Chapter Twenty-Four
Nick
The moment I’m back in the quiet of my hotel room after saying goodbye to Gina, I take out my phone, but I’m not sure who I want to call. Marcus would be the obvious choice, but we’re not the kind of friends who talk about emotions, not real ones. And part of this is his fault.
I could call Hilary, but technically she is on vacation, and while I’m sure she would listen, and willingly so, I can’t help but shake the feeling that she would only pick up the phone because I’m her boss.
I sink onto the side of the hotel bed, my phone still in my hand. Before I give myself the chance to fully consider what I’m doing, I pull up my mom’s cell number and dial.
“Nicky!” She answers right away, the brightness in her voice genuine. “I wasn’t expecting to hear from you until Christmas.”
“I hope it’s okay that I called.”
“Of course it’s okay. You can call anytime. You know that.”
I do know that. Even if things haven’t always been great between us, I’ve never doubted that my family would be there if I really needed them. I just haven’t ever really taken them up on that offer of support. Partly because of lingering resentment from my childhood, but also partly because I’ve never wanted to give them the chance to be there for me.
“Is everything okay?” my mom asks after a minute of silence.
I let out a long sigh. “I’m not sure, Mom. Something happened this week, and I was hoping I could maybe get your advice.”
“I don’t know if I have any good advice, but if nothing else, I’m willing to listen.”
She’s willing to listen, and so I talk. I tell her everything, about the breakup from five years ago, the way I’ve never been able to fully move on, what it felt like to see Jess again, the creative spark of writing with her, and most importantly, how it felt watching her walk away.
My mom listens, giving me her full attention and plenty of sympathetic sounds.
“And she asked for space, and I want to make sure I respect that, but I also want her to know how much she means to me, and that I’m willing to do whatever she needs to make it work between us,” I finally finish.
“Is there a way you can give her space and do this grand gesture thing you were talking about?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even have a single idea for a grand gesture as it is.”
She laughs. “You’re the romance writer. I’m sure you can think of something.”
“What if she can’t forgive me? I basically chose career over love—it’s unforgiveable.” I voice my fears aloud for the first time. I know what I did was wrong. I know I would change things if I could. But that doesn’t mean Jess is obligated to forgive me. Even if she can move past it, maybe she won’t want to.
“I think there are a lot of reasons you put your career first in that situation, Nicky, and I think a lot of that is probably my fault.” She takes in a long breath, and I can hear the emotion clouding her voice. “I don’t think I did a very good job letting you know that I love and accept you no matter what, and that you’ve always made me so proud. I don’t care how many books you’ve sold, I don’t care if you never sell another single copy in the future. Your dad and I couldn’t be prouder of you. You’re my son, and I love you.”
I have to blink away my own tears, because even though I’ve never truly doubted the sentiment, it still does something to me, to hear it out loud. “Thank you for saying that.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner. I know I only met Jess once, but I could tell from the moment I met her that she was the one for you, and I think if you have a chance, you should make sure you don’t waste it.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Let me know how it goes.”
“I will.” I only hesitate for a second. “I love you.”
“I love you too, my sweet boy.”
It takes me several minutes after hanging up the phone before I’m ready to even think about the next steps. For so long, I thought my family pushed me away, couldn’t accept me for who I was. But maybe in reality, I’ve pushed them to the side because it felt like the easiest thing to do. Maybe I needed to let them be there for me, in whatever capacity.
I know one conversation isn’t going to fix a lifetime of experiences, but it did show me one thing: People can change.
I open my laptop, pulling up the Google doc. I scroll to the end, sucking in a sharp breath when I see Jess has added a whole chapter since leaving the hotel.
Leaning back on the pillows of the bed, with sheets that still smell like her winter jasmine perfume, I read what she’s written.
The breakup scene.
It’s nothing short of devastating, the kind of scene you read with a physical ache in your chest. The characters’ emotions are so real, it’s like I’m experiencing the split right along with them.
At the end of the chapter, Jess has typed two final words: The End.
I guess she wants to go along with a Nick Matthews ending.
But as I read the chapter again, I know that this isn’t right. This isn’t how the story should end, for our characters or for us.
It comes to me in a flash. What I need to do. The grand gesture, so to speak.
I reach for my phone again, this time dialing Hilary’s number without hesitation. “I know it’s two days before Christmas, but I really need your help and I promise I will give you the biggest bonus you’ve ever gotten if you can help me pull this off and make this the most magical Christmas ever.”
Hilary is quiet for a second. “Did you just say you want to make this the most magical Christmas ever?”
I laugh. “Yes.”
“Who are you and what have you done with Nick Matthews?”
“I know this sounds ridiculous, but I really need your help.”
“Oh honey, you had my help at ‘biggest bonus you’ve ever gotten.’ What do you need me to do?”
I explain the plan and what exactly I’ll need from her to make it all, well, go to plan. Before we even hang up the phone, I can hear her keyboard clacking as she furiously googles or emails or works whatever assistant magic she wields so easily.
And so I sit down to do my part. I open a blank document and I write. I write and I write and I write, barely stopping to pee and shove some room service dinner in my face.
I write well into the night, and then into the morning hours. I write so many words I lose count. I write for so long, the words on the screen start to blend together into fuzzy little dots. I save our book, our story, for last, and when I finish it, I know this is the way it was always supposed to end.
That’s when I finally save the document and send it off to the contact Hilary found for me. It’s going to cost me a fortune to get it done on time, and I’ll have to take the first morning train back to the city to make the pick-up window, but I know it will be worth it. It’s the early morning of Christmas Eve and I can’t keep my eyes open for one second longer. I fall into the bed, noticing how much colder it is without Jess there huddled up on the other side, hogging all the covers but giving off so much warmth it doesn’t really matter.
I miss her.
But if everything goes as it should, as it does in the books and the movies that she—that we—love so much, then she’ll be back in my arms tomorrow.
For the first time in my life, I can’t wait for Christmas.