Chapter 31
The guard put me in a fancy ass bedroom with an en suite bathroom.
I wandered around, inspecting the fluffy furniture and the smooth, carpeted floor. The bathroom had an oversized large shower and a bathtub the size of a human hot tub. I eyed it with concern. No way I was using that until I knew whether or not that freezing thing was a normal water feature.
I wandered back to the door, and stood still for a moment, fuming.
This palace was freaking floating in mid-air. It wasn’t like I was going anywhere anyway. They didn’t have to lock me in!
I stalked around the room, furious, looking for a way out. The windows didn’t open, and there wasn’t a balcony.
I was not okay with this.
If they left me here much longer, I was going to break some furniture and fashion some weapons.
I was done with being confined and moved around from place to place like an object.
I hadn’t been trapped since I’d been in that zoo’s veterinary office - I wasn’t going to let anything like that happen to me again.
Next time I visited a shooting range I was stealing a weapon.
I didn’t have to wait long, stewing in my own irritation, when my door opened. An entire team of cat elf aliens waltzed into my room without even so much as a knock.
“Oh, she is so cute!” a slender male cooed.
His fur was purple over most of his body, but his mane was a gorgeous silver with teal streaks.
He was the first cat elf I'd seen that had a fur color more on the flowery side of the spectrum. Was it unnatural? He was pushing a box on wheels that came up to his chest. “I didn’t know she would be this small!”
“I know exactly what I want to do with her hair,” a stone gray smaller cat elf said. She had elaborate braids in her mane, woven together to make a geometric pattern, and was carrying two large bags.
I grabbed my translator tablet from where it hung around my neck.
“I’m Lorelei,” I typed. “Who are you? Is your fur dyed, or is that natural?”
I had no idea how rude that question was in this culture, but whatever, I was an alien who had formerly been considered a zoo animal.
They could forgive my manners.
“Carr’ab is a hundred percent unnatural.
Dyed completely. We are here to get you ready to meet the Emperor!
” a different alien called out as he dragged a clothing rack into the room.
He had deeply tanned skin and rich mocha fur dappled with streaks of blond.
“I’m Terifin and I’ll be handling your outfits.
Carr’ab is on makeup, and Maletica here is on fur decorations.
You have been assigned as a very special guest, which is why you get a full team.
If you like us, this could be a recurring gig for us, so please let us know what we need to do to make you like us. ”
“Uh,” I typed into the translator. “Don’t touch me without asking first, and we’re good. I’m down to be pampered.”
Terifin wiggled his tail, radiating anticipation and excitement.
“We’ve never worked on an alien before!” he said.
“This is just our test run.” The colorful Carr’ab fluttered his tail as well, showing excitement in his body language. “We have a few days before he gets here.”
“You think we have a few days,” Maletica, the stone gray petite cat elf said as she glided around me in a circle.
I turned to find her eyes fixated on my hair.
“You never know with the Emperor. Sometimes he is a few days early or late - everything is expected to wait on when he feels like showing up.”
“You think the Emperor should announce his exact location and itinerary for anyone to pick up at any moment?” Terifin shifted his shoulders and swiveled one ear - humor with a hint of reproach.
“Wherever he goes, the deadliest fleet in the Empire follows - don’t be upset when our glorious Emperor’s presence means an influx of money for our local economy.
This is the highest-paying gig I’ve worked all year, and it would not be happening if not for him.
Dressing an alien for an audience with the Empire?
I’m going to be able to upgrade to a higher end unit using the payout from this job alone.
If you don’t want that, I’m sure there is a list of a hundred others who will take your position without even the slightest hesitation.
I bet it would take less than fifteen minutes to get someone in here. ”
Maletica’s ears flattened for a brief moment before she waved her hand, rejecting his statement.
“Not one who has already completed this level of security clearance as well as has a certification on alien relations,” she said.
I typed quickly in my translator.
“None of you are passing my alien relations evaluation at this rate,” I typed.
“Y’all think I’m going to sit still and let you mess with me just to meet some bullshit Emperor’s standards after I’ve been locked in my room.
You are all sorely mistaken. I’m okay to be pampered.
I’m not okay with being trapped and prepared.
You can just treat me like I’m a job and not a person. ”
As the words played out, I wiggled my shoulders.
Might as well see how that went down.
The three of them all looked at me.
“You were locked in?” Carr’ab flattened his ears as he said those first words, then changed his positioning to radiate warmth and caring.
“Someone will get in trouble over that one. You’re marked on the list as a very high ranking guest. We aren’t here to mess with you.
We are here to pamper you. This is full service.
A hundred percent, you are an Empress. You let us know what you want, and you will get it.
What do you want to look like? How do you want to feel?
Your personally assigned budget has no limit. We are here to serve you, Lorelei.”
I loved how the translator was working. It added some flair to the interpretations.
“No limit?” I typed. “Why?”
“We have no idea,” Maletica sang. “The Emperor ordered this personally. What he wants, he gets, and he apparently wants to spoil you silly.”
“He hasn’t even met me,” I typed.
“He likely has seen all the videos of you out there - they are super cute, by the way - and decided he wanted to make a positive impression,” Carr’ab said.
“This is the first contact with the first species ever to be compatible with the osae, after all. The fact that the King has one of your species as a mate is groundbreaking. We all saw the stream of his ascension - it was so dramatic. I’m betting the Emperor is going to want to use you for public relations, especially with how well your videos were trending.
He is buttering you up with this pamper budget. ”
The Murder Kitty’s mayhem was live streamed?
Did the Emperor want to use me for public relations?
I could get a job out of this.
I didn’t have to rely on Arnina to take care of me.
I could impress this Emperor with my usefulness. Being a single mom with a high paying job would make things a lot less stressful than having to rely on my ability to kiss up to a Murder Kitty who was banging my bestie.
Not that I knew I was going to be a single mom.
It was, like, one time. The risk was low, right?
“I was going have fun shopping for you, but unfortunately, they had an entire closet already picked out,” Terifin said, gesturing at the clothing. “It looks like the selection they sent is all in your size.”
I walked over to the rack he stood next to and ran my hand over the soft fabrics.
My eyes widened.
I grabbed one of the outfits, pulling it out so I could look at it closer. I put it back, digging through the entire rack, one after the other.
These were my outfits!
I had picked these all out on my shopping spree with Zale.
Why were they here?
There had just been a bloody coup, and Zale had immediately gone and hired a team to primp me up and give them my outfits? The timing on that seemed so strange.
Was he Murder Kitty's assistant?
I wished I had spent the moments I had with him asking questions instead of trying to shut him up with coffee.
“Did these just arrive?” I asked.
“Oh no, these were handed off yesterday when we were hired,” Terifin purred. “If you don’t like them, I would be happy to go get you a different selection and toss these out.”
Okay, so he hired these guys and handed them the clothing a day in advance.
He was preparing me to meet the Emperor before we banged.
What had he wanted to talk to me about?
“I love them,” I typed quickly.
I took my hand off of the clothing and turned to the other two.
“When you say pamper - what exactly do you mean?” I asked.
“So, we are ready to dye, primp, cut, massage - the works. Whatever you want. We have a list of oils that work with your biology, but we will still do spot testing on any new products to make sure we give your skin what it wants.” Carr’ab wiggled his tail in excitement, fluttering his hands to add an element of joy to the mix.
“The kitchen is working on a tasting tower, so we will have a whole array of tiny bites for you to try out heading this way once they are ready. Where would you like to start?”
I ran my hand over my hair, which had only gotten rough brushing with the large hairbrush. I hadn’t been able to give my hair any proper attention in…centuries.
“I could use a haircut,” I typed. “And I need to find the right products to handle the mess that is happening up here.”
“Yessss.” Maletica finally added her own tail wiggles to the room.
“I know just what you need. The consistency of your hair is not that different from our fur, so I’m certain I can get it exactly how you want once we discuss what that is.
Let’s start with a wash and a deep condition - would you like color as well?
I picked up some of the very high-end dye some of the nobles are using.
It causes a disruption in recording to offer privacy.
It does wash out your natural color, so you’re going to have silver-white hair afterward if you leave it in for more than a day. ”
“That’s not a good choice if she wants to be picked up for public relations,” Terifin added. “She needs to be seen on the networks, not distorted.”
“Yeah, not that,” I agreed. “Is there anything that will show my allegiance to the Emperor right off the bat? I am totally down to fully throw down some solidarity signs if it means I’m going to get a good job out of it.”
“You could go for the Emperor’s family markings - as a super cute alien that will be seen as adorable, most likely,” Carr’ab sang. “Our advice is limited in that fashion.”
“What would that look like?” I typed.
Maletica held up her wrist unit and began tapping on it. A screen floated in the air above her wrist, and after a few moments, she flicked her hand, and it rotated in midair so I could see what she had been working on.
A photo of my face surrounded by blond hair with horizontal black tiger stripes.
Oooh, blond - I was totally down to go blond.
“Since you don’t have the markings, it will be a little difficult to do,” she sang. “I can make it happen, but it might be cuter if we do it this way and limit the chance the Emperor will be offended if you copy his markings exactly.”
She tapped on it a few more times, and the black stripes rotated, going vertically instead.
“So, punk rock,” I grinned, flashing my teeth. “Let’s do that.”
She took a step back, studying my mouth for a moment.
I stuck my arm behind me, in the place where a tail might be, and I wiggled it like I’d seen them do when they were excited.
I knew by now I should totally not smile with my teeth showing, but it was hard to remember at the moment.
At least I could add in some other body language to soften the gesture.
“I’ll show you some options for shaping while your hair is soaking in the conditioner,” she grinned back, keeping her teeth carefully covered.
“Can I get started on a manicure while you do the wash and condition?” Carr’ab asked. “You have such delicate claws!”
“Yes,” I typed out. “This is going to be fun.”
It would be more fun if Zale were here.
I wondered what he would say when he saw my new look.