Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
FORD
“I’ll be here after school to pick you up.” Sutter’s Ferry was small enough Peyton could walk home from school, but a lot could happen in a mile and a half. If the day went badly—if some asshat teenager decided to pick on her the way Zack had picked on Bree—I wanted to be there to do damage control. The thought of her getting bullied made my jaw clench. I might be new to this whole parenting thing, but protecting her was an instinct I didn’t have to learn.
Did Peyton’s massive eye roll mean I was doing something right as a parent? God, I hoped so. Every interaction felt like navigating a minefield.
“Right. Bye.” Without actually looking me in the eye, she joined the stream of kids walking into the school. She gripped her backpack straps so tightly her knuckles were white. I watched her disappear into the crowd, fighting the urge to follow her inside like some helicopter parent. Instead, I forced myself to stay put, reminding myself that hovering wouldn’t help either of us.
Damn it. I knew she was nervous, and I didn’t know how to make that any better. Maybe I could pick up ice cream for post-school therapy? Hell, I should probably look into actual therapy for her. Maybe for us both. This was a huge transition, and we were both feeling our way blind. A professional couldn’t be a bad thing. I’d add it to the list that was already a half mile long. For now, I was going to do the first thing I’d done purely for myself in more than a week.
I turned toward the coast road that followed Pamlico Sound all the way to the far north end of the island, past the maritime forest and the intertidal marshes that Willa was turning into a wildlife sanctuary for the wild horses that roamed this end of Hatterwick. A trio of them wheeled away from the road as I approached, trotting back into the woods. This end of the island was otherwise uninhabited, except for Sutter House, the ancestral home of the island’s founders. Willa had inherited it from her grandparents when they passed, along with pretty much everything else associated with the Sutter legacy. She and Sawyer had moved in after they eloped last year.
Sawyer had done a lot of work updating the place, and it showed. The three-story shingle-sided house with multiple gabled roofs stood proudly on its perch above the beach. The multitude of windows shone, and the white trim stood out, crisp and bright. It was one of the few structures on the island that had never been wiped out by the hurricanes that frequently battered the Outer Banks. I knew Sawyer would do everything in his power to see that remained true.
I parked in the crushed-shell drive that curved out front and headed for the side door leading into the kitchen. The door opened before I could knock. Sawyer took one look at me and smirked. “You gonna need something stiffer than coffee?”
“Little early for bourbon, so I’ll take the coffee and be grateful.” I trailed him inside. I’d been out here just once before, for a party they’d thrown when all of us got back on island for our delayed holiday celebration. God, had that just been a couple of weeks ago? “Where’s your bride?”
“Went into town for a volunteer day at the animal shelter. She thought you might want some… how did she put it? Quality, one-on-one guy time.” He handed over a steaming mug. I recognized it as one of Mimi’s.
“She’s not wrong.” There hadn’t been time to update Sawyer and the rest of the guys about more than the basics since I’d gotten Bree’s phone call. Rios and Jace were already back at their duty stations, but I had never been more grateful that Sawyer was retired. The whole situation had my head spinning, and I needed someone to talk to who wasn’t direct family.
“So. How you doin’, Papa?” His voice held equal parts amusement and concern.
Because I finally could, I set the coffee aside and did what I’d been tempted to do from the beginning. I bent and tucked my head between my knees, trying to get my racing thoughts under control. The position reminded me of track meets from a lifetime ago. But the pressure to perform back then had been nothing compared to this.
“That good, huh?” Sawyer’s hand landed on my shoulder with a reassuring squeeze.
I blew out a long breath. “I am overwhelmed as fuck. In the span of a week, I found out I have a daughter, broke the news to my moms, proved her paternity, got emergency custody, got all her dependency shit sorted, rented and partially furnished a house…” The list felt endless, and saying it all out loud only emphasized how much my life had changed in such a short time.
“That’s next door to Bree. We’re coming back to that.”
Of course he’d heard.
“—gotten her enrolled in school, and otherwise effectively turned every single aspect of my life entirely upside down. I’ve made arrangements for my stuff to be packed up and shipped back from Japan, and for all the things that were Peyton’s and her mom’s that have been in storage to be shipped cross country so she’ll have some things that are truly hers. And I just dropped her off at school. Where she’s in the eighth fucking grade. I have a kid, and she’s almost in high school .” That nearly had me putting my head between my knees again.
“You sure you don’t want something stronger than coffee?” Sawyer gestured toward the bar, where I knew he kept the good bourbon stashed away.
“I already feel like a failure as a parent, so day drinking doesn’t seem like quite the thing.” My hands tightened around the coffee mug, drawing comfort from its warmth.
Sawyer squeezed my shoulder again, his grip steady and reassuring. “Ford, man, give yourself a break. You’ve been a dad for barely more than a week. And I’d say you’ve accomplished a hell of a lot. What are you gonna do about the Navy?”
“I considered a dependency discharge, but my superiors think they can still use me remotely.” I’d gotten word on that yesterday, and the relief had nearly knocked me sideways. “So the rest of my contract will be transitioned to the Reserves. It means I can be here most of the time, and I don’t have to worry about unemployment. At least not for a while yet.” The thought of trying to navigate a civilian job search on top of everything else had been giving me cold sweats.
“That’s good. You’re doing what you can to give her stability. I’m sure she needs that after everything she’s been through. How did Mama Flo and Mimi take the sudden news of their grandma status? I bet they were shocked as hell.”
“Like champs. Because they’re rock stars. They’ve been amazing about the whole thing, actually. They’re not exactly thrilled I rented a house instead of staying out with them, but I think, given all the time I need to make up for, it’ll be important for Peyton and me to have our own space. Plus, she needs somewhere that feels like it belongs to her, you know? Somewhere she can put down roots.”
“Makes sense.” He kicked back against the kitchen counter, cradling his own mug, steam curling up into the air between us. “So, are we gonna talk about the fact that Bree finally talked to you for the first time in a decade? That had to make you feel… some kind of way.”
He was fishing, I knew. I wasn’t about to talk about what went wrong between me and Bree. I never had. I’d simply accepted full responsibility for the dissolution of our friendship. Because it had been my fault. The weight of that knowledge had sat heavy in my gut for a decade.
“It was a shock by itself. A bigger one to find out why she was calling. I don’t think my brain has had the chance to really catch up on any of it.” The words felt inadequate to describe the earthquake that had rocked my world in the past few days. It was like trying to drink from a fire hose.
“Uh-huh. And now you’ve moved in next door.” He folded his arms. The look on his face said he wasn’t buying my attempt to dodge the subject.
I jerked a shrug that was far more nonchalant than I actually felt. My coffee sloshed dangerously close to the rim of my mug. “It was the house Peyton chose. I guess I could have steered her toward one of the others, but she likes Bree. More to the point, she trusts her, and I don’t think she has many adults who have that honor right now.” And if I was being honest with myself, which I tried to avoid doing too often these days, having Bree next door felt both like torture and coming home.
Sawyer soaked that in, his gray eyes thoughtful as he studied my face. “The two of them have a lot in common.”
“Yeah. Yeah, they do. And I’ll admit I have a hard time looking at Peyton and not being reminded of Bree when she first came to the island, even with the age difference.” The parallel was impossible to ignore, like some cosmic joke the universe was playing on all of us.
“Does that make it easier or harder?”
“Maybe some of both? I hope it means I handle Peyton better because I have some clue what she’s been through. But it’s definitely had me thinking a lot about the past.” I paused, shoving a hand through my hair in frustration. “I fucking miss her, Saw.”
“I know you do. You always have. It’s gutted you not to have her in your life.” He arched an expectant brow. “So what are you gonna do about it now that you’re back on-island?”
“I’m not gonna harass her. Bree made her position about me clear a long time ago.”
“But?”
“But, I’ll admit that my kid just might be the bridge I need to at least get her to hear my apology. Which is honestly more than I ever thought I’d get.” A chance to apologize was so much less than what I wanted. I didn’t know if I ought to have actual hope now or not, but I was a natural optimist, so it was a struggle not to wish for a second chance to make things right.
Sawyer crossed the kitchen to join me at the table. “Look, man, I’ve never stuck my nose in about whatever went wrong between you two. As you say, Bree made her position clear, and she’s not precisely a forgiving woman. She’s had a lot of life experience that made her that way. She doesn’t believe what people say. She believes what they do. Seems to me that if you want her back—in any capacity—the only way to earn that is to show her with action the thing she needs to see. Whatever that may be.”
His words hit just a little too close to home, and it made me wonder if he suspected what had really gone down all those years ago. But he wasn’t wrong. I’d destroyed Bree’s trust, broken a promise that had been sacrosanct to her. Action was the only way past those mile-high defenses. And for the first time in forever, I was finally in a place where I could do something about it.
I just had to decide whether I actually should.