37. Kennedy
Kennedy
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
"Don't be stubborn. Let my team defend you. You don't even know who this secret protector is."
"Ernest knows."
"Then why doesn't he tell you?"
I think about the conversation I had with Ernest earlier today. The fact that he keeps the name of the secret protector to himself causes me a lot of discomfort, but I trust him, and I know that if it were for my own good, he would have revealed who it is by now.
God, what a mess!
If the man isn't someone of goodwill, why does he pay for the house and for my lawyers?
"I don't know," I confess. "Do you understand what you're asking me? Not long ago, you wanted me behind bars."
I see him pale and clench his napkin until his knuckles turn white. "It will never be enough, but even so, I will say it."
"Say what, Hades?"
"Forgive me."
I feel a lump forming in my throat. Until now, he has hinted several times that he recognizes he misjudged me and is sorry for his mistake, but he’s never put it into words.
When almost a minute passes and I don't speak, he says, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to express my remorse enough, Kennedy. I not only believed in the police's conclusions against you, I lost you. That day at the club, when I took you to a private room and kissed you, you misunderstood everything."
I should stay silent, but curiosity gets the best of me. "In relation to what?"
"When I said I didn't want you at Vina's house, I wasn't telling you to leave—I had decided I wanted you as my girlfriend. Pam would never have accepted that. She had already shown jealousy toward you."
"How so?"
"I'm not an idiot. Pam began to see you as a rival. As soon as you arrived in New York, she treated you like a little sister. Shortly after, that changed."
"It must have been after I told her that we met at the casino before I moved to New York. I also mentioned the ride you gave me, but not . . .”
"About when I kissed you and wanted to take you with me that night."
"Yes."
"I never stopped wanting to, but finding out that you were some kind of 'granddaughter' to Vina made me back off."
"Why?"
"Besides the fact that you were too young for me, just one year older than Pam, I wasn't a good choice as a boyfriend."
"What does that mean?"
"I didn't stick to relationships."
"Didn’t stick? Are you talking about the past . . . Oh my God! You have someone now, and?—”
"I don't have anyone. I didn't know I had taken you at my grandfather's library, yet I dreamt about it every night. I attributed my anger to the fact that I didn't desire any other woman and that as soon as you were convicted, I would return to my normal life of a lone wolf and erase you from my mind, but until that happened . . .”
"You're telling me that you weren’t . . .”
"No, I wasn’t with anyone else."
"I don't believe you."
"That seems fair, since I didn't believe you either, and yet it's the absolute truth. I have no reason to lie. You couldn't think worse of me than you already do."
"Don't count on that," I say, but deep down, I'm shaken by his intensity.
Even though he hates me, Hades has never forgotten me or touched another woman. That's no small thing, considering how handsome, rich, and sexy he is. When we entered the restaurant, female heads turned to watch him.
"You're not going to convince me that you wanted me in your life, that I was your 'happily ever after.' I looked you up. Like your brothers, you were a player when it came to women. You changed them as often as your socks."
"Past tense. All my brothers are married now."
"They are?"
"Yes. And except for Ares, they're already parents."
I look at him, but my mind is no longer at dinner—it's on how much I missed in those two years in a coma.
Since I was released from prison, my focus has been entirely on King, but I need to catch up on what happened in the world while I was locked away.
"What are you thinking, Kennedy?"
"I lost two years of my life while I was in a coma."
"I lost three years of my life that I could have spent with you."
"With me? Are you telling me that if it weren't for Pam's schemes, what you wanted with me when you said at the club that you would take me from Vina's house was a serious commitment?"
He doesn't say anything, and the silence is self-explanatory.
"You wanted me. Period. You didn't make plans for the future. You just didn't want to deal with the inconvenience of your precious Pam getting upset when she found out about us because you knew she would go crazy with jealousy."
"I was sure of that, but it wasn't Pam I was worried about, it was you. I won't lie, Kennedy. I never lie, no matter how much it turns the game against me. I desired you and wanted you in my bed. I thought that after a while, I would leave you like I had all the others, but that's where my mistake began. I was thinking of buying an apartment to set you up in. In my head, I was making plans to spend a few days a week with you there. You may not understand, but for me, it was a big step. I'm not programmed for love or trust."
"What does that mean?"
"Until a couple of years ago, I thought my father had killed himself because he found out that my mother had run away with their best friend."
"My God!"
"I'm not revealing this to try to get your sympathy or understanding, just being honest. Being with someone long-term was never part of my plan. So, yes, I wanted you for myself and also to get you out of that house because Pam was going to make your life a living hell, but primarily I wanted you, and I didn't know how to classify you in my world."
My heart beats violently as I process each piece of information he’s let slip, but my mind still refuses to accept that Hades felt something more for me than desire.
I change the subject. "I was already determined to leave."
"Leave?"
"From Mrs. Vina's house. Pam proved to be unbearable. That's why I didn't encourage her grandmother's plans for me to go to college. I knew I wouldn't stay with them for long. I used to go out every afternoon to draw in Central Park. It had always been my dream to make a living from my art. I even managed to sell some."
"Is that why you disappeared in the afternoons?"
"Yes."
"Did Pam know about it?"
"Of course. I bought a pie to celebrate with both of them when I made my first sale of a drawing to a passerby."
"That bitch."
"Hades, who are you talking about?"
"Pam. She told me at the party that your afternoon outings were to meet Ryan."
"I never kissed Ryan in my life." I stare at him, seeing the truth in his face. "You believed her. Even after I told you I wasn't his girlfriend."
"I was crazy with jealousy. I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't want to label you, give you a title yet, but deep down, I already knew you were mine."