Twenty
Guilt and shame crashed down on me, my head shaking in some denial.
“I can’t believe you.” Theo’s head moved back and forth between us.
“Theo—this isn’t—it’s not…” I moved toward him, having no idea what I was saying.
“I rush home, thinking the worst when you didn’t answer your phone, and I find this,” he exclaimed, tossing newspapers onto the counter.
“It’s not what—”
“The tabloids are going crazy! And instead of hearing from you, I have to read about it. Why didn’t you ring me back?”
I blinked at him. “What?”
“It’s my fault.” Lennox stepped up, picking up my thoughts that were scattered on the floor. “I took her mobile so she wouldn’t get caught up in the black hole of social media. You know how harsh the headlines and comments can be.”
I glanced down at the top paper’s headlines.
Prince’s Girlfriend Makes Blaring Gaffe, Causes Employee To Get Bitten!
Spencer Goes To The Dogs!
The Baroness of Chatstone Manor Turns Shelter Into Mayhem. Asked To Not Come Back!
Oh. The shelter situation. Just a moment before, that felt so long ago and not at all important.
Now the anger and humiliation revved back up my esophagus.
They made it sound like I was some silly, ignorant little girl.
Like, “Oh sweetie, just go back to shopping.” When animals were my life.
What I had studied and worked at since I was twelve.
“That’s bullshite.” I flicked the papers away, ire hunching my shoulders. “And they caused an employee to get bitten because they climbed over a fence onto private property for pictures of me. Scaring the already stressed dogs.”
“It doesn’t matter what the truth is. They want a story. And you gave one to them. Why did you even go to the shelter?” Theo folded his arms, his princely arrogance riding his shoulders.
“Because I wanted to help. You know that about me. I’ve always volunteered.”
“Yeah, but that was in school. You weren’t known. You can’t just pop down to a shelter now.” His brows crinkled. “Things are different.”
“You know who I am, Theo.” I stepped back. “I will never stop working with animals or wanting to help the environment.”
“I know. It’s one of the things I love about you. But you can’t do the things you used to.” Theo peered down at the headlines then back to Lennox. “And where the hell where you in this? How did this even happen?”
Lennox’s chin popped up in defense, my ears ready to hear him tell Theo how I ran off without him, but instead, he stated, “I take full blame. I failed at my job. It won’t happen again.”
“No.” My mouth parted, my head shaking. “That’s not true. It’s not his fault. I lef—”
“Yes,” he growled, his eyes burrowing into mine. “It is. It’s my job to protect you.”
“But—” I gaped, turning to Theo.
“I apologize.” Lennox rode over me, speaking to Theo. “If you or the king feel I am not fit for this—”
“Bloody hell, mate,” Theo scuffed. “This is a gaffe, but not the end of the world. And honestly, I don’t want anyone else watching over Spencer. I trust you with my life and even more, hers.”
Trust.
The word hung in the room like an ornament, stringing guilt around me, boiling shame up the back of my neck.
I had no reason to feel guilty, but my stomach still knotted.
Lennox’s head dropped, his gaze on the ground, his brows crunching together, an emotion I could see flashing over his face. Something changed at that moment. As if I could feel him build a wall up between us, his body twisted away from me.
Cold.
Aloof.
Business.
“Sorry.” Theo rubbed his head with a sigh. “I know you texted saying she was fine, but when neither of you answered your cells last night. My mind got the better of me. I got on the first flight this morning. What were you doing anyway?”
“Nothing,” I shot out. “I watched a movie and went to bed.”
All true. But for some reason, it felt like all lies.
Theo’s gaze darted to Lennox’s. “You’re here really early.”
“I stayed here. Thought without you here and after what happened, it would be better.” Lennox’s declaration fell off his tongue with ease, not a hint of untruth to it. Maybe that was the only reason he stayed. Not for me, but because of his job.
“Yeah.” Theo rubbed his head. “Thank you, mate.”
“Of course,” Lennox replied, the room going quiet. Strained.
“I’m so sorry,” I blurted out, filling the silence. “I feel awful you came all the way home for me.” I stared up at Theo, his handsome face squeezing my heart.
“Don’t be. I should be thanking you.” Theo reached for me, pulling me into his arms. “It was dreadfully boring. Honestly, I think I used it as an excuse to come home.” He brushed his lips over my forehead.
Relief eased my prickles, and I let him pull me tighter into his body.
Warm and comfortable, I let myself drown in his familiar scent.
“Missed you,” he muttered in my ear.
“Missed you too.”
He tipped my head back, his mouth descending on mine, kissing me.
Aware of Lennox in the room, I couldn’t fully give over to the kiss. Theo broke away, keeping his head tilted into mine.
“I will excuse myself,” Lennox said formally behind me.
“Take the day off, mate,” Theo said to Lennox, his gaze never leaving mine. “Don’t think we’ll be leaving the palace today.”
His innuendo was clear.
“Yes, Your Highness,” Lennox replied firmly. For a second, his gaze slid to me. It was only a second, an unsaid moment between us—agreeing to keep our day together quiet, then he swiveled around, his boots clipping as he walked out of the palace, the door shutting behind him.
“Good.” Theo smiled, nuzzling into my neck. “I want nothing more than to spend the rest of the day alone with my girl. Make up for the time I was away.”
Shoving out my unwarranted guilt, I focused all my energy on the boy in front of me. Theo was back. He was who I loved, and I felt his presence ease me. Comfortable.
“Really?” I slid my arms over his shoulders, wrapping around his neck. “That sounds like a good plan to me.”
His mouth met mine.
Theo.
The comfort in his presence fired desire up through me; this time, I submerged myself in his kiss.
“My room?” he muttered in my ear, need thick in his throat.
“Yes.” I didn’t want to think. Just feel.
Theo didn’t hesitate for a moment, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the kitchen and down the hall, his feet moving like they were on fire.
His room was perfectly Theo, traditional with a twist of modern.
The huge dark leather sleigh bed was swathed in dark greens and whites and subtle plaids.
Sheets, blankets, and the duvet in the most luscious textures and fabric.
Facing the fire was a leather sofa with two sleek modern chairs and a coffee table.
A printed rug covered most of the wood floor, with heavy green curtains on the windows.
Theo’s crew paddle leaned in the corner, and a huge telly hung above the fireplace.
A few pictures of his friends and me were situated on his desk.
“You are all I thought about.” He walked me back to the bed, his lips skimming up my neck. “So bloody dull. I only got through with naughty thoughts of you.”
My legs hit the mattress, falling back onto it, his body following mine. His mouth was hungry over my own, racing my heart.
“I can’t believe we’ve waited this long.” His hand moved up my side, sliding beneath my sweater, pulling it over my head and tossing it on the ground, settling deeper between my legs.
“That’s was all you.” I grinned against his mouth, my fingers trying to unbutton his dress shirt. “I tried many times in school.” I nipped his throat, my body screaming for more, the feel of his faux fur blanket silky against my bare skin.
“I know, but with you, I wanted to wait.”
“Wait for what?” My brows crinkled.
“When I could claim you to the world.” He rolled his hips into mine, tipping my head back as heat zinged up my spine. “I knew the moment you told me off in class you would be more than any of those other girls. You deserved more.”
Theo and I weren’t virgins. He was honest, telling me he had been with quite a few women before. Models, actresses, musicians. From a waitress to a diplomat’s wife. And many quite older than him.
My back history wasn’t that long. One time at Alton with an exchange student and once on holiday in Italy. Both made me realize I loved sex, and I had fun, but I hadn’t thought much about the guys since.
“Sweet, but let me decide what I deserve.” I pulled off his shirt to reveal his white undershirt. He leaned back, yanking it over his head, displaying his toned torso, his green eyes roaming over me. “And right now, I deserve all the times you stopped us.”
“I can do that.” He smiled, his mouth crashing down on mine, his tongue swiping through my lips, deepening the kiss. His hands tugged at my jeans, yanking them off with my boots and socks. He took off his trousers, his excitement showing through his boxers.
I scooted up higher on the bed as he crawled back between my legs, his body covering mine, the desire between us flaring up as our mostly naked skin skated over each other, our mouths hungry as our bodies moved together.
Unhooking my bra, he added it to the growing pile, his mouth finding my breast. My back arched, sensations tingling my skin, parting my mouth in a groan.
We had gotten far at school, discovering and tasting each other, but this time I knew he would not stop us.
Desperation to cross the line, to finally be together, itched at the back of my mind like a fiend.
As if it would settle everything in me. Center and still all the confusion, fear, and misgivings.
Rip away the silly flutterings about someone else and make me see it was always Theo.
“Theo,” I whispered his name, my hands pushing down his boxers. “Please.”
“But I want to take my time with you.” He breathed heavily. “Go slow.”
“No.” My head shook desperately, a flare of fear shot up my throat. “I need you now.”
My hands caressed his arse, moving to his cock, firm and hot in my hand, causing him to moan.
“Blimey.” He hissed as I worked him, controlling and demanding what I wanted.
Desperate to change his pace to mine. He reached for his nightstand, pulling out a condom.
We both knew I was on birth control, but in his position, there could be no slip-ups.
Not for the future king. Plus, we were so young, and I didn’t even know how I felt about kids.
If I even wanted them. Though I knew by marrying Theo, that choice would not be mine. The royals had children.
And if for some reason you couldn’t conceive an heir? I saw how the women were treated when they couldn’t. Shamed, ridiculed, and pitied. Even in today’s age.
Tugging off my underwear, he rolled on the condom, positioning himself over me, pausing to stare down at me.
“You sure?”
“Fuck’s sake. Yes.” My hands circled his arse, pushing him down as I drove up my hips, sinking him inside me.
“Oh god, Spencer…” He hissed, his elbows pushing into the pillow by my head. “Bloody hell, you feel so good.”
I started rolling my hips against his, needing more.
Hissing again, he gently moved in and out with long and slow strokes, which was the opposite of what my body craved. Fire simmered under my skin, but the drive for more was almost frantic, as if something took over me. Something I needed to prove. To silence.
“Harder,” I ordered, wrapping my legs around him tightly.
“Damn, my girl likes it rough.” This was rough? This felt nowhere near that. He grinned down at me, trying to match my pace, producing a moan from my lips. But still, I craved more. Needed more. Like a drug.
As if I was possessed, I folded my legs, crushing his hips, rolling us, moving over him, taking control.
My hands gripped the headboard, my lids slamming shut as I chased the high I was desperate for.
Theo’s fingers dug into my hips, trying to hold on, his voice hoarse as he yelled out, his body arching into mine.
“Shite. Spencer…” I could feel his body tensing under mine. Theo’s expression twisted, his mouth opening as he bellowed, jerking, moaning loudly, gripping me harder as he climaxed. Mine hinted on the horizon, but for some reason, I couldn’t quite grasp it and slide over the edge.
He slumped back into the pillows. “Holy shite,” he breathed, his eyes finding mine. “Damn. That was…” He blinked, not finding any words beyond that.
A smile inched up my lips. Leaning over, I kissed him before sliding off, reaching for my sweater.
“Where are you going?” He grabbed for my arm, tugging me back.
“I don’t know.” I paused, not sure why my first reaction was to get dressed.
“I practically blacked out, and you’re already getting dressed?” He laughed, pulling me into his side, kissing me. “That was bloody brilliant, Spence… seriously. Wasn’t expecting you to be such a little demon in bed. Now I’m really hitting myself for waiting so long.”
Demon?
Funny. That was what I had felt like. Possessed. Searching for something. Still could feel the buzz rocking around inside my chest.
“Was it just as amazing for you?” He breathed in my ear, not really a question, his hand grazing over my belly, moving down.
“Yeah,” I lied, pinning a smile on my face, kissing him. It wasn’t his fault. My head was not completely in the game.
“I love you.”
“Love you too.” I snuggled into his arm. I did. That was no question.
But I knew the resolutions I sought had not been found.