Thirty-One
thirty-one
BECAUSE OF YOU - KELLY CLARKSON
CALLIE - APRIL 25, 2014
T he tension from the last few days hasn’t eased, like a heavy barbell that’s been dropped on my chest. Every time I close my eyes, I picture the nightmare Owen walked into with Sabrina and her new husband.
Owen told me everything that happened–the fight, the shouting, Alex storming out. I can’t stop picturing it and wishing there was something I could do to help. I try to convince myself that Sabrina’s strong, she’ll figure this out, but I still worry.
She shouldn’t have to go through this. No one should.
Especially Barrett.
My stomach twists at the thought of him being in the house when everything was happening. Owen got him out of there before things escalated, but I still wonder if he’s seen these things happen before and just not spoken up because he was afraid.
He’s just a little boy. How much of it did he hear? Has he seen Alex shove Sabrina?
I hate that I don’t have answers. I hate that I wasn’t there to shield him from it. He’s Owen’s son, but he’s part of my heart, and the thought of anything hurting him makes me feel sick, and angry. So fucking angry.
I glance across the room, where Ruby is asleep in the Pack ‘N Play and Sara sits at her little art table furiously scribbling on a piece of paper with her crayons. They’re safe here, happy. A part of me wants to speak up for Barrett, about how I think he should stay here until things settle down for Sabrina. But when Spring break ends next week, he will need to return to preschool.
It’s not fair.
I know what it’s like to feel stuck—to wake up every day carrying the weight of choices that never really felt like choices at all. It’s a slow kind of suffocation, the kind that makes you forget what freedom even looks like. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially not her.
Owen’s been quiet about it since we got home, but I can tell it’s weighing on him too. He doesn’t like leaving things unresolved, and Alex is a loose end neither of us feels comfortable ignoring. I can’t blame him.
I press a hand to my chest, willing the tension to ease, but it doesn’t. Instead, it spreads, curling around my ribs like a vice. I wish I could do more. For Sabrina. For Barrett.
The sound of the back door creaking pulls me from my thoughts, and Owen steps inside, his presence grounding me in a way nothing else can. His gaze meets mine, and for a moment, neither of us says anything. There’s a weight in his eyes that mirrors my own, and I know we’re both thinking the same thing.
“Any news?” I ask softly, though I think I already know the answer.
He shakes his head, his jaw tightening. “Will is still keeping an eye on her for a while, but she hasn’t filed the police report yet.”
My heart sinks. I shouldn’t be surprised because it’s a scary situation to be in. “Do you think she will?”
Owen hesitates, roughing a hand through his beard. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I hope so. But it’s ultimately her call.”
“What are you going to do if she doesn’t?” I hope I’m not pushing too much by asking, but I’m worried about Barrett’s safety. I don’t want him to go back there until I know Alex won’t be back.
Owen exhales sharply, leaning against the counter, his fingers gripping the edge like it’s the only thing keeping him upright. His gaze drops to the floor, his shoulders tense. I can tell he’s wrestling with something, and my stomach twists in anticipation.
“I don’t know,” he finally murmurs, his voice low. “But I’m not sending him back there, not like this.”
His words are heavy, resolute. Owen’s never been one to back down from doing what’s right, but this situation feels like walking a tightrope, a delicate balance. I see how much it weighs on him.
“What if she doesn’t let you keep him?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
Owen’s eyes meet mine, filled with raw determination. It takes my breath away. “Then I’ll fight her on it,” he says firmly. “I’ll go to court if I have to. I’m not letting Barrett stay somewhere he could get hurt.”
The conviction in his voice sends a shiver down my spine. I know he means it. I know he’ll do whatever it takes to protect his son, but the thought of him having to go through a custody battle with Sabrina makes my heart ache.
“Owen…” I step closer, placing a hand on his arm. “That’s a big step. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
He looks at me, his expression softening just enough for me to see the vulnerability beneath the anger. “I have to be, Callie,” he says quietly. “This isn’t about me or Sabrina. It’s about Barrett. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure he’s safe.”
I nod slowly, my throat tightens with emotion. “I know you will. And whatever happens, I’m here. We’ll figure this out together.”
He reaches up, his hand covering mine where it rests on his arm. “Thank you,” he says softly. “For being here. For understanding.”
“Of course I understand,” I whisper. “He’s part of our family, Owen. I care about him just as much as I care about Sara and Ruby. We’ll get through this. All of us.”
His eyes hold mine for a long moment, and the gratitude in his gaze makes my chest ache. “You’re amazing, you know that?” he murmurs.
I smile faintly, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m just trying to keep up with you.”
The faintest smile tugs at the corners of his mouth, but it doesn’t fully erase the tension in his expression. “I just wish I could fix this.She doesn’t deserve this.”
“I know,” I say, my voice thick. “ She’s lucky to have you looking out for her. Barrett is lucky to have you too.”
He nods, but the weight in his eyes doesn’t lift. I step closer, wrapping my arms around him, and he pulls me against his chest, his arms tight around me.
We just stand there for a moment, holding each other in the quiet kitchen. The sound of Ruby stirring faintly in the bassinet is the only noise breaking the silence.
“We’ll figure this out,” I whisper again, pressing my cheek against his chest.
“I hope so,” he murmurs, his voice barely audible. “I really do.”
As if the universe couldn’t pile on any more chaos, Adam called shortly after we returned from Sabrina’s. He wanted to know when he could next see the girls, but it was the news he delivered that left me reeling: he and Katie had broken up.
Hearing him say it dredged up a whirlwind of emotions I wasn’t prepared for. The timing of the breakup, while Katie’s pregnant, felt too close to home. It mirrored the end of our marriage. I was barely ten weeks pregnant with Ruby when I found out about his affair with Janelle. I had thought we were building something lasting, a family, only for him to tear it apart. And now, I couldn’t help but wonder: had he done the same thing to Katie? Was she just another chapter in his endless cycle of destruction?
A few days later, my suspicions took on sharper edges. While sorting through the mail, I found a plain envelope with my name scrawled across the front in handwriting I didn’t recognize at first.
The moment I realized it was Katie’s, my stomach twisted. Ruby was fussing in her swing, and Sara tugged at my leg, asking for help with her crayons, but the noise around me faded into the background as I tore the envelope open.
Inside was a single sheet of lined paper, the pen strokes slightly smudged as though she’d written it through tears. I sat down at the table, the letter trembling slightly in my hands. The neat but hurried handwriting stared back at me, and with every word I read, my chest grew tighter.
Callie,
I don’t even know how to start this letter. Honestly, I don’t know if I have the right to say anything at all after everything that’s happened, but there are some things I need to tell you before I go.
I’m sure you’ve heard by now that Adam and I are over. I thought I could make this work, but I couldn’t. His anger is just too much.
I am leaving Iowa. I can’t stay here. But before I go, there’s something you should know: He hasn’t changed. Not for me, not for anyone. Please be careful.
The girls are lucky to have you. I hope someday my daughter can know her sisters, but for now, this is the only choice I can make.
Katie
The weight of Katie’s letter presses against my chest like a boulder I can’t push away. I read it again, the paper trembling slightly in my hands. The sharp, jagged edges of her words cut deeper with every pass, carving me like a knife. I think back to the moment I found out about Adam’s affair with Janelle. I had believed we were a team, a family, but he shattered those dreams. Piece by piece, he unraveled it all. His betrayal hadn’t just left scars; it had left me questioning my worth, my ability to hold my family together. Now, as I sit here clutching Katie’s letter, it feels like history is trying to repeat itself, mocking every attempt I’ve made to move forward.
Did he do the same thing to her? Was Katie just another casualty of his anger and selfishness? My throat tightens as I picture her unraveling the same way I did, her confidence shattered under the weight of his temper. The thought twists painfully in my chest, but it’s quickly followed by a simmering anger. Anger at him, for continuing this cycle.
Ruby gurgles softly on her tummy time mat, her tiny hands batting at the dangling toys with uncoordinated determination. Beside her, Sara hums a little tune as she builds a lopsided block tower, her focus absolute. Their innocence is a stark contrast to the storm raging inside me. They don’t know. They don’t understand. And it’s my job to make sure they never have to carry the weight of this chaos.
What happens when Sara asks about Katie someday? What if she remembers more than I think she will? How do I shield them from this cycle of abandonment, this endless parade of people walking away?
I fold the letter carefully, setting it on the table as though putting it down will also put the pain aside. But the words are burned into my mind, playing on an endless loop.
The sound of the back door creaking pulls me from my thoughts. Owen steps inside, his presence grounding me. His gaze meets mine, and for a moment, neither of us says anything. His eyes are heavy, and I know we’re both carrying too much right now.
“Any news?” I ask softly, though I already know the answer.
He nods, a glimmer of relief in his expression. “Will just called. Sabrina filed for the order of protection this morning. The judge is supposed to review it soon.”
My chest loosens at the news, though the weight of everything still lingers. “That’s good, right?” I ask, searching his face.
“It’s a start,” Owen says, his voice cautious. “It’s not a guarantee, but it’s something. Will’s keeping her on track, making sure she sees it through.”
I nod, though a flicker of doubt still gnaws at me. “What if it’s not enough?” The words come out before I can stop them, “What if Alex comes back?”
Owen exhales slowly, his eyes darkening. “I’m not sending Barrett back there until I’m absolutely sure he’s safe. If Sabrina doesn’t follow through, I’ll figure something else out. Whatever it takes.”
His voice is firm; I can see the strain in his shoulders, the way his hand rubs over his beard like he’s trying to scrub away the worry. It’s not just about Barrett or Sabrina. It’s Katie’s letter. It’s Adam. It’s the shadow of every doubt we’re both trying to fight off.
I cross the room and take his hand, gripping it tightly to anchor us both. “You’re doing everything you can, Owen. And we’ll figure this out. Together.”
“I know,” he says quietly, squeezing my hand. “I just… I hate feeling like I can’t fix this. Like I can’t make it right for him.”
“You already are,” I say firmly. “But you also have to remember, this isn’t Sabrina’s fault. She’s trying, Owen. And she’s doing this while trying to recover from what Alex put her through. It’s not easy, and the last thing she needs is more pressure.”
Owen’s jaw softens, the tension in his expression shifting as my words sink in. “You’re right,” he admits after a moment, his voice low. “I know you’re right. I just… I want Barrett to feel safe. I want her to be safe.”
“And she will be,” I say gently. “But we’re all going to need time to work through this. You don’t have to shoulder it all alone.”
He looks down at me, his brown eyes softening just enough to chip away at the tension in his face. “I know,” he says again, “Thank you, Callie. For keeping me grounded.”
Something inside me breaks at the sincerity in his words, the way he looks at me like I’m the strongest person he’s ever known. I lean into him, my forehead resting against his chest as his arms wrap around me, holding me together when I feel like I might fall apart.
For a moment, the chaos fades. The fears and doubts quiet, and all that’s left is the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against my cheek. I close my eyes, clinging to the strength in his embrace, and let myself believe, if only for a moment, that we’ll find a way through this. Together.