Chapter 6
Chapter
Six
M orning sex didn’t happen. Shower sex didn’t happen.
Matt couldn’t believe that he’d fallen asleep. He also couldn’t believe that Lindsey hadn’t awakened him.
That wasn’t true. He could believe that. She would have wanted to let him rest. Especially since she didn’t know that their time together was limited.
Waking up with her in his arms had been amazing. For thirty seconds. Then she’d elbowed him in the gut and jumped out of bed ordering him into the closet because the boys were on their way down the hall.
So he’d hidden out, naked and semi-erect, while she’d herded his boys back out the door and into their room to get ready to run errands with her.
He’d been torn between laughing and groaning. He wanted to see the boys. He wanted to put Lindsey up on the bathroom counter and sink into her over and over and over.
He didn’t actually get to do either of those things. Yet. He was now in the kitchen of the diner where Lindsey had brought the boys for breakfast.
She needed to get the car’s oil changed. He wished he could just do it for her so that he could keep her in bed and make waffles for the boys in their own kitchen. But she already had the car appointment and, dammit, there was so much he wanted to get done while he was here, that he simply couldn’t prioritize an oil change.
But at least he was making the boys waffles. It wasn’t in their own kitchen, and they didn’t know he was doing it—yet—but it was something.
“Okay, they’re here,” Jay, the owner of the diner said, coming into the kitchen.
“Great.” Finally, he was going to see the boys. “Have they ordered?”
“I’m just getting them juice and coffee,” Jay said. “But I heard Liam ask about pancakes.”
Obviously, Lindsey and the boys were regulars here. Jay had been more than happy to let Matt into the kitchen to make Liam and Aidan waffles this morning. He’d thanked Matt for his service and told him that his boys were wonderful. That was pretty much all the man had to do to be Matt’s friend.
He poured more batter into the waffle griddle. “I hope they’re okay with not having pancakes.”
Jay put a carafe of coffee, a cup, and two glasses of orange juice on a tray and picked it up. He gave Matt a wink as he backed out through the swinging door. “Lean in close to the window there and you’ll hear just how okay they’re going to be,” Jay said.
Matt crossed to the window that opened between the kitchen and the dining area. He stayed to one side, out of sight of where Lindsey and the boys were sitting, but Jay had put them in the booth closest to the door to the kitchen so he could hear the exchange from where he was standing.
“Okay, guys, so we have something really special on the menu today,” Jay said, setting the glasses and coffee down. “Blueberry waffles!”
Matt peeked around the corner to see Liam shaking his head. “We don’t want waffles.” He nudged Aidan. “Right?”
Aidan nodded, but he didn’t look too thrilled. “Right.”
“What?” Jay said. “You guys don’t like waffles?”
“We like them a lot !” Aidan said enthusiastically
“Why don’t you tell Jay why you don’t want waffles?” Lindsey said. “He’ll understand.”
Liam looked up, giving Matt his first good look at his son’s face and his heart stuttered. He’d just been on Skype with both boys a couple of days ago and yet, Liam looked different. Older. Less a little boy than the one in Matt’s head. Even though he saw photos and talked to them face-to-face online, the image of his sons in his mind were of little boys. Not school-aged, with friends and activities and experiences that he was missing. It had been one thing to miss first steps and first words, but over the past couple of years, Matt had realized that it was a lot harder missing things that the boys would remember, that really mattered to them . First homeruns and first science fairs and first crushes. And there would be more. First dates, first break-ups, first victories, and first defeats.
They would talk about it on the phone, on Skype, on his visits home, of course. But it wouldn’t be the same. They were growing up fast.
His phone buzzed in his pocket and he swore under his breath.
The job. It was always there. Always.
He pulled his phone out as he heard Liam say, “We only eat waffles with our dad. When he makes them.”
Matt felt like Liam had punched him in the chest.
“LaSalle,” he ground out as he answered the phone.
“New plan,” Simon said.
No. Fuck no. “What happened?”
“They weren’t looking for Dr. Badih Kahn.”
“I thought the intel was clear on Kahn.”
“Yeah. They were looking for Dr. Asadi Kahn. Badih’s brother.”
Matt closed his eyes. “And?”
“And they found him. Our mission is now a rescue.”
Matt felt his gut tighten. “Because he knows as much as Badih or because they think this will flush Badih out?”
“Not sure yet. We’re working on that part. He’s also a scientist.”
“A chemist?”
“Engineer.”
“What do they want with an engineer?” Matt asked.
Badih was a renowned chemist who had been pressured by the government to consult on the development of chemical weapons. Which he’d done. Just prior to destroying all the plans and blowing up the lab. He’d escaped and come to the Americans for protection, but he hadn’t necessarily intended to survive the explosion. He’d been willing to die to keep the plans for the weapons from being utilized. And while the plans had not survived, they lived on in his mind. Which was why he was now being hunted.
Asadi, however, was an unknown. Matt didn’t like unknowns.
“Best we can gather is that Asadi is being used as bait, but it’s not impossible to believe that he might be someone who could be useful in weapon design,” Simon said. “We’re just beginning to get the intel.”
“Fuck,” Matt breathed. A man had been kidnapped, their scientist was still under threat, a foreign government was hell-bent on developing chemical and biological weapons—okay, unfortunately more than one foreign government—and…his kids needed waffles.
In some ways, it would be easier to disappear now. Before the boys saw him. Before he got all caught up in everything about being home and the holidays and then had to leave. The leaving was the hard part. Should he just spare them all?
“So we’re leaving…”
“Monday morning.”
His two-week leave had just turned into two days. Matt blew out a breath and shoved a hand through his hair. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
There wasn’t anything more to say. “Keep me posted on any intel that comes in,” Matt said.
They had to go in after Asadi, but it would really help if they knew why the government had him. Was it just to try to draw Badih out or was he working for them? And was he working for them willingly or not? It could be a true kidnapping. Or bait. And the bait could be for the man’s brother, or for the American troops that the government forces knew were protecting Badih.
“Will do.”
They disconnected as Jay came through the kitchen door. “You ready?”
No. “Sure. Of course.” He forced a smile. He was home for another thirty-six hours give or take. That was better than nothing and he was going to see the boys.
He and Jay worked to get the waffles plated and the whipped cream and strawberries arranged in the Tic-Tac-Toe pattern he always did for the boys. Then Matt took a deep breath, picked up the tray, and forced his mind back into the moment. There would be plenty of time to wonder about what was happening across the ocean. Plenty of time. Too much time. He’d be in the midst of it far too soon.
And yet, not soon enough. Asadi could be in real trouble. And if he cooperated with his captors, they could all be in real trouble. And if Badih found out…
“Matt?”
He looked over at Jay. “Yeah?”
“You okay?”
He realized he’d stopped just before the door with the tray of waffles and bacon. He took a deep breath. “Yep. Absolutely.”
Waffles. His family. Christmas. That was all he was thinking about it for the next few hours.
Jay pushed the door open and preceded Matt into the dining room.
“Okay, so I told you we have a new cook and he’s really trying to get the waffles right. We need some taste testers,” Jay said. “I know you only eat waffles with your dad, but maybe you can make an exception in this case?” He stepped to the side, revealing Matt and the tray of waffles.
Liam looked at the tray first. “I don’t really want to.”
Matt caught Lindsey’s eye and she gave him a smile that was so full of love and excitement for what was to come that he felt the tension banding his chest loosen. It will all be okay . That was what she did for him. She made him believe that.
“Hey, Aidan, what do you think?” Lindsey asked.
Aidan looked up from coloring the photo on the back of the placemat. His eyes went to the tray first too.
Matt grinned. His boys were all about the food.
“I guess,” Aidan said. “I’ll take one bite.”
“Just one?” Matt asked. “What if these are the best waffles you’ve ever had?”
Both boys looked up at him at the same moment.
And everything just froze for a few seconds.
They stared at him and Matt just stood, letting it all sink in.
Then Liam said, “ Dad ?” and Aidan started crying.
Matt handed the tray off to Jay and knelt beside the booth as both boys slid out and threw themselves into his arms.
And everything was right in his world.
Matt squeezed his eyes shut as he hugged the boys to his chest. “I missed you guys so much.”
They clutched at his shirt and Liam just kept saying, “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!”
“I like waffles so much ,” Aidan said against his shirt.
“Me too,” Liam assured him. “Just yours. I only want them with you.”
Matt felt bad that his boys would go months at a time without waffles, but truthfully, he loved that they were so adamant about only eating them with him. It was a small thing, but damn, he didn’t get many exclusive parts of their lives. He’d take waffles if that was all he could have.
He dragged his eyes open and focused on Lindsey.
She, of course, had tears streaming down her face, but her smile was bright and the love and pride shining in her eyes told him everything he needed to know about what was in her heart and mind. She was fully in this moment. So were the boys. And so would he be. He’d make sure of it.
Finally he said gruffly, “Okay, let’s eat. I’ve got a ton of stuff for us to do today.”
The boys pulled back. Both had red faces and wet cheeks, but they were smiling.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” Liam said.
“This is a huge surprise,” Aidan agreed.
Matt laughed, even as he silently prayed that they wouldn’t ask him how long he was going to be home. He was going to pack the day with all of the things he’d thought they’d have two weeks to do and hopefully keep them so busy and get them so tired that they wouldn’t think about when the end might be.
The boys climbed back into the booth, but when Matt went to slide in next to Lindsey, the boys insisted he sit with them, right in the middle. He agreed and happily sat and watched two of the three greatest loves in his life shovel waffles and strawberries and whipped cream into their mouths as they chattered about how surprised they were and what they were going to do for the rest of the day.
And Lindsey sat across the table, her chin propped on her hand, just watching her three guys. The look on her face was one of the most beautiful things Matt had ever seen and he wished, as he often did, that he could somehow have a photograph of that moment.
After they finished, Matt spent five minutes convincing Jay to take payment for breakfast while the other man insisted that he wanted to cover the tab in thanks for Matt’s service. They finally settled on a fifty-percent discount. Matt knew that people really did want to do those kinds of things for soldiers to show their appreciation and that it was important to let them do it once in a while. Once he got his family out onto the sidewalk, he pulled Lindsey up against his side, needing to touch her. She slid her hand under his jacket, wrapped her arm around him, her fingertips on the bare skin just above the waistband of his jeans.
Damn. He wanted to spend the entire day with the boys. He also wanted to spend the entire day in bed with Lindsey. He didn’t have enough time.
He squelched that thought, splayed a hand on her hip, intending to keep her against him as much as possible, and said to the boys, “Okay, so we’ve got a lot to do. We’re going to hit Christmas Fest first.”
“What’s Christmas Fest?” Liam asked.
“Have you been before?” Matt asked Lindsey.
“We were going to go last year with the support group but Aidan got an ear infection.”
Matt nodded. “You are going to love it. We get to go ice skating, have a snow ball fight, go on rides, have hot chocolate. All kinds of stuff. They have ice slides and we can get into a giant snow globe to get our picture taken.”
Christmas Fest was an annual event at the convention center that combined just about everything awesome about the Christmas season into one gigantic space. There were carnival rides, games, crafts, food and drink, and, of course, a chance to visit with Santa.
“Ice skating?” Liam said, eyes wide. “I’ve never done that before.”
“I’ll help you,” Matt promised. “It will be fun.”
“And rides?” Aidan asked. “I love rides.”
“Me too, buddy. This is going to be great.”
Lindsey gave a contented little sigh. That Matt wanted to hear over and over again. He knew that making their boys happy would make her happy, but he also wanted to give her some amazing memories of this holiday. In the few hours he had.
He shook that off and kept his smile big and steady. “Then we’re going to go have a Reveillon dinner and we’ll go look at the lights and trees in City Park after dark.”
The boys were nodding excitedly, but Liam asked, “What’s a Reve—” That was as far as he got into the word before he couldn’t remember it.
Matt put a hand on his head. He loved the idea of being able to show the boys some of the best holiday traditions and teach them something new. He wasn’t here often enough to do that. “I’ll tell you about it while we walk down to get the car.”
They started in that direction and Matt told the boys all about the tradition of Reveillon dinners after midnight Mass on Christmas Eve when everyone went home and wined and dined until dawn.
“It was a Creole tradition,” he said. “But over time, people just stopped doing it. They started having other traditions. Then, when I was a kid, some of the restaurants in the city started it up again. They started having special holiday menus around this time of year and my grandmother would take the whole family out to her favorite place, Vacherie Restaurant, for a family Reveillon dinner. It was always one of my favorite things to do. The pecan pie there is amazing. Better than your grandma’s. But don’t tell her I said that.” He gave the boys a wink and they both grinned at being included in on a secret.
He glanced at Lindsey. She smiled up at him. “Your dad took me to that restaurant for a Reveillon dinner and asked me to marry him the Christmas after we met.”
The boys knew their parents had met around Christmas time and they loved the story of the Running of the Santas. Of course, Lindsey and Matt left out the “skimpy” and “shots of peppermint schnapps” parts of the story, but they told them about how fun the race had been and how they’d sat in the park and talked for hours and how they knew that same night they were going to fall in love.
But up until now the boys had either been too young, or Matt hadn’t been home, to go to a family Reveillon dinner.
This year that changed.
“And I’ve invited your grandma and grandpa to dinner with us,” Matt said of his parents. He’d called his mom that morning and after she got past her own “I can’t believe you’re home!” and a few tears, she’d happily agreed to dinner.
Of course, she’d also launched into a list of things she wanted to do and places she wanted to take them all while Matt was home. He hadn’t had the heart to tell her his time was extremely limited and there was no way he would be at Aunt Kristin’s for brunch or at Mike and Anne’s for New Year’s Eve.
He was going to focus on making some great memories now and then deal with the bad news and goodbyes…later.
“They’ll probably go with us to look at the lights and then we’re going to go home and watch a movie on the couch with popcorn and hot chocolate.”
“We can make snowmen bathtubs!” Liam said.
“Yay!” Aidan exclaimed.
“Okay.” He didn’t know what that meant, but he was up for anything that excited the boys right now. “And then ,” Matt added with a big grin. “You’re going to get my Christmas present from me tomorrow.”
Damn, he’d have to remember to text Kyle.
“ Tomorrow ?” Liam said, clearly in awe over the entire thing.
Exactly as Matt wanted them to be.
“Yep,” he said. “This is something that just can not wait until Christmas.” Which was true, even if Matt wasn’t leaving. He’d planned to give the boys the gift this weekend anyway.
“Okay,” Liam breathed.
“Yay!” Aidan said again, bouncing up and down. “Yay!” He turned to look up at Lindsey. “This is going to be the best Christmas, Mom!”
Matt felt Lindsey’s arm tighten around him as she nodded at their youngest. “It really is, baby.”
T hey retrieved the car and headed for the convention center. Lindsey knew something was going on with Matt but now was clearly not the time to talk about whatever had put the tightness around his eyes.
She could tell he was hell-bent on doing everything Christmas-y he could possibly think of, all at once, and soon enough she’d find out what was going on.
He was leaving.
That much she knew.
Sooner than he’d expected. She could read it in him. But it was fine. She’d make sure it was fine.
She hadn’t asked how long he was home. Because it didn’t really matter. It would never be long enough, no matter how much time he had. And she wanted to be in the moment too. For him. For the boys. For herself. There were not enough of these moments where they were just a family of four, all together, playing and laughing.
His phone buzzed with a text just as they were parking at the convention center. She watched him pull it out, look at it, frown, and then tuck it away.
Okay. She was just going to make the most of the moments up until he told her the date they were saying goodbye.
Over the next few hours, they slid, they skated, they ate—they did nearly every activity in the entire convention center. And most of all they laughed. She got photos of Matt with the boys doing a host of activities, all with huge smiles on their faces.
They ate an amazing dinner at Vacherie. The four courses consisted of seafood gumbo with jasmine rice, sweet potato and andouille soup, boudin-stuffed game hen, and the best pecan pie Lindsey had ever had. But more than the amazing food, Lindsey soaked up the sights and sounds of Matt with his parents. She loved her in-laws and she made sure that she and the boys saw them often. But there was something so wonderful about seeing Matt with his mom and dad. The way Kate looked at Matt was heartwarming and all Lindsey had to do was imagine going months without seeing Liam or Aidan to understand everything Kate was feeling. Matt was good about staying in touch with them as well. They’d taught Kate and Neil how to use Skype just for the purpose of talking to Matt. But online and on the phone was never the same.
And it was when Matt was with his mom and dad that Lindsey really thought about the fact that he was in danger when he was away. Maybe not constantly, but she also didn’t know much about what he did. He couldn’t share a lot of details. So a lot of the time she didn’t let herself think about the possible risks he was taking. It was easier to sleep that way. But it had been more in the forefront of her awareness since Dana’s husband Chad had been killed. And she prayed for Matt every single night.
They lingered over dessert, but soon enough the boys were antsy to go see the Christmas lights in the park. They strolled through the trees and displays, drank more hot chocolate, took a train ride, and soaked up the Christmas spirit.
And by the time they said good night to Kate and Neil and pulled into their driveway, the boys were barely keeping their eyes open.
Matt looked into the backseat and sighed. “Maybe no movie tonight, huh?”
He sounded completely disappointed and Lindsey had the prickling awareness that it was possible that his time home was going to be up even sooner than she was guessing.
“We can still do it,” she told him. “We’ll do baths and put on pjs first and if they fall asleep, they can camp out on the couches tonight.”
She almost laughed over how much he brightened at that. “Yeah? Okay, that sounds good.”
“What are we watching?” she asked as she reached for the door handle.
“ It’s a Wonderful Life .”
Lindsey stopped and looked back at him. He was leaving tomorrow or the next day. She could feel it. They were going to watch the movie he’d never seen until he met her? The movie that he knew she always watched with the boys on Christmas Eve? Yeah, he was leaving really soon.
She swallowed. “You have marshmallow popcorn?”
“Dana said she’d bring some over.”
Lindsey pivoted back to face him. “You asked Dana to get us popcorn?”
“She and Logan,” Matt confirmed. “And a few…other things.”
Lindsey took a deep breath. Matt rarely, if ever, asked for help on things when he was home. He liked to do things. Fix things. Work on things. He definitely loved to do the little, normal, daily things like grocery shopping and washing the car and helping with dishes. It was all the silly little stuff that he didn’t get to do on a regular basis. Stuff that most people took for granted.
For him to ask for help with something like picking up popcorn meant that he was running out of time. She felt her heart skip a beat. “Tomorrow?” she asked softly.
“Monday morning,” he answered, understanding what she was asking.
She felt her throat tighten and she made herself nod. “Okay.” Damn, that was soon. Really soon.
“It wasn’t supposed to be—” He broke off and shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. It’s Monday.”
She nodded again. “Okay.”
They didn’t talk a lot as they got the boys into the shower and into their pajamas. The boys kept up with a nearly constant stream of chatter about their day and how fun it had been and how awesome ice skating was and how awesome the lights had been and how awesome the fancy dinner had been.
Awesome was the word of the night.
It was also awesome that the boys fell asleep long before George Bailey walked Mary Hatch home from the school dance.
Matt and Lindsey looked over at one another. Then, without a word, laid the boys down on the couch, covered them up, turned off the television, turned off all the lights but one so the boys would know where they were if they woke up in the night, and headed up to bed.
Well, Lindsey did.
Matt made a detour in the kitchen.
And arrived two minutes behind her. With eggnog in hand.
“Take your clothes off and lie back on the bed.”
That was really all the foreplay she needed.