Chapter 21
EMMA
Itry to focus on the positive, but lately my mind is consumed with the nightmares that have started up again—most likely because of that jerk at the frat party—and with Daddy Dom and wondering what he’s up to now.
I’m still getting used to my new living situation. Since the dorms are for freshmen and sophomores, my options were limited, and I ended up in student apartments on the outskirts of campus. Because of the price of rent, living off campus wasn’t feasible.
Most of my theatre friends are a year or two below me, like Megan and Rylee, but since they’re freshmen, they’re still in the dorms so I ended up going in blind with a roommate. The girl I live with is nice but keeps to herself and is barely around, so I’m mostly on my own again.
Our apartment is small, just a living room, with a small kitchen off to the side, a shared bathroom and two bedrooms. I’ve got the slightly larger of the two rooms on the back side of the apartment.
It wouldn’t be so bad, but I was really hoping for some companionship, especially after my breakup.
Could you call it a breakup? We weren’t really together, and I don’t even know his name or what he looks like.
It’s a Sunday night, and I’m studying in the living room when I think I hear a faint knock at the door. From my spot on the couch, I peer through the window next to the door, and when I don’t see any movement, I drop my head, burying it back in my book.
The next morning when I leave for class, something flutters when I open the door and pluck the paper off of it, shoving it in my bag as I hustle to make it to class on time.
Dropping my bag beside me, I plop into the chair, grateful to make it on time when Jeremy takes the seat next to me.
“What’s this?” he asks, bending over and pulling the flyer from my bag. “I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you…”
My head swivels in his direction as my brows furrow. When I notice the piece of paper in his hands, I grow more confused. “What are you reading? Is that Jane Austen?”
“I dunno, it was in your bag.” He shrugs, handing me the paper.
It’s written in what appears to be the same handwriting as the first letter, but it’s hard to tell without looking at them side by side. My eyes scan the page, reading quickly.
My love,
I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever… I have loved none but you.
Stay strong, my love.
Yours
“I didn’t know you were dating anyone,” he says flatly. I glance at his face, but there’s no hint of emotion there. Am I disappointed he’s not hurt at the thought of me dating?
“I’m not,” I reply in a tone matching his.
My leg bounces in my seat for the rest of class. I can’t seem to allay this feeling in my gut. Is Daddy Dom sending me these letters? Why would he do that? It doesn’t make sense for him to end things only to keep me on the hook with sporadic love notes.
That, and he’s never admitted he loves me, so why would he do it in an anonymous correspondence?
But if it’s not him, who could be sending them?
I would suspect it’s Alyx or Ella pulling a prank on me, but they’re too far away and both would revel in the gotcha moment too much to leave a letter and run without seeing my reaction.
Plus, they both know how torn up I’ve been about Daddy Dom and wouldn’t mess with me about this.
“I emailed you my notes.” Jeremy’s voice pulls me out of my spiral as I’m closing up my laptop.
“Huh?”
“You’re normally a typing machine in class, and I didn’t see you touch your computer or pick up your pen once. Figured you could use mine in case you want to review them.”
“Thanks. My mind is kind of elsewhere.”
“Because of the note?” he asks, brushing his floppy blond hair out of his face.
“Yeah.”
“So you’re not dating anyone?” he asks, a hint of hope in his voice.
“No. I’m focusing on school right now,” I say and cringe, hoping he won’t see through my excuse, especially since he noticed me not focusing on class today. “Well, normally I would be, but now I’m playing Sherlock Holmes in my brain.”
“Well, I hope you and the mystery gang get to the bottom of it,” he says with a boyish smile.
“I don’t think Scooby Doo is going to help me.” I laugh, thankful for the moment of levity.
——————
A month goes by without another letter.
Rylee and I are walking into the theatre on our way to class. “Hey, Ems, I think that says your name,” she says, pointing to the envelope on the call board.
I stare at it confused at first. People sometimes leave messages on the board for others, but it’s usually about an audition, casting, or job. Rylee pulls out the pin holding the note and hands it to me.
“Watch this,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows as she pinches the pin between two fingers and flicks her wrist, firing it straight into the cork in the most satisfying way.
“I’m starting to think you’re part ninja,” I tease.
“Brothers.” I laugh in response, thinking about the torture they must have put her through growing up. “But I came away with cool party tricks,” she says with a smirk.
I hold the letter in my hands, debating whether to open it in front of her or not worried about what excuse I could give her. I’ve only told Alyx and Ella about the letters.
“Uh, ya gonna open it?”
“Nah, I’m sure it’s just about a summer internship I applied for,” I lie, stuffing it into my backpack.
When I get back to my apartment, several hours later, the letter burning a hole in my metaphorical pocket the whole time, I pull out my phone and FaceTime Ella.
“Em!” she chirps. “Wait, you’re not spelling the alphabet. Shit. What’s wrong?”
It’s a blessing and a curse, her ability to read me so well. I hold up the letter so she can see.
“Shit, another one?”
I nod solemnly. “Can I add Alyx? I’d rather go through this once than repeating the story back for him too.”
“Fine, call Mr. Fuck-around-and-find-out.” I shoot her a warning look, and she holds her hands up in defense. “I’ll be good, I swear. I know this is important.”
Once I add Alyx to the call and fill him in, I pull out the letter and read it for them.
My love,
“He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
Whenever I read this quote, I am reminded of you and the soul that we share. Stay strong my love, we will be joined soon. I’m in awe of you and am happy to be your pillar of strength.
Yours
“I’ll show you a pillar of strength,” Alyx quips. I laugh. Alyx is always able to bring humor to the seriousness of the moment.
I catch Ella trying to hide her smirk as she rolls her eyes. “Ever the child. Can’t you take anything seriously?”
“Who do you think it’s from?” Alyx asks, ignoring her jab.
“I have no idea. They’re not always addressed the same way, and only the first one was signed with a J. Though, I’m not convinced it was a J, it was kind of written all loopy and swirly.”
Alyx sits back, and I can tell he’s thinking through this like it’s a riddle he wants to solve.
“Where even are you right now? You look like you’re in a black hole. Is that a filter?” Ella asks, as her head tilts closer to the screen.
“Somewhere I will never see you grace the doors of.” Alyx’s jaw clenches as if the thought of my sister at Pulse makes him angry.
“Well that’s not cryptic as hell,” she says.
Since I recognize his background, I keep my mouth shut, looking off screen to distract myself.
“Em, you’re doing that thing with your eyes when you know something, but you don’t want to tell me. What do you know?”
“I don’t know anything,” I lie, then quickly change the topic. “And I have no idea who could be sending these, but it’s starting to make me really flippin’ uncomfortable.”
Ella grunts, realizing we’re not going to humor her.
“Do you know anyone with a J name?” Alyx asks.
“There’s this guy Jeremy in the theatre department, but I really doubt it could be him.”
“What’s Professor A-hole’s name?” Ella asks.
“Um, I dunno… Wait, I might still have a syllabus from his class,” I say, shuffling through a notebook until I find it. “John.”
“Oh my God! What if it’s your asshole professor?”
I burst out in laughter. “That’s a good one.”
She blinks back at me on the screen.
“Wait, you were serious?”
“I mean, why couldn’t it be?” she asks.
“Has he given you any indication that he’s into you?” Alyx asks.
“Absolutely not. That man cannot stand me. And I haven’t seen him since last spring.
Besides, he has a stick so far up his hiney, even if he did like me like that, I could never see him revealing it like this.
And before you ask, I don’t think it’s Daddy Dom either.
He’s still ghosting me since he ended things, and he lives in the city.
There’s no way he’d come out here to leave me letters if he won’t even return my text. ”
Alyx cocks an eyebrow. “What if he had someone on campus doing it for him?”
“Or what if it’s multiple people?” Ella adds.
“Okay, well, you’re both no help.”
“What about that guy from high school? Doesn’t he go to Faith Union with you?” My sister’s question causes a lead weight to sink in my gut. “Didn’t you say he cornered you on campus last year?”
“The fuck?” Alyx snaps. “Why didn’t I know about this?”
“Because sister bestie trumps fuckboy bestie.”
“Can you not word it that way and make it sound like I’m her fuckboy?”
“Gross,” I add.
“Agreed,” Alyx says.
“Respectfully,” Alyx and I say in unison and then laugh. We spend another hour coming up with theories and get no closer to solving the mystery, but I laugh more than I have in months.