Chapter 3
EMMA
Ilie on the bed in Alyx’s private room for much longer than I should, but I’m afraid to move, and I can’t pinpoint why. His hand is still making gentle, sporadic strokes on my back, making it clear he’s probably scrolling on his phone.
Letting out a deep breath, I lean up on my elbow, knowing I need to move or I’ll stay here all night.
“What did he do? To set you off,” Alyx asks gently.
“I don’t want to talk about what happened in his room.” I’m not ready to tell him about anything when I’m still processing it myself.
“I’m not asking about that.”
“He cracked his neck. In the hallway,” I say, closing my eyes to fight back the images in my brain.
Alyx gets it immediately. “Like the boogeyman in your dreams.”
“It’s not a boogeyman.” I push up to sitting before bumping my shoulder into him. “It’s a man, I just don’t know who it is.”
“Has the therapy been helping?” He wraps an arm around my shoulder.
“I think so.”
“Who does the therapist think it is?”
“She thinks it could be a memory I’ve repressed that my brain only seems to share with me at night.”
He hums in response, seeming to accept the information. “When’s your next appointment?”
“I need to schedule it. We definitely have some new developments to discuss.”
“I’ll say.” A comfortable silence falls between us before he speaks again. “Do you ever think it’s weird that I can touch you?”
“Not really. You’re safe, like Ethan and my stepdad.”
He laughs, throwing his head back. “So I can touch you because you know I don’t want to fuck you?”
“I think?”
“You think? Emma, I definitely don’t want to fuck you,” he says, laughing harder, removing his arm from my shoulder and holding his hands out in front of him in surrender.
“No, I mean, I think that’s why. I know you don’t want to do that.” I smile, comforted at how easily he can calm me down.
I pick at a loose thread in the comforter as a comfortable silence fills the space. I’m aware of the faint sounds of music and sex, and I concentrate on that, willing the thoughts in my head to be quiet.
“You’re coming to my place tonight so I can keep an eye on you,” he says, noticing a shift in my demeanor.
“That’s not necessary.”
“It is, Em. You scared the shit out of me. I need to know that you’re going to be okay, especially if your nightmares are still happening.”
“Ethan won’t be there?” I ask, worried.
“Nope, he’s been staying at his girl’s place lately.” He crosses the room and pulls his keys out of his pocket.
Alyx has been best friends with my older brother Ethan for as long as I can remember, and he’s always treated me like he has his own sister.
“Can Ella come too?” I ask, hopeful he’ll let my younger sister crash the party.
“No underage girls in my apartment. I don’t have a lot of rules, but that’s non-negotiable. Ethan would probably freak out if he knew you were staying.”
“Fine. I’ll let Ella know to cover for me.” Since I’m not in summer classes, I’ve been staying at home until I can move back into the dorms, and I don’t want my mom to know that my nightmares are back.
——————
The shadowy figure stalks closer to me, and I’m paralyzed with fear. I can feel my arms and legs; they aren’t restrained, yet I can’t move them. He towers over me, his presence larger than life, and I instantly feel small, insignificant.
I need to get out of here, but he’s blocking the exit. How did he find me here? His tall, thick frame fills the door, illuminated by light from behind, casting his features in darkness.
His steps are slow and deliberate as he claps his hands, threading his fingers together and then flipping them out, palms toward me as he stretches them, cracking his knuckles before punching a palm with his fist as he approaches the side of the bed.
I need to move, need to run, but I lay there motionless. He’s going to kill me.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he spits at me as he grabs my arms, pinning me to the bed, and then he climbs on top of me, straddling me and holding me in place.
He moves his neck from side to side, stretching it like he’s preparing for a fight.
My adrenaline kicks in, but it’s too late as I buck against his hold.
He leans down, using his chest to pin my torso to the bed, his hot, putrid breath enveloping my nostrils. His face is still in shadow as he speaks.
“Emma!” His voice doesn’t quite sound right, and I thrash against him.
“Em!” the voice calls, more frantic, and my eyes open as I bolt up to sitting.
Alyx wraps his big arms around me, and I sink against him.
“Shit, Em, you scared me. You were screaming so loud. Shh, it’s okay, I’ve got you,” he says as he rubs up and down my spine, soothing me as my heart rate slowly returns to normal.
A small light illuminates the room briefly, and he reaches over to grab my phone, answering it with a swipe and holding it up between us. My sister’s face fills the screen.
“Ew, why is Alyx touching you?” she asks, wrinkling her nose.
“Fuck you, Ella.”
“Hello to you, too, Alyx,” she shoots back with a smirk. “At least tell me he’s clothed.”
“For fuck’s sake,” he mutters, shaking his head in exasperation.
“Seriously, though, the man-child texted me that you were having another nightmare. You okay?” I see Alyx roll his eyes in the little picture of us on the bottom of the screen.
“I’m going to give you two a minute,” he says, resting his cheek on my head as he hugs me.
“Need to get back to your flavor of the week?” my sister quips, and my eyes shoot up to his, silently asking him if he has company over. He shakes his head vehemently, and I instantly relax. I don’t care who he hooks up with, but I’m not in a place to be around any houseguests.
“How’s Chad?” he retorts, and I swear I can see the steam billowing from Ella’s ears as he exits the room, closing the door behind him.
These two have been like this ever since Alyx told Ella that she couldn’t hang out with him and Ethan when the guys were teenagers.
“Okay, now that Sir Comes-a-lot is gone, talk to me. He said you had another nightmare?”
I nod as I lean over to turn on the lamp next to the bed, propping the phone against it and cuddling into my blankets.
“Wanna talk about it?”
I shake my head as I shove my hand under the pillow, getting comfortable.
“Want me to come get you? Dad finally let me get my license last week. It’s bullshit, I’m almost seventeen. I could steal his car and be there in an hour.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ll be okay,” I say, hoping she won’t do something stupid but also wishing she would so she could cuddle me. “Can you just tell me a story until I fall back asleep?”
“I got you, Em,” she says softly as she launches into a rant about Dad and not living up to his expectations. I respond at the appropriate parts until my eyelids get heavy and I can’t hold them open anymore.
——————
When I emerge from Ethan’s bedroom the next morning, Alyx is in the kitchen at the stove.
I only recently discovered his secret job.
I’d spent weeks researching ways to solve my touching issue, reading everything I could to find a solution, and months talking to my therapist about it before I finally decided on my own version of immersion therapy—I haven’t shared that part with my therapist yet, but I’m sure she’ll be fine with it when she hears about my progress.
But when Alyx reached into his wallet to hand me his bus pass and accidentally gave me his membership card to Pulse, I knew I could talk to him about it.
He was not thrilled with the idea of me hooking up with some random sex worker and suggested I meet someone he trusted at Pulse instead.
“I made breakfast sandwiches. It’s just egg, cheese, and bacon on toast. I forget, do you drink coffee?” Alyx asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Yes, please.” My voice is still adjusting to being awake, a little hoarse from the nightmare screaming.
“Is that how you normally sound in the morning? Like a bullfrog?” He grins as he hands me a plate and a mug.
“Jerk,” I mutter as he ruffles my hair.
“Yeah, but you love me.” He takes a comically large bite, and yolk drips down his undershirt.
“You’re a mess.” I point to the stain on his shirt, and he whips it off, tossing it onto the counter.
“Ugh, can you put a shirt on?” I ask, averting my eyes.
“There’s nothing wrong with the male form, Em.”
“Yeah, but you’re like my brother, and I don’t wanna see him shirtless either.”
“Fair point,” he says, and I hear him walk to his room. When he returns fully dressed, we stand at the counter, eating our breakfast in silence.
“You wanna talk about last night?” he asks, sipping his coffee.
“Want to, no. Need to, probably.” I pause for a moment. “Is it weird that I’m not comfortable with your shirtless body, but I can talk to you about my naughty exploits?”
He chuckles. “It’s kinda quirky, but so are you, and I don’t judge. I work at a sex club, there’s nothing I haven’t seen or heard.” He hops onto the counter. “So, I’m all ears. Did Daddy Dom solve your problem?”
I shift on my feet, suddenly anxious at hearing about him. “Daddy Dom? Is Dom his actual name?” I’m a little too eager for his answer.
“Dom is his kink, not his name. He’s known as Daddy Dom around the club, but very few people know who he really is since he’s a pretty private guy.”
“Why do I get the feeling you know a lot of people’s secrets?” I stare at him pointedly, hoping he’ll give this one up. I need to see him again, and for some reason, I’m afraid to ask.
“Why do I get the feeling you’re hiding something?” He cocks an eyebrow.
I blow out a deep breath. “He was able to touch me. And, boy, did he touch me.”
“You’re cured?” he asks, and I can see the hope in his eyes.
“I thought so. He restrained me and touched me. Everywhere. And I mean, everywhere. And then he made me…” My cheeks heat thinking about his touch.
“You can say orgasm, Em. He made you come. Sounds like a successful session.”
“What if the only reason it worked was because I was restrained? Or because I couldn’t see his face? What if I’m not really cured?”
“You did let him carry you in the hallway after your freak-out.”
“I don’t know what came over me in the hallway. He did that motion with his neck, and it sounded just like the figure in my dreams. I know he’s not that man, but it spooked me.”
He doesn’t say anything in response, and we eat in silence for several minutes.
I’m afraid to say it. Alyx already did me a huge favor by letting me go to the club, and another by introducing me to his friend.
It almost feels like a game of chicken to see who will break first. Staring at him, I give my best sad eyes, jutting out my lip a little while batting my eyelashes.
“Fuck, no. I know exactly what that look is, and the answer is no. You’re not going back. That was a one-time thing, and we’re pushing our luck if I bring you back.”
“I need to see him again. He is the only person who’s been able to get that far.
I really think he can help me.” My mind flashes back to last night, me on the bed pleading to see him again.
He gave me a slight nod of agreement, but once we left, I realized I had no way to contact him except for Alyx.
“This is a bad idea.”
“Please,” I beg, turning up the puppy dog eyes.
“You know, you’re not the sweet little girl people think you are. But, fine, we’ll figure something out.”
I launch myself into him, hugging him tight.
“Kinda wish I was one of those people whose touch repulsed you cuz this is a damn tight hug,” he grunts as I relax my grip.
“Thank you.” I’m pressed against his chest as a wave of relief washes over me. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I’m oddly comforted at the thought that spending time with a certain masked stranger is in my future.