Chapter 16
Nash
Dinner is great, but it really does taste even better because of who I’m sharing it with.
Caleb asks Emma questions about school and her favorite books, and she lights up like a little star, talking and talking while the boys inhale their food.
Sam barely pauses to breathe between bites, and when Benji asks for seconds—mostly of the mashed potatoes—Caleb grins at me from across the table.
As chaotic as my life can feel with two kids, two schedules, and never enough hands, the feeling of adding Sam to the mix should make it more complicated. But instead, with Caleb here, it feels like maybe it’d be easier.
We just fit.
It’s the exact thing I was scared I’d never find.
I’ve spent so long assuming I’d have to bend someone into my life, make space they didn’t really want to fill on weeks my kids were with me, compromise until the connection felt more like work than ease, all because they didn’t understand my responsibilities as a co-parent or my friendship with Tess.
But tonight doesn’t feel like fitting him into anything. Doesn’t feel like squeezing him into the gaps. It feels like adding on to make room for something—or two someone’s—who were always meant to be here.
Just like I had a feeling it would.
“Alright, who’s ready to watch a movie?” I ask, and the three kids push away from the table, chairs scraping back as they all shout, “Me!”
“Do you want me to make popcorn?” Caleb asks, glancing at me as he collects a few dishes from the table.
“That sounds like a great idea.”
He smiles at that and turns toward the kitchen while the kids rush into the living room, claiming their spots on the gray sectional. Emma burrows into the corner with a snowflake blanket wrapped around her shoulders while Sam and Benji argue over which movie to watch.
“Come on, let’s watch Home Alone,” Sam says.
“But Elf is way funnier,” Benji counters.
“I want to watch The Santa Clause,” Emma pipes up.
“Hey, guys,” I say, interrupting their conversation. “Why don’t you see what this TV even has on first?”
“Oh yeah,” Benji says, reaching for the remote.
I head back into the kitchen to help Caleb finish up. The smell of melted butter is in the air, and it makes the cozy cabin feel even cozier with the sound of the kernels popping in the microwave.
I find two big bowls in one of the cabinets and set them on the counter to pour the popcorn into.
“The kids are debating what Christmas movie to watch, so I have to know, what’s your all-time favorite?”
“That’s a hard question.” Caleb huffs a laugh. “Umm, probably Elf.”
“That’s what Benji wanted, too.” I smile. It’s so simple, but it feels like more proof that we mesh so well together. “We’ll see what they landed on.”
“What’s yours?” he asks.
“I think I have to go with National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Though, I don’t think that’ll be on the voting board tonight,” I say with a laugh.
“Probably not, but you and I can watch that another night. I love that movie too.” Caleb smiles, and I nod, grabbing the popcorn from the microwave and pouring it into the bowls. We each grab one and walk into the living room to find The Grinch queued up on the TV.
“Alright, I like this one. Good pick, team,” I say to the three of them who are all under blankets waiting for us.
After handing a bowl to Benji, I turn off the overhead lights, leaving only the warm glow from the tree and the flicker of the fire. On-screen, the movie starts, and the kids are under their blankets, crunching popcorn, and giggling through mouthfuls.
Caleb leans into my side, and I don’t fight the urge to rest my hand on his thigh under the blanket we’re sharing.
The movie plays on in the background, but I’ve stopped paying attention.
All I can focus on is Caleb being so close to me.
I need more connection, to feel even closer, so I reach for his hand, sliding my fingers through his.
He gives me a small squeeze when our fingers interlock, and my thumb grazes over his skin.
That’s all it takes for the noise in the room to fade.
How can he already feel like everything to me?
How can I already miss him when he’s right in front of me?
It doesn’t make sense. But at the same time, it makes more sense than anything else has in a long time.
When the movie ends, Benji and Sam run to the bunk room, and I carry Emma since she fell asleep.
“I can get them to bed if you want to stay out here all snuggled up,” I say to Caleb as I hold Emma in my arms.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, you look cozy. I’ll be right back.”
In the room, Benji and Sam are already changing into their pajamas.
“Don’t forget to brush your teeth,” I remind them, and as expected, I’m met with groans.
“And Sam, don’t forget to say goodnight to your dad, he’s still in the living room.”
“Okay.” He nods.
They do what they need to do, and when Sam runs into the living room, I watch Caleb give him a hug and tell him he loves him before Sam runs back to the room.
He and Benji claim the top two bunks, leaving the bottom one for Emma.
One by one, I say goodnight, flip off the lights, and close the door behind me.
The second I step back into the glow of the living room and see Caleb waiting for me on the couch, something quiet and certain settles in my chest. The fire is still glowing, and the couch looks even cozier now with the blanket rumpled. I drop down next to him and pull him into me.
“You tired?” I ask, kissing his cheek.
“Nope,” he says with a smile.
“Good, there’s a lot I want to do with you that doesn’t involve sleeping.” I smirk. “Bed?”
“Yeah. Let’s go.” He nods, his cheeks blushing red.
I grab his hand and tug him off the couch, leading him down the hall with an urgency I can’t hide. The bedroom door clicks shut behind us, and I turn to face him. Without a word, I reach for him, one hand gripping his hip as I pull him in until there’s no space left between us.
The second our bodies connect, his breath stutters, and it makes me ache in the best way knowing I have this effect on him.
I slide my hand up his spine until my fingers are teasing the strands of his dirty blond hair.
He leans in, closing the last few inches between us, and when our mouths meet, everything else fades.
The kiss starts soft, but there’s too much anticipation for it to stay that way. Caleb’s hand slides to the back of my neck, fingers tightening like he needs me closer. I open for him without hesitation, and when his tongue finds mine, it sends a full-body shiver down my spine.
I press him back until he’s pinned to the wall, my body glued to his, just like I told him I’d do to him on our phone call. I roll my hips into his, chasing the friction, and he groans into my mouth. It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.
It’s messy, sexy, and electric.
I pull him off the wall and walk him back toward the bed, not breaking contact, not wanting to lose a second of this.
We fall onto the mattress together, tongues still tangled, and I straddle him.
I move against him, grinding down on his erection I feel through his sweatpants as he gasps into my mouth.
I kiss the corner of his mouth, his jaw, down his neck, before tugging his shirt up and off, pausing just long enough to look at him as he lays beneath me.
His chest is solid and lightly defined with a faint trail of blond hair that leads down from his chest. I can’t help but follow it with my eyes, stopping at his waistband, to where I’m sitting on top of him.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I murmur, raking my eyes back up his body.
He stares up at me like I just knocked the wind out of him. There’s so much awe and hunger in his eyes. I want to praise and devour him.
“Is this okay?” I check in with him.
He nods. “Yeah.”
My hands skim along the light dusting of hair on his chest once again before I lean forward to kiss along his pecks, licking and sucking one nipple in my mouth before moving to focus on the other.
His hips lift up beneath me, and my eyes flick to his to see him biting his bottom lip.
He looks like he’s holding back, afraid to say what he wants, so I give him room to show me.
I grind against him a little harder, and his head tips back against the pillow, a low moan breaking free from his throat.
Finally.
“Tell me what feels good,” I whisper, brushing my mouth along his jaw. “Or just keep making noises like that, and I think I can figure it out.”
His laugh is breathless. “I don’t really know what to ask for.”
“That’s okay.” I kiss the corner of his mouth. “Just let me take care of you. But if you don’t like anything, tell me.”
His fingers curl into my shoulders, holding on.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “Okay.”
I start to move against him again, grinding our bodies together. The friction is almost too much through our sweatpants, but also nowhere near enough. I guide his hips up to meet mine the best I can, and that’s when I hear the hitch in his breath, the soft “fuck” whispered.
We keep moving together, grinding and dry humping, until we’re both panting.
“Jesus,” he breathes. “Nash—”
I slow down, giving him a second. “You okay?”
He nods quickly. “So okay.”
His smile pulls at my chest, and I lean forward to kiss him again.
“Do you want more?” I ask when we break apart, wanting to taste him. It’s been well over a decade since I’ve touched a man like this—since college. And yet with Caleb hard right in front of me, I’m certain I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.
He told me he’s never been with a man before, and I want to show him how good it can be, even if my own experience is limited.
He bites his lip and nods at my question. I waste no time pushing up to my knees and move from atop of him to strip him bare. I’m rewarded with the most beautiful sight.