10. Chapter Nine
Chapter Nine
Lillian
James is pacing in front of me, phone in hand, his jaw clenched tight. I watch him, waiting, hoping he’ll say something—anything—but the silence stretches on, heavy and suffocating.
I close the door to the penthouse behind me and move inside, the nerves in my stomach making me feel sick.
James keeps checking his phone like it holds the answer to some impossible question. I think I see something in his eyes, determination or fear, I can’t quite work it out.
“James?” My voice comes out smaller than I intend, barely above a whisper.
I step closer, reaching for him. I need to feel that connection right now, to break through this wall that’s suddenly between us. If he could just say something, help ground me and force this vile rising in my throat back down again.
“James, talk to me. What’s going on? What are you doing?”
My fingers brush his arm, but he pulls away, muttering something about making a call. The abruptness of his movement stings like a slap and my feet are glued to the floor as he moves away.
What’s happening? This can’t be it… it can’t be.
A hollow ache forms in my chest, twisting tighter with each second that passes in silence. I stand there, frozen, my hand falling to my side.
I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know how to feel.
A knot tightens in my throat, winding tighter and tighter until I can’t breathe.
“I... I need to get something from my cabin.” The words rush out of me, an excuse—any excuse—to get out of here before I fall apart.
James barely nods, his attention still glued to his phone.
Fuck. He’s not even looking at me.
I don’t wait for him. My legs move on their own, carrying me toward the door, down the hallway, into the elevator. Everything is a blur as the doors slide shut. The tears I’ve been holding back spill over, hot and fast.
Part of me expects James’ big hands to catch the door as they roll closed, to rip them open and pull me into his arms again. That’s what I need. I need him to tell me everything is going to be ok.
But he doesn’t.
My hands shake as I jab at the button for my floor, and I watch the numbers drop as the elevator descends. Each second feels like an eternity, and by the time the doors open again, I’m barely holding myself together.
I walk quickly, my head down, avoiding the stares of other passengers as I rush past them. It’s like I’m underwater, everything around me muted, muffled and distant. It’s an entirely different world to the one I’ve been in this past week.
“Just get to your cabin, Lily,” I tell myself out loud, squeezing my eyes shut as I pass a couple giggling and laughing together. “Just get to your cabin.”
I fumble with the keycard, the thin piece of plastic slipping between my trembling fingers. The third time, the door finally unlocks, and I push my way inside, the cool air hitting me like a wave. I lean against the closed door for a moment, closing my eyes, trying to force the tears back, but it’s like trying to hold back the tide.
The room is too quiet, too small. I pace for a second, running my hand through my hair, before my gaze falls on the deck of cards sitting on the dresser. A reminder of James. Of what we had. My hand moves on its own, reaching for them, but as soon as my fingers touch the worn edges, they slip from my hand, scattering across the floor.
And that’s it. The last thread snaps.
I collapse onto the bed, and the second my face hits the pillow, everything I’ve been holding in breaks free.
Violent and uncontrollable, my whole body shakes as I bury my face in my hands. Everything comes crashing down at once. The break up with Logan. The escape. The relief of finally getting away from Misty Peaks and meeting James, spending nights in his arms, only to land right back where I started…
Alone and broken.
I thought I could start over. I thought this was my chance at something real. Something good. I deserved that, after everything I’ve been through. Didn’t I?
Turns out, all I’ve done is run in circles, chasing a dream that was never meant to be mine.
I wipe at my face, but the tears keep coming. I can’t think straight. My mind is racing, replaying the last few days like a cruel joke.
I was foolish to believe in this. In us .
I can’t go back to Misty Peaks.
It was always my plan to stay away, but then I met James and he changed everything.
I wanted to return home. I felt stronger with him at my side, like I was the changed woman I wanted to be.
Now, I can’t go back there. Not to that place that seems to grow darker and darker the older I get. The idea of returning to that lonely town without James, with Logan still lingering like a ghost, ready to haunt me the moment I step back to my old life—it’s unbearable.
A sob escapes me, and I curl up on the bed, hugging my knees to my chest. The ship rocks gently beneath me, but inside, I feel like I’m drowning.
It serves me right.
I let myself hope. I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe, I could have something good.
But that hope is gone now.
It’s shattered into a million pieces, and I don’t know how to put it back together.
I can’t. But I can’t stay here either. I don’t know what to do.
Once again, just like I did when I boarded this ship, I feel so... lost.
I sit up and shuffle back against the headboard, my eyes scanning the room. His jacket is draped over the chair, the scent of him still lingering in the air. It’s like everything in this cabin is a reminder of him—of what we had, of what I’m losing. The memories feel too raw, like a dark reminder that keeps pulling me back to the nights we spent wrapped in each other’s arms.
I gave myself to him. I gave everything to him.
He’s probably still up there, in his penthouse, pacing and checking his phone, caught up in his world of military duties and responsibilities. He’s always been so sure of himself, so in control and I guess his calling has come back to find him.
The tears come faster, harder now, and I don’t even try to stop them.
I thought James was different.
But maybe I was wrong.
I’m alone. Completely and utterly alone. And I don’t know if I can take it.