Chapter 4
CHASE
The list of things I’m failing to do is getting longer by the day.
Sure, there are the tough ones sitting at the top, like figuring out a new career path and getting my life together.
Even a few months ago, when I was more optimistic, accomplishing those in a single twenty-four-hour period was unreasonable.
Getting curtains and asking Nix for the wi-fi password should be quick and easy. Yet, I’m waking up with the sun, again, and unable to do anything worthwhile on my computer. Watching movies on my phone isn’t as satisfying. The tiny screen is useless for more than a few YouTube videos.
Not that it’s stopping me. Even listening to a bunch of influencers talk about the newest running shoes is better than being alone with my thoughts, especially when they keep returning to last night with Nix.
I’m not sure what it is about his upbeat demeanor that gets under my skin, but it’s been nagging at me since I got here.
When I first met him, he was a gangly kid wearing khakis a size too big for his body and nerdy t-shirts with math jokes I didn’t understand. As annoying as Nix and Russ were, I always appreciated how they refused to be anything other than themselves, even when people gave them shit about it.
I, on the other hand, was a sheep in high school. I did everything to impress the cool kids. That didn’t change much over the years; it just started to look different. The cool kids in my office focused on status symbols like watches and cars. The flashier the better.
It wasn’t the reason things with my ex-wife fell apart, but it didn’t help. Kelley hosted dinner parties for clients, dazzled people at work events, and always had the perfect thing to say in any situation. She’d been the perfect wife. Right up until she cheated on me. She wasn’t even sorry either.
At least waking up early gives me plenty of time to contemplate my life. I’m doing exactly that when Nick saunters across the room and hops up on the back of the sofa, making himself a nice little spot before curling up in a tight ball.
“How the hell did you get in here?” I triple-checked last night and made sure the door was closed tight. Other than coming in through the window, there’s no way that cat could get up here.
Except there he is, dozing on my sofa. For all I know, he spent all night up here with me.
“Fine. Enjoy your nap.” Nick, completely unbothered, either doesn’t hear me or doesn’t care to respond. “As soon as I get back from my run, you’re out of here.” I’ll personally pick him up and move him if I have to.
Probably.
Instead of rotting in bed, I get up and throw on some running clothes.
The one thing I accomplished yesterday was unpacking.
It wasn’t exactly a feat of any proportion, considering I arrived with a whole two suitcases and a couple of boxes.
It’s nice to have a few things organized, though.
It makes it feel like I have my life together, even if I don’t.
NIX
“So things with Chase are going okay?” That’s a bit of a loaded question. I don’t want to lie to Russ, but I can’t tell him the truth.
“We’re settling into a routine.” There. A vague enough answer that it doesn’t count as lying.
It’s also technically true. I’m not sure he’ll be here long enough for us to develop a pattern.
When I imagined him here, I let my mind get a little carried away.
I guess I imagined that we’d be best friends. Thinking back, that was ridiculous.
We were never friends growing up. I might have thought we were, but only in that naive teenage sense.
As a full-grown adult, I can see the difference.
He only hung out with me because I was Russ’s best friend and always around.
It was more proximity than desire. A one-sided relationship and wishful thinking on my part.
Why would that be any different now? It certainly makes sense that he wouldn’t have a strong desire to hang out with me.
We’ve both changed, but not that much. I’m still the same old Nix, mind stuck in a fantasy world.
The only difference is now I get paid to be trapped in that world.
Or rather, I get paid to help other people visit fictional worlds.
It’s a pretty good deal as far as I’m concerned.
“Nix, I can tell when you’re not happy. That’s your customer service voice. What did he do?”
“Nothing.” I sigh.
Russ clicks his tongue at me.
“Seriously. He didn’t do anything. He’s been a great guest. It’s me. I think I thought maybe we would be friends.” There. I admitted it. Hopefully, Russ would drop the topic altogether.
“Why can’t you be friends? I think it would be good for Chase to have you as a friend. He could really use one right now. I think all the ones he had here were work friends. The whole time he lived with me, I never saw him hang out with any of them.”
That’s a bit sad, but it doesn’t mean he’s interested in hanging out with me. “Yeah, I think we’re just different. It’s always been like that.”
“You’re thinking of high-school Chase. He’s changed. We’ve changed. Some of us quite a bit.”
“I know, just maybe I haven’t changed that much.” Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, I’m not entirely certain.
“That’s ridiculous. You’re a completely different person.
” I can’t help the laugh that escapes. I’m literally standing in my great-aunt’s house, the one I loved as a child, in front of a bookcase filled with all my favorite stories, most of which I read as a kid.
“No, Nix. I won’t let you get away with that.
You’re so different. The Nix I knew growing up always did what everyone wanted him to do.
He never would’ve quit his high-power job to open a bookstore in a small town. ”
“It’s not like I had a choice.” The big city life, combined with corporate culture, was slowly sucking the will to live out of my body.
There was always more work to be done. If I finished something early, it meant getting double the work next time.
And there was never more money to go with it.
In my last year, I’m not sure I ever enjoyed the work.
Everything was another box on my to-do list.
“You did have a choice, and you made the right one.”
Not everyone agrees with Russ. I called him while standing in the center of Sleighbell Springs, staring at a giant Christmas tree. Through tears, I told him that my great-aunt died. That was sad, but it wasn’t why I was crying. Or at least it wasn’t the only reason I was crying.
I’d put in a request for bereavement leave, a few days off, so I could go to her funeral in Vermont. The email came back with a big heading that said: Denied.
Apparently, great-aunts aren’t covered by company policy. They aren’t important enough. It was in that moment that I snapped. I had nearly six weeks of accumulated vacation time because there was never an opportunity to take it. Nope, can’t take time off. Too many big projects. Maybe next week.
When I pointed out that next week the funeral would still be over, my manager shrugged and said, “Well, she’ll still be dead.”
I took the plant from my desk and nothing else. Just left and took the first train headed north. No plans. Just a fuck everyone attitude and my peace lily.
“My parents still think this was a mistake.” They never loved Sleighbell Springs. It’s not for everyone, but the bookstore is a success. And I’m happy. My blood pressure is finally back to normal, and I get a full eight hours of sleep every night.
Okay, most nights. When there isn’t a book I’m obsessed with keeping me up past my bedtime.
“Fuck them. And fuck anyone else who doesn’t understand. You and Chase have a lot in common. Maybe give him a chance. I think you could both benefit from a friendship.”
It’s hard to argue with that kind of logic. “Yeah, we’ll work on it.” Not a firm commitment, but at least I can try. Maybe recommend a book or two that I think he’ll like. That would be a good start.
“And I know I’ve already asked a lot of you, but if you had a job…”
Technically? No, but I can always use help. Most of the people I hire are seasonal workers, brought in specifically to help with the rush from November to January when the town gets hundreds of tourists.
“Forget it. I’m sorry. You’re already doing so much.”
“I can look at the budget. There’s always stuff that needs doing.” Away from customers. He’s far too grumpy to deal with the patrons. I have a reputation to maintain. One that cannot take a month of salty Chase chatting up the customers.
“Seriously? You’re such a lifesaver. You know you’re always an honorary member of my family, right? We’d have you over for any holiday.”
“Thanks.” It’s not possible because major holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas fall during the busy season. It’s nice to be wanted somewhere. I’m invited to my parents’ place, of course, but it’s not the same. At least not since I jumped off the life path they put me on.
“Hey, I’ve got to get moving. I need to go open the shop.”
“Okay, give Chase a big hug for me.”
Yeah, not doing that. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I stand in the middle of my home library.
It’s really an office, but calling it a library makes it sound way more interesting.
It takes the sting off when I spend late nights in here organizing receipts for my taxes.
This house is so much a part of my family history.
My great-aunt left it to me, which was an incredible gift.
That, plus some money, is the reason I was able to follow my dream.
Not that it’s all been easy. This house is old. Which is great, except when it’s not. Old things need a lot of TLC and expensive parts. Keeping everything as true to the time it was built as possible is important to me, but it comes at a high price.
What I need is for everything to hold itself together for a few more months.
I look over at the radiator. The heating system in this place is running on fumes.
And complicated, considering it hasn’t been updated in the last fifty years.
A new heating pump will cost tens of thousands of dollars.
I have the money, but it’s been set aside for other projects.
It’s part of the reason why I want to rent out the second floor of the shop. A little extra padding to cover some of the bigger financial concerns that come up at home or at the store.
Having Chase here is delaying that income slightly.
If I’m being honest, I probably wouldn’t be ready for a tenant for another couple of months.
The place is in good shape, but it needs a little more work before it’s ready to hit the market.
Real renters, the kind that pay, expect a certain level of service.
Fuck. There’s so much to do and not enough hours in the day. Maybe I could use help at the shop. I’ve been running on fumes for the past few months, trying to do everything myself. If Russ, someone who hasn’t even seen me in person lately, has noticed, then it’s getting out of hand.