Chapter 9
NIX
My watch buzzes against my wrist with my daily alarm. There’s a weird sensation as I slowly come to, trying to remember exactly where I am. It’s not my bedroom, that much is certain. Then it comes to me in waves.
The water issues at my house.
Staying in the rental unit.
Sharing a bed with Chase.
Chase.
After silencing my alarm, I slip out of bed as quietly as possible, rolling out from under the sheets and landing on all fours on the hard floor.
A bedside rug is going on the shopping list.
As I stand, I can’t help but turn to look at the bed. Only to make sure I didn’t wake Chase.
Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could have prepared me for what I find.
There’s Chase, face down in the bed, ass fully on display. And let me tell you, even covered by black briefs, it’s a thing of beauty. Perfectly round. I finally understand what people mean when they say someone could bounce a quarter off it.
I could bounce a lot of things off that bubble butt. And there are so many other things I’d like to do to it.
So, so many.
He snorts and starts to roll, so I do the only thing I can think of. Hide.
Flat on the floor, as close to under the bed as I can get, I hold my breath and wait.
Of course, finding me like this is going to require a lot of explanation.
But I can come up with a fake excuse for this much better than I can for why I’m staring at his practically naked ass while sporting a hard-on.
It must have been at least three minutes since I hid, and there’s been no other signs of movement from the bed.
Okay, now’s my chance. Once I’m safely tucked away in the bathroom, I can get ready for the day and sneak out of the shop to go down to the coffee shop for sustenance. Firehouse cold brew with an extra shot of reality should do the trick.
Ready, set, go.
“There you are.”
Shit. “Oh, um, good morning?”
Chase stares at me from his side of the bed. At least he’s covered by a sheet now. It still doesn’t leave much to the imagination, but it gives me a fighting chance.
“I’m going to go take a shower. Unless you wanted it?”
“No, I’ll run first.”
Right. Exercise. The reason he has all those nice muscles.
“What were you doing on the floor?”
That’s a great question. If only I had a great answer to go along with it. “I dropped something.”
“You dropped something?” He squints his eyes. I’m not sure if he’s examining me or simply trying to look for the object without his contacts in.
“Yeah, my…” Where are any useful objects when I need them? There’s literally nothing around to pretend I dropped. “My lucky penny.”
“What?”
“I know, it’s stupid.” Especially since I don’t buy into any of that superstitious nonsense.
“It’s not stupid, I’m just a bit surprised. Did you get it back?”
“Nooooo…” Since there’s no coin in my hand, I don’t have a lot of choice here.
“I’ll help you look.” Alarm bells play in my head as he starts to get up. The absolutely last thing I need is a mostly naked Chase over here, on his fucking hands and knees, crawling around.
“No, don’t!”
My outburst gets me quite the look.
“I just mean I already checked. It’ll show up, right? That’s part of the luck?”
“I’ve never thought of it that way.” Poor guy looks so confused. He’s not the only one, but I’m committed to the lucky penny bit. I’ll have to pull a penny from the cash register to throw on the floor later tonight so I can pretend to find it.
Great, now my fantasies are becoming extra work and require stealing from myself. It’s only a cent, but it’ll fuck with the system.
“I’m going to…” I point toward the bathroom. “Unless you need it first?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
Thank God, because knowing he was prancing around in those little briefs was one thing. Seeing it in broad daylight is quite another. I’m not sure my heart would survive that.
I know for a fact my cock wouldn’t.
I add thicker pajama pants to my growing shopping list as I duck into the bathroom.
Thankfully, I get to spend the rest of the day far away from Chase.
It’ll give my whole system a chance to calm the fuck down.
Hopefully, by the time I’m back here this evening, all my parts will have gotten the message.
All of them.
CHASE
Nix left nearly an hour ago. During that time, I’ve done nothing but stare at the wall. So much for the curtains allowing me to sleep in.
After he went to shower, I should’ve gone back to sleep. But I couldn’t stop thinking of Nix. Which is becoming an ongoing theme in my life. The real question is why?
Not that I shouldn’t be. I mean, he’s a great guy.
He’s been Russ’s best friend forever; that’s not an accident.
It’s because Nix is one of the kindest and most caring people I’ve ever met.
Always has been. Even as a young kid, he was always giving.
Russ went through a lot of hard times, got bullied at school, and generally struggled through a lot of those years.
Without Nix…well, I don’t like to think about what might have happened.
Case in point, I haven’t seen him in years. And yet, with one phone call, he gave me a studio apartment, rent-free, plus a job. There’s no one else I know who would do that for their close family, let alone for a friend’s family.
Plus, he’s smart. And cute.
That’s the part my mind trips on a bit. I don’t think I’ve ever described another guy as cute before. Not consciously, at least. And yet, there’s no denying that Nix is, in fact, cute.
There’s something about his curly hair and glasses that makes me smile. And keeps me from looking away. I spent last night trying to watch my show, but I couldn’t stop stealing glances toward him. Fortunately, he was so focused on his book that I doubt he noticed.
It’s not the first time, either. That afternoon, when I was stacking books at the shop, I couldn’t stop peeking back at him. At the time, I rationalized it as making sure he wasn’t aggravating his ankle. Now, in the curtain-darkened morning light, I know what it really was.
An obsession. Nix has turned into an obsession. There’s no other word for it. If we’re apart, I’m thinking about him. If we’re together, I’m finding excuses to look at him or touch him.
Yep, I’m infatuated. That can only mean one thing.
I need to get a hobby. Or a dozen hobbies. Being without a purpose in life has left me with too much free time and a wandering mind.
Good. Now that I’ve diagnosed the problem, I can start working on a solution.
First, I need a long run. That always does wonders for clearing the cobwebs from my head.
Second, I need to find something to do with my spare time. Hobbies are good for people, right? I could take up…
Well, something. There’s the second item on my to-do list. Investigate possible hobbies. Maybe on my run, I can take a look around to see what they might have in town. A climbing gym or bowling alley.
Fuck. That’s one of the saddest sentences I’ve ever thought or said.
I could ask Nix, but I don’t want to answer a whole bunch of questions. Like, why do I need a hobby? What am I supposed to say? Because I can’t stop thinking about you and how adorable you are in a bowtie.
Nope, that won’t work. I need advice. The problem is that I’ve lost most of the people I went to for this kind of thing. If I’m being honest, they were never good for it anyway. They were more the kind of friend who could help pick out a bottle of whiskey. Or help me drink a bottle of whiskey.
That leaves me with my brother. Not the best person for this conversation, but I’m not coming up with anything better, and I really need to chat. My best thinking is always done out loud.
“Hey, did I wake you?” I ask when Russ picks up on the second ring.
“I haven’t slept past five in at least ten years. What’s up? How’s life in Sleighbell Springs?”
“Uh, it’s good. The town is a bit quirky.” Now I need a way to ease him into this conversation.
“Well, I hope you take advantage of it. Nix has told me all sorts of stories over the years. The people there must be exciting.”
“Some of them,” I mumble.
“Wait. Did you find someone you’re interested in?” And there’s my opening.
“Maybe?” Honestly, I’m as surprised as anyone by that response.
“Switch to video.” There’s no room in Russ’s voice for me to even consider arguing with him, even if I’m worried that my face will give me away.
Russ has a great poker face, mostly developed from years of working with children.
I, on the other hand, have a hard time not showing every single emotion.
It’s been a real problem my whole life. I pull a shirt on and make sure I’m covered by the bedspread before hitting the button to start my camera.
“There. That’s better.” He’s sitting cross-legged on his living room floor with his phone propped up on the coffee table.
It’s a good reminder that my leaving is good for both of us.
He usually meditates there in the morning, sitting on his cushion.
With me sleeping on the couch, he had to be extra quiet getting set up.
It put a lot of stress on him, exactly the opposite of what his practice is supposed to look like. “Now, tell me everything.”
If only it was that easy. “I’m not really sure.”
“Do you like her?”
I flinch at his use of her. Luckily, Russ doesn’t notice. There’s no reason for him to think anything else. “That’s what I’m trying to work out.”
“You don’t know?”
Yeah, I’m confused, too. “Let’s say there was someone you couldn’t stop thinking about?
How would you know if that was because you liked them or because of something else?
” My crushes over the years have always been…
intense. They start off with this little flash of something, followed by a long period where they’re the only thing on my mind.
Like with Nix. It quickly becomes all I can think about until I either take action or get tired of chasing someone.
“What do you mean by like?”
I roll my eyes. I haven’t had a conversation like this since high school.
“Got it. Well, in my experience, when there’s someone I can’t stop thinking about, it’s usually for a reason. Either because I like them a lot or hate them a lot. Those two emotions tend to be very close.”
“That’s what I thought.” And since I don’t hate Nix…
“Is there a reason you seem so, I don’t know, conflicted? It’s not because you’re still hung up on Kelley, is it?”
“Maybe?” I lie. I haven’t even thought of her in the last twenty-four hours. That might not sound impressive, but it’s a new record for me. As an extra bonus, alcohol wasn’t involved.
“She’s a total bitch.”
“Russ.”
“No, I won’t apologize. Cheating on you like that? I get that the two of you had problems, but that’s not the solution.”
Honestly, I think the divorce was harder on Russ than me. At least emotionally. I’d checked out months—maybe even years—earlier. It was all the things that came with it that really did me in. Losing the house and our friends.
“If she’s the reason you’re holding yourself back, then you need to go for a long run or do some meditation and get your head on straight.”
Somehow, I don’t think that will fix it, but almost anything is worth a shot at this point. “It’s just, this would be a different type of relationship for me.” That’s putting it lightly. I’ve never been with a guy before. Never really considered it until now.
I search inside me for any sign of panic, that this might all be some sort of confusion, and come up empty. It’s a little strange, but not uncomfortable.
“Maybe that’s a good thing? I never liked Kelley. She wasn’t right for you. None of those women you dated were. They were nice enough and everything, but I think you need someone who can challenge you. Picking someone different shows growth.”
Growth. That’s one way to look at it. It’s a lot to wrap my mind around.
My new bisexuality, if that’s what it is.
Then there’s the Nix of it all. He’s not some guy I met at a bar over a third drink.
He’s practically family. My brother’s best friend and my current landlord. There are complications in this.
“Russ?”
“Yeah?”
I have about a hundred questions for him right now, but I can’t ask any of them without blowing my cover. “Never mind. I’ll figure it out.”
“I know you will, big brother. And I’m here for you, anything you need. Same for Nix. I know the two of you aren’t close or anything, but you can talk to him about whatever’s bothering you. He’s a great listener.”
“I’m sure he is.” The problem is that I’m not sure talking is what I really want. My thoughts at the moment are more focused on what his lips taste like than the sound of the words coming out of them.
Yeah, I’m definitely bi. Straight guys do not think about other men’s lips.
“Okay, I gotta go. Busy day ahead. I’m building a pillow fort today.”
I smile. Russ has always loved kids. He’s worked for several families, but I think the current one is his favorite. He claims he doesn’t have favorites, but I know better. These twin boys have brought so much joy into his life.
“Have fun.”
When I hang up, I sit on the bed for a few long minutes. The more I think about it, the more confused I become.
Thinking has never really been my thing. I’m more of an action kind of person. Do first, ask for forgiveness later. It’s gotten me in trouble more times than I can count, but it’s how I operate.
Okay, new plan.
First, go for a long run.
Second, talk to Nix.