my new excitement. It was the challenge of unravelling the silent Deep Sky male with the scar on his face. The Gahn who never showed his hand.
I would get to the heart of Gahn Thaleo somehow.
It could even be considered a diplomatic sort of mission.
Gahn Thaleo was our ally, and a powerful male at that.
He’d caught us off-guard before, with nearly-disastrous consequences.
We needed to know what was going on inside him.
If I could continue chipping away at the unreadable stone of his exterior – which today had shown me I was at least somewhat capable of - then we’d be safer in this alliance.
We – I – would have just a little more power.
That was all it was, I told myself. I had no personal interest in this, of course. Getting under Gahn Thaleo’s skin was for the good of our group and the alliance.
Luckily, Tilly kept up conversation with Fiona.
I was too focused on my new goal of getting as close to Gahn Thaleo as possible.
I chewed my meal and barely tasted it, my mind working furiously.
I was still lost in thought when we got up to leave the hall.
So much so that the smoky rumble of my name from behind me caught me entirely off-guard.
“Nazreen.”
Gahn Thaleo stood just behind me. I hadn’t even noticed him get closer. This annoyed me. I’d lauded myself for paying attention to how the man sat at dinner, but couldn’t even sense him directly behind me?
Fiona and Tilly paused, slightly ahead, casting back questioning looks.
“You guys go ahead with Ox and Zoren,” I told them with what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’ll be there soon.”
“Are you sure?” Tilly asked, her gaze going to the massive man behind me.
“I am.”
They shared a look, then drifted out of the hall with the rest of the departing crowds.
I remained there with him, waiting. But he said nothing else.
We stood there looking at each other for so long that we were now entirely alone in the hall, nothing but the crackling of the fire – burned down to embers at this hour – stirring the air with their sounds.
Well, that and my suddenly pounding heart.
“Well? What’s up?”
When his sight stars swung upwards towards the ceiling of the hall, some of my nervousness dispersed. It was somehow comforting – cute, even – to see that Gahn Thaleo could fall prey to the same confusion that adorable dopes like Oxriel did.
“Sorry,” I said, unable to hold back the warmth of a real smile. “It’s just an expression. It means, like, what’s going on? What do you want to talk about?”
His sight stars were on my face once more. On my smiling mouth, specifically.
“When can I take you to see the spinners?”
OK. The nerves were back. With a vengeance. My mouth suddenly dry, I let my tongue dart out to wet my lips. His sight stars tightened, a shuddering twitch.
“Oh. I hadn’t really thought about it.” Lies. I had thought about it. “Whenever works for you, I guess-”
“Now.”
“Right now?”
“Unless that is not agreeable to you.”
I couldn’t think of a reason that it wouldn’t be agreeable. I’d just told him that we could go whenever he wanted to. And this would be another chance at the mission I’d made for myself. My goal of getting to know him, of understanding him.
“That’s fine.”
I sensed a slight hesitation in him, like he’d expected me to reject him, and now had to recalibrate himself due to my answer.
“Very well. This way.”
He led me from the hall, and we turned down a stony path I’d never taken before.
We moved deeper, lower through the mountain, until the air took on a damp, cool quality that made me regret leaving my jacket behind in our sleeping caves.
Gahn Thaleo walked slightly ahead of me at first, but fell back until we strode side by side.
Once again, he was immaculate in his ability not to touch me, even in the narrow spaces.
I wasn’t so graceful as him, unfortunately.
A couple of missteps sent my bare arm bumping his, gooseflesh expanding over my skin at the contact.
The lanterns were few and far between in this area, as if Gahn Thaleo and his people hadn’t expected much human traffic down here. And soon, they disappeared entirely. I blinked, my eyes very wide as we pressed into the oncoming blackness, the last light of the lantern receding behind us.
Pride kept me going longer than I should have.
Once the last lantern was behind us, I truly couldn’t see a goddamn thing.
But I didn’t want to ask for help. So I continued walking blindly forward until a strong hand seized me by the arm, a rough whisper of “Careful” echoing.
I stopped short, then raised my hands in front of my face.
I’d nearly walked into an outcropping of stone.
“I can’t see,” I finally admitted.