21. Lennon
Chapter twenty-one
Lennon
I’m exhausted. I thought I knew what real fear was until last night when Rosie screamed. When I heard the terrifying sound, my heart fell into my stomach and I ran straight to her, my wellbeing forgotten. When Hayes left, she fell back to sleep pretty quickly, but that was not the case for me. Could this be Connor? Why would he be going to this much trouble, to go to Hayes’ business and his house. It’s obvious he has been following me, so he knows where both are located. I’ve been internally beating myself up since last night. If something were to happen to Hayes or Rosie, I would never forgive myself .
We decided to have a lazy day, Hayes even chose to keep Rosie home from school today. She was quieter than normal today when she woke up, both of us feeling like last night is still playing in her mind. Hayes explained to me that she has never woken up like that in the middle of the night, past being a newborn and needing to be fed in the middle of the night. Hayes built us a fort in the living room, where we have spent the last two hours watching cartoons.
“Is the bad man going to come back?” This is the first time she mentioned last night, and I wait for Hayes to give her an answer. I can’t tell her that the bad man is coming for me, and I led him to her. Hayes pulls Rosie closer to him and gently tugs on my arm, so I am laying with them. “No one is coming for you. Or Lennon.” He stares at me with that statement. “No one will ever hurt the two of you.”
“Do you promise, Daddy?” God, I hate myself for putting this fear in her. Rosie is supposed to grow up not knowing or seeing how dark and evil some people can be. I have to blink away my tears, I don’t want to upset Rosie more than she already is. “That is a promise, sweet Ro Ro.”
I get out of our fort, letting them know that I am going to make us a snack. When really, I need to take a minute and gather my thoughts. My brain is telling me that staying with Hayes and Rosie is just putting them in potential danger. But I can’t go back to my brother’s, because then I would be putting his family in danger.
This is all my fault. Everyone’s lives have been disrupted because of me.
I busy myself by making a platter of snacks. Cheese and crackers, grapes, and pepperoni slices. I just need to keep busy. If I’m busy, I won’t continue to beat myself up. This is supposed to be my fresh start, but I feel like I am going to ruin it. I’m brought out of my head when a hand snakes around my stomach and pulls me against the hard body of Hayes. “Everything okay in here, sunshine?”
God, what I would give to be able to say that everything was fine. To be able to relish the feel of Hayes, but I can’t. Instead of happiness being wrapped in his arms, my head tells me to not get used to it. That he is going to get sick of the drama. Of my crazy ex. Of me. At the thought of Hayes deciding that I am too much for him, I burst into tears.
“Hey, hey. Lennon. Everything is okay.” Hayes spins me around and wraps me up in his arms. I try to take a calming breath, but when I look up at him and see a face full of worry, the sobs come out harder. The doorbell rings, but the man in front of me doesn’t move a muscle. “Hayes, I’ll be fine. I’ll figure out what I’m going to do. Where I’m going to go. I’ll be safe.” The doorbell rings again, so I try to pull away to answer it, but he tightens his grip, not allowing me to move. “What the hell do you mean? You aren’t going anywhere.”
“Daddy! Lennon! Someone is at the door! Can I answer it?” Hayes looks over his shoulder, then back to me. “Sunshine, this conversation isn’t over.” He stomps off to go see who is interrupting our lazy day, while I take some deep breaths. I shouldn’t have said anything about leaving until I had a plan. How do I explain that I want to be able to stay no matter what, but Connor will make it impossible? He’s already tried breaking into the shop, possibly been here. What’s next?
He won’t stop until I’m back with him and he kills me.
I turn from staring out the kitchen window and find Cash and Shelby standing there, calling for me at the same time. Hayes didn’t come in with them, and I start to panic. “Where’s Hayes?” Cash raises his eyebrows at my question, while Shelby comes and stands next to me. She loops our arms and sets her head on my shoulder. “He went to go get Rosie dressed and they are going to the park. Was that not the plan?”
I’ve ruined us already. He is leaving me. I barely had him.
There is a pain in my chest and my breathing is coming out fast. There is no way to stop my panic attack now. Another point for me. Show your brother how weak you are, Lennon. Great job. I can sense that Cash is on my other side, but I can’t process what he is saying to me. “Sis! Lennon! Please fucking breath! Shelby, what the hell do we do?” A chair is brought to me, and Shelby guides me into it.
“Remember the last week of high school? I dared you to break into the school with me. You finally gave in but when we got there, Scottie and Cash were already sitting out in the parking lot waiting for us? Or our junior year when I decided to cut those awful bangs. I was crying, saying that I hated them. So, you cut your bangs. But you cut way too short. So, my mom found us in my bathroom, both crying our eyes out?”
Shelby’s tactic brings me out of my panic, and when I can focus out of the fog, I find Shelby and Cash looking at me with concern. “Thanks, Shelby.” I take a big drink of water that Cash hands me, starting to feel a little bit more normal.
Cash clears his throat and sits down next to me. “Sis, can you tell me what brought that on? Or why Hayes answered the door looking part pissed off at the world, part heartbroken?” Shelby elbows him before she sits on his lap .
“Well, I can’t speak for him, but I would say it was because I said that I would figure out what I was going to do. Where I was going to go. Then you rang the doorbell. And then he left.” My brother’s hand instantly forms into a fist with my words. But Shelby beats him to speak first. “What do you mean, Len? Go where? This is your home. And yes, I mean Pine Creek. But I also mean here with Hayes and Rosie. With me and Cash. Crosby and Saylor. We just got you back.” I absorb my friends’ words. I do agree with her, but I don’t see how I can keep anyone safe if I stay here.
I fidget in my seat before responding. She should know my train of thought. She is the one that mentioned how stressed Cash has been since my arrival. “All I’ve done since coming home is cause stress. Now Connor is in town…stalking me. He most likely was the one that vandalized Hayes’ business. Who knows if he came here? I’m putting everyone in unnecessary danger. If anyone were to get hurt…the kids…Rosie. I would never forgive myself. So, the only option is to take me out of the equation. If I’m not here, Connor won’t be.”
Cash stands up and starts pacing the room. “No. You aren’t leaving. I promised our parents when we buried them that I would always protect you. I know I failed you in the past, but I will not fail you again. I understand what you are saying, I would say it too, if it were me. But you aren’t going anywhere.”
“Cash, you have never failed me. But you have a family now. They come first, and me being here could put them in danger. I never witnessed Connor being aggressive towards anyone but me, but I don’t want to risk it.” He stops his pacing and kneels down in front of me, taking my hands in his. “Sis, you are my family. I love you so fucking much, it’s like I can’t breathe sometimes. You have always been my number one, even when you had your two missing front teeth, carrying around a stack of books and your stuffed animal. I need you to come back to me, Lennon.”
Seeing my big brother trying to keep his tears in and failing, opens my floodgates back up. I throw my arms around his shoulders, while we both cry about all the things we have missed out on over the years. About the situation I’m in. I slightly pull away, wiping my face. “I’m here, bub. You’ve got me.”
Once I am calmed down, I offer them my snack board since Hayes and Rosie left. We sit and eat the snacks and get caught up on everything except Connor. I’m thankful that both Shelby and Cash realize that I need some time to decompress. Shelby offers to cater for the grand opening of the new shop, and suggests we take an afternoon to go to the bakery in the next town over. She swears by their desserts, and since I would consider my friend an expert on everything in the kitchen, I’ll take her word for it.
By the time Cash and Shelby leave an hour later, I’ve almost completely calmed down. I am worried that Hayes left without saying goodbye. And he hasn’t texted me. Do I stay here? Do I go back to Cash’s?
Please don’t leave me, Hayes.