SIXTEEN
CHAPTER
My flight landed in Albany the afternoon before the wedding, and I just made it to the rehearsal dinner at a ritzy steakhouse.
Dena had six bridesmaids, and I was thrilled to see Tania King, Jonah’s former assistant, was one of them.
We hugged and cried a little—just seeing her brought back a flood of memories.
She confided she was thrilled I was there for a more practical reason.
“Aside from the Fletchers, I literally know no one here,” she said.
“Hey, I’m in the same boat.”
She looped her arm through my elbow. “Oh, thank God. You’re mine.”
We stuck to each other at dinner too, and Tania told me all about working for the Chihuly Studio in Seattle.
“It’s incredible,” she said over clam chowder.
“I wake up every morning thinking, Holy shit, this is my life now. Thanks, in no small part, to Jonah.” She leaned in close to me, her voice dropping.
“Honestly—and I hate to even say this—but tomorrow is going to be hard without him here. The gaping hole in my life…it’s easier to ignore it in Seattle.
But here, around all his old friends…” Her dark eyes trailed down the table, taking inventory of each guest. “I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for Oscar and Dena. ”
My gaze trailed to the happy couple at the end of the long table. On Oscar’s left sat Theo, looking handsome in slacks and a dress shirt. No tie, his sleeves rolled up to his forearms, dark ink swirling down to his wrists.
“And how are you?” Tania asked gently. “I heard you moved out of Vegas?”
She’d probably been too busy with her job to know too much about my situation, and part of me wanted to smile and make light of it. But my personal recovery plan was to be as honest as I could. With everyone.
“Yeah, I moved. I couldn’t hack it. I live in New Orleans now.” I stirred my soup. “That’s the sanitized version of what happened. The Black Plague version is, I ran out of town without telling anyone where I was going and spent the last six months in New Orleans, drunk off my ass.”
Tania’s eyebrows shot up, but then she nodded. “Okay.”
“Theo found me, dropped everything to help me sober up—and it wasn’t any goddamn picnic for him, I can tell you. Now I’m here, all dressed up for a wedding, instead of dead in a ditch somewhere.”
“I’m so happy you’re here.” Tania’s eyes glanced at Theo. “He’s a rock, that guy.”
“How so?”
She spooned a bite of soup then dabbed her napkin to her mouth.
“You know I was Jonah’s assistant in the hot shop.
Carnegie Mellon paid me to do that job. But for an installation the size Jonah envisioned, I didn’t think two people could complete it on time.
I couldn’t be there every minute—I had my own classes at UNLV.
So Theo stepped in. He’d never worked with glass before.
Jonah and I showed him the basics, and it just clicked for him.
The job needed to be done and he was going to do it.
He just went for it. All in. And when the installation was finished, I got all the credit for the assist. I tried to get Theo to put his name on the paperwork for the Wynn show.
Jonah tried. Hell, Jonah was about to do it without Theo’s permission.
But Theo side-stepped us, went to Eme Takamura directly, and told her his name wasn’t to appear anywhere with relation to the installation. ”
“Why wouldn’t he take any credit?”
Tania shrugged. “That’s just how he is. So it doesn’t surprise me in the least he dropped everything to fly to you when you needed him. It’s what he does. If there’s a job to do, he does it.”
I nodded, thinking about Theo being best man for Oscar. Jonah would have done it.
Tania had grown quiet. I saw her jaw work and her eyes fixed on the water glass in front of her.
I covered her hand with mine. “Hey.”
She smiled, not looking at me. “God, I miss him like hell.”
“I know.” The words held the deepest, hardest truth for everyone in this room.
I miss you, Jonah. We all miss you.
It was easy to feel like I suffered the most. To believe the bulk of the pain was mine to choke down—an enormous mouthful, while everyone else only had to chew little bites. But everyone who’d known Jonah had a plate of pain to swallow.
Every instinct screamed to change the subject before I started crying again, but instead I squeezed Tania’s fingers.
“Jonah couldn’t have finished the installation if it hadn’t been for you,” I said. “I know for a fact he considered you one of his best friends. He loved you like hell. That’s why you miss him like hell.”
“Thanks, Kace.” Tania smiled and swiped away a tear. “I know he did, but it’s nice when someone else says it.”
The next morning, we drove in a cavalcade of sedans to the Centennial Club, twenty minutes outside Albany. The club was a stately, 18 th century manor, with many gables piercing its red roof. It sat on a huge field of grass, like an island floating on a flat, green sea.
Dena and her bridesmaids, along with her mother and grandmother, were ensconced in one wing of the big manor, while Oscar and his menfolk were on the other. The ceremony would be in the sprawling backyard that looked more like a football field, and the reception in the grand ballroom.
In the east wing, the bridesmaids slipped on our coral-colored dresses, while Dena had her hair and makeup tended to. The strapless dresses had crisscrossing folds over the bodice, cascaded to the floor in soft lengths of silk.
Dena's mother—an elegant-looking woman in a more modest dress the same shade of orange-pink as ours—fussed over her daughter, while Dena’s 80-year-old grandmother sat in a chair and watched.
Both the mother and grandmother gave me a few side-glances, as did two of the bridesmaids I’d never met before.
I looked at myself in the full-length mirror. The tattoos swirling down my right arm and the guitar on the inside of my left wrist painted a stark contrast to the billowy pastel of the dress.
Dena approached me, her knowing, peaceful smile on her face. She looked radiant and far calmer than any bride-to-be I’d ever seen.
“Kacey,” she said softly. “You look beautiful.”
“That's my line. Dena…you’re stunning.” I rubbed my arms, as if I could rub out the tattoos just for today. “Not too sure the ink goes with the dress.”
Dena reached for the tray of hairdresser’s ribbons, pins, and brushes, and took up a black silk rose. “Do you think I’d forgotten you had these tattoos when I picked out the dress?”
“No, but I can feel your grandmother staring,” I said. “I want this day to be perfect for you.”
Her grin widened as she affixed the silk flower behind my left ear. “Today will be perfect because the people I love are here, just as they are.”
I inspected myself in the mirror. None of the other bridesmaids had a black flower, but none of them had ink all up their arms, either. But I had to admit, the black rose was a perfect accessory, complementing my tattoos and bringing the whole look together.
Tania approached. “You’re the most badass bridesmaid I’ve ever seen,” she said, looking resplendent in her own dress. She linked her arm in mine. “Come on. It’s time to rock ‘n’ roll.”
We descended the stairs and a harried-looking wedding planner jostled us into place. Dena was like a cloud of calm, floating among us in her white silk dress, while the rest of us fluttered around her like nervous birds.
A cellist played Pachelbel’s Canon in D, and we took our turns marching out of the house and between the rows of white chairs set up on the lawn. Oscar and his groomsmen were already under a white awning, wreathed in green vines and pink flowers.
I took my turn down the aisle, paranoid my heels were going to dig too deep into the lush grass and send me sprawling in front of everyone.
How would that be for badass?
Oscar looked handsome in his tux but a bit petrified. My eyes found Theo standing beside him. In a tux.
Oh, wow…
He looked devastatingly handsome. His dark hair slicked back, his hands clasped in front of him where cufflinks glinted in the sun. His expression was flat with boredom, until he caught sight of me. His mouth fell open a little and his eyes widened.
I smiled at him, tried a little wave behind my small bouquet of white roses. Theo didn't respond but stared at me in that way he had, like he couldn't believe I was real. I thought he was playing around but as I neared my place on the platform, his stare hardened and then he suddenly looked away.
Okay, then.
The ceremony was the perfect length—not too short to make all the fuss seem excessive, and not too long that anyone grew impatient. Oscar and Dena exchanged traditional vows, then kissed as the sun sank beneath them. The crowd cheered and the procession returned to the house for the reception.
For the recessional, I was paired up with a buddy of Oscar's. Theo naturally escorted the Maid of Honor, who clutched his arm extra snugly, I noticed. She giggled something in his ear that he ignored.
Once inside the manor house, Theo ignored me, too. The bridal party took photos with Oscar and Dena, then we were free to enjoy the cocktails and hors d'oeuvres being served in a grand sitting room. A cellist played in the corner under the muted conversations of a hundred guests.
Over a little plate of snacks, Beverly gushed over Theo, Tania, and I. Henry made me promise to save him a dance, even though his eyes strayed to my tattoos more than once while we chatted. Theo didn't say a word.
“What’s wrong, dear?” Beverly asked. “Nervous for your toast?”
“Yeah,” he muttered. “I guess.”
I pulled him aside. “Hey. How you holding up? For real.”
“For real? I fucking hate giving speeches.”
“Picture everyone in their underwear. I hear that helps.”
“I picture everyone thinking, Jonah should be up there.”
The smile fell off my face like a paper mask. “Teddy,” I said softly.
“It was already hard without him here. I’m making it ten times worse.”
“That’s not true,” I said.