Chapter 6
July was on the horizon, and Grandma’s gardens had never been tended to. It was a tragedy and something Isla needed to fix. She refused to allow the gardens that lined the front of the house to become overcome with weeds. Besides, Nolan finally got in his car and left, so there was a less likely chance she’d see him. She hoped he was gone for most of the afternoon and didn’t come home until she was safely tucked inside her house. She just didn’t want to endure anymore awkward conversations.
She could still feel the tension between them, unspoken words that lay deep beneath the surface, and emotions that she herself had yet to untangle. Why’d he have to come back, anyway? She was perfectly content living in her regret and choosing a celibate lifestyle. Well, not really, she invested in several vibrators. A girl had to do what a girl had to do. But she was content. Kind of. Then he had to reappear in her life, and those regrets she’d accepted ate away at her like a relentless pigeon pecking at a discarded bag of chips. Pecking and pecking, trying to break through to the inside so it could scatter the contents in a mess around her.
After one too many days of thinking about Nolan, she was done. At least that’s what she told herself as she grabbed the box of gardening tools Grandma had kept in the shed. “Today it is just you, the dirt, and the flowers.”
With determination, she headed to the front garden that lined the house. Weeds overtook the flowerbeds, taking away the beauty of the perennials and making the usually well-kept space look abandoned. Isla simply would not allow that. She grabbed her first weed and yanked. As the root loosened beneath her grip and released its hold on the earth, a small sliver of accomplishment ran through her.
She used that feeling as her motivation to continue, and within two hours, the entire front garden was free of weeds, the perennials no longer fighting to be seen. Now she just needed to lay the mulch and she could plant a few annuals to brighten the space up just as Grandma would.
She had the mulch in her car from her last trip to Home Depot. She grabbed her keys and popped her trunk. Just as she was about to reach in and grab the large bag, she saw Nolan’s car racing down the street. She tried to ignore him, pretend like he wasn’t there, but his presence was impossible to ignore.
She took hold of the bag and went to lift it, but the thing weighed a ton. She hadn’t realized how heavy it was when she had Harper to help her lift.
Nolan got out of his car — not that she noticed, it was just that their driveways practically touched. He nodded to her trunk. “You need a hand?
Isla straightened and turned to face Nolan. He looked smug with his big muscles, like he was rubbing in his strength. She didn’t need his help; she was more than capable…or at least that’s what she wanted him to believe. The entire time they dated, she was so quick to accept his help, not minding the role of damsel in distress, but she’d be damned if she acted like nothing had changed. As if she hadn’t changed. “I got it.”
“Doesn’t look like it from where I’m standing.”
With every ounce of strength she contained, she hoisted the bag out of the car. She shifted the bag to her shoulder, trying not to let the strain in her arms and face show.
Nolan put his hand out, the tanned skin around his arms pulling tight over his forearm and revealing thick veins. “Just give me the bag.”
Isla stepped back. “I’m more than capable. I don’t need your help.”
“The Isla I knew would gladly hand it over.”
“Lucky for you, that Isla is gone.” She couldn’t allow him to think for even a second that in the years that had passed, she hadn’t changed at all. It’s what he expected, and she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
His eyebrow arched in an adorably confused way. “What does that even mean?”
“It means I’m not that girl anymore.” She inhaled deeply through her nose, trying not to show just how out of breath she was. “I don’t need to rely on someone to get things done. If something needs to be done, I do it myself. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have mulch to lay.” She shifted the bag with a little too much gusto. The mulch slid farther than anticipated, and the weight pulled her backward. She landed with a thud. Pain radiated up her tailbone, and she bit back a wince.
Nolan was nice enough to try and cover his laugh, but she could see the stupid smile lines on either side of his mouth.
He reached his hand down to her. His blue eyes devoured her in a single look, making her cheeks turn into raging infernos. “Is the new Isla too proud to take a hand?”
Begrudgingly, she placed her hand in his. Heat swirled in her palm and up her arm, tiny electric shocks exploding in their path. She swallowed the unexpected yet familiar sensations and got to her feet. “Thank you.”
His hold lingered, and their eyes locked. Not so long ago it seemed, she would have pulled him to her, pressed her lips to his or wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Now her body battled between right and wrong, the familiar and the unknown. She couldn’t do any of those things, yet the desire was stronger than ever.
God, how she missed him. How she hated to admit it to herself. But his blue daze eyes were her solace, the calm to the storm that wreaked havoc in her mind. A million thoughts could be bouncing around, stressing her out, but one glance at Nolan and everything settled.
Now he was the one causing the chaos. She didn’t know what he was thinking, and it drove her crazy to be in the dark, so disconnected from him when they were once so in sync.
“I’m sorry!” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.
Nolan’s eyebrow shot up, and he glanced down at the bag of mulch. “It’s just mulch.”
She closed her eyes, knowing she could let this go, but she already started, she might as well finish. “I’m not talking about the mulch. I’m talking about what I did to you… to us. It was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
“It’s the past.”
“Maybe to you, but I’m stuck with that regret every day.”
“And you think apologizing will fix that?”
She shook her head. “No, but it’s a start, right?”
“I guess.”
Silence spread between them, encompassing their surroundings. Suddenly the birds stopped chirping, the sound of lawnmowers in the distance seized, and all that was visible was Isla’s breathing.
How did he not have any regrets? Yes, what happened was the past, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a part of them. What they had was a good chunk of their life. It’s not like she could forget that. Could he?
She glanced up, catching his eyes and searching for the boy she once loved. She knew he was in there. “Do you ever think about us? About if…”
“No.” The word came out with force and no hesitation. Isla didn’t know what was worse, the single word said so emotionless, or if he’d reached into her chest and ripped out her heart, crushing the already broken organ to mush.
She couldn’t let it go so easily. It’d been three years of no answers, and now with him here in front of her, he had to give her something. Anything. “Not even a little? You have to wonder — ”
“Wondering is a waste of time. It didn’t work out. No point in harping over it.”
She inhaled as if he’d knocked the wind out of her. “I guess we’re different in that aspect. You were the love of my life. I can’t help but think about what could have been.”
“Then you should have trusted me and not publicly accused me of cheating.”
Her lips parted, but no words came out. She’d already apologized, and clearly it meant nothing. There wasn’t anything left for her to say or do. He was over her, and it was time she moved on as well.
“Thank you for your help,” she said, doing her hardest to keep her expression even. “I won’t bother you again.”
She turned on her heel and didn’t look back.